Eli's POV

After school, our parents took us to Little Miss Steaks for dinner. The four of us sat at the table, as Cece and Bullfrog told us stories about when Jillian and I were babies. "Hey, remember when we took the kids' to their first concert?" Bullfrog asked Cece.

Cece laughed and shook her head, "Oh my god….."

Bullfrog chuckled, "Eli, you cried so hard we nearly had to leave, you little brat!"

"Yeah, because most six month olds love Metallica concerts." I said, sarcastically.

"But when the music started, your tantrums started to look like head banging." Bullfrog laughed.

"Then all the metal head started imitating you!" Cece added, "Then Jillian started copying them!" She laughed, looking over at Jillian, who had her feet propped up on the table and a Nintendo DSI in her hands. "And her hair was already so long, it ended up getting caught in some guy's necklace!" Jillian looked up from her games and rolled her eyes, giggling.

Bullfrog laughed, "Then later on, Jillian crawled away and got lost!"

"You lost Jillian?" I gave Cece a surprised look, "At a concert?"

"Don't look at me!" Cece defended, "Bullfrog was the one who was watching her."

Bullfrog rolled his eyes, "Anyway, one of the lead singers ended up finding her!"

"I remember that! 'Excuse me, love, I believe you lost your baby.'" Cece said, imitating an Australian accent. Both of them started laughing. I smiled, imagining some band junkie coming up to my parents with a little, wide-eyed Jillian in his arms.

Suddenly, I heard a soft voice behind me, "Hey." I turned around and saw Clare standing behind me. She looked up at my parents, "I'm Clare, by the way."

Bullfrog looked at Cece, excitedly, "This is Clare!" He reached over the table and shook her hand, "Welcome! They call me the Bullfrog." He made what was supposed to be a frog sound, but to me it sounded more like a frog farting. Jillian and I looked at each other, embarrassed. "This is Cece." He introduced her.

"Oh we heard all about you!" Cece beamed, grabbing an empty chair from behind her and pulling it to the end of the table. She grabbed both of Clare's hands and sat her down, "Please..."

Clare smiled, "I hope you don't mind me interrupting your family dinner."

"No!" Cece and Bullfrog said in unison.

"We were just telling the story of how Eli and Jillian wrecked Lollapalooza." Cece added. I smirked at her, Cute…..real cute.

"So," she continued, "what brings you to the steak house?"

She sighed, "Well, I just….I couldn't handle being around my parents." I looked at her, concerned. It must have been hard for her back at home, with her parents deciding who's gonna take what to whose apartment and everything else...more things for her parents to fight over.

"None of our business. If you need a place to crash, our house is your house anytime." Bullfrog offered.

"Wow, thank you!" Clare smiled, "It's nice to know that there's a guest room with my name on it."

"Yeah, no guest room…." Bullfrog chuckled.

Clare looked at him, taken aback, "Oh…so is there like an extra bed in Jillian's room or something?"

I lifted my head up, realizing what Bullfrog was getting at. "Dad….." I warned.

"We've been trying to get a girl into Eli's room for a while now." He continued, playfully nudging Cece.

"Dad….." I said a bit louder.

"He's even got a double bed in there." Cece added.

"Hey, mom?" I practically yelled, trying to get their attention. They both looked up at me. "Could you give me and Clare a moment alone?"

"Young love….." Cece whispered to Bullfrog, as the two of them took their plates and went over to sit at the bar. Jillian remained at the table with her feet up, her mind absorbed into her game. "Jillian…?" Jillian didn't move. "J-Jill?" Nothing. "Jill-i-an!" I said loudly. Finally, Jillian slowly lifted her head up and looked all around her until her eyes finally met mine. She looked behind her then back at me, "Oh….were you talking to me?"

I rolled my eyes, "Jillian, I need to talk to Clare privately."

"Do you guys need me to book you a room?" She smirked.

"Go!" I groaned.

"Whateves." Jillian stood up and walked over to the bar still looking down at her Nintendo, almost bumping into about three waiters.

Man, she's addicted to that thing. I shook my head and turned to Clare, "Sorry about Cece and Bullfrog."

"Well they sure are interesting…." Clare commented, "Were your parents serious about me staying in your room?"

"Well…..um…." I said, nervously, "They just assume since we're dating…."

"That we have sex?" Clare furrowed her eyebrows, "Why would they think that?"

