Author's Note: In advance, please excuse my sudden change in format! I've never really used lyrics in my stories, but I've seen other authors use it very eloquently, and this song fits very well for the mood I was hoping to get in this chapter!
Come on skinny love, just end this here.
You will carry on, I'll disappear.
My my my, my my my, my my my my.
Rinse my blood from your hands, and persevere.
I told my love to let me go.
Don't ask what could have been, we'll never know.
But when I was with you, oh, I was home.
Two weeks have gone by slowly, and not once has anyone seen hide nor hair of Romano.
After the fight, Feliciano had found the spare bedroom empty. And any call that wasn't from Antonio went straight to voicemail. Wasn't surprising. The morning he went home he found most of Antonio's clothes missing. It stung a bit. But Feliciano was right. This whole thing could have been avoided. Well, maybe.
But what bothered Romano so much was how he could have stopped all of this. He could have tried. But he didn't. There were so many things he could have done to change this outcome. He could have hugged Antonio back. He could have whispered sweet words instead of screaming slurs. But he just couldn't. And a part of him knew why. But another part of him didn't want to be reminded.
It was all because of one little incident. Because of one short night that changed him. Memories are a hard thing to fight, and Romano was too scared to fight at the time. And it was with that he really understood everything. He'd been letting something so small, something so stupid, keep him from living. Who knows what could have happened? If he'd worked through the pain of the past, one of his many relationships could have gone farther. But most of all, things with Antonio would have worked.
And when he realized that, he sat up quickly on his bed. It could still work!
Romano jumped up, grabbing his cell phone before tearing through the livingroom. He pulled his shoes on at the door and headed out to the one place Antonio had left to go. He had spent those two weeks in one of the worst depressions he'd ever experienced. Romano had never been quite so alone. And it was during that time he'd felt so empty. Everything reminded him of Antonio in some way. It was just so cold. Looking around his own home, well, if that's what you could call it anymore, made him feel an innate sense of despair. It was almost indescribable. Years of sadness had come down on him in that short amount of time. There had been moments he'd just break down and wrap his arms around himself, only to realize that this isn't what he'd wanted. He'd wanted only one thing since he was young. All he'd wanted was someone who would hold him so he didn't have to. He'd spent so long telling himself all he needed was the assurance he'd still be there when no one else was. But with Antonio gone, he'd only found the harsh reality that he'd lost the only person who would ever do that.
Because despite being so broken, and so scarred, Antonio still cared.
At least Romano thought he still did.
And that was the thought that broke him. Alone in his dark room, sitting on that empty bed, curled in on himself, he sobbed pathetically. The only person who could ever love him like that he'd pushed back. All because he was too stupid to see that. Because he could barely accept the idea of loving himself, let alone have someone else see him so bare. To Romano, showing affection and feelings, letting someone say "I love you.", then saying it back, is like taking off your armor when faced with an enemy holding a dagger. You could hope they'll show mercy, but Romano wasn't going to take that chance for anyone. And every haunting word he'd hated so much had come out of Antonio's mouth, giving him the opportunity to run away in fear of being hurt. He'd run away from Antonio when the best thing he could have done was run to him.
I told you to be patient, and I told you to be kind.
I told you to keep fighting, told you things would be alright.
And I'll always be with you, but it'll be a different kind.
I'll be there when you forget me, and when it's your turn to die.
There was a strange sense of dread when Romano stood in front of Arthur's shop. Yes, he was ready to admit he was wrong. And yes, there were still things he didn't know if he could work through. The scariest thing, was looking up at that apartment, and not knowing if it was fixable. Antonio could very well hate him by now. He could want Romano to leave and never face him again. That hurt. Romano was prepared for this either way. The pit in his stomach was quelled for a moment as he forced bravery upon himself. Pushing the glass door open, he scanned the room. Arthur was on the side of the bar adjacent to the stairwell to the apartment. The blondes eyes rose, and hardened when he saw Romano. Thinking quickly, Romano bolted for the stairs. Arthur followed behind quickly. The Brit tripped him before he could get to the first step, sending Romano toppling onto the first few bottom steps.
Onlookers gasped at the scene as both men wrestled and struggled to push each other back. Romano managed to kick Arthur away and make it halfway up the stairs. Arthur growled and scrabbled after him. At the top of the stairs Romano beat on the door, wishing Antonio would open up already.
"What the hell are you doing here? I want you out!" Arthur screamed.
"Shut the fuck up this is betwee-" Romano stopped as the door opened.
Antonio stood in the doorway, hair messy, and looking like he'd been sleeping for quite some time. He looked down at Romano blankly, and the smaller man fought the urge to break down there.
"Antonio hasn't this been enough? He's certainly hurt you enough times!" Arthur tried to reason.
The Spaniard was surprised when Romano remained quiet. He watched as Romano stared at the floor, looking like he was in pain. He'd really expected the younger to cuss the Brit out, maybe even throw a punch with the way they had been wrestling. Something wasn't right.
"Romano." He called.
The Italian slouched, his shoulders coming up to meet his chin, as if prepared for a blow to be dealt.
"I want you to come in, but only for a little while." Antonio told him.
Romano kept his head low, and Arthur looked at him like he was crazy.
"What the fuck are you doing?" He exclaimed.
"Look, Arthur. Just because I'm going to talk to him doesn't mean I'm going to forgive anyone. And no matter what the outcome is, I need you to back me up ok? Trust me." The taller reasoned.
Arthur glared at him. "Fine! But don't think I'm happy about this."
Antonio smiled as the other man trudged down the stairs. "Wouldn't dream of it."
With that Antonio moved aside, letting Romano into the flat. He closed the door behind the both of them, and suddenly the room was silent; heavy with words that had yet to be spoken.
"Let's sit down." Antonio offered.
Come on, skinny love, don't mourn for me.
Because I will live on in your memory.
My my my my my my my my my my.
That a love like ours would end like this.
...
She will love you.
And I'll be fine.
And you will leave me behind.
Author's Note:
Ok, that was a bit stressful, but opinions on the lyric format? Annoying? Does it add to the story?
Before I forget, the song is called "Skinny L0ve" by Broadway Aradia.
Her lyrics, not her song originally, but credit goes to her and the original owner.
Shout out to other Hetastuckers!
Reviews are love!