Hi everyone! So sorry it's been so long.. Busy busy and I'm sure you all are just dying to hear all about it. Haha I won't say much more so you can get to reading :)

Suzanne Collins owns The Hunger Games

xxxxx

I wake up in the morning and everything seems brighter. I'm not sure if it is because I slept so well or because I woke up to Peeta's face just inches from mine, but the day has just begun and I already feel happy. I lost myself for a moment and almost kiss Peeta because he's so close, but I remind myself that neither of us is ready for that kind of step, not when we're both so broken.

I carefully untangle myself from him and lift off the covers. I don't want to wake him because of how peaceful he looks so I take extra care when getting out of bed. He stirs slightly and rolls over. His body must have known mine was missing when his hand touched nothing but a pillow because he opened his eyes. I decide he's half dreaming when he mumbles something about not going to get the pumpkins. I lean over and whisper soothing things in his ear.

"It's okay, I just need to shower. I'll be back." I tell him. That must have been enough for his dreaming mind because he closed his eyes and his breathing became even once more.

I try to be as quiet as possible when retrieving my clothing. I tiptoe into the bathroom attached to my room and I turn on the water. I'm in and out of the shower as quickly as I can manage because of my bandages and I already miss his arms around me.

I'm lying if I say I don't need him.

I step out of the shower and towel dry myself. I quickly put on my underclothes and step into some jeans. I pull my light green long sleeved shirt over my head and realize I haven't done anything with my hair. I quickly brush it and even though it is still sopping wet, I don't braid it because I don't want to waste anymore time. I crawl back into bed right next to Peeta hoping to soak up all his warmth.

My cold, wet hair must have woken him up because he opens his eyes and looks at me. I lay my head down on his chest and I feel the movement, up and down. He wraps his arms around my back and then I feel light tugging on my head.

I look up at Peeta and he just says, "I like your hair much better braided." And he smiles. "Don't get me wrong," he chuckles. "I love it down too. Maybe it's just an excuse to play with your hair. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's it." I laugh and put my head back in its original position so he can continue to play and braid with my hair. He put a rubber band at the end that I handed him when he is finished.

"How did you ever learn to braid?" I ask.

"I can't remember fully, but I think I used to braid bread loaves."

"Why?"

"Well some bread, the really fancy kind that we hardly ever sold to District 12, has a kind of braided top to it. I'm pretty sure that is how I learned. It was either that or all the time I spent staring at your hair really paid off." He laughs at himself and I feel his laughter while on his chest. I laugh too because it is kind of funny to think he used to pay my hair that much attention. I'm not even a little bit bothered by it because there are worse things in life.

After lying like this for a while I hear Peeta's stomach rumble. "Sorry about that." He says.

"No it's okay, I'm hungry too. I wonder if Sae has been here yet." I say. We get off the bed and he follows me into the kitchen. It must be well into the morning because there is a tray of food on the counter with a note telling me how much Sae misses her squirrels.

"I need to go hunting, Sae needs her squirrels. And I owe her for everything she does around here." I say out loud not really looking for a response. I bring over the tray to Peeta, who is already sitting at the table. We see different things on the tray varying from fruit to oatmeal to stew. I pick up an apple while leaning against the counter and take a bite. He goes for the stew.

"You didn't have any nightmares last night." Peeta states randomly before bring the spoon to his lips. He's right, I didn't and that fact alone makes me happy.

"No, I didn't and I'm not complaining either." I say.

Peeta looks sad for a moment and he looks down at his stew. "I hear you screaming after you have a bad one. I always hoped you would go back to sleep and finally get some rest, but you never did."

I realize how sad this fact has made him over the time we've been back here. I never thought anyone could really hear me; I'll have to try and smother my screams from now on.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't think anyone could hear me." I say. Peeta gets up and comes over to me so he's standing in front of me. I lean my head onto his chest and wrap my arms around his torso. This action just seems natural lately so it is what I do. His movements are similar to mine and he has his hands rubbing my back in an instant. I close my eyes because of how calm this makes me.

Peeta kisses the top of my head and says, "Don't feel bad, if I hadn't been such a coward I would have been over in an instant to help." I would have said anything countering his coward comment, but my mind won't work now that he is soothing me with a wonderful back rub. It's almost unfair how he can have such an effect on me.

Peeta pulls away from me to throw away his trash and remains by the trashcan. I turn to him, already feeling an emptiness that only he can fill, wondering what's keeping him there. It is then that I notice he has the letter from Gale in his hands. Panic fills my every nerve and I go over to him to try and get the letter back because I don't want him to read it. I know I have no reason to not let him, but it still is my letter, addressed to me, and he shouldn't read it.

I go over to him and touch his back and I feel his ridged posture. Dread replaces the panic that I felt only moments before. I look at his face and his eyes are held tightly shut. I know instantly that Peeta is struggling to remain in control. I know he's trying to fight off an incoming hallucination.

At first I step back and my mind is flooded with memories of the last time this happened. His eyes going from blue to black. His grip on my wrist. His strong hatred towards me and his severe confusion of the situation. He was so hurt and conflicted and I did it to him, just like I'm doing to him now. I'm just one painful reminder after the next. I still can't manage to save him. I just can't manage to keep him safe and instantly we're back in the arena. The memories I have are vivid and I just want it all to end. But in my memories is the blonde boy who smiled and despite his own injuries, was more concerned with me. I just have to remind myself this boy cares enough for me to heal my wounds and right now he needs me. I'm brought back to the present and the developing crisis.

I'm not sure where I find my courage, but I go back to him and I place my right hand on his back and my left hand grabs a hold of his left hand. He has balled up his fists so I work hard to unclench them before his fingernails make him bleed. I begin to rub his back and hope it is almost over and that he feels as much comfort when I do this as I feel when he does it to me.

Beads of sweat are starting to form on his forehead and I know I have to wait this out while he battles this in his own mind. Whatever is going on there, it was triggered by the letter and I can only imagine how much he hates me.

"Katniss," he croaks. "I don't know if I can control it."

"Shh.. Just work through it, Peeta. I'm not letting you go remember?" I say to him in soothing tones. I repeat how I'm not going to let him go a few more times so he understands it. Finally, I lay my head on his shoulder and hope it is enough for him to come out of this.

Then I'm not really sure what happens next.

"I need to go for a walk." He says as he shrugs me off and walks past me. He is crumpling the letter and throwing it back in the trash violently. I know he's angry now, but I can't tell if he's over his hallucination fully. I also don't know what to do now that Peeta has rejected me so strongly.

I stand there staring at the letter crumpled in my trash for a moment. I eventually find my voice and hope it doesn't sound like a ball has lodged itself in my throat, just like it feels. "Wait, no!" I yell after him and whip my head in his direction, but he was already out the door.

I stand there stunned knowing that Peeta technically just walked out on me. He just left and he's angry.

Before I can fall to pieces I go to the phone that I never use except for the mandatory phone sessions with the stupid doctor. I pick up the hand held part of the phone and I dial Haymitch's number.

"'ello?" he answers, clearly drunk.

"Haymitch, it's me, Katniss."

"'atniss? Well wattaya know, it's the Mockinjay 'erself" Oh yeah, he's definitely useless, but I need him.

"Listen to me. Peeta and I just had a small fight, I think. Anyways, Haymitch I need you to keep Gale busy okay? I don't want him coming to my house, can you handle that?" It's quiet on the other line. I almost shout his name over the receiver, but then he speaks.

"Kid, go to him. I'll keep the pretty boy busy. Maybe I'll just drug him with liquor or something.." He's trailed off trying to come up with a plan. I'm shocked at how clear Haymitch spoke and decided against bringing it up. I now figure he fakes a lot of his drunkenness, but who knows why Haymitch does the things he does?

"Thank you, and please don't drug him. Just keep him busy."

I hang up and weigh my options with what Haymitch told me to do. If I go in search of Peeta he could be angry and finally know my flaws and want nothing to do with me. He could also still be under his hallucination. On the other hand, he could welcome me with open arms and tell me to forget the whole thing. That last option is highly unlikely so I forget it as soon as it came. If I wait here, though, he could come back with more of a level head. Or he could never come back and where would that leave me?

I decide to wait for another twenty minutes and if he still isn't back I'll go out to find him.

I have to tell myself this is the best plan I could have under the circumstances. Peeta has never been truly angry with me, except in his trackerjacker venom days. I have to shake my head of the terrible memories of Peeta wrapping his fingers around my throat and squeezing the life out of me. I have to try to forget the miserable words he said to me. Instead I try to remember the sweetness that is only Peeta Mellark.

I lean against the wall and slowly slide down until I'm sitting on the floor, my knees to my chin.

I take this time to completely fall apart while remembering the boy with the bread.

I remember the kindness he showed me when he threw me the burned loaf. I remember the boy I kept alive in the cave. I remember the heart he had and how he wouldn't let me risk my own life to save his. I remember the nights on the train when he would keep my nightmares at bay simply by being with me and in arms reach. I remember the gentle rub on my back while I got sick two mornings ago and the tender touch and attention he gave to dressing my wounds.

It was these little things that made me realize I really cared for him. I don't understand this feeling and I'm certain I've only felt it once before. But that feeling was a little different from the one I feel now. It isn't that it is foreign completely, but it is something I've tried to bury deep within myself to avoid the pain that comes with it. The thing is I do know what to call this, but I'm afraid to utter it aloud.

More than twenty minutes have gone by I'm sure. I was just about to get up when I heard my kitchen door click open. I didn't bother hoping for him to be at the door and it turns out I didn't need to. He slowly walks in and sits across from me. When I finally lift my eyes to look into his, I can't see them because they are downcast. He looks flushed and I can't tell if he's shaking from anger or the cold weather. I decide it's a little bit of both and I wait until he's ready to say something.

