Come What May
That's when I see her. Long, golden braids. Her ducktail that never goes away. My little duckling. She is sitting in a lush, green tree; she's yelling my name. It is hot, much too hot. She is screaming now, repeatedly screaming my name. I run for her, but I can never get close to her…I run and I run. Fire is beneath her, she is slipping from the branch that is supporting her. I should be there.
Burning now.
Scorching.
Flames.
I am near her now, and I scream as she slips from the tree branch. She falls for an eternity and I can not stretch my arms out to catch her. Plummeting. Landing in the fire. Burning. I look down to where she fell, directly in front of my feet. Ashes. My scream. I shift my gaze to my body, fire. I was the fire…I killed my little sister.
I jolted upright in my bed, drenched in sweat. My sheets were strewn across the mattress, tangling around me. The hot summer night was silent, yet much too uncomfortable to sleep in. I sat there, in my bed that only brings nightmares, for what seemed like forever; unsuccessfully trying to stop trembling. I almost scoffed at the idea; I haven't stopped trembling violently since that day…
Fire.
The clock told me it was a little past two in the morning. Great, I thought, what am I going to do for the next five hours? Better yet, what am I going to do for the rest of my pointless life?
I began to realize I hadn't stopped sobbing since I woke up. Prim. All my fault. She had her whole life ahead of her, it was her that needed to live. Not me. It was never me.
I shakily climbed out of bed and made my way down stairs. The house was lifeless, just like its occupant. I sat on the couch and tried to distract myself by taking the first thing that came to my mind and stretching the thought out so I would not fall asleep. Morning, Mornings weren't so bad, Greasy Sae was there, she would set a plate of food in front of me. At which I would stare, but not really see anything. The food would be wrapped up and set in the refrigerator, untouched. I would sit in a chair all day, the light in the room shifting. At dark, my stomach would twist, thinking of how I would need to sleep soon…which only brought on the dreadful nightmares.
Again with the fire.
I awoke with a gasp, my eyes snapped open. I had fallen asleep. Sitting up, I remembered I was in the living room, on the couch. I raked my eyes across the room, looking for Greasy Sae. My eyes stopped on the plate of food sitting in front of me. Sae must have made it and rushed off, not wanting to disturb me.
I glared at the food, willing myself to eat it. When I did not reach out and grab it, I felt like I had another Katniss inside, yelling at the Katniss on the outside.
Why am I so selfish?
Why won't I reach out and eat the food I was generously given?
The Katniss on the outside protested.
"Ugh!" I groaned, standing up and proceeding to the kitchen, wrapping the plate in plastic. I loathed myself as I shoved it in the refrigerator. I turned around and collapsed to the ground, falling apart and sobbing. What was wrong with me? Why am I alive when all those other people aren't? They did nothing wrong…yet, they were killed…all because of me.
I slowly pulled myself off the ground, leaning on the counter for support. Something on the breakfast bar caught my eye. It was enough to bring me to tears again as I walked up to it. This little thing was a life preserver in my eyes…it had saved my mother, my sister, and me when our bellies had been empty and starving for days. The small, perfectly golden loaf of bread sat daintily on my counter, still fresh.
Peeta.
My heart wrenched. I hadn't seen Peeta in almost two months, since he planted the beautiful primroses in my yard. The boy with the bread. My boy with the bread. No, he did not belong to me. I had hurt him too much. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and reached towards the bread. It was still warm, still fresh. As I pulled a fluffy piece off corner of the loaf, I felt a sensation in my stomach…I was hungry. I began to eat the bread, almost with an animalistic manner. The loaf was gone in less than ten minutes.
Truly surprised, I climbed the stairs to my bedroom, stroking Buttercup's mangy fur on my way. I turned on the shower and climbed in, focusing on the feeling of the warm water rushing down my scarred skin. When I got out, I was quick to wrap a towel around my body and avoid looking in the mirror. I slipped on a pair of pants and a white t-shirt and stepped into my hunting boots. On my way out the door, I grabbed my bow and quiver.
The sunlight was a familiar feeling, although it wouldn't be enjoyed as much as it used to. I made my way through town, avoiding any eye contact. I heard the murmurs though.
"Isn't that Katniss Everdeen?"
"Yea, she hasn't been out of her house in almost two months. I'm surprised she's walking around."
"Wasn't her sister killed?"
"Yes. Sweet little girl, she was. I guess she was in the capitol with a group of children when a bomb was dropped…"
That's when I stopped listening, doing all I could besides plugging my ears to avoid hearing their conversation. I quickly slipped out of the village and into the dense woods. This is where I was most comfortable, most myself. I shifted into hunting mode, ears alert and feet capable. A small pheasant was about fifty yards away from me, I got into a stable position and raised the bow. Carefully and slowly, I stretched the bow string and arrow back, touching the side of my lip. Quietly, I exhaled and then…release. The arrow skewered the pheasant directly in eye, killing it instantly.
I lost myself, hunting and forgetting about everything else. At the end of the day, I returned to town with two squirrels, a rabbit, and the pheasant. The sun was beginning to set when I saw him, his blonde hair shining in the light, his strong, capable hands twisting the key to the bakery.
I contemplated taking the long way home, just to avoid his beautiful blue eyes. But without even thinking I walked straight ahead.
He turned from the bakery door and caught my gaze. Neither of us looked away for a moment. His eyes stared deep into mine, shock coating them…there was something else there, but I couldn't figure it out.
I felt a warm feeling in my heart…a sense of familiarity and comfort. But that vanished in a matter of seconds when he turned away, his fists clenched, his knuckles white.
My eyes shifted to glare at the ground as I quickened my pace and didn't stop till I reached the door to my house.
\
The days continued like this, I would wake up and eat a few bites of Greasy Sae's food and a few bites of Peeta's bread that varied flavors daily. I would take the bread out hunting with me and sit by the pond, munching on its delicious softness. Any bread I did not finish, I would toss to the ducks that were floating across the calm water.
On my way back through town, I would sometime catch Peeta's gaze. That, too, varied from day to day. Sometimes it would be a mixture of shock and confusion, others it would be pure anger that would occasionally melt away.
One day, I expected the same dark expression in his eyes, but instead got one that warmed my entire body. It was the eyes of the old Peeta, the one before the hi-jacking. I had to do a double take as he stared into my eyes, a friendliness taking over them. He smiled slightly and I didn't know how to react, so I tore my eyes from his and continued walking.
When I returned home, I collapsed on the couch and buried my head in my heads, regretting not returning the warm smile.
A/N: Thanks so much for reading! I know this story has been told a million times, but I thought maybe I could add my own twists in the future. Please review, they make me happier than a bird with a French fry. I will update this soon, it's just taking me awhile to come up with the perfect ideas. Thanks again.
Xo
Hyper Maiden