A/N: hey guys. Sorry about the delay in updating. I've had this written out for a while, but with my triathlon training and piano recital I haven't had ANY time to post it. I also didn't get many reviews on the last chapter. I hope it was just because it wasn't very interesting and not because you guys are losing interest in the story. :S I hope you like this one better.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And I will continue to own none of this, possibly forever.

March 25th.

Why do things have to change? All my life I've struggled to find out who I really was. My brother was the insane one, Jade was the mean one with a wicked voice and Tori was the underdog that would make it big. Andre had the insane talent for music and Beck had the looks and the acting skills. Robbie was the qwerky nerd with a knack for guitar, Sinjin the creep and Trina the un-talented desperate one. But who was I? It was Jade who figured it out. She was over at my house one summer before grade 7.

"Jade," I asked her. "Who am I?"

"Cat, what kind of question is that? Your obviously Cat."

"That's not what I meant. What do I have about me that's special?" she looked at me thoughtfully and put down the shovel she had been using to dig a hole. (Don't ask me what she planned on burying there; I was just hoping it wasn't me.)

"You're the one everyone likes. The happy one. That person that brightens everyone's mood just by being around. You're Cat." She went back to digging her hole while I stood there thinking her words over carefully. She was right of course, Jade's always right. Even when she's wrong, she's right. I ran over to her and wrapped my arms around her tightly.

"Thank you Jadey, that's exactly who I am." I smiled brightly glad she was actually letting me hug her for once.

"You're welcome… now get off me or I'll shove you into this hole and make sure no one ever finds you. Then you'll be the missing one." I knew better than to take her completely serious but still I backed away. Sure Jade was my best friend, but she did slightly terrify me.

Now who would have ever thought that Jade would be the missing one now? And if you happen to glance up top, back to the underlined date, you might notice something. Today is March 25th, the candlelight ceremony for Jade. She won't be there of course; I wish I knew where she'd be at. It's not until much later tonight, but I really don't want to go. Jadey is still out there, she has to be. I don't understand why they are doing this; it's almost as if they want her to be dead so that they can just move on.

Oh and diary, Robbie and I had a fight. It was awful; I've never fought with anyone like this before. He told me I needed to come to the ceremony for Jade, and I told him, just as I told everyone else, that I refused. He yelled at me then. I was so scared, Robbie isn't the violent type but his words hurt me worse than the hardest punch he could have thrown. He doesn't understand. I love Jade, but I can't go. He said he'll be here to pick me up at 8:30 and whether I'm ready or not, I'll be going.

It's 6:30 now. I'm wearing my bright pink dress that reaches just past my knees. My purse sits beside me full of Kleenex's and a photo of Jade and I when we were little. Jade's hair is braided halfway down her back and her freckles are clearly visible across her nose with one of her teeth missing. As for myself, my brown hair is pulled high into pig tails and the strap of my overalls is hanging off my shoulder. We look ridiculous, and Jade tried to make me throw the picture away. But the thing I love most about the picture is how happy we look. Jade's eyes are half closed with her mouth open wide in mid-laugh about a joke long-forgotten. My arm is around her and my face buried into her shoulder as I held my stomach trying to stand up right. I can't remember who took this picture, but it's not important. It's the Jade I love captured perfectly, the one and the only one I ever want to remember.

March 25th

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I really wish I could waste some time chasing cars, but there aren't any. Just my luck, I come across possibly the only road in all of America where no cars EVER drive! I've stayed awake the last 38 hours waiting and watching for any sign of a passerby. There have only been 2 so far, and neither would stop for me. *insert swearing here*. Beck told me to stop swearing so much, so I'll write that just for you Beck, maybe you'll actually be proud of me. When I woke up this morning I was afraid I'd be dead. Wait that doesn't make any sense. Let me try again, things are going fuzzy. I wasn't sure when I fell asleep last night if I would still be alive in the morning. There that sounds a little better.

I have a question. Are there usually zebra's in the forest? Ya I didn't think so either. But there is one up ahead. He's looking right at me; I can see his stripes, odd place for a zebra to be really. I think a whole zoo might have escaped actually. There's a peacock standing beside him. Wow it's colourful. Cat would really like one of the feathers, so I think I'll grab one for her. She won't mind if there's a bit of blood on it. Cat likes pizza too; maybe I can find a pizza tree.

The zebra is gone, and so is the peacock, that's a shame, Cat would have really loved a feather too.

OH MY GOD! What's happening to me? There's no such thing as a pizza tree, there are no zebra's in this forest. I can't take this anymore. God, Beck I need you, what don't you get about that. I can't do this. Not without you. I always thought I was strong, tough enough to handle anything. But I'm not, you're what makes me strong, you're the reason I keep going. Without you there is no point. I'm getting sappy here, but for once I don't care. For once I'll break down my walls, just to tell you how much I love you. I'm tired of this. I'm just so tired Beck. I don't want to do this anymore, I CAN'T do it anymore. I'm crying now. Why aren't you here to wipe away my tears? You told me you'd always be here to do that. You said you'd never let anyone hurt me. He hurt me. Really bad, he might have killed me. I know I can't blame this on you. You tried SO hard to drive me home that night. Why didn't I listen to you? I was stubborn, a complete idiot. You would have kept me safe.

You know I always wanted to marry you. People always assumed we never would. That I would refuse, or get pregnant with some other guys baby. You know I never liked it that people thought I was a slut. You know I'm a virgin, not by choice of course. Only because you didn't want to have sex until we were either engaged or married. I was offended by that at first, but your reasons were nothing but out of love for me, so I pretended like I wasn't flattered.

(I was)

If I don't make it out of here, I'll never get to do all those things with you. Marry you, share our first time together, and have cute chubby children. I know you always wanted kids, I told you that I didn't, but secretly, I do. I hope they look like you though, big, brown eyes and gorgeous hair. I had hoped they'd love to sing and act just like us. We'd have to keep them out of the spotlight, because of course by then, we'll be famous.

I had dreams Beck. Dreams for us. (Wow I am REALLY turning into a sap right now aren't I? Kind of like you. Sorry I had to throw that in)

Beck I think I see a car. I'm not sure if I'm hallucinating it though. I've seen so many weird things today I can barely tell what's real and what's fake anymore. But I think this one is real. (I'm feeling one of Cat's girly jump and screech things she does when she's happy coming on. Too bad I don't have the energy to do it. That was sarcasm in case you couldn't tell) it is real Beck, and it's pulled over on the side of the road. I wonder why. Oh, ew the little boy is puking. Reminds me of my little brother. I actually kind of miss him. REPEAT THIS TO NO ONE OR YOU SHALL SUFFER! The father looks mean, hey it reminds me of my family once again! Weird. I'm not going to take the chance of them saying no. I don't have any time left. I'll sneak in the trunk; they'll never even know I'm in there. I don't even care where they take me, as long as it's far away from here. I can figure out what to do from there. Here I go. Here's my way out. Now that's more like it.

March 25th

Fred had me in a death grip. There was no escaping. He was here to kill, he made that very clear. My knees shook and I thought about my beloved Jade. I hoped she would get far away from this evil oaf. Yes, I just called him an oaf. Jade taught me that word, I never thought it was very nice, but it describes this guy down to a Tee. He raised a fist to my temple. One hard punch from this guy and I'd be dead in a matter of seconds. But then a large crashing sound came from the bushes behind me. In suspicion he forgot about me and turned to the tree, probably thinking it was Jade. I thought it was too, and quickly racked my brain for any way of being able to distract him from her, allowing her enough time to escape. But it wasn't Jade, it was a deer. Graceful and beautiful it cantered into the opening and froze, seeing us for the first time. I took off running then, and in the second it took for the kidnapper to regain his focus, I was gone. Sprinting faster than I had ever dared to run before. Trees and branches leaped out at me from every which way, but I was careful this time and made sure not to fall. He was falling further behind. We were headed into the thickest parts if the woods now and a man his size wasn't able to fit through the small gaps I was able to. At last I made it to my truck. I clicked the button wildly as the doors unlocked and I threw myself in. I didn't have any time to spare. I thrust the keys into the starter and gunned the engine. My tires spun at first on the slippery snow, but soon managed to grip the ground and I took off speeding along the large pathway and onto a road several miles ahead. It wasn't until half hour later when I realized I still had a death grip on the steering wheel and I was shaking uncontrollably. I pulled over for a second to regain my composure. It was obvious that I couldn't go back. The guy was looking for me now as well, and sooner or later he'd find me. Besides I hadn't seen any of Jade's footprints for 2 days now and I had almost covered the entire forest. She was almost certainly gone. It wasn't safe there anymore. I'd go home and search for Jade tonight. I'd be in some serious trouble when I got home, but what's the worst they could do. Ground me? Without Jade I don't go anywhere anyway. This entry is short because I have another 10 hours of driving ahead of me before I'm back in California. I don't have any time to waste if I want to be back by morning to tell everyone that Jade really is alive. I always knew she was. I drove off with new hope in my heart. Now that's more like it.

March 25th (late at night)

Robbie picked me up. 8:30 sharp just like he said I was. I didn't argue this time. I had so many arguments planned out too, but I didn't feel like fighting with him. I just wanted him to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything would be okay. I know he'd be lying, but somehow, when it comes from him, I believe him. It was dark when we reached the park. There were a lot of people there, which was surprising. Jade didn't have a lot of friends. Not that she cared. When I asked her before she said she didn't like them either, so why should she care if they liked her? If it was me I would care.

