I hope I still have people reading this story, and if you've been with me since chapter one.. You deserve a gold star. Thank you all so much and I hope you enjoy this next chapter…
Suzanne Collins wrote The Hunger Games
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He said he loved me. He's passed out now from the pain killers, but he said it. Right from his very own lips he uttered the three word sentence I've been craving to hear since our return. I thought this Peeta was gone from me forever and when he said he loved me, the smile has never left my lips. It's a kind of tingling feeling spreading from my heart to every limb of my body. I had also told him I needed him. It's true, I do. I need him to keep me safe and warm and together. I need him to hold me when I wake up and be there when I fall asleep. I need him to know what to say when I am filled with sadness and I need him to love me. Some could say I ask for so much when I give so little in return, and I know they are right. I will never deserve him.
For a moment, watching the boy with the bread sleep with the most peaceful look on his face, I've forgotten the sorrowful feeling in my gut concerning my mother. The moment is soon over and the feeling returns.
I lay close to Peeta on the couch careful not to disturb his arms. My head falls naturally onto his chest and it rises with his even breathing. There is still a small wet spot from my previous show of emotion. For once, my tears are restrained and it seems like they want to stay where they are. I'm not complaining. By this time the sun is beginning to set, but I refuse to sleep. I refuse to suffer through the anxiety of losing Peeta when my eyes are closed. If I were to sleep, my dreams would surely be filled with all kinds of ways he could die.
It is probably close to two in the morning when Peeta stirs beside me. I have moved very little since I fell into this comfortable embrace. A little more than an hour has passed since he covered me with his arms in his sleep. I welcomed this position because it is warm and I've come to call it home. Somehow I have managed to stay awake, my mind won't settle and it jumps from thoughts of my dying mother and Peeta. It keeps me awake so I don't question it.
"Katniss..?" I hear Peeta croak.
"Shh.. Peeta it'll be okay." I try to comfort him because I know his pain medication will only leave him a little confused. He figures out where his arms lay and he willingly keeps them there.
"Katniss," He says. "You're freezing." For the first time I realize I am, in fact, shivering.
I reply, "I guess it is a little cold, I never noticed."
I know my Peeta has returned because of his everyday, sweet gestures. He starts to sit up and says, "I'll get you a blanket." And he winces. "No, Peeta," I chuckle. "I can get one, you're hurt. It's my turn to take care of you." I push him to lay back down. "Are you cold?" I ask while getting up and make my way to the spare closet where I know I keep my extra blankets at my house. I hope Haymitch keeps them in the same place. Then I hear Peeta reply, "Well, I'm kind of a little colder now that you aren't beside me.." He trailed off at the end and I can't help the smile on my face. I'm happy because this is one thing Gale can't take from me.
I'm suddenly very pleased with Haymitch because I see a closet full of blankets. I grab a large white and blue comforter from the top shelf and shake it out unsure of the last time it was used. I carry it back out with me and lay it over the both of us. I get back to my original position, head on his chest with his arms around me. I bring the covers up to my chin and it just feel so… right.
"It's not hurting your arms to sit like this is it?" I ask suddenly aware of the fact I stitched up his arms only hours ago.
"No, not at all. Your cold skin was kind of nice actually." He says. And it dawns on me: maybe some ice would do some good.
I sit up and reluctantly leave my warm cocoon to search for ice to ease his pain. He grabs me by the wrist and says, "Where are you going?" For a moment he looks sad. Then his features toughen and it occurs to me that he expects me to leave him. He expects me to never come back. This breaks my heart because I've broken the person I swore I'd keep together at all costs.
"Well," I clear my throat to keep my emotions in check. "I was just going to go get you some ice, I figured it would help." His face softens and he pulls me back to the couch. I don't resist and once again we are in our natural embrace.
It was silent a long time, so long I thought Peeta had fallen back asleep. Then I feel him stroke my hair and I know he has something on his mind, and I know we need to talk. "What happened with Gale?" He cut straight to the point after a few minutes. He sounded like he has been struggling with this question for a while. I put all my weight on my left elbow so I can look at him in the face and have this conversation. "Well, I punched him and I'm pretty sure it made a pretty good impact." I say trying to lighten the mood of this heavy situation. The corners of his mouth twitch up and I know he's enjoying the sight in his mind.
