Flashback
JJ walked into the bullpen and went straight to her office. She did not feel like talking to anyone. This was exactly the same feeling she had yesterday, the day before and the day before again. This was bad. She knew she had to get a hold of herself. Again she couldn't. How could she? She was in love with one of her best friends for God's sake and it seems the more she so much as looked at her the more she fell deep. She didn't even know how that had happened. She had always liked Emily. Who wouldn't? She was funny, witty and gorgeous. She had never thought much of it till she saw a guy flirting with her on one of their many nights. She had felt this great need to pull the trigger and blast his balls. That night she couldn't sleep and then the realization came, falling on her like a bomb. She was in love with Emily Prentiss! This had surprised her, shocked her and just made her speechless. Since then she was tailing on a downward spree head first.
She had decided the only solution was to stay away from her. No eye contact. No touches. Yes it was cowardly but what else could she do? She did not want to betray her feelings to the other woman. She had a strong feeling if their eyes would so much as meet, they will betray her! She knew she and Emily would never be. They were worlds apart. Tail ends of a ruler. Complete opposites. Emily was rich. She was from another world of royalty and Emily would not want to be with someone like her. She was born in a small town. What was she thinking? Emily was straight for goodness sake. She sighed. She was so screwed.
There was a knock on her door. Normally her door was always open to everyone and anyone but now it was mostly shut. She knew her team members were worried about her. The hell she always snapped at them and she no longer went out with them anymore. She just did her work and went home and drank herself to sleep. Yeah no girls nights out too. It was bad. She answered and looked up and saw Garcia. She was not her bubbly self. She locked the door and stood in front of her.
"We need to talk. Now." She said in a matter of fact way. Who could blame her? JJ was being horrible to her and she missed her best friend. "I can't. I have work to do." She said weakly knowing Pen would not buy it and she didn't. She took a seat across her.
"Tell me. What is going on with you?" JJ looked at Pen. There was worry and concern all over her.
"Nothing. I am fine and if you would please leave. I am really busy." She said stubbornly.
"Nah ah. I am not leaving this place till you tell me what is wrong. You have been horrible to everyone. You have been shut out in your office. You no longer come to our club nights. You no longer come to our girls night outs. Emily is beside herself with worry."
"wait Emily is worried?" well she really didn't mean to sound so amazed or hopeful but well she did. "Yes she is" Garcia didn't know why JJ asked that. She and Em were friends so Em had every reason to be concerned. Come to think of it Emily actually seemed to be more affected by it all more than others. "She rarely smiles now. It's no longer fun having girls nights out without you." she finished solemnly.
"I'm sorry." she said really meaning it. Suddenly she felt so bad for doing this to her friends. They were her family really. She didn't mean to be that bad to them only because it was her who couldn't control the way she felt.
"You better be. She thinks this is all her fault because you know never even look her way." Garcia said. "Well it is her fault. This is all her fault!" she right about screamed. Garcia was taken aback by the outburst. "Wow baby girl. Relax. What did gumdrop do to put you on the edge like this?"
JJ realised she had just let out her cause. She knew there was no other way. She had to tell Pen. After all she trusted Pen with her life. "It's me. She did nothing wrong." she said sighing before she confessed "I'm in love with her." in the softest and smallest of all voices. "You are what?" "I'm in love with her Pen and I'm so confused and I don't know what to do." She said dejectedly In a defeated voice. There was silence and when she looked at Pen she was surprised to see her face plastered with the widest smile ever. "What?"She asked confused. "Finally! I was wondering when you would come to your senses!" "What? You knew I am in love with her? How… never mind. Don't tell me. What should I do?" 'It's simple. Ask her out."
"It's not that simple. She is my best friend. She is straight. She is rich. She is all the things im not and I can bet she does not feel the same way. I'm so screwed." She was on the verge of tears. Now that she had said it out it was so real. She was in love with Emily who would never feel the same way for her. "these are all your assumptions baby girl. This is all you what you think. You can never know the truth unless you ask. You might be surprised. Just go ask her out. It's just Emily."
"What if she says no? I can never live with it." "And what if she says yes? Are you just going to watch as someone else comes and sweeps her off her feet?" that thought startled JJ. She didn't think it that way. Yes. Emily was beautiful and someone else was bound to come and ask her out. She would definitely die." I didn't think so. Go for it. I will be there for you." "thanks Garcia."
Back at home JJ paced up and down. She lay on her bed. Like so many other days before she couldn't sleep. She had to do it know. She had to go and see Emily. She will tell her the truth and accept what the brunette will say though she knew rejection would kill her. she dressed up fast and looked at the mirror. She looked like hell. Her eyes were puffy with rings around them, her skin was pale and she was no longer the lively vibrant girl she used to be. If love could make her feel like this… she soon found herself at Emily's condo. She took a deep breath and knocked. This was it.