Jillian's POV

Eli held my hand as we walked to my anger management class. "Eli, you don't have to come with me." I told him.

"I just wanna make sure you're ok." He said, squeezing my hand, "I know that you're uncomfortable about this."

"Well, wouldn't you feel uncomfortable if you had to stay in the same room with a bunch of crazy people for a whole period?"

Eli chuckled, "Jillian, they're all here for the same reason you are."

"You mean they all had to beat up a few bitches who didn't know how to shut their freaking mouths?" I asked with gritted teeth, remembering what Bianca had said and also my fight with Fitz.

"Look," Eli sighed, "Bianca is a bitch, ok. And Fitz is probably the vilest human being that's ever walked this earth." Eli had a pissed off look on his face, as he remembered everything that had happened with Fitz. He shook the thoughts out of his head, "The point is that violence isn't the answer."

"Look who's talking." I smirked

"Ok," Eli rolled his eyes, "in my opinion, violence is necessary sometimes. But there are better ways to deal with things than by using your fists…" Eli smirked, "….or your stiletto heels."

I giggled, "Fine. I'll do this."

"That a girl!" Eli smiled, patting me on the back.

"Yeah, and besides, Riley took this class and he's not insane!"

Just then, I saw Riley skipping down the hallway with all of his football buddies. "DEGRASSI WON!" He shouted, "EAT MY FROZEN SHIT!" All of his buddies cheered, as he ripped off his shirt and started dancing around. "PANTHERS KICK ASS!" His boyfriend, Zane, smiled and slapped his ass. Eli and I just stood there and stared, not really sure of what else to do.

"Ok then." Eli commented.

"Well…..I'm gonna go now. If I'm not home by 5:00, call the police." I was serious.

"Will do." Eli smirked.

I smiled at him, before walking into the class room. Everyone was sitting in a circle; all the more intimidating. A scrawny, nerdy looking man with glasses looked up at me, "Hello there! You must be Jillian Goldsworthy." He spoke in a weird, overly-mellow voice.

"Hey." I grumbled. And you must be on weed. I thought.

"I'm Ned." He told me, "Welcome to our sanctuary."

"Thanks," I said uncomfortably, "but I'm not religious."

He laughed, "That's ok, Jillian. Have a seat and introduce yourself to everyone."

"Um….ok." I sat in one of the empty seats in the circle, "Hey. I'm Jillian."

"Hi Jillian!" Everyone said in unison.

"Jillian, why don't you tell everyone why you're here?" Ned suggested.

"Um….sure." I shrugged, "Well…I beat people up sometimes. Uh…..I threw a desk."

"Hey I know you!" a girl sitting across from me said, "You're that girl that threw a desk at Bianca DeSousa! Why the hell did you do that?"

"Hey!" said a guy sitting next to her, "Why wouldn't she? Bianca is a bitch!" Next thing I knew, the entire class was fighting.

"Now settle down." Ned said in a loud, but calm voice, "Come on, everybody relax." A hush fell over the class. "Good! Now, Jillian, it seems that you have problems when it comes to expressing your anger." I shrugged. "Well, don't worry. You're not alone. We all get angry sometimes, right?" Everyone nodded in agreement. "Right. Well, we know that we can't stop ourselves from getting angry. What we all need to do here is learn to express our anger in healthier ways." The teacher continued to drone on. Just then, my purse fell off of my chair and rolled under some guy's seat, where I couldn't reach it.

"Um, hey." I whispered, tapping on the guy sitting next to me, "Can you just reach under there and get my purse?"

"SHUT UP!" he yelled at me.

Ned raised an eyebrow to him, "What's the problem now, Jimmy?"

"I don't know!" He huffed, crossing his arms, "I'm angry!"

"Why are we angry, Jimmy?" Ned asked.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Jimmy stamped his foot on the ground.

I slapped my hand to my face and shook my head.

I sat on the couch and watched TV, trying my best to drain out all of the crap that Ned filled my head with. I knew that there was nothing wrong with me and I certainly did not belong in that class with all of those insane people. Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"Jillian! Get the door!" Eli shouted from the kitchen.

