So, uh...sorry guys! I had this done for a while but I didn't type it for some unexplicable reason. Anyway, as a reward for your patience, this one is a little longer (it's not really a reward; it just happened that way). So...sorry again.
Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail, Cat Fancy, Doctor Who, The Simpsons, or Taken.
October
"Hey, Gazille, guess what? It's October!" Gajeel gave Levi a 'well, duh' look.
"Thanks for telling me, Captain Obvious."
"No problem Lieutenant Sarcasm." Levi growled back.
"You just said it was October. That means that it's Sarcasm Month. I can't help it."
International Frugal Fun Day: First Saturday
"What the hell did you buy for 80000 jewels?" Lucy asked (the now broke) Natsu.
"A time machine!" Lucy looked at the 'time machine' and whacked her friend upside the head.
"That's a lacrima communication booth!"
World Vegetarian Day: October 1
Elfman looked at the veggie dog in distaste before shoving it away.
"A man like me needs real meat!"
National Custodial Workers' Day: October 2
"Hey, Lucy, I just wanted to thank you for cleaning my house last week. I appreciate it."
"No problem, Natsu. But why are you thanking me now? Why not earlier?"
"Because today is the day that you thank janitors."
Name your Car Day: October 2
"Why'd you name your car 'Bessie?'" Lucy Ashley asked Natsu Dragion.
"…I don't know."
Techies Day: October 3
Hibiki's fingers tapped rhythmically as he held the portable communication lacrima to his ear. Soft music played through the contraption and despite the soothing notes, the music only aggravated Hibiki even more. He almost cried in joy when he finally heard the click on the other side.
"Hello, tech support. How may we assist you today?" Hibiki paused at the female voice. It sounded incredibly familiar. Hibiki shook it off and masked the agitation in his voice as he told the woman what was wrong. "Alright, let me just—" Suddenly there was a crashing sound that was followed by incoherent screaming.
"Hello? Hello?" Hibiki waited stock-still until another voice (this one male) spoke over the device.
"Sorry, Sir, we're experiencing technical difficulties. Please hold for a—OH SHIT!" Hibiki stared at the lacrima communication device in confusion before putting it to his ear again. "Natsu, what the hell is your problem? What the—Mother fu—" Hibiki could hear more yelling and what sounded like a massacre.
"Wait…did you just say Natsu? Who is this?" Hibiki waited for a bout ten minutes before the yelling abruptly stopped. The same woman's voice began speaking again and this time Hibiki could place the voice. "Lucy? Why are you working at a tech support place?" Silence on the other end.
"Uh…please hold for a supervisor!" Hibiki nearly chucked the communication device against a nearby brick wall when the music of hell restarted. Luckily it was cut off short when the supervisor picked up.
"Hello, tech support. How may we assist you?"
"Erza?"
"…You have the wrong number. Goodbye." This time, Hibiki did weep when he heard the call disconnect.
Virus Appreciation Day: October 3
"Natsu, I'm pretty sure your stupidity is a virus."
"What?"
"Natsu isn't a virus. Have you seen my refrigerator? He's a parasite!"
National Golf Day: October 4
Don't play golf with Max. Ever. 'Bastard kept moving Wakaba's balls into the sand.
National Frappe Day: October 4
Laki sat on a stool at the bar counter. Her eyes were wide and round with an air of alertness. It seemed as though the mage was vibrating in her seat due to the pure overdose of energy coursing through her veins. Warren approached the woman cautiously.
"Hi, Laki."
"Hey, Warren. Isn'titanicedaytoday? Iloveautumnsomuch! Theleavesaresoprettyand it'. Fallisthebest! Iloveitsomuch!" Warren blinked at Laki. Her words had come out rushed and he had no clue what she had said. He looked at the barmaid who was cleaning some glasses and humming innocently.
"Uh…Mira?" The snow haired woman gave the male her full attention with a suspiciously innocent smile etched on her face. "What did you give her?"
"Justafrappe. Itwascaramelflavored. Ilovecaramel! It'ssocaramel-yanddelicious. Youshouldtryit! It'sreallygood—" Warren interrupted the lavender haired mage.
"What else was in it?" Mirajane's maliciously innocent grin grew wider.
