Footsteps approached, and Undertow backed further under the couch, only stopping when she hit Flotsam. Perry stood his ground. Maybe he could convince them that there was only one platypus under here.

An hand grabbed for him. Perry darted out of the way, and amused himself by figuring out all the ways that he could break those fingers. He wouldn't, of course. It was too risky to start using his secret agent skills.

The arm withdrew, and came back holding a light brown sphere that would have looked unappetising if it wasn't for the smell emanating from it. Perry dug his feet into the carpet. It took all the willpower he possessed not to lick that hand.

Someone ran into him from behind, pushing him into the hand and into the food. Unable to help himself, Perry snapped up the sphere, which tasted even better than it smelled.

The tall man pulled him out and set him down on the floor, next to a bag of the wonderful food. Perry stuck his bill down the top, trying to open it further so he could eat even more. He couldn't remember who he was or what he was doing there. All he knew was that he needed more of this food. He'd be happy if he could just get more food. He remembered that he had hands, so used them to untie the top. It was a good thing he was a secret agent, or... Or... He was a secret agent. The food was a trap. Perry remembered what was going on with a jolt, and looked around to make sure the humans hadn't seen him.

To his confusion, he was back in the smaller room. So were Undertow, Flotsam, and a new platypus who didn't look much older than a hatchling. They were all eating the wonderful, addictive food. Perry waved his hand in front of Undertow's face and chattered, but she didn't seem to notice. Perry wasn't surprised. Even now, the smell was hard to resist.

He sealed his nostrils and gargled some of his emergency mouthwash. He'd have to act fast. He couldn't hold his breath forever, and he could feel his will fade with every second.

Perry put away the mouth wash, took out a laser, and shot the bag he'd been eating from. It disintegrated, without leaving even a scorch mark behind.

The next bag he targeted was the young platypus's. She was just a child, like Phineas and Ferb. This shouldn't be happening to her. Or anyone really, but especially her.

He shot Flotsam and Undertow's bags in quick succession.

There was a long, confused pause.

Undertow growled at Perry. This was a threatening growl, telling him that he'd undermined her authority by biting her and destroying her food.

Perry put the gun away and dropped to all fours so that he could talk. He didn't bother with apologies. "Food bad. Food wrong."

Undertow glared.

To Perry's surprise, Flotsam walked between them and clumsily said, "Food wrong, bad. Spur say. Spur right."

Undertow glared at him instead. Perry was beginning to worry that there'd be a fight. He'd win easily, but that was the problem. It wouldn't be fair. And somebody could get hurt if he wasn't careful.

Undertow looked past Flotsam, and her stance softened. "Wattle!" she said, using the sign for a yellow, Australian flowering plant. She seemed to be addressing the young platypus.

"Wait Undertow," said Wattle, looking guilty. "Wait long time. Search Undertow. Human catch Wattle. Wattle here."

Undertow made a comforting gesture.

Perry was glad for the respite, but he couldn't relax until they'd got out of there. Now he was certain that the men were up to something sinister. "Escape," he said.

Undertow transferred her attention back to him. She seemed a bit calmer, but her expression still wasn't particularly friendly. "Escape later. Answer now. How human?"

Perry gave her a blank look, indicating that he didn't understand the question. They were wasting time. Maybe challenging Undertow for dominance wasn't such a bad idea after all. But then, what would stop him from challenging everyone and forcing them to agree with him on everything? Being stronger didn't make him more right.

Undertow walked to the door. "Spur," she said. "Human clear wall. Spur."

When she saw that Perry still didn't understand, she reared up in a clumsy impression of his professional posture, and fell back down.

Now Perry thought he understood. She thought he was a human when he stood like that. Seemed like everybody else thought that way, himself included, so it was understandable. "Not human," he said. "Platypus copy human."

Undertow made a negative gesture. "See human."

"Spur Human," Flotsam agreed.

Perry stood up on two legs. He couldn't communicate like this, so he didn't try.

Wattle chattered an alarm. "Human!"

Perry stopped himself from shaking his head, and made a chatter of his own. Humans could make a confusing variety of sounds, but he'd never met one who could vocalise like a platypus.

He dropped to all fours and chattered again. "Both chatter. Both platypus. Escape!" They had to get out of there before the men gave them more food. He didn't think he could resist it again.

"Spur copy human," conceded Undertow. "Why?"

Perry wrinkled his forehead. Explaining would be a lot easier if there was a platypus word for "secret agent". Or "job".

"Spur... fight human," he said at last. "All days. Different human give..." He sat down, dug into his fur, and showed them his money.

The others came over to get a better look at it.

"Eat thing?" said Wattle doubtfully.

"Play with thing!" suggested Flotsam.

How could he explain money? It had taken weeks to understand it himself. "Give thing human," he tried, putting the money away. "Get everything."

He got three blank looks in return.

"Who fight?" said Flotsam. He looked almost interested. "Humans different all."

Perry smiled, though he knew the others wouldn't understand what it meant. "Tall. Smart. Stupid. Bad." An adequate description of Doofenshmirtz, he thought.

"Undertow think," Undertow announced. She wandered off to stare at the wall.