I stood up from the couch and opened the door. Clare stood on the steps with a pile of clothes in her hands. "Oh hey Clare."

"Hey." She sighed, "I just wanted to return the clothes you lent me." She handed me the clothes.

"Oh, thanks." I said. Clare sniffled and wiped a tear out from under her eye. I furrowed my eyebrows at her, "Clare, what's wrong?"

"N-Nothing." Clare shook her head, "It's nothing. Well…actually it's something. I-I don't wanna talk about it right now."

"Ok," I nodded, "are you sure you don't wanna talk?"

"M-Maybe later." She sobbed, "Can you just tell Eli that I'm sorry for causing him so much trouble? And the reason that I'm upset has nothing to do with him by the way."

"Sure." I smiled, "I, um, I hope you feel better."

"Thanks." She sniffled, "I have to get home now." Clare walked down our steps and hopped onto her bike. I closed the door, as Eli walked into the room.

"Who was that?" he asked.

"Um, that was Clare."

"Clare?" Eli rolled his eyes, "What did she want?"

"Well, she just wanted to return my clothes…AND I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THEY WERE FOR WHEN SHE WANTED THEM! Just saying." I told him.

"Don't worry, Jill, I'm not mad at you."

"Thanks." I smiled. "She wanted to apologize for everything that happened. Also, she was really upset over something."

Eli raised an eyebrow, "Was it something I did?"

"She didn't tell me, but she said that it had nothing to do with you."

Eli had a worried look on his face, "Maybe I should call her." Eli picked up his phone and began to dial Clare's number.

"I wouldn't call her." I stopped him, "She was very sad and said that she didn't want to talk about it."

"I hope she's ok." Eli said.

I nodded, "Me too."

Eli quickly changed the subject, "So, how's your anger management seminar?"

I rolled my eyes, "Annoying. They're all a bunch of freaks! And the teacher acts like he's on dope!"

"Ah, Ned." Eli chuckled, "What a quack."

"I'll say!" I walked into the kitchen and Eli followed me. "And I look around the room at all of these kids and they have these looks on their faces that make them look like they're about to pop!"

"That sounds scary."

"It is." I chuckled, opening the fridge for a beer.

"Jillian, no! It's a school night!" Eli scolded me.

"Ok, mom." I snorted, opening my beer.

Eli grabbed the beer away from me, "Are you insane?"

"I haven't had one drink in three weeks!" I said, "You were on my ass about it all vacation, remember?"

"Jillian, after seeing how wasted you got at Vegas Night, I'm scared that you're gonna go and get yourself killed!"

"Hey," I defended, "I usually don't get that shitfaced off of just beer. The only reason I did that night was because I went through, like, 3 packs of it."

His face dropped and his eyes turned into his famous puppy dog eyes, "Jillian, you and I both know that you're a very strong person. But when you drink like that, you become defenseless…and the thought of you being completely helpless, even for a second, scares the shit out of me."

"Look," I said, taking the beer from him, "I know what I did that night was stupid. But I'm a big girl, Eli. I can take care of myself." I took a sip of the beer and went back into the den.

Eli's POV

I followed Jillian up the stairs to bed with my arms out in front of me, making sure that she didn't fall backwards. She turned around to look at me and rolled her eyes, "Eli, I'm not drunk. I only had one beer."

"I just wanna make sure you're ok." I took her hand and lead her to her room. We both plunked ourselves down on the bed. For the next 20 minutes or so we both lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Jillian finally broke the silence, "Hey Eli?"

"Hm?" I hummed, already falling asleep.

"Do you ever feel, like, you know….." Jillian struggled to find the word she was looking for, "suferimacated?"

I lifted my head up a bit, "Suferimacated?"

"Like you know," Jillian explained, "that feeling like you can't breathe."

I stared at her, really confused for a few seconds. Then I finally realized what she was trying to say and chuckled, "You mean suffocated?"

"Yeah that." Jillian sat up a little and propped herself up on her elbows behind her, "Do you ever feel like that?"

I looked at her confused, "What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, like suddenly you can't…..move. You're being controlled and things are changing….and they wanna change you. And there's nothing you can do about it." She sighed softly then looked up at me, "I don't know how to say it in words. What do you think?"