"It's just that, well, um…." I struggled to explain this in the least awkward way possible, "Julia…."

"Your old girlfriend." Clare threw in, as if I needed to be reminded.

"Yeah…." I twiddled my thumbs, "She….uh…..s-she had a lot of problems with her step mom….so she stayed with us." I concluded with a nervous smile, hoping that Clare would accept the information.

Clare pouted and stared down at the floor, "Like….with you, with you?" She confirmed.

"You bet!" Jillian said, coming out of nowhere, "One night, they were so loud, I couldn't sleep! I actually had to leave the house and go stay at John's…."

"Jillian!" I cut her off, "Scoot!" She rolled her eyes and walked back to the bar.

I turned back to Clare, who looked at me with disappointment. "Look, I didn't even know you existed yet." I defended.

"You know I'm not having sex until I get married." Clare reminded me.

"Yeah, I got the memo." I said sarcastically.

Clare looked worriedly at me, "Does it bother you?"

"Yeah, it's not my favorite thing….but it's what's gotta be." I was gonna be honest with Clare. I did want her that way. She was really gorgeous to me and it would be a lie if I said that thoughts or fantasies of us having sex never crossed my mind.

Clare shook her head, "We're really different, aren't we…"

"Opposites attract." I argued.

"And get married and have kids and get divorced!"

"Clare, we're not your parents!" I told her.

Clare stared at me for a brief moment, before grabbing her bag and heading out, "Call you later." She mumbled. I watched her as she went past my parents sitting at the bar and ran out the door.

I sighed and walked over to my parents, "I think I'm gonna go home now. Where's Jillian?"

"She's sitting somewhere over there." Cece said, waving her hand to the other side of the bar. I went over and found Jillian sitting at the bar in the far corner. I saw the young bartender flirting with her.

"Yeah, they're real." Jillian smirked, placing her hands on her boobs.

The guy smiled, "Well, they're really nice…and also, you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." Jillian giggled and blushed.

"Yeah, excuse me." I interrupted, taking Jillian by the arm. I gave the bartender a dirty look.

"Well, Jillian," he said, avoiding eye contact with me, "you, um, you have my number….call anytime." He smiled at her then walked away.

I sighed, "Come on, Jillian, let's go." Jillian grabbed her drink off the bar table, before following me out. She took another sip of it as we walked out the back door. "Well that was a complete disaster." I pouted.

"Yup…" Jillian stumbled a little as we walked towards the hearse.

I caught her arm, "Easy there, Jill." Suddenly, I noticed that the glass in her hand was a martini glass. I looked questioningly at the clear liquid inside the glass, "Is that vodka?"

"It's a dry martini." She corrected me, taking another sip.

"Jillian! Why are you still drinking?" I raised an eyebrow, "First of all, how did you even get served without being carded?"

Jillian rolled her eyes, "Oh Eli…when you're a cute girl like me, you can get whatever you want."

True.

She took another sip. "Jillian! Put that away!"

"Fine." She said, gulping the rest of her drink back.

I crossed my arms, "That's not what I meant."

"Oh, calm down." She threw the empty glass behind her. I opened the passenger door of Morty for Jillian and she slumped inside. The entire ride home, I thought about what happened with Clare.

"Hey, Jillian?" I said, keeping my eyes on the road.

She turned to me, "Yeah?"

"Do you think Clare is upset, you know, that I'm….not a virgin?"

She shrugged, "Why would Clare be upset about that?"

"I just….." I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, "I just think that Clare might feel disappointed…..like I'm not all hers because I've had sex with someone else before. What if she thinks that I love Julia more than her, just because Julia and I had sex and we don't?" I looked over at Jillian who looked back at me with heavy-hearted eyes. Talking about Julia never really sat well with Jillian….or me for that matter. I sighed, "Jillian….I loved Julia more than anything. She was the closest thing to me and I know you felt the same way."

"Close? She was my best friend, Eli." She looked down and shuffled her feet, "I knew her my entire life….since kindergarten. She was, like, my only true friend. She was the only girl I've ever known who didn't just wanna be my friend because I was popular with the boys, or hate me for the same reason. She liked me for me."

"I know…..." I said, fighting back tears, "I know. When Julia died, I thought that I would never be able to love again…..and for a while, that was true. Then I met Clare, and at first I was afraid…that I would hurt her like I hurt Julia. I felt like I needed to protect her by not being with her."

