Chapter 7: She Was a Wreck, But So Was He
The stars were certain. That everything had been completely unexpected, and inevitably unintended.
They were of contradicting opposites. She was pink, he was black. She was an undetermined girl, he was full of purpose. She was just like any other shinobi, he was of prestige. She was weak, he was all strength. She was love, he was hate.
Time and time again they were reminded that they are two poles clashing. Yet at one time, the other had tried so hard to reach out and lay her heart in his hand. But the other had something in mind. Like what was already said previously, they both tried to run away; but time and time again they ran into one another, then ran past each other once again.
This time, could they even get away, when knowing it was in each other's contradiction that they revel: she in his tragic life she so wanted to carry with him; and he in her bright emerald eyes that shone life he was tempted to experience.
They were fiction: she was a damsel in distress, and he was a gallant knight who rescued but never cared. But now their stories had taken a drastic turn, in which she was the siren who would carry this desolate sailor ashