7/5/12
Loki sat, his posture stiff, showing no emotion. The bruises on his face were becoming more and more prominent, but he still hadn't told anyone where they had come from. He had a split lip, and there was a trickle of blood making its way down from his hairline.
Hesitantly, I walked toward him.
"Loki?"
He didn't respond.
"Hey," I goaded him gently. "You okay?"
Loki's expression did not change. He continued staring straight down, maintaining erect posture. He swallowed once, blinking, and I caught a glimpse of his haunted eyes. He looked so tired.
"I'm going to clean you up, okay? You'll be fine."
I could tell he was listening to me, although he did nothing to encourage the idea. But his mask was starting to crack. He was becoming vulnerable.
"Then we'll call your parents, and –"
"I am not their son," Loki cut me off sharply, turning his head slightly in my direction.
I hesitated.
"Okay, Loki," I whispered, and walked out of the room to gather things to clean him up with.
When I returned, Loki hadn't moved, yet everything was different. The mood was wrong. It felt off. I stared at Loki, surprised to find him visibly shaking.
Unsure of what to do – God knows how awkward the pair of us are – I gradually walked over to him.
"Hey," I whispered, slowly reaching for his shoulder.
Loki cringed, drawing back automatically. I glanced at the bruises on his face. He was probably a little sensitive to being touched by now.
I kneeled down in front of him, slowly turning Loki in my direction. He stared desperately into my eyes, his own wide with fear. His tears were beginning to mix with the blood.
I hesitantly raised my hand to Loki's face, keeping my expression soft, and not breaking eye contact. He winced slightly as I wiped the tears away, and he turned his gaze in another direction. Again, he swallowed, hard. His breathing was shallow.
I picked up a moist towel, and dabbled lightly at his face, ridding it of blood. Once the task was finished, I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding.
"What happened?" I asked, careful to keep my voice low.
Loki gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. I raised some ice to his face, trying not to press it too hard against the bruising. Loki raised his hand to mine, taking the ice from me. I stood up from kneeling on the floor, and instead sat next to him on the bed.
Loki still would not look at me, and he didn't say anything. I didn't ask him any questions. He wouldn't have answered anyway, but really, I didn't want to force him to think about whatever had happened.
Pretty sure he would kill me, I reached for the hand resting on his lap. Loki startled, but still said nothing. I tugged at him, guiding him backwards on the bed to lean on the wall. Once there, I rested my head on his shoulder. Loki set the ice aside.
"How's the face?" I asked jokingly.
"Swelling," Loki answered, voice cracking.
I blinked in surprise when he answered. Loki let out a sigh, and leaned his head on mine. We sat in silence the next few minutes. After a while, his breathing became shallow again, and I could feel his tears landing in my hair.
Not knowing what else to do, I reached an arm around him, bringing him closer to me. I hid my face, pressing it into his chest. Almost reluctantly, Loki's arms went around me.
I didn't want to tell him it'd be okay. I didn't want to lie. I had no idea what I was dealing with, just that it was bad. Bad enough to break a man made of steel.
"I'm here, Loki, okay? I'm always here."
Loki stretched his head back, practically banging it on the wall. I pulled away as well, turning to face him. He kept his eyes peeled upward.
"I – I'm afraid to close my eyes," Loki chocked out, voice shaking. "I'm afraid of what I'll see. I don't want to live it again. I don't-"
He cut himself off, sucking a breath in sharply. He reached an arm around his stomach, as if literally trying to hold himself together.
My heart broke for him, but what could I do? This was Loki. On normal occasions, he wouldn't let you do anything for him. He wouldn't trust anyone. But this day wasn't normal, and I wasn't just anyone.
"Try to sleep, Loki. You need to rest, you know that."
Loki looked at me desperately, eyes wild.
"You don't understand. I can't – I don't – you –"
"No, I don't understand," I cut him off. "But I'm trying to. Not right now, though. It's three in the morning, and you're hurt. So please, Loki, just have some rest?"
Loki stared at me, eyes searching mine. I reached for him, pulling him down towards my legs. Not having the energy to object, he rested his head in my lap. Loki's hand found mine, gripping it desperately. I used my other hand to smooth away hair from his forehead, repeatedly.
With a sigh, Loki closed his eyes. Three seconds later, he opened them again. He began to shake his head, as if trying to clear it of the secrets that haunted him. I squeezed his hand, and continued to gently smooth away his hair.
"You're safe now, Loki. It's just us. You can trust me, you know that," I reminded him.
"Don't leave," he responded. "Okay? Stay. Don't leave me. Just don't."
"Okay, Loki," I agreed. "I won't. I'll stay right here."
Loki closed his eyes again, struggling to keep them that way. I hummed some off tune melodies, occasionally offering whispers of encouragement. It took a while, but Loki eventually drifted to sleep, his breathing evening out.
Hoping he had the best dreams possible, I leaned my head back, allowing myself some rest as well.
4:13am