"But he kissed you." He said with strain in his voice. I try to search his eyes so I know what he's thinking, but he's avoiding my gaze. "Yes he did, but like I said I punched him and," with some nerve I follow up this sentence. "He isn't the one I wanted to be kissing at that moment." I look away, blushing. Now it's my turn to avoid his eyes and keep mine away from his face. I put my head back on his chest hoping to hide the embarrassment on my cheeks from that large hint I gave him. I feel him laugh a hardy laugh and now I'm even more embarrassed.
"I always knew you and Haymitch were close, but.." He's still laughing and I'm mortified. I think he realizes this and his laughing dies down while he apologizes. I bury my face even further into his shirt and the comforter. "Katniss," he says. "Please come out, it's lonely out here." "Not happening." I say. He resorts to begging and I reluctantly face him.
"I hope whoever you intended on kissing, kisses you soon." He says. His head falls back and he closes his eyes. His breathing becomes even and I know he's sleeping. I take the covers off myself while he's asleep so that I can be his human ice pack. Those pills take effect without warning and I'm slightly pleased that he is actually sleeping. He doesn't do that often, probably for the same reasons as me. I silently hope I can keep his nightmares at bay, like he could always do when he was at my side.
I think through our last conversation and it weighs on me the secret I've kept hidden, even from myself. I did want to find him that day and I did want to kiss him again to be like we used to be. I wanted to stop holding back and dive in. I shake off the thought because I know then, just like now, it wouldn't have been a good plan.
I let the next couple hours go by without much thought. I get up every now and then to check Peeta's bandages. This is what I'm doing now. I decide that it is time to change them and I go to the kitchen table where Haymitch left a large quantity. I bring them back and I undo the soiled ones from Peeta's arms. He winces in his sleep and I hold some ice to the swelled area for a couple moments. I put the new bandages on and hold the ice to his arms for a while longer. It is probably around six in the morning and Peeta stirs. He opens his eyes and looks up at me. All I see is confustion.
"Wow.. What happened..?" He says. Does he not remember? Was it all the pain pills talking?
"You don't remember?" I ask and then he nods a firm no. "What's the last thing you remember happening?" I ask afraid of the answer. He looks like he's really concentrating. "I remember..," he paused and he's tries very hard to summon his last memory. "I remember you feeding me my pain medication, but after that I don't remember anything." If that's true then he probably doesn't remember saying he loves me and I'm filled with sorrow, but that also means he doesn't remember what I said and I'm flooded with relief.
"Nothing happened don't worry. You slept this whole time, actually I almost was about to wake you because I was getting concerned." I lie and hope my face doesn't betray me. He goes to move and does a whimper mixed with a cry. I know he's in pain and I walk into the kitchen. I grab a glass and fill it with water as well as reach for the pill bottle. I get two pills out of the container, grab the glass of water and walk back to the couch.
"I don't want them." He says adamantly.
"Peeta, you need them because you're in pain." I try to reason with him. I crouch down next to him so we're on the same level. I look him in the eyes and I see that hatred for the confusing feeling after he takes them lies there. I feel bad, but I can't stand him in pain. It breaks my own heart when he's hurt especially when I know there is nothing I can do about it.
"Please.." I beg again. He finally gives in and lets me help him take them. They hit him fast and soon he's lightly snoring. After a while of picking up and cleaning the table after the bloody mess last night I look at the clock and it is already ten o'clock. The hovercraft will be here in an hour and they don't normally enjoy waiting.
I realize I will be leaving Peeta, his worst fear. Even though it will only be for a night he deserves an explanation. I sit down at the table with a piece of paper and a pen. I stare at it momentarily and decide on a simple message. I scribble it across the page quickly and fold it neatly and stick it in my back pocket. I check Peeta one last time, his bandages most importantly. He seems okay and I sneak out the front door hoping he doesn't wake up for a long while.