"But you love Clare." Jillian pointed out.

"Yeah," I agreed, "So that's when I realized that it was time to move on."

Jillian placed her hand on my shoulder, "And that's exactly what Julia would want to happen." Jillian sniffled, also trying to fight back tears, "I miss her so much, Eli."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around Jillian, "I miss her too, Jill." She hugged me back and buried her head into my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Jillian." I said, "This whole thing is just so…..awkward."

She slowly lifted her head up, "You think this is awkward for you? I'm now reliving the memories of my brother screwing my best friend." She shuttered.

I laughed, "What can I say? Julia was so good….."

"Lalalalala!" Jillian yelled. I smirked and continued to hug her. Suddenly, her eyes widened, "Eli! Wheel!"

"Huh?" I looked up, realizing that Morty was swerving off the road, "Oh crap!" I quickly grabbed the wheel and steered back on the road. We both sighed in relief.

"Hey, aren't I usually the bad driver?" She joked.

"Ok…." I nodded, "New rule: No hugging and driving."

I lie down on my bed, listening to Dead Hand. Suddenly, I heard the doorbell ring. "Jillian, answer that." I shouted downstairs. The doorbell rang again, "Jillian?" I heaved myself off the bed and ran downstairs. The doorbell rang again. I saw Jillian sitting on the couch, watching South Park. "Jillian, why didn't you answer that?"

"Hello!" Jillian pointed to the TV. I rolled my eyes and opened the door. To my surprise, it was Clare.

"Clare?" I stepped outside, "What are you doing here?"

"I wanna spend the night with you." She blurted out. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at her, as she stared back at me with wide, blue eyes.

I stepped off the stoop and into the driveway where Clare put her bike. I lifted it up, "I'll put your bike in the hearse."

"Why?" Clare demanded.

"I'll drive you home." I said, ignoring her urging.

"But I don't wanna go home." She stopped me, "I wanna be with you."

"You don't have to do this." I told her.

"I want to." She looked questioningly at me, "Don't you?"

"You have beliefs. This isn't who you are."

"I don't know who I am!" She cried, "I don't know anything. But I know that I wanna be with you." She reached out to grab my hands, but I pulled away. Clare looked almost driven to tears, "What is this?"

"Nothing. I'll drive you home."

"No, no! You know what? I get it, Eli. Don't bother!" With that, she grabbed her bike and stormed away.

Clare's POV

I cried as I rode my bike home. I knew it. How could I think that Eli would wanna sleep with me? He's just like any other guy. He probably just wants some slut monkey with a perfect body. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he did his own sister first! Maybe even his mom! I saw his mom, all big and blonde and punked up! I bet they all have three ways! Every freaking night-! Easy Clare, I told myself, You know how when you let your mind race, it gets a bit profane.

Eli's POV

I walked inside and slammed the door shut behind me. Jillian sat up on the couch, "What was that all about?"

I sighed, "Clare hates me."

Jillian walked over to me, "What do you mean?"

"She's mad at me because I won't sleep with her." I explained

Jillian gave me a confused look, "Ok…..help me out here. Didn't Clare just remind you that she wasn't having sex until she was married?"

"Yeah, but now she wants to stay over tonight." I shook my head, "This is all my fault. I should have never told her that story about Julia. She probably thinks I rejected her."

"Well, why didn't you want to sleep with her?"

I gave her a stupid look, "Well, where do you think we would do it?"

"You know! In your room….." Jillian came to realization, "Ohhhhh….right. I see the problem."

"Do you?" I said, sarcastically.

Jillian's face lit up, "Wait, you guys could have just done it in the hearse!"

I laughed, "Oh Jillian, I really don't think that Clare's the type of person that would want to lose her virginity in the back of someone's car." Jillian giggled. "Besides, on top of all of this hoarding stuff, I know that Clare just wants to have sex with me because of that stuff that's going on with her parents, and I'm not gonna let her give up something important over that." Jillian nodded in agreement. I sighed, "Well….I better go upstairs and start my homework."

"Yeah," She agreed, "I have to go upstairs and do anything but my homework." I smirked as we walked upstairs. I followed Jillian into her room. She pulled out a bottle from under her bed. I looked at her curiously, as she opened up the bottle and began drinking it. I went up to her and took a closer look at the bottle, and my eyes widened when I saw the label on the bottle. "Jillian! Is that whiskey?"