"Just about eight shots of espresso."
Do Something Nice Day: October 5
With the intention of squelching the animosity between her teammates and Gajeel, Levi told Jet and Droy to do something nice for the iron dragon slayer. The request only increased the hatred between the three because, apparently, Gajeel didn't find the lifetime subscription to Cat Fancy magazine the least bit thoughtful.
World Teacher's Day: October 5
Due to the holiday, many teachers were given the day off to relax and regain the sanity they lost working with children. Many mage guilds were hired as temporary teachers, as was Fairy Tail. Makarov volunteered many of the Fairy Tail mages to help out. It seemed like a good idea at the time…
"Alright, you all know which classes you're teaching, right?"
"Why the hell do I have to be the hallway monitor?" asked a peeved Natsu.
"Because you're a bad influence on children!" And so the mages went to their respective to teach the teenagers they were assigned. Erza was assigned to the gym.
"When I blow the whistle, you must start running. I want fifty laps for your warm up." The student gaped at the physical education instructor. There was no way she was serious…right? "Get ready...set…" When the whistle was blown the students realized that the mage was indeed serious and they scrambled onto the track and to run their laps. When students began to walk, Erza would chase them in one of her more terrifying ex-quips.
Meanwhile, Levi McGarden was playing language teacher for the day and giving the students a "Latin" lesson.
"Alright, everyone, I'm going to read a few spells and then we're going to translate them!" The students nodded slightly and Levi began to read. Unfortunately, being a mage, she started to unknowingly perform the spells. The students were floating or swapping bodies or changing genders. They were all screaming and shouting for Levi to stop. She looked up from her passage and sheepishly said, "Oops."
At least Levi's students weren't in a mess of pain unlike the skippers Natsu was chasing through the halls. Apparently, the underachievers hadn't gotten the memo that cutting class was an offense punishable by death. Natsu—with a sadistic grin—chased these students through the hallways with giant flames consuming his hands.
"If you're not going to class, you might as well fight me!" yelled the fire dragon slayer. The teenagers yelped and ran faster. Prayers went through their heads as they tried to repent and escape the untimely death that was pursuing them.
At the same time, Reedus and Gray were temporarily teaching the art classes. Reedus was teaching painting and drawing while Gray taught sculpting and ceramics.
"Does everyone have an ice block?" asked the ice mage. The students nodded and waited for further instruction. "Great! Carve whatever you like. There's blowtorches and chainsaws and ice picks. Good luck!" The students eyed the tools apprehensively.
"Aren't you going to show us how to use them?" one of the students nervously inquired. Gray snorted in response.
"Demos are for pussies."
"What if we lose an arm or something?"
"Amputation is a part of life, kid. You'll learn that when you're older." The expressions on the students' expressions ranged from between incredulous and horrified.
During the art class blood bath, Gajeel was substituting for the metal shop teacher. One by one, the students would present their projects to the iron dragon slayer and he would consume them with a grunt of gratitude. The aghast expressions on their faces while the "teacher" ate their projects were later replaced with depression as they silently waited out the rest of the period. Six weeks of hard work and eaten by a psychotic mage in a few seconds.
Across the hall science was being taught by Mirajane and Cana. In one class Cana was teaching chemistry.
"What type of organic compound is C2H5OH?" Cana slurred to the class she was instructing.
"Um…an alcohol?"
"That's right!" Cana gestured to a preset lab. "Today we're going to make our own booze!"
Mira also had a lab planned for her biology students.
"It's dissection day!" she chimed while handing out scalpels and scissors to the teenagers.
"But these animals are still alive!"
"A-aye!" Happy was strapped to a metal tray in front of a group of students. Mira gave the cat a cheerful but dark look as she passed him.
"And? That means that everyone will get to see firsthand how a heart stops beating." Happy's eyes grew wide and he shivered. He looked pleadingly at the other two exceed (who were in the same situation) and back at Mira. He regretted eating her prized salmon.
In the next room, Lucy was trying to teach astrology. Unfortunately, she was using Loke as an example and he started to hit on some of the female students. Lucy had also summoned Lyra earlier to teach music. Lyra demonstrated what the song that the students were working on should sound like; this lowered their self-esteem.