Every person in the park was holding a candle. Cinnamon scented I think. Jade hated cinnamon, her favourite had always been vanilla. Jade's mother came over and handed us candles, I smiled and said thanks, but threw it in the bushes when she had walked away. I pulled my own candle out of my purse. Black and vanilla scented. Jade would have preferred this. Not that I think she's dead no, but if Jade knew we were holding this kind of ceremony for her, she'd have wanted us to do it the right way. Robbie gave my hand a squeeze and pulled a candle identical to mine from his coat pocket.

"She'd like these better," he whispered. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and let him take my hand in his. Tori and Andre were there too. We stood in a group not really talking or making any eye contact. Tori and Andre also had the black candles which I pointed out hoping to break the awkward silence. Tori let out a cry and started sobbing into Andre's shoulder. I was startled.

"Tori, it's... It's alright." I said timidly.

"No Cat, it's not. She's really gone. This is it" I didn't understand. This was Tori. The girl who always told me it would be alright. The one who said she'd never give up hope. And André, he had always thought Jade was the strongest person ever, why does he suddenly have so little faith in her?

"Tori, Jade is fine. They'll find her soon, she's not…" my voice faltered and I was unable to say the rest.

"NO CAT. Why don't you understand, why are you so stupid sometimes. SHE'S DEAD! And she's not coming back." I stumbled back as though I had just been slapped in the face. Tori had her mouth open in horror. "Oh Cat, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." I walked backwards shaking my head violently.

"No, you're wrong, WRONG!" I pushed passed Tori, and struggled out of Robbie's grip. I ran and ran to the other side of the incredibly large park. I stopped gasping for breath and clutching at a stich in my side. I looked up and found myself in front of the largest tree in the park. I used to love climbing it with Jade. She always went to the very top, but I was always too scared. Slipping off my shoes I started to climb. Hand over foot, carefully avoiding the skinnier, weaker branches. I climbed and climbed never looking down, only up. Once my foot slipped and I found myself dangling by one arm 30 feet in the air. Unfazed, however, I just swung my legs over to another branch and continued on my way. At last I ran out of branches above me. I sat down on a larger one swinging my legs and looking at the ground nearly 50 feet below. I wasn't scared this time though. I looked far off into the distance. Little lights were starting to pop up one by one. The lighting ceremony had started. 10 minutes later all of the candles had been lit and glowed brightly below. There was a speaker talking. I didn't know who it was, but he knew nothing about Jade. He didn't know that she watched Lion King Everyday with me when I had the chicken pox in grade3. I had asked her why she wasn't afraid of catching them. She told me germs were afraid of her. The next week Jade was covered in spots, she wouldn't listen to her mother telling her not to scratch them though, so some left tiny scars on her body. I went over to her house and we watched Bug's Life until she was better. Jade liked the grasshoppers and how they always scared the ants. But she always held my hand whenever they came on the screen because she knew I was terrified of them. Jade was a great friend. She wasn't always patient, and she could be cruel, but in the end she always had your back.

The lights were starting to go out one by one now. I could see them disappearing in the night. A tear slipped down my cheek but I brushed it away impatiently. I wrapped my cold arms around the tree trunk and watched the lights go out. All except one that is. It was growing brighter, closer. At last the light was at the base of the tree.

"Cat." It was Robbie. "Please come down."

"I don't think I can, I think I might be stuck." I realized it was true. But more truthfully, I just didn't want to. There were a lot of scuffling sounds and the tree shook violently once or twice, but at last Robbie scrambled up beside me, breathing heavily.

"Cat, I'm really sorry. And so is Tori. She and Andre have given up now. But don't worry. You, me and Beck, we still believe. Jade is stronger than they give her credit for." He pulled my candle out of my hand, which I hadn't realized until now I had been holding. How had I managed to climb the tree with this? "Jade's light will keep on going for us." He touched his candle to mine lighting them both. We sat in silence; me snuggled up against him in the warm night air. All night we stayed in that tree. Sometimes laughing and talking, other times kissing, and sometimes falling into silence, lost in our own thoughts. We held our candles in our laps watching the light burn as bright as the stars. We watched Jade's light burn on and on, not allowing it to go out. My hand found Robbie's eventually and I sighed contently. Now that's more like it.

A/N: well that's it. This chapter was a little longer than normal, but I liked it which rarely happens. PLEASE REVIEW! The more updates I get the faster I'll update. (I'm aiming for Saturday night, but that will depend on how homework goes and the amount of feedback I get) please also review before following or favouriting again you don't have to, it just really helps to write the next chapter when I know what you guys liked or didn't. Well that's all I have to say. Keep reading!

LONG LIVE BADE!

~Kat