Hey, everyone! So deviant-author11 gave me this idea and I thought it would be kind of awesome to play around with. I thought now would be a good time to squeeze in Peeta's POV on the whole ordeal and how exactly it's been effecting him. In the last chapter it ended with the door opening and so from here it is kind of a new perspective from Peeta. It will begin from when Katniss has the nightmare on the couch. Enjoy and again thanks for the suggestion! I hope I do it justice!

Suzanna Collins owns Peeta Mellark.. hehe that sounds just bad.

xxxxxx

Getting back to District 12 has been good, but bad. I chose to come back here. Well then again maybe I never had the choice. The new people in charge heavily insisted I come back here because I'm fairly certain saving Katniss from taking the Nightlock was not something they approved of. I think they just wanted to get rid of the three of us, Katniss, Haymitch and I. What good were we anyways? Katniss is a horrified, grief stricken, hollow person, Haymitch is a drunk, and I'm not even certain which way is up most of the time.

I think the capital tried to break me. They tried to tell me that the person I cared about most in life hated me and wanted to kill me. They tried to plant doubt in my mind, and they won. Now I'm a broken, pathetic waste, but I get by. My hallucinations have been at bay lately and I'm not complaining. Every now and then though, I need to confirm the memories in my mind. I'll see something and it will trigger a memory but sometimes I can't be sure if the memory is mine or something the capital put in my brain. Like the other day I had cinnamon out on the counter because I was making cinnamon raisin bread and some got on my arm. When I looked at it all I could see were a bunch of fire ants crawling on my arm and I couldn't brush them off. It was only until I ran into the bathroom scrubbing at my arm did I realize it was only the spice, not the bugs. I should have known it was my imagination because the corners of my vision were kind of shiny. That's how I know they are the capitol's doing-if it's shiny.

Nothing makes sense to me anymore so I live day to day hoping I can make it to the next. When I saved Katniss from the Nightlock it brought back a lot of memories I didn't understand. I remember the games and how she saved me. Or I think she did anyways. When I ask Haymitch about it he says she did everything she could to keep me alive. It's hard for me to understand that when I thought she was a mutt for months. I have to wonder sometimes if it would be better for her if I weren't here to remind her of how pathetic I am. I'm sure she thinks that because I was shown footage of her and Gale and she was kissing him. I know she loves him, more than me.

I have to remind myself to not get myself into a pit of despair because when I do, my nightmares become real. I know she has nightmares too and they never go away. Sometimes I hear her screams all the way to my house. Somehow deep inside I feel the need to go comfort her, like it was something I'm supposed to do. But instead I stand at my window hoping she comes to all right and sleeps better afterwards. But she never does.

This is why I planted the Primroses. I hoped the new life in her back yard would give her the peace of mind to rest easy. I know Prim died and it was horribly tragic. I also know it took a toll on Katniss. Of these things I am absolutely sure, and no trackerjacker venom can ever sway me. So here I am tending to the Primroses. I take my time, even planting a few more bushes. It's getting dark, but I want to finish this before I go home. As the sun is setting I finish with the flowers. And then I hear screaming, blood curdling, heart wrenching screams. I rush into the house to the source of the cries. I walk into the living room to find her thrashing about on the couch. I carefully sit beside her and wrap my arms around her hoping it will calm her. It feels right, but her thrashing becomes too much and I have to hold tighter to keep her together. The next thing I know I'm receiving a blow to my left side by her elbow and sink to the floor in pain. She demands to know who I am and I slowly and carefully identify myself. She turns on the light in a second and she's trying to find the area of impact. I just tell her to get ice. She comes back and is trying to apply it to the tender spot as quickly as possible.

This feels like in the games. For some reason I'm having a lot of flashbacks to the games and the horrors of what happened there. There is one memory the capital introduced to me, and it was while we were in the cave, she hurt me badly and that's why I have to have a prosthetic leg.

I realize I'm staring at her and she asks, "What?"

"Nothing, I just-" was all I could get out before I realized the previous thoughts about her hurting my leg are sending me into a horrible hallucination. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut hoping to rid myself of the fake reality. Is it fake? How do I know she's not going to try to take my other leg? How do I know she's not going to try to kill me right here and now? I hear her ask something, and I'm fairly certain she's asking me how I want to die. My eyes shoot open and I see her for who she really is. I see her as the mutt that killed everyone that I ever cared for. She is no longer Katniss, she's the murderous mutt that holds no one to mercy. I grab her wrist to maybe try to delay her torturous ways. When I touch her though my mind momentarily becomes weak and I see just a girl, with a very worried expression on her face. I know what's happening and I won't be able to stop it. I look at her right in the eye and I say, "Run".

The moment of haze is over and my mind isn't playing tricks on me anymore. She's a mutt again and she hasn't moved. I keep my hold on her wrist and I'm up in a second. I drag her disgusting form with me and throw it against the wall. I need to save my life and get out of here. I begin walking towards the thing; I need to kill it to ensure my safety. If it lives, I will not. Then my eyesight is shifting and I see a part mutt part girl stand in front of me. I can barely make out what she's saying and by the end all I hear is, "You're a painter. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces." Is this who I am? Why is she telling me this? Why does it all sound so familiar? She's getting in my head so I scream, "Stop! Stop it!" as loud as I can.