"Yeah, so?" She said, taking another sip. I grabbed the bottle away from her. "Hey!"

"Jillian, what is it with you and all this drinking lately?" I probed, "I don't get it."

"Eli, I drink all the time!" Jillian argued, trying to grab the bottle out of my hands "You know that."

"Yeah, but not like this! And I know that you only break out the heavy whiskey when something is wrong."

Jillian rolled her eyes, "Eli, you've seen me drink like this! There's nothing wrong, I'm fine!"

"But Jillian, I'm worried. The last time I remember you drinking this much was…." It pained me to remember this, "was when you had that eating disorder."

"Eli, I'm not gonna go anomerexic again! I've had it under control for, like, three years now!"

I sighed, "You weren't just 'anomerexic', Jill, you were Bulimic."

Jillian gave me a confused look, "Bully-mic? So I was an anomerexic AND I was mean?"

"No!" I groaned, "Bulimic means that you threw up to get skinny."

"I felt like I had no choice." She explained, "I would starve myself and everyone would freak out because I was too thin, but then when I looked in the mirror, I looked just as fat as I was day one…maybe even fatter."

"Oh Jillian," I put my arm around her, "you were never fat. You were always beautiful."

Jillian smiled and squeezed her arm around me, "Thanks." Then her face got serious, "Now give me back my booze."

I chuckled, "I don't think so."

She let go of me, "Don't make me have to take it from you."

"Oh yeah," I scoffed, "what are you going to do?" Jillian looked down at my jeans, then in one swift motion, she reached over and yanked down my pants, and then grabbed the bottle out of my hands and walked away. I stood there dumbly, empty handed and with my pants down around my ankles.

Jillian's POV

The next morning, I studied myself in my locker mirror. My eyes were tired and red, and my skin was as pale as could be, except not in its usual vibrant way. It was completely colorless and dull. No amount of eye makeup could hide the redness in my eyes, so I just grabbed a pair of sunglasses out of my locker and put them on. I closed my locker and looked down the hallway at Eli and Clare sitting on the bench. Suddenly, Eli stood up, and walked away with an annoyed look on his face.

"What's wrong with you!" Clare yelled at him, "Let it go!"

Eli walked past me and I grabbed my tote bag and followed him, "What's she bitching about now?" Eli gave me a threatening look. "Ok, you have to admit, she's a bit of a whiner."

"She's mad because she thinks I rejected her last night." He grumbled.

"Well, in her defense, you never actually explained why you didn't wanna sleep with her." I pointed out.

"If I told her the real reason why we couldn't sleep together…" He shook his head, "she wouldn't even wanna be anywhere near me anymore."

"Eli, you need to tell her the truth eventually. She understood about Julia."

Eli's face dropped, "I probably should never have even told her about that."

"Eli-" I began.

He interrupted, "Let's just…not talk about it anymore. Ok?" He looked curiously at me, "Are you ok?"

"What?" I realized he noticed my little dark sunglasses and hoodie get up, "Oh, yeah…." Eli stopped walking and lifted up my sunglasses.0 He looked into my eyes and sighed, "Jillian, you look like you go hit by a truck."

"Gee, thanks." I scoffed.

Eli crossed his arms, "Jillian, are you going to tell me why you're drinking so much or not?"

"I told you, there's nothing wrong with me!" I put my sunglasses back on.

"You should go see the nurse." He suggested, "Just so you can relax."

I looked at him, stupidly, "Right….. 'Oh hi, nurse! Last night, I drank myself silly and blacked out. Can I take a nap here?'"

"At least take a drink of water." Eli demanded, handing me his water bottle. I obeyed and chugged down almost all of it, not realizing how thirsty I actually was. "Good girl. Now let's get to class, before we're late."

I sat at a table by myself at The Dot. I didn't feel like eating the school's lunch today, or really anything for that matter. I finished my fifth cup of coffee and went up to the counter to order another one. I spotted Riley sitting on the bar stool next to me.

"Hey, Jillian." He smiled

"Oh hey, Riley." I sat down next to him, "So I take it you're not a fan of 'mystery meatloaf' either."

Riley laughed, "I just needed a break. You would think that were more than half-way through our senior year. Why do they need to give us so much work? Haven't we proved ourselves already?"