At least the music students were better off than the health class.
"It's time you learned what it is to be a MAN!" Elfman exclaimed as he gestured to the reproduction posters.
Luckily, the day ended early for the students due to the Council being called. Apparently, one of the substitute teachers had stripped and was walking around the art room buck-naked. The authorities were called to arrest the "pedophile" and school was let out early. The next day, the regular teachers returned and were bombarded with hugs and cries of "Don't leave us!" Those students learned a very important lesson; be grateful for what you have.
Physician Assistant Day: October 6
Wendy walked through the woods following the path that lead to Porlyusica's hut. Wendy wanted to ask the old woman if she could be her apprentice. When she reached the home of the human hater, the dragon slayer started to feel nervous. Her resolve began to waver and she wanted to turn around and go home. Charle, who had come with her, sighed in agitation before making the decision for her and knocked. Porlyusica opened the door moments later with a frown.
"What?"
"Can I—"
"No." And with that, Wendy went home.
Come and Take it Day: October 6
Many of the guild members spent this day running away from the fire dragon slayer who pursued the bunch with an air of homicidal rage. Natsu wasn't very happy about Gray sneaking into his house to steal his precious scarf.
International Frugal Fun Day: October 6
Everyone had a hell of a time running from Natsu during the day. And all it cost them was their guild headquarters.
Mad Hatter Day: October 6
Gray hastened along as the sun set behind him. He had to hurry if he wanted to make it to the hat shop before it closed. During the hectic game of keep away they played earlier, Juvia had dropped her hat as she was running from the fire mage. Gray had found it later and was going to give it to the water mage when he was intercepted by Natsu. Natsu burned the hat (he thought it was Gray's for some reason) and now Gray had to buy her a new one before she found out. It was—inadvertently—his fault, after all. Gray finally came upon the shop—a little shop called Crazy Sophie's—and entered in a rush. He ran up to the woman at the register, unconsciously stripping off his shirt along the way.
"I need a hat!"
"Really now?" the woman said with mock surprise. "I never would have guessed. It's not as if people go to hat shops for hats." Gray frowned at the woman's sarcasm.
"I need a cheap woman's hat." Gray clarified.
"That's nice but I'm afraid we don't cater to your type." She gestured over to a sign that had large, red letters dictating the store's policy. It read, "No shirt, no service." Gray looked down and hastily found his shirt and redressed. The woman smiled in approval.
"Now, how can Sophie help you?" Crazy Sophie began to show Gray all the women's hats in her store and made suggestions. Finally she grabbed a blue and white hat that looked exactly like Juvia's.
"That one!" Gray told the woman. She looked at the hat and then at Gray.
"Really? I don't think this one suits you very well. How about something more flamboyant, maybe with feathers? You would look very nice with feathers." Gray choked on his spit as the woman continued to scrutinize him.
"You think that the hat is for me?" This woman thought Gray was a drag queen! She really was insane. "I'm not a cross-dresser! You're crazy!" Gray took the hat and shoved money into her hand.
"Mad as a hatter." she agreed as she watched the Fairy Tail mage scurry away.
Bald and Free Day: October 7
Natsu sat at the bar, trying, without success, to muffle his snickers. He was about to play the best prank ever on the ice mage.
"What are you doing?" a voice beside him asked. Natsu didn't register the familiar voice or turn to look at the speaker. He just continued to grin at the strawberry short cake that was sitting at the other end of the bar.
"I bought a potion from this merchant and slipped it into Gray's cake. It's going to make all of his hair fall out." Natsu's grin widened at the thought.
"Natsu, I'm right here." Gray said and Natsu spun around to look at who he had just revealed his plans to. Oh shit… "Besides," Gray continued "that's not my cake."
"Then who…" Natsu turned just in time to see Erza grab the plate of cake and pull out her fork. Natsu seemed to travel in slow motion as he tried to swat the fork out of Erza's hand. Too late. Erza took a bite, swallowed, and was ready to take another when she felt a breeze on her scalp.
"Oh shit—Erza I'm sorry! Don't kill me!" Erza turned to a groveling Natsu, confused. It was then that Erza noticed the sea of scarlet under her. The thin twine was all around Erza's stool.