"I think…." I brushed some hair out of her face and looked her in the eyes, "that the one beer you drank hit you pretty hard and you need to go to sleep."

Jillian rolled her eyes and giggled, "Never mind." She let out a loud yawn and blinked her eyes a few times.

"Jillian. Bedtime. Now." I pulled back her covers and she crawled into bed. "Good girl."

"Eli." Jillian held out her empty beer can, "Can you throw this out?"

"Sure." I took the can from her, "Goodnight, Jill."

Jillian yawned again, "Goodnight, Eli." I walked out of her room and into the hallway to find a waste basket. I spotted the tiny pink garbage can by the stairs. I walked over to it, to throw out Jillian's beer can…..

*Flashback*

"Happy Birthday, Julia!" Jillian said, hugging her.

"I can't believe I'm finally 13." Julia beamed, "This is, like, the greatest day of my life!"

"Well, now that you're 13 like us, we can let you in on all of our teenage secrets." I joked. Jillian laughed, as she took a sip of her beer.

I rolled my eyes, "Again, Jill?"

"What?" She shrugged, "Our parents aren't home yet."

I raised an eyebrow at her, "Well, if you keep sneaking Bullfrog's beers out of the fridge, he'll notice that they're missing."

Jillian giggled, "Oh please! Whenever dad gets juiced, he wouldn't notice a crocodile standing in the middle of the kitchen!"

I nodded, "True."

"Hey Julia," Jillian looked over at her, "have YOU ever tried beer?"

Julia's eyes widened, "No, of course not! Are you kidding me? I just turned 13."

"Which is exactly why you should have some to celebrate." Jillian held out her can to Julia.

"Whoah, no way." Julia crossed her arms, "I don't drink."

"Come on!" Jillian urged, "You're the birthday girl. You got to at least try it."

"Peer pressure?" Julia said, jokingly.

"GOOD peer pressure." Jillian corrected, "Haven't you always been curious about it?"

Julia stared at the can in Jillian's hand, and then looked up at her, "Fine, I'll TRY it." Julia took the beer and studied it. She shook it around a bit and sniffed the top of the can.

"It won't bite you." Jillian giggled. Julia closed her eyes and brought the beer can to her lips. She tilted her head back and took a sip. The look on her face when she tasted the beer was priceless. She looked as if she was going to throw up, with her face all scrunched up.

"Mm mmh!" she shook her head and motioned towards the garbage can behind me. I quickly grabbed it and gave it to her. She spit out the beer into the bin and wiped her mouth on her sleeve. I couldn't help but laugh at the look on her face. "What are you laughing at?" Julia glared at me.

"It tastes like crap, doesn't it?" I laughed.

She furrowed her eyebrows, "How would you know?"

"I tried it once," I explained, "and I almost threw up."

Julia crossed her arms, "Why didn't you tell me that BEFORE I tried the beer?"

"Oops?" I shrugged.

"Oh, you're dead!" Julia got up and started chasing me around the living room. I jumped up on the couch, trying to get away from her, but she caught me and pushed me face down onto the couch.

"Ok, you got me." I challenged her, "Now what do you think you're gonna do? Huh?"

"This." Julia got on top of me and began spanking me.

"Ow!" I said, sarcastically, "Oh, that hurts! That hurts so badly! Ow!"

"Oh, you didn't think you were getting off THAT easily, right?" Julia smirked. She slapped my ass again, this time really hard. Then she did it over and over again.

"Ouch!" I yelled, for real this time, "Stop that!"

"Nope!" Julia giggled.

"Owwww!" I cried, "Jillian! A little help here!" All Jillian could do was roll on the floor and laugh. "Julia, stop!"

"Not until you apologize!"

"Never!" I stuck my tongue out at her.

Julia shrugged, "Fine." She continued to spank me as hard as she could.

"Ow! Ow! Ok!" I said, "I'm sorry."

"You don't mean it." Julia said, "You have to mean it."

"I mean it!" I cried, as Julia spanked me, "I'm really sorry."

"Nope. Still doesn't cut it." Julia smirked.