"I guess I'm in for it next year." I nodded.

"Ah, hang in there. Before you know it, you'll be off to University." Riley chuckled, So how have things been going with you?"

I shrugged, "I don't know….complicated."

"Yeah, I heard about that whole Vegas Night thing." Riley shook his head, "That Fitz is vicious. His friends tried making asses out of Zane and me."

"That's just wrong." I agreed, "There's nothing wrong with being gay-sexual. Besides, it's nice to finally have a guy friend. You're the only guy in school who hasn't tried to hit on me yet."

Riley laughed, "You can count on me."

"Well," I smiled slyly, "unless you wanna send me any pics…."

"In your dreams." Riley laughed harder, "Come on, I give you a ride back to school."

"So," Riley said, as we walked down the hall together, "you're taking the anger management seminar. How's that working out for you?"

I rolled my eyes, "First of all, Ned is a total quack! I swear, he's on something. Plus, I'm surrounded by a bunch of freaks! No offense, Riley, you're cool."

"None taken." He smirked, "And you're right. Some of those people have serious issues."

"Tell me about it!" Riley and I turned the corner, "Some of them need strait jackets and-" Suddenly, I saw Eli in the middle of the hallway.

"Go away! Just go away!" He shouted at Clare, who backed away slowly, as he desperately dug through a garbage can. Papers were flying everywhere as Eli had his little episode. It took me a few seconds to realize what was going on.

"Oh no..." I groaned, palming my face.

"What?" Riley looked at me curiously, after watching the scene.

"Eli's trippin' again." I sighed, "I'll talk to you later, Riles, I gotta..." I gestured towards Eli.

"By all means..." Riley said, looking questioningly at Eli. I ran down the hallway over to Eli.

"Eli!" I shouted, as he continued to throw things out of the garbage can, "ELI! Please, relax!" I grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him.

"Jillian, go away!" Eli tried to shrug me off of him, "Now! Go!"

"No, Eli! You need help!"

"Just please go away!"

"No!" I refused, "Not until you stop this!"

"Jillian!" Eli growled, continuing his freaking out. I grabbed him by his shoulders and spun him around, then I smacked him hard across the face. Eli stopped suddenly, dropping all of the papers that were in his hands. I crossed my arms and stared at him as his whole body slowly relaxed.

"Thanks, Jill." he mumbled.

"Eli, tell me what's wrong." I demanded.

"It's Clare." He said through his teeth, "She cleaned out my locker."

"Oh no!" I said, sarcastically, "What a horrible thing to do!"

"I'm serious, Jill!" He yelled, "She went into my room."

"Your room?" I asked, "But….why? How?"

"She was trying to look for that busted watch that she gave me." He slammed his fists on the wall, "Why would she do that?"

"Well, I have to admit, breaking into your room was a bit stalkerish. But she was only trying to help."

"Help?" Eli huffed, "She's not gonna want to help me now! She thinks I'm insane!"

"No she doesn't." I comforted him, "Look, I gotta get to my anger management thing. Just try to talk this out with Clare. Believe me Eli, she'll understand."

"Thanks," Eli sighed, "but I don't think Clare and I are gonna work out."

Ned stood in the middle of the circle, "Anger is a very common, very brief reaction. But what we don't know is that while we're sending this anger…..where is the anger coming from? Today we're gonna talk about what makes us angry." Ned turned around and flashed a big, creepy smile to a tall blonde boy. "Let's start with you, Stephen. What is the one thing that usually triggers your anger?"

Stephen crossed his arms and huffed, "My brother, Jack."

"Uh huh…" Ned nodded, "why does your brother Jack make you so mad?"

"Because he's a freaking fag!"

"I see…." Ned gave him a questioning look, "maybe you can be a bit more specific?"

"He always makes videos of me freaking out and puts them on YouTube!" Stephen stomped his foot, "Freaking fag! He's freaking betraying me!"

"Ok…ok." Ned said in a calming voice, "Um, well get back to you, Stephen." He then looked at me with the same creepy smile.

Shit.

"Miss Jillian. Why don't youtell us what makes you angry?"

"Yeah, princess," said a random guy across the room, "what's got your lacey little panties in a wad?"