"Natsu what are you…" Erza suddenly realized that the twine was not twine at all but hair; familiar, long, scarlet hair. "Natsu…" The name came out laced in venom and with the intention to kill.
Later
People stared at the fire dragon slayer and Titania. Natsu's head was shaved clean and Erza was sporting a new spiky pink wig.
World Smile Day: October 7
Erza and Natsu received a lot giggles and snickers whenever someone looked at their heads. The two mages didn't seem to notice.
Oktoberfest Ends: Date varies
Nobody was positive of the reason why Cana was so depressed.
Curious Events Day: October 9
Happy looked at the mission board in disdain. He wanted to go on a mission but his best friend was locked up (due to certain reasons that will be revealed later) and Erza, Gray, and Lucy were escorting a client who was allergic to cats, so the exceed wasn't allowed to tag along. Happy sighed for the umpteenth time.
"What's wrong with you?" Happy turned to look at the white exceed. She was alone—meaning without Wendy—and looked just as miserable as him.
"Everybody's gone and I want to go on a mission." The cat said. "Where's Wendy?"
Charle frowned more at his question.
"Hospital; she took a mission there to help out with some surgeries. Unfortunately, they have a strict 'no animals' policy." Charle glared a little at the memory. Happy nodded in understanding and turned back to survey the board. His eyes fell on a bright yellow piece of paper. It read:
Help! Fish shipments being stolen! Need brave mages to investigate!
"Hey, Charle, would you like to go on a mission with me?" Charle raised a cat eyebrow before nodding.
"I suppose I could."
"Me too," The two exceed jumped and turned to face the newcomer. "Gajeel wanted to train alone." Pantherlily added. Happy empathized with the other cat. He grabbed the request he was looking at earlier and showed it to his two other friends.
"Sounds easy enough." The other cats gave Happy the okay. And so the exceed trio headed out on their mission. They flew to the docks (where the crime had occurred) and investigated the scene of the crime for clues. Happy paced on the docks several times before he found anything useful.
"Look what I found!" Happy called over his companions and showed them what he had found. It was a small, dark pin with silver scripture. The pin read "K-9" arranged in the shape of some sort of beast.
"How curious," Pantherlily said, not noticing the weird looks he received for his word choice. "What do you think it means?" The tow other cats shrugged.
"I think I dropped it over here somewhere." The three cats shifted their gaze to where the new voice came from. Two rather large dog-man hybrid creatures were walking on docks towards the exceed. One of the hybrids had a pin punctured into his shirt that was identical to the one in Happy's paw. It seemed that the creatures hadn't seen Happy and his guild mates so they quickly hid behind some leftover cargo crates.
"Just hurry up and find it. We don't want to get caught."
"I know!" The two suspects continued to search the docks, gradually nearing the Fairy Tail cats. Happy was getting nervous. The ever-decreasing space between them and the dogs was alarming.
What do we do? Happy frantically searched the eyes of his companions for answers. Suddenly, Charle snatched the pin from Happy and whispered as quietly as possible.
"I have a plan." It was barely audible but the males heard it regardless. Charle pointed to a nearby net that was lying not too far from them. "Follow my lead!" Charle jumped on top of the pile of crates they were hiding behind and produced a loud whistle that garnered the attention of the beasts. "Fetch!" Charle whipped the pin into the water. The dogs followed the pin with pure animal instinct making their bodies move. Catching on to her plan, Happy and Pantherlily seized the net and flew to the dogpaddling duo and ensnared them.
"What the hell?"
"Flying cats?" The beasts continued to struggle in the net but the flying exceed pulled it tighter.
"Who are these cats?"
"We're Fairy Tail mages!" Happy exclaimed, proudly.
"Mages? Shit! Fido, they're going to find out we took the fish!" Happy sighed in exasperation. The dogs seemed to be stupider than he first thought. The Fairy Tail mages delivered the criminals to the authorities and collected the reward. Happy spent the rest of the day trying to get Charle and Pantherlily to get matching "Team Exceed" tattoos. They said no, of course.
