Insight

Boredom is the worst part of jail for a seasoned, professional criminal. Threats and a tough reputation are usually enough to keep one's fellow inmates at bay, and being reasonable and handing out a bribe here and there is enough for the guards. Physical safety is not usually an issue for a man like Olrik. The food is bad and the mattresses are thin, but nobody starves to death or sleeps on concrete in a modern, progressive prison; nobody who has a money connection on the outside, at any rate. No, the boredom is definitely the worst. The intellectually challenging jobs, such as they are, are reserved for good boys and there are only so many games of cards one can play, so many hours of gossip one can listen to, before one's mind begins to turn to more malicious entertainment.

If the jailers were really concerned with keeping the peace, Olrik thinks, they would give the most dangerous cases something interesting to do. At least Jacksonville has a decent library, although they guard the books as if they were lined with diamonds and there are too many religious tracts in the mix. Olrik is a fast, omnivorous reader, and would like to have a small store of books in his cell to choose from, but such things are not allowed, at least not for him. Perhaps the wardens are afraid he'll build an incendiary device out of old paper and library paste.

At least today there is a visit with the prison psychiatrist to liven things up. Dr. Miller is a rare one, well meaning without being actually stupid. He's an older fellow, but has somehow retained a desire to actually help. Of course, Olrik thinks, it is probably easy to retain one's optimism when one can leave prison at any time.

Olrik enjoys Dr. Miller's company and has grown to respect the man to a small degree. The first time they met, Miller had complimented Olrik on his English, sending the criminal into a sincere gale of laughter. Honestly, trying to pump for information in such a clumsy way; did the man think he was dealing with a schoolboy? But Miller learned. He doesn't try to get information about Olrik's background any more. He gave up after he recognized elements of Dickens in Olrik's fifth contradictory account of his early life. Now he tries logic, which is much more fun for the inmate.

"Do you like your life?" So goes a typical opening move.

"It's not a question of like or dislike. It's what is."

Or, maybe the good doctor will try another approach. "If you could change your career in any way, without repercussions, what would you want to be?

"A bird, I suppose. Are they not the very emblem of freedom?"

Then Miller will sigh and chastise the criminal for not taking advantage of his services. "I'm quite a good psychiatrist, you know. Has it occurred to you that a man in your position shouldn't reject someone who actually wants to help? It's not like there's a lineup of friends out there."

Sometimes Olrik laughs, and sometimes he points out that someone who wastes his time trying to help an inmate sentenced to life may not be entirely sane. Truly, though, Olrik doesn't blame the man for trying. He knows only too well that it is human nature to try to carry out one's assigned function despite all common sense. Like Miller, he is not one to give up easily.

In a way, Miller has made headway, not that it is likely to do any good. Olrik has always avoided introspection and reflecting on the past, but lately, sometimes, when the boredom is particularly crushing, he amuses himself by creating a list of all the ways his past life would have to be altered for him to be leading a "normal" life now. It's a long, long list.

One plays the cards one is dealt. That is the beginning and end of everything. In their last session, Miller asked how Olrik expected to end his life, and for once, the criminal decided to tell the truth.

"If I'm very lucky, I'll get shot somewhere vital in the middle of a firefight and die instantly. If not, I'll probably be beaten to death by cops, or perhaps executed, either by the authorities or an employer."

"And you accept this?"

"Does it matter?"

Perhaps today Olrik will turn the question back on the doctor. After all, there are a million ways to die and even the best are not particularly pleasant. Good men die in agony and bad men die surrounded by weeping grandchildren. It would be interesting to get the doctor's views on fairness.

When the guard comes to fetch him, Olrik steps up eagerly to make his appointment. Logic is a good enough game when there is nothing else to play.

The End