I flipped us over and grabbed Julia by the shoulders. I looked her right in the eyes, "I'm so very sorry…..Julia." I then smirked, playfully kissed her on the cheek. "Do you forgive me, now?"

Julia's eyes widened and she blushed, "Apology accepted."

*End of flashback*

I looked at the beer can in my hand. That was one of my favorite memories of Julia and I never wanted to forget it, because the minute I forget that, I forget Julia. And if I ever forgot Julia…I would die. Or someone else would die…..I just know it. I needed something else to remind me. I decided not to throw away the beer can. I knew deep down that what I was doing wasn't healthy, but one beer can wasn't gonna be the end of the freaking world. I walked into my room, opened the drawer full of Jillian's empty beer cans, and threw it in.

Jillian's POV

Eli and I sat on the bench in the hallway, before our first period class started. "I'm still wondering what Clare was so upset about last night." I said

"Me too." Eli looked down the hall and saw Clare talking to someone from that club, where they all take turns tossing Jesus' salad.

"There she is. Do you think she's ready to talk about it?"

Eli shrugged, "I guess there's only one way to find out." We stood up from the bench. Eli looked down at my skirt and groaned, "Jillian….." He grabbed hold of both sides of my skirt and attempted to pull it down.

"Eli!" I slapped his hands away.

"Jillian, please pull your skirt down." Eli begged, "It's too short."

"Ok, mom." I chortled. Clare finished talking to her friend, and then she walked towards us.

"Gotta love Jesus club." Eli said, as we walked up to her.

Clare shook her head, "Six months ago I would have said the same thing."

"Clare, why were you so upset last night?" I felt funny asking, because I didn't wanna be rude.

Clare sighed as we stopped at our lockers, "Last night, I had a little talk with my parents…" She looked up at the two of us, "My mom and dad are selling the house and separating."

"Aw!" I patted her on the shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Clare."

"Why do I have to suffer because they fell out of love?" Clare said, almost in tears again.

Eli thought for a second, "Maybe you won't have to….." Clare looked up at him curiously. "There's this kid that Jillian and I knew growing up." He continued, "His parents got divorced, moved to separate apartments, but he stayed in the house. His parents went back and forth."

"So….he had one bedroom and one set of stuff?"

Eli shrugged, "Do you think your parents will go for it?"

"They are feeling pretty guilty for putting me through all of this." She smirked, "Thanks! I can always count on you!"

"That's me!" Eli smiled, "Your rock."

Clare giggled and reached into her pocket, "I brought something you might like." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a gold watch.

"Vintage." Eli smirked, taking the watch, "Cool."

"It was my dad's." Clare explained, "He taught me how to tell time on it."

"I know how to tell time!" I said proudly, "But I only know how to tell time on the clocks with the big, blinky letters. The hour letters goes before the two dots and the minute letters go after the two dots." Clare and Eli just stood there and stared at me weirdly, except I couldn't understand why. Eli turned around and opened his locker, hundreds of things cascading out onto the floor. He looked nervously at Clare.

"Maybe Jesus club can take on your locker as a humanitarian disaster." She joked. He forced out a laugh, as he immediately bent down to pick everything up. "Ok bye."

I helped Eli pick up all his stuff as Clare left, "Eli, what is all of this shit?"

"Just...important stuff. Very important stuff." I rolled my eyes at him. "Look, Jillian, everything in this locker serves an important purpose in my every day routine. I promise."

"Oh…..oh really?" I picked up an action figure that had fallen out of his locker and held it up to him, "And what 'purpose' does this half-naked action figure serve?"

"That's a collector's item." He said, taking it from me.

I raised an eyebrow to him, "Then what is it doing in your locker?"

"I…." He sighed, "I ran out of room in my bedroom."

"There's a shocker." I crammed the last bit of junk back into Eli's locker, and then stood up to get my books out of my own locker. "Eli, this whole holding on to trash thing is…" I sighed, "It's scaring me. I'm worried about you."

"Jillian, I have it under control. Just because I don't throw things away as often as other people, doesn't mean I'm crazy." I gave Eli the same worried, puppy dog eyes that he always gives me. Eli sighed and placed his hands on my shoulders, "You don't have to worry about me, Jill. I'm gonna be alright."