Fire Prevention Day: October 9
The reason that Natsu was unable to go on a mission was because he was locked up in a cage, in an underground room, deep within the catacombs of the Fairy Tail guild building. The citizens of Magnolia had deemed this necessary since, nine times out of ten, the fires were Natsu's fault. And so, once a year, the good folk could rest easy knowing there would be no spontaneous fires in the city.
Moldy Cheese Day: October 9
"Isn't this an ironic twist of events." Lucy said to her nakama. She, Erza, and Gray were on a train back to Magnolia since they had finished their escort mission. The client had given them all the money in his pockets (400 jewel) and a chunk of moldy cheese. The client was a cheese connoisseur and he swore that the hunk of cheese was extremely expensive and delicious.
"How so, Lucy?" Erza questioned. Gray groaned and clutched his stomach. He was feeling nauseous and the bumpy train ride wasn't helping.
"Gray mocks Natsu for his motion sickness and now he's the one sick on a train!"
"I'm not sick!" Gray tried to defend himself but his stomach seemed to protest. "Why did I eat that cheese?" The rhetorical question came out a whisper.
"Because you didn't want to look ungrateful." Lucy put in helpfully.
"Ungrateful my—" Gray's stomach gave an agonizing lurch before spilling its contents onto Erza's shoes.
Emergency Nurse's Day: Date varies
"Wendy! Wendy, come quick!" Wendy halted her conversation with Charle and looked at the speaker intently.
"What? What's wrong Happy?"
"It's…it's Natsu! I think he might be dying!" Wendy's face paled but her eyes hardened in focus and determination. The dragon slayer quickly followed the blue cat to his best friend who was passed out in the middle of the street.
"Natsu!" Wendy ran up to her friend and began checking his pulse and poking at his skin. Everything seemed okay so far….
"Wendy…" Natsu rasped voice barely audible. Wendy only heard him because of her sharp dragon slayer ears.
"I'm here, Natsu! Don't worry, I won't let you die!"
"Wendy…I need…I need…" Wendy listened intently, tears welling in her eyes. "I need…food! I haven't eaten in…four hours!" Needless to say, Natsu was tattled on and beaten senseless for scaring the poor girl. Erza threatened that she would kill him if he did it again.
National Angel Food Cake Day: October 10
"What's with all the angel food cake?"
"It's angle food cake, not angel. They're polygons."
"So you made a bunch of square cakes?"
"They're not all square! That one is a parallelogram."
It's My Party Day: October 11
"How could you guys throw a party in my house and not even invite me!"
Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day: October 11
"Mashima, I think it's staring at me." Gray shivered. About half of the guild (including Gray) was gathered huddled around a small table. On said table sat a worn, off-white teddy bear with glassy red eyes that seemed to stare at the mages.
"It's really creepy." Levi agreed. Suddenly, it seemed the bear had shifted its glassy glare to Levi. She gulped and whispered, "Where did Wendy get this? And why does she still have it?"
"Grandine had found it and given to her." Charle answered. She was as far as she could get from the bear. "It scares the crap out of me." Charle gave a sort of hissing sound at the thing. "Once, Wendy and I were playing cards with it. Wendy left the room and suddenly I was hanging from a moving ceiling fan by my neck!" A simultaneous shudder passed through the group. The bear seemed to glow with malicious pride as well as an underlying sense of disappointment at its failed attempt at murder.
Cookbook Launch Day: October 12
Mirajane and Lisanna eyed the book in awe and an inexplicable sense of foreboding. It was entitled How to Cook Like a MAN!
Old Farmer's Day: October 12
"Gotta' say, son, you're the best plow I've ever had." The farmer watched as the mage smirked.
"This is nothing," Gajeel said. "I can go like this all day."
"Really? I've got a few buddies who could use some help. And they have a bunch of old iron for ya' if ya' give 'em a hand."
BEST DAY EVER!
Moment of Frustration Day: October 12
On which Lucy had writer's block, Erza's strawberries were inedible due to E. coli, Juvia had missed Gray's naked parade through Magnolia, alcohol prices skyrocketed, Romeo asked Macao where babies came from, the library was closed, and Gray was forced to register as a sexual predator. You could almost hear the collective scream of outrage.