I hear her chuckle and then say my name and then I know who this is. I keep screaming, "No! You are a mutt! You killed my family and my friends! You are nothing, but horrible! You killed them! And you tried to kill me! Murderer!" My eyes are starting to go fuzzy again and once more I see a girl and a mutt. I can't separate them and I don't know what my mind is doing. I don't know what's real anymore and I can't see straight. I just want this to be over! The mutt needs to die, but if it's Katniss, I can't kill her. But Katniss is the mutt! I can feel myself start to double over with my fists putting pressure on my temples. Then out of nowhere I hear Haymitch's voice and it's far away, but I hear it. I hold onto his voice and hope he can lead me into safety. All I hear is him yelling and hope he's trying to get the Mutt Girl out. He tells me to sit down and I do as he says. He's the only person I can trust anymore. He takes my fists away from my head. "Boy," he says. "Tell me what's going on. Do you know where you are?" Where am I? Wasn't I just in a cave with the Mutt Girl? "I'm in the cave, I'm trying to kill the mutt!" I shout. Haymitch very quietly begins to talk softly to me, "Look around you, open your eyes. Where are you? Open your eyes, boy. Can you see where you are? You need to keep a steady head and look around you. Really look at where you are." He repeats his commands for what seems like hours. I slowly open my eyes and I see I'm in a white room. The edges of my vision are still dark but I can feel the carpet underneath me. I can feel my back leaning against a squishy object. I close my eyes because I'm confused as to where I am. When I close my eyes I'm one place, but when I open them I'm in a foreign room with white walls.

Soon I can open my eyes for longer periods of time and I pick up little details. Haymitch is still talking to me, but I notice the television behind him, the windows to the left of me. I notice the thing I'm leaning against is most likely a couch of some sort. Slowly but surely I put it together that I'm in a living room. I'm not sure who's quite yet, but I know I'm in a house.

Finally I speak, "I'm in a house. Real or not real, Haymitch?" I look at him and he looks relieved. "Real, kid. It's real." I sit there for a little while longer and I can see the sunlight peaking through the curtains. The curtains are not familiar to me. I am slowly realizing where I am so I ask him, "I am in Katniss' house, real or not real?" I hear him grumble and he's getting up and trying to help me do the same. "Real. But let's get you home. You've been through hell, kid."

He leads me to the place where I am supposed to call home. With all the houses being the same except the decorations or furniture being different, I don't see what makes it a home. He walks me inside and plants me at the kitchen table. I sort of remember what happened the previous night when I look up and see the lone primrose in a vase on my table. I'm confused so I ask Haymitch, "What happened last night? What did I do?" he looks sad, which is rare for him seeing how he's usually drunk. He looks over at me from the door and says, "You had a pretty bad one. I don't know how bad it is on Katniss' end, but I think she's pretty shaken up. I think you need to wait until she comes to you, but when she does, talk to her, boy."

I can't stand the thought of hurting her. "Haymitch, what if I really did hurt her? What have I done.." I can't even fully get out that last part so I'm not sure if he heard me. All he said as he left my house, "I can't say what happened, but do as I say. Talk to her when she's ready."

I walk over to the sink and cabinet area of my kitchen and try so hard to remember the events of the previous night. Slowly I remember why I was at her house at all. I remember planting the bushes and hearing her scream. When I went to comfort her she hurt me and after that it's all fuzzy. She was a mutt and suddenly I remember everything I said to her. I feel horrible. I sink to the floor in as the realization hits of what I said. But then I remember throwing her against the wall. It had to have hurt her. She has to be in pain right now and I did it to her.

I'm exhausted, but I know if I sleep all I will do is visualize my worst fears. Of Katniss being in pain somewhere. I know I must have hurt her, I know she deserves better. She has done so much for so many people and this is what I do for her? I know she will only think of me as that weak boy that the capitol got their hands on and had his whole mind scrambled. She must think I'm pathetic.

I am pathetic, but I try to keep myself busy so I don't think about it. I stay up for the rest of the day baking what little recipes I can remember. I bake a lot of bread. Probably more bread than the bakery I grew up in. Eventually around nighttime I got tired of baking bread. I hadn't baked the cinnamon raisin bread since my mini episode with the cinnamon. I do my best to move on from that and bake a few loves. By this time dawn was breaking and I decided to go change. Afterwards I come back downstairs and my mind was too occupied with thoughts of what I had said and done. I'll forever hold guilt for that. I decide on painting to ease my mind. Nothing is coming out how I want it to and I'm becoming frustrated. My painting was one of the few things the capital could not take from me and now I'm so mad at myself for not being able to paint simple things like a rainbow.

That last thought feels rather familiar and I remember I could never paint rainbows so I stick to what I know as fact. I paint people and dark figures and lots of forest shots. I'm completely wiped out and I just want to be normal. I just want to be myself.

I walk to my kitchen and get a glass of water. I look out my window and I see her. I see Katniss just standing looking at my house. Maybe she came to talk to me, but I highly doubt it. I walk over to my front door anyways and open it.

xxxxxx

Wow so that was a whole lot of Peeta. Longest chapter yet! Haha but I'm not extremely confident in this although I feel like it gives some great insight into how he thinks and why he will do some things in future chapters. I'm not sure if I'll be switching POVs like this very often. I know I'll do it only once more for sure at a certain part in the story. But please review and tell me if you think this worked or not..

Also just a huge thanks to deviant-author11 for the idea, it was brilliant :)