A/N: I GOT MY COMPUTER BACK! Yayy this means I'll be able to update much faster and sooner. I got lucky with these last few chapters because we're just ending March Break so I haven't had any homework (yet) and my dad has been leaving his laptop home because he didn't need it for a while. Before that it was really hard to update.
So WOW thank you guys SO MUCH for your amazing and kind reviews. I took all your thoughts and ideas into consideration. And a special thanks to everyone who voted on which character they would like for the new journal. We have a winner! The new character's journal will be in normal font. I'm glad you're enjoying the story, keep reading and reviewing!
Disclaimer: Dan owns it all. Except the song, I'm pretty sure demi lovato owns that, or whoever wrote it or whatever.
March 13th
Did I ever mention that I hate dirt? No? Well that's odd. You'd think that with all of those "Stuff I Hate" videos I've done for the slap I would have mentioned dirt. But I guess seeing as I didn't, I'll mention it now. I HATE DIRT!
I've been digging non-stop for the last 6 hours. The dirt is now coating my hair so heavily you can't even see the usual black strands. The dirt is caked under my fingernails and welled up inside my ears. Even when I spit, all that comes out is a dark brown substance much like mud. My pasty skin is completely covered in a thick layer of the stuff and my clothes are filled. But as much as I hate it, I really don't have a choice.
The work is slow. With no materials besides my boots, small bucket and my own bare hands it's difficult. I knew it would take a long time and I was okay with that, but now I'm not. Fred didn't come down this morning. I waited for him. I sat in my corner waiting and listening for the thundering footsteps that would announce his arrival. But they never came. I waited all day in that little corner, only moving once to use the restroom. When at last the hand on my watch struck 10:00pm and I heard the deep rumbling snores from above I knew that the beating wasn't coming. Gingerly I climbed to my feet as my stomach gave a strained gurgle of discomfort. I hadn't been given any food today and I found myself wishing for even the moldy bread and dusty water he usually fed me.
"Was this his new game," I thought to myself. "Just let me starve and leave me here to rot?" this realization brought new dread to my heart. Maybe I could have been strong enough to outlast his beatings, but even I couldn't go longer than the average human without eating.
That's when I decided to put my plan into action. With no food the little energy I had would be gone within a day. I needed to start digging now. I needed to get the hardest soil out while I still could. And I needed to hurry. Just like the dying battery from the watch on my wrist, my time was ticking away slowly too.
And so I'm digging. And I'm not stopping until I'm free.
March 15th (2 days since last entry)
I'm done feeling. Excitement, happiness, sad, disappointment… I'm done.
It wasn't her.
March 16th
I pushed away my full plate of supper tonight and didn't even glance at the tall glass filled to the brim with lemonade. My favourite. It doesn't matter I can't swallow it anyway. I just can't. I don't know how I'm supposed to explain this. You don't know, you just can't understand the feeling.
It was late at night, or maybe it was even early morning by that time, I'm not sure. Time didn't seem to matter at that point. I remember my mom coming in once suggesting we get some sleep. But the looks of dis-belief and the glares that were directed at her seemed to convey our un-said answers well. The silence in the R.V made the absence of the missing member of our group more pronounced. Seconds turned into minutes, which in turn, turned into hours. Still we waited. We didn't dare turn on the T.V scared of what we may find.
And then we heard it. The loud, hard knock on the door. Panicked glances were exchanged all around the room, as we held our breath as one. I stood up to open the door, noticing how Robbie had his arm around Cat to help sooth her as the poor girl was shaking uncontrollably. Even Tori was gripping Andre's hand hard. Seeing these things made me feel oddly alone, and the sadness of my missing girlfriend washed over me once again. Hands shaking I opened the latch to the door allowing the police officer to come in.
He looked around the room once taking in our anxious faces and gave a deep sigh.
"I'm sorry guys, but it wasn't her." He said solemnly. "The girl did fit the description we had on the flyers and even somewhat resembled Jade, but it wasn't her. The angry father had just pulled down the shades because he thought his neighbor had been trying to follow the girl as she walked home past her curfew. Don't give up hope yet. We'll keep looking." With another apologetic glance he left the R.V
I don't know how long we sat there in a stunned silence. Eventually Cat burst into tears and hurried out the door. Robbie followed quickly in suit mumbling a sentence that sounded much like,
"I'll bring her home, see you guys tomorrow maybe."
Tori laced up her sneakers and André handed her a Kleenex. Giving him a grateful attempt at a smile she wiped her eyes and followed him out the door, giving me a small pat on the back as she left.
As for me, I sat there the whole night. Never once moving. Never even thinking about going to sleep. That's the way my parents found me in the morning. Still sitting in the chair, staring blankly at my hands, trying not to feel anything. Nothing except determination. One way or another, I was getting her back.