International Skeptics Day: October 12
"Look, Flame Head, the thing is possessed and it wants Charle's blood!"
"How dumb do you think I am?" Gray refrained from saying "Immensely." "You're such a sissy, being afraid of a stupid little bear."
However, when Natsu returned to the guild later, looking like he had woken a sleeping Erza, all Gray could say was "I told you so."
World Egg Day: Second Friday
This was the day that Lucy discovered the old picture and was told the story of Happy's birth.
National Dessert Day: October 14
It was a very bad day to be at the guild.
"Grayyoubastard! I'mgoingtokillyou!"
"Ohplease. You'resoweakyoucouldn'tkillabutterfly!"
"Motherfu—" Gray and Natsu then proceeded to have a high-speed fight and continued to yell fast-paced obscenities at each other. Due to the fact that sugar highs don't last very long, the two collapsed in exhaustion within minutes.
White Cane Safety Day: October 15
Whack!
"Ow! Asshole—"
Smack!
"Hey! Watch where—"
Trip!
"What is your—" Bixlow really enjoyed pretending to be blind that day.
Bosses Day: October 16
"You're not the boss of me!" Fried snapped at the redhead. Erza's eye twitched.
"What was that?"
"Nothing, boss!"
Dictionary Day: October 16
"You wanna start something, you ninny hammer?"
"Bring it, harlot!"
"What was that, you ignoramus?"
"It means strumpet, you fatuous harlot!"
"You puerile asshole!"
Wear Something Gaudy Day: October 17
Gray stood in the middle of the guild with ears aflame in embarrassment. He was wearing a dragon costume with scaled shoes and gloves from which protruded fake claws that were a smooth ivory. The suit was a ruby red with a golden front as the belly and the mask obscuring Gray's reddened face was large with an open maw for the ice mage to see. The tail was the worst, though. It was at least five feet long and he kept tripping over it as he walked. Gray made a mental note that betting that Natsu couldn't eat 50 pig roasts was a bad idea.
No Beard Day: October 18
"Rape!" Romeo screeched.
"Wha—Romeo, it's me! Daddy!"
"You're not my Dad! He has a beard."
"I shaved!" Romeo didn't accept that answer.
"Help! Child molestation! Someone call the Council!"
Evaluate Your Life Day: October 19
The more that they thought about their lives, the more they realized what a douche the creator of the holiday was.
Brandied Fruit Day: October 20
Next to bar nuts, they had to be Cana's favorite snack.
Sweetest Day: October 20
Happy eyed the white cat who was talking with Wendy about some odd topic or other. Happy looked to his best friend and asked, "What should I give Charle for Sweetest Day?" Natsu looked at him in confusion.
"Why would you give Charle anything for Sweetest Day?" he inquired, oblivious.
"That doesn't matter! What should I give her?"
"I dunno…a fish?" Happy scoffed at the notion. He always gave her fish. It wouldn't be special if he gave her another one.
"How about flowers?" suggested an eavesdropping Lucy. "Women love flowers."
"And cake," suggested Erza, joining the conversation.
"Why not catnip?" said Cana, throwing back her liqueur.
"Hey, diamonds are a girl's best friend." Even Evergreen was giving advice now! Soon, the whole female portion of the guild was suggesting gift ideas.
"Um…Happy, I really don't need all of this."
Babbling Day: October 21
"B-b-b-b-b-b—" Levi interrupted the stuttering Droy.
"Morphemes, Droy! I don't know what you're saying!"
"B-but Jet started it!"
Count Your Buttons Day: October 21
"Holy Mashima, you have a lot of buttons!"
"Well, yeah. Ever since I lost my marbles, I've had to compensate."
National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day: October 21
"Pumpkin cheesecake, Elfman. Not pumpkin cheese cake."
National Nut Day: October 22
"Gah! Wrong nuts, Gray!"
Mole Day: October 23
"Look! I found a mole for mole day!" Lucy eyed the creature in her friend's arms.
"Natsu! Get that thing back in the ground; he's probably scared to death!"
"But it's Mole Day!" Natsu retorted. Lucy frowned.
"Mole, meaning the constant mole, not the animal."
"I don't get it." Lucy sighed.