Perry groaned inwardly. He had no idea how long it she would take to come to a decision. Platypuses weren't the fastest thinking animals in the world. All they had to do was smash that window, and they'd be out of there.

Flotsam came over to Perry and said "Human!" He stood on two legs and maintained his balance for several seconds before he fell back down.

Perry was impressed. It had taken him more time than he wanted to admit to master bipedal movement, and Flotsam had kept his balance on the first try. "Move tail," he suggested. Flotsam had kept his tail down, and although it was possible to stand like that, holding it stiff was much easier for a beginner. Perry stood up to demonstrate.

Flotsam copied him, but fell as soon as he moved his tail. He tried again, and again, and on his third try, he finally managed to stay upright. He began to fall, windmilled his arms, and just barely regained his balance.

Perry stared. Who had told him how to use his arms like that? He shouldn't even had considered that he could balance with them, let alone done it correctly.

Maybe he was agent material? No, that was stupid.

Flotsam stood up a few more times, and managed to stay upright for longer and longer each time. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts to take a step, he said, "Flotsam human?"

"Flotsam stand human," replied Perry, with a backwards glance to see if Undertow was finished yet. "Flotsam not speak human." That was just as important as standing upright, if not more. Humans accepted something that gave off the right body language much more easily than something that stood there with its eyes unfocused.

"Human don't speak," said Wattle, who'd been watching. "All know."

"Human speak sound," said Perry. He knew it was a hard concept to grasp. Although he couldn't remember when he'd begun to understand English, it had always seemed a little unintuitive to him. "Human speak like platypus too, less." To Flotsam, he said "Copy," and focused his eyes. "Human think smart." He unfocused his eyes. "Human think dumb."

"Eyes not dumb," Wattle protested. "Eyes normal."

"Yes," said Perry. "Human think dumb. Human think platypus dumb always." Maybe they were right, and platypuses were dumber than humans. On the other hand, Doofenshmirtz existed.

"Humans wrong," said Wattle, in the signed equivalent of a mutter. It really seemed to be bothering her.

Flotsam focused his eyes and stood up. His expression was still blank by human standards, but it was the kind of blankness that humans understood. Once he fell down, he said "Human think smart?"

Perry stood on two legs and gave a thumbs up. Then he went back to four legs and added "Human word mean 'good'."

Undertow chattered to get their attention. She'd made her decision. Finally. "Spur strange," she began, then headbutted Flotsam, who was still paying more attention to Perry than Undertow. "Spur strange," she said again. "Danger here. Spur help. Spur clear wall again."

Perry acknowledged her with relief, and listened at the door. He could hear voices and footsteps. "Not clear wall there," he said. "Humans see." He walked to the window. "Spur clear wall there." They'd notice him smashing the window as well, but not straight away. He stood up, crouched, and was about to jump when the door opened. Perry hastily went back to all fours.

"Uh, here they are," said the man in the t-shirt.

"Ooh, let me see!" said an unmistakable, high pitched voice.

Perry widened his eyes. Doofenshmirtz! How could it be Doofenshmirtz? He'd already had a scheme today! Had that whole fishing trip just been a decoy? Perry had had to sit there and listen to him for hours.

Doofenshmirtz pushed his way past the other men. "Now you're sure none of these platypuses are suave, semi-aquatic agents?"

At the same time Perry chattered, and said "Danger! Human Spur fight!" Doofenshmirtz might notice the sound, but there was no way he'd notice anything else. Platypus body language was always lost on humans.

"Ooh look! They fear me already," Doofenshmirtz said, delighted.

"Spur fight human?" Wattle asked.

Perry couldn't take that risk, not while his kidnappers were still there. "Can't now. Later."

"You got everything you need, Mr Doofenshmirtz?" said the man in the t-shirt.

"It's Doctor! Doctor!"

The man in the t-shirt rolled his eyes behind Doofenshmirtz's back

"Flotsam fight human," suggested Flotsam, looking hopeful.

"No!" said Perry, so empathetically that the humans probably would have noticed if they'd been paying attention. It was very, very difficult for a platypus to fight a human on their level. He could do it, but he'd been trained for it all his life.

"Whatever," said the t-shirt man. "As long as we're still getting paid."

They left the room, talking quietly to each other. Perry couldn't see their lips perfectly, but he could lipread well enough to know that they were saying. They were insulting Doofenshmirtz, quite graphically. That was uncalled for, he thought, as he watched to make sure they left the house.

"Odd job union," said Doofenshmirtz conversationally, pointing backwards. "Nice guys. Now..."

Perry jumped up, put on his hat, and launched himself at Doofenshmirtz.

"Perry the Plat...?!" Doofenshmirtz didn't even get to finish his sentence before Perry latched onto his face and punched him in the nose. Doofenshmirtz staggered backwards, and reached into his pocket for a remote control. "Hah!"

Perry wound up for another punch. As he did, he took a deep breath and his nostrils filled with the smell of the food. Unable to help himself, he looked around, giving Doofenshmirtz the chance to throw him off.

He flew towards a bowl of food that hadn't been there before, landed in it, and forgot everything.