March 16th
3 days. It's been 3 days of digging and dirt. My hands are blistered and my eyes dry and itchy. Fred has only been down twice to throw down 2 bottles of water. Other than that I haven't seen him. I can hear him moving upstairs though, and more unfamiliar voices. He's planning something. I can feel it. I don't know what it is yet; all I know is that I don't want to be here to find out.
The worst problem is my hunger. My stomach has long since stopped growling and now there's just a constant ache reminding me of my empty belly. The 2 water bottles have barely quenched my thirst but they're keeping me alive. I shiver a lot now. Keeping warm is nearly impossible what with being so food-deprived. I feel so much weaker too, holding this pen to write is nearly exhausting. But that's okay, because I'm done. The hole is now big enough for me to squeeze under the wall and outside. I can't see what's out there but I can see the sunlight shining faintly through during the day and I can feel the cold breeze. It feels so much colder than the usual weather in Hollywood, but I think it's just the fact that I myself can't keep warm. Tonight I will be going through it. Tonight I will finally be leaving this hell hole. And I'll go back home to my family, to my friends…. To Beck.
March 16th
Hi, this is Cat and this is my new diary. Wait that doesn't sound like me. I'll try again.
Hi, my name is Cat and this is… you know I've always wanted a pet unicorn, I think they'd be fun to play horseshoes with.
Ya that sounded more like me. Depression changes people. I always wondered how anyone could be depressed. The world is so beautiful and there are so many amazing things out there, how can you be sad? Now I know. I've been trying not to cry, trying to stay strong for Jade. I know she hated seeing me cry. But I can't do it. It's like an iron fist is clamped around my heart and its squeezing hard making it ache. For the first time in my life I feel alone.
Jade's absence is noticed at school too. Her locker still stays like it was. Decorated in perfectly sharpened scissors on a black background. No one dares touch it. After all no wants to see Jade's reaction when she comes back and notices all her scissors are gone. In fact people almost avoid the locker completely if they can. I know for a fact Richard Johnson who takes the exact same route as I do to our music history class has been heading the opposite way, taking him double the time as usual, just because the normal route passed straight by Jade's locker.
As for Sikowitz, I don't think he even knows what he's doing. He's going through 5 or 6 coconuts a day and even started wearing shoes. He hasn't moved jade's chair out of the way, so it sits there empty, day after day. His lesson plans have been getting more and more normal up to the point where he has actually given us worksheets for homework and graded them the next day. I'd be more worried for him if I hadn't had enough to worry about already. Because I haven't gotten to my main point. The whole point of me writing in this journal. The thing that pushed my poor confused brain over the edge.
Beck is gone.
March 16th (late at night)
It's late now. My half filed bottle of water is in the small bucket I've been using to dig. Besides what's on my body, they are the only possessions I have. The deep rumbling snores started an hour ago, it's almost time. I smiled to myself. Outside at last, fresh warm summer air. It's been almost 3 weeks. I have bruises and cuts that may never heal, and the ribs clearly outlined through the top of my stomach remind me that my struggle still isn't over yet. I glanced down at the other paper sitting in front of me and a huge smile formed on my face. On it, it read:
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper!
Who knows, maybe Fred is a Demi fan? But he didn't break me, and I want him to know that.
But it's late now, and I need to get going. I want to be home by sunrise. I want to see the look on Beck's face when I knock on the door of his R.V
With that image in my head I gathered all of my courage and walked over to the hole.
"Wow am I cold," I thought to myself. Bending to my knees I shoved the bucket through and heard the "thunk" as it landed outside. Grinning satisfactory I began to crawl through the hole myself. It was slow work trying to maneuver my shoulders through the narrow opening. Then came me hips, they were easier but still tricky as now half of my body was in the hole. It was exhausting work. I felt like giving up, but the cool rush of air on my face kept me moving forward. After nearly half an hour I struggled free and collapsed on the ground outside. Breathing heavily I laid there for a moment, allowing myself to rest before I began on my way home.
After a while I decided it was time I was on my way and I stood up slowly stretching out my sore muscles. It was then when I became aware of my wet back. Reaching behind, sure enough I felt the cold and wet sting my hand. Confused I turned to my legs which were also cold and wet. But I noticed something else as I looked down. Something I hadn't noticed right away from the darkness of the sky. A white powdery substance covered the ground and trees as a cold harsh wind nipped at my face bringing tears to my eyes. Was this snow? I took a handful of the stuff and brought it closer to my face. It was! My heart began to hammer at my chest as I glanced around hopelessly. As far as I knew there had never been snow in any cities or places even close to Hollywood.
So where was I?
A/N: whoa betcha didn't see that one coming now did ya? :P anyway this was probably my favourite chapter, I hope you guys like it too. PLEASE REVIEW! The more reviews the faster the next chapter is posted, so please do ;). And it's also really appreciated if you review before following or favouriting the story, but it's totally up to you
I take all advice and suggestions into consideration and I'm almost never offended, so if you have any questions or other things feel free to let me know. Hope you enjoyed!
~Kat