"It's October 23. A mole is six point zero two times ten to the twenty-third power." Natsu blinked.
"I don't know if I could find that many moles."
"What? No, Natsu, you're not getting it—"
"I accept the challenge! One down, 601999999999999999999999 more to go!"
T.V Talk Show Host Day: October 23
"Welcome to Fairy Facts, the show where we interview your favorite Fairy Tail mages! And I'm your host, Max Alors!" Max bowed in front of the studio audience and grinned at the camera. "Today we'll start things off with welcoming the scariest woman alive, Erza Scarlet!" The audience applauded and whooped for the redhead.
"Erza!"
"We love you, Scarlet!"
"Please date my son!" Erza walked on stage wearing her ever-present serious expression. She nodded to the audience and sat down in a chair that Max sat his guests in. Max waited for the crowd to quiet down before starting the interview.
"So, Erza," Max smiled at his guild mate. "What's new?"
"Well…I've been trying to find a hobby," Erza replied. Max leaned towards the redhead in curiosity.
"Oh? Any luck so far?"
"Not really. I tried to learn to bake but I'm pretty sure my teacher had no idea what the hell he was doing." Erza scowled at the memory of Elfman trying to use Plue to make a hot dog. "Then I tried gardening,"
"And how was that?"
"Everything I touched died," Erza's face resembled that of a kicked puppy. "After that, I joined a book club but they didn't want to read about swords and kicked me out." Max sympathized with his friend and let her rant about her failed hobbies (from ballroom dancing to planking) until the next guest arrived. The next guest strolled into the studio with about 11 leashed moles blindly bumping and crawling over each other.
"I see that you're not the only one in need of a hobby, Erza."
National Bologna Day: October 24
"That was the worst story ever! What kind of idiot would make a house out of straw?" Levi gave the speaker a withering look.
"It's a story, Natsu. It's supposed to teach a lesson." At the moment, Levi had just finished reading The Three Little Pigs to a group of young children and an idiotic dragon slayer.
"A lesson…right. What was the moral, kids?"
"Love your family?"
"Look out for others?"
"No! Don't be a dumbass and you won't get eaten by a wolf!" The children gasped at Natsu's vulgar language and covered their ears. Levi sighed and changed the subject.
"So…who wants lunch?"
Punk for a Day: October 25
Mira gave Wendy a hard look before she screamed. The rods and rings adorning the young girl's skin, heavy eye makeup and studs in her clothes were not appreciated by the barmaid.
"Wendy! You are never playing with Gajeel ever again!"
World Pasta Day: October 25
"Brains!"
"Those are noodles, Gray. Nobody has noodles for brains except maybe you."
Frankenstein Friday: Last Friday
"I don't understand. Why isn't my ice monster responding?" Erza gave the ice mage a look that questioned his intelligence.
"Because, as I've already told you, noodles do not function as brains!"
National Mincemeat Day: October 26
Lisanna and Mira stared at the pie in front of them. Elfman claimed it was "mincemeat" and that scared the living daylights out of the women. Lisanna nervously cleared her throat and steeled herself to ask.
"What's in it?"
"Meat and fruit," Elfman responded and Lisanna nodded slowly.
"What kind of meat and fruit?" Mira asked hesitantly.
"Goat meat." Mira exhaled a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Goat wasn't that bad, even if it was the wrong meat for the pie. At least it wasn't dog or something. "As for fruit, I put in guavas, mangos, grapefruit, avocados, star fruit, and lychee berries. It's manly!"
"How is it manly?" Lisanna asked. There were a lot of ill-fitted tropical fruit that were in no way manly or fitting for the recipe.
"I used the manly part of the goat!" Mira threw up.
Make a Difference Day: October 27
Because Mavis knew that those fairies were destined for greatness; that they would do something and be immortalized. And that's why she simply couldn't let them die on that island.
National Tell a Story Day: October 27
"And that's when Prince Charming raised his blade and slew the dra—what? What the hell kind of children's story is this?"
Plush Animal Lover's Day: October 28
"C'mon, Happy, let's go home!" Natsu grabbed the little blue cat's paw and left the guild.