Ignoring him, I scanned the room. Everyone was staring at me, waiting for me to say something. "What makes me angry?" I sighed, "Stuck up bitches, you know….people who think they're so tough and try to mess with me." I thought some more, "These new stupid rules at school." I pouted, as I looked down at my khaki skirt and red polo.

"Alright." Ned folded his hands, "Well first of all, Jillian, the new rules were put in place for everyone's safety."

"Safety?" I scoffed, "How does dressing like tools and having rules like 'No PDA' have anything to do with our 'safety'?"

"Well, Jillian…." Ned began to explain, "After seeing what happened at Vegas Night, Mr. Simpson and the rest of the school faculty feel that…"

"That's just it!" I interrupted, "Mr. Simpson didn't see what happened! The only four people involved were me, my brother, Clare…and Fitz! I didn't see anyone else standing there when Fitz came at me with the knife! I didn't see Mr. Simpson there when Eli pushed me out of the way and jumped in front of the knife for me! None of you idiots know what happened!" I angrily stood up, "You weren't there! You weren't the one whose life was being risked!" With that, I stormed out of the room, purposely tipping over one of the chairs on the way out.

"Jillian!" Ned called after me, but I was already so far down the hallway I only heard it faintly. Eli spotted me running down the hallway.

"Jillian?" He walked after me, "Hey, Jillian!" I kept walking. "Jillian! Wait up!" Eli ran after me and eventually caught up with me. He grabbed my shoulders and spun me around to face him, "Jillian, what's wrong?"

Tears formed in my eyes, "Anger management was a stupid idea. There's nothing wrong with me!"

Eli wiped a tear off my cheek, "Jillian, I know there's nothing wrong with you. You just need help, that's all."

"No one is trying to help me!" I sobbed, "Everyone is just trying to get into my head! They're trying to change me! If I wanna dress sleazy and beat people up when they deserve it, that's my business!" I opened my locker and pulled my bag out.

"Jillian! Where are you going?" Eli grabbed my arm, as I headed out the door.

"Anywhere but here!" I huffed, shaking his hand off of me.

I drove aimlessly on the road, taking sips from a whiskey bottle that I had stashed in the back of my car for "emergencies". Even I knew that drinking and driving was un-legal, but I was so depressed right now I didn't care what happened. I drove around for what seemed like an hour. I didn't really know where I wanted to go. I just needed to clear my head. Eventually, I found myself approaching the one place that I needed to be. I haphazardly parked my car and stepped out with the bottle of whiskey in my hand. I made my way through the woods and up to the old abandoned church. This was where Eli and I hung out with Julia. It was our special place. We liked it because it was the one place where we knew that no one would come and bother us. I guess that's why we picked an abandoned church. The church walls had been eroded and crumbled, and the roof was completely gone. I sauntered into the church, taking another sip of whiskey. I stooped down next to a stack of pictures of Eli Julia and me, some of which had been framed. Julia loved to take pictures and told me once that when she grew up, she wanted to be a photogramafer. I picked up the pictures and flipped through them. I saw a picture of Eli and me standing under a tree, which Julia had taken of us. There were also a few that Eli took of me and Julia. There was one of Julia and me lying side by side on the grass. We were both wide-eyed and smiling up at the camera. My eyes were their usual dark blue, and Julia's eyes glimmered different shades of light brown and green. Then there pictures I took that were supposed to be of Eli and Julia together, except I think I was holding the camera the wrong way or something because a lot of them were pictures of my face. Julia gave me a few pointers and after getting the hang of it, I finally took a picture of Eli and Julia standing side by side, looking intensely at the camera. Julia stood with her arms crossed and Eli was beside her, both dressed in black and neither one smiling. This was my favorite picture. It was the same one that Eli had in his room, except it was smaller and he had cropped himself out so it was just Julia. I picked up the picture frame and brushed the dirt off of it.

"Julia….I wish you were here right now. I'm scared." I sighed, "I'm scared for Eli. He's acting all weird and collecting garbage and stuff like that. And I'm so confused! Lately, I've been feeling, like, trapped. Like everyone wants to get inside my head and change me. What if there's something wrong with me too?" I felt myself starting to tear up all over again, "Oh Julia, you were always so much more smarticle than me. You'd know what to do. It sucks not having you here, Julia. Every day I miss you, and I don't think I'll ever find a friend as good as you." I held the picture to my chest and started to cry.