I carefully walk down the steps and think for a moment where Haymitch has gone for the night. I need to tell him about my mother and I need him to know how to keep Peeta's bandages clean and how to change them. It took me a few steps before I found him. I heard a loud snort come from the porch. He managed to get out the door and walk a few feet to the left and sink down into the swing there. I turn right around and climb the simple stairs. I shake him awake quickly. He awakes with a start and falls out of the swing. I laugh a little at the noise me makes when he falls.
"What the hell, Mockingjay?" he practically screams while on the floor. I fear for a moment his loud voice will awaken the sleeping boy inside the house.
"Shut it!" I whisper yell at him. "Peeta is sleeping and if you wake him up, I swear, I'm not afraid to pull an arrow at your pretty little head." I try to muster as much venom into this threat as possible.
"Didn't you knock me out of the swing?" he sneered. He gets up slowly and sits back on the swing with all the grace that surely is Haymitch Abernathy.
I sighed, "I need your help-" he interrupts me. "When don't you, sweetheart." He rubs his eyes and tries to keep them open by blinking a few times. I roll my eyes and get right to it. I tell him about the conversation I had with the unknown woman and how I am going to be picked up soon to go to my mother.
"Well, hell, Katniss," he says. "Why didn't you say anything before now?"
"Peeta was my main concern; I needed him to be safe first." I say. Then I'm reminded of the note in my back pocket. I hand it to Haymitch. He takes it from me before I lose my nerve with what is on that paper. "Can you give this to him when he wakes up?" He nods and puts it away and I hope he does remember. Although maybe secretly, I hope he forgets. I put it out of my thoughts and let fate work its way into my life. I nod back and walk away, down the stairs and towards my house.
"Good luck, Mockingjay." He says in the most supportive voice he can muster. I look back at him and mutter my thanks.
I have just enough time to get home and shower and pack a few articles of clothing for the night, although I'm sure I won't change at all. I don't let myself think of my mother and what is bounc to happen because I will break down and I refuse to let strangers see me like that. I run up my porch steps and see a note taped to my door. I groan because I don't have time for this. I unfold the note while walking into my house and up the stairs. The heading is recognizable.
"Dear Catnip," It read. "I'm sorry for the pain I've caused. I didn't see how much he meant to you and how much you both love each other. He better be good to you and you better tell me if he's not. I will come back and kick his ass if he isn't. I'm going home and I'm leaving as soon as I tape this note to your door. I'm still always here for you, Katniss.
Gale."
I crumple the letter because my patients for anything to do with Gale have dwindled to well below zero. I peel off my gross clothes and I quickly shower. I take off my bandages and let the water clean them. They are still sore, but they aren't nearly as bad as Peeta's. I find a couple stray bandages in my room and I redress my own dog bites. I get dressed pretty quickly and I brush my hair too fast, pulling out too much hair. I braid it off to the side and forget all about it. I go to my dresser and grab a new shirt and pants to change into if need be. I stuff it all into a small bag and swing it over my shoulder. When I get out my front door it's 10:55 so I sit and wait on my front steps.
My mind wanders to Peeta and I hope he doesn't think I've abandoned him when he wakes up. I don't want him to worry about me so it's better this way. I don't want to imagine the look of betrayal that will be on his face when he wakes up and I'm gone. I desperately hope Haymitch can squash his fears because I won't be there to do so. Peeta will be just fine with him, at least I tell myself this to feel better.
Just then a hovercraft appears in front of me. It makes me jump a little because it gave no warning and came out of nowhere. It was fairly large, but nothing compared to the ones I used to ride on. This one is much smaller than those, but still has enough room for about ten people.
I get up from my spot on the steps and walk towards it. The last person I ever expected to get out of the air vehicle does so. I stop mid stride and my mouth is hanging open. I never thought they would ever step foot back in District 12. I guess I was wrong.
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Ahhhhh! Who's there to get Katniss? Review and tell me what you think! I imagine this story is soon coming to an end. That thought makes me kinda sad! Haha I hope you're enjoying the story so far.. Don't forget to review! Suggestions are always welcome :)