"Ah, Natsu, wait! That's not—" It was too late. The dragon slayer had already left the building. Mirajane sighed and looked over to the real Happy, who was sitting with the blond celestial mage, eating fish. "He'll figure it out eventually."
"Those Happy plush dolls sure are popular."
Hermit Day: October 29
"Hey, Natsu," Gray looked over at his rival with an air of minor curiosity and continued. "Why do you live so far away from the guild?" Natsu shrugged.
"It's cheaper than living in the city. Besides, all that noise gives me a headache."
"So…you're practically a hermit?" Natsu gave Gray a look that was threatening to end their civil conversation.
"At least I don't live in a box like you!"
"Hey! I do notlive in a box…anymore! It was only for a month!"
National Candy Corn Day: October 30
Regardless, candy corn is not an adequate reward for the Fairy Tail mages' hard work. Actually, it's not an adequate reward for anything. Candy corn sucks.
Mischief Night: October 30
"What the hell?" Natsu's eye twitched in irritation as he eyed the new decorations in his home. Posters of shirtless Grays adorned the walls—blown up photos taken for Sorcerer's Weekly—and piles of Gray plush dolls were scattered about Natsu's living room. There were figurines on some of Natsu's shelves and even autographed pictures. If Natsu didn't know any better, he would have thought that he had stepped into Juvia's basement. "I don't know who you are," Natsu whispered "but I will find you and I will kill you."
Meanwhile
Cana opened the door to her quarters. As usual, she was hammered beyond reason yet still managed to have some sort of coherent functioning in her brain. Upon swinging the door in, Cana looked up to see a group of gin-blossomed individuals and one man in a suit.
"Hello, Cana," the man in the suit said "you're friends are very worried about you, you know." Cana blinked a few times.
"What…is going on?"
"This is an intervention, Cana." The group nodded along with the man in the suit.
"Welcome Cana."
"Oh, fu—"
Meanwhile
Eagerly, Gildartz sliced open the letter he received from his only daughter. This was the first time she had ever sent him anything! Carefully reaching through the folds, Gildartz extracted the letter and unfolded the paper with trembling hands. It read:
Congratulations! You're going to be a Grandfather!
Gildartz keeled over in a dead faint.
Meanwhile
Gray sat in his living room (because he no longer lived in a box thanks to a successful mission) lazily leafing through a copy of Sorcerer's weekly (he couldn't understand why they always asked for shirtless pictures of him…but then again, maybe they didn't and it somehow ended up that way) when he heard a knock at his door. The ice mage set the magazine down and went to answer the door. When he opened it, Gray was greeted by the sight of a flushed and breathless Juvia who looked as though she ran the way to his house.
"Do you really mean it?"
"Mean what?" Juvia's response consisted of waving a crumpled piece of paper in his face.
"You want to get married?"
Gray blinked once.
Twice.
"WHAT?"
Meanwhile
Levi and Gajeel high-fived.
"Damn, I didn't think that Juvia would fall for that fake letter!"
"Yeah but it was clever wasn't it!"
"No, the intervention was clever. How did you get all those people?"
"They're actors from a company that some Fairy Tail mages helped once. How did you get all that Gray merchandise?"
"I know a guy."
Mirajane watched as the two conversed from across the guild as she scrubbed a glass. She couldn't tell what they were talking about but she was sure it was nothing.
Carve a Pumpkin Day: October 31
"Ah! Shit! The blade slipped and—oh, Mashima! Get Wendy!"
Halloween: October 31
"Guess who I am!" Erza said to her friends. She was wearing a short, pink wig (Natsu's from when he had shaved it off), an open vest (with a skin colored camisole under it, you pervs), baggy pants, and sandals. Gray looked her over before guessing.
"An idiot?" The blood that he lost was collected and then used as a prop for Fairy Tail's haunted house.
Increase Your Psychic Powers Day: October 31
On which Cana tried to get stronger by having a "clairvoyance contest" with Charle. After the contest, she got drunk off her ass and regressed back to how she was before the event. What a colossal waste of time.
No promises on when the next one will be uploaded. As always, let me know if you laughed or what you liked and didn't like and what was your favorite. By the way, if I never sent you a reply I promise I will get to it. My email is a piece of crap.