"You lied to me," He paused. "Again." His voice nearly breaks my heart.

"I didn't lie to you Peeta, I just didn't tell you." I plead.

"If you had to omit it, it was a lie." I think he's getting angrier by the moment.

"It isn't that I omitted it, it just never came up in conversation and quite frankly I had forgotten it myself." I tell him the whole, honest truth hoping it will calm him.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" With that question he flicks his eyes up to meet mine. Hope replaces anger in his big blue eyes.

"I'm not sure, I never wanted him to come. I would have just told him to stay where he was and then forget the whole thing." I don't think this is the correct answer because he sighs and gets up. He walks towards my door and he looks over his shoulder, but not at me and says, "I'm going to sleep at my house." With that he was out my door and probably out of my life. I know that can't happen completely because District 12 is being rebuilt and we are two of the very few here right now so we would have to interact eventually. At least this is what I convince myself of.

It doesn't work.

I don't even pretend not to be crushed. I stay on the floor and I crumple over, letting the tears wash my face. I know he doesn't want me, why would he? I'll never deserve that boy. I am practically in the fetal position, sobs wracking my whole body. When did I become so weak? When did I become this shell of a person?

I can't be sure what makes me black out, whether it was the sobs and the emotional toll of the day or me hitting my head against the floor, but it happens anyways. I'm going to guess, though, it was the head hitting.

I come to a few hours later and everything hurts. It wasn't a full sleep so I couldn't dream, but it still made me feel empty inside to wake up and feel even worse. I decide it couldn't hurt to go up to my bed and be hollow and empty there, at least I would be comfortable. So I climb my stairs and plopp on my bed. I try not to think about how the last time I was in this bed I wasn't alone and I was happy. It's funny how a day can drastically change going from one extreme to another.

I begin to sob into my pillow not even caring about my volume. Maybe if I'm loud enough he'll hear me and come back like we talked about earlier.

It never happens. For a fraction of a second I agree with Peeta that he is a coward, but then I remember who the real coward is: me. I should have told him, but I'm still only looking out for me in this huge arena we call life.

At some point between cries I had fallen asleep. Sleep really isn't the correct term. Unconsciousness is more like it. I don't dream and I don't rejuvenate. I just am.

I awoke with the light coming through my curtains. I realize I spent the night alone and I'm even more heartbroken. This empty feeling, I never want to feel this way, I never want to be in this place.

And I know whose fault this is.

I jump out of bed and race down the stairs. After my horrible night last night, I get a little woozy and I drastically slow my pace. Determination holds me steady and keeps me on path. The anger I feel is almost overwhelming, but I know I can put it to good use. I'm out the door and on my way to the house behind me when a voice speaks, "Where you headed so fast, Catnip?" Gale is wearing his cocky smile and I just want to wipe it off his face.

This is exactly what I do next. "Haymitch took me out into the woods yesterday-" I don't even let him finish, I slap Gale right across the face.

"Ow! What the hell, Katniss?" he yells at me.

"That was for the letter." I say. I get even closer to him, "And this," I raise my right hand to strike his other cheek. "Is for ruining my life and possibly the only semblance of happiness I've ever had!" I'm about to make contact when he grabs my wrist. I'm surprised by his quickness.

He pulls me in by my hips by scooping his arm behind my lower back. He is pulling my back towards his and for a hurried, rushed moment his lips are on mine. He's angrily mashing our faces together. I'm shocked but after a few seconds it wears off. I've come to my senses and I've pushed him away while he still holds onto my wrist.

I look past Gale and out of the corner of my vision I see the one person that I spent all night hoping to see.

Peeta.

No. No no no no no! I think I see a few stray tears fall from his eyes, but it's hard to see at this distance. He turns right around and runs in the other direction. No, no, no. I can't believe this and I get so angry. I'm pounding Gale with my free left hand. I push him away from me when he lets my right wrist go. I'm wiping my mouth trying to dispose of all traces of his kiss lingering on my lips.

"Go. Home. Gale." I say between gritted teeth.

I ready myself and take my final swing. My fist makes contact with his jaw and I hear a sickening breaking sound. I can't help but feel pleased with the outcome.

I take off in Peeta's direction hoping I can find him, but Gale gets his last words in, "Don't worry, Peeta, that wasn't the first time I've gotten to kiss her!" I'm mortified. He still thinks that kiss on the outskirts of the woods was something I enjoyed. Now I'm sure Peeta heard him and I'm sure he's more upset. I want to kill Gale for the pain and trouble he's about to cause.

xxxxx

Well.. That was a lot. I didn't want to sway opinion before the chapter was even read, but I'm not too sure I liked this. I know I say that a lot about my writing, but this one I really struggled with and that is probably why it took so long for me to write it. It would be really awesome if you guys could review and let me know if I hit or missed the mark on this one. Also was Katniss right or wrong in not telling Peeta? Should she have kept it from him? Was Peeta justified in his anger? And who just wants to punch Gale right now? Haha you don't have to answer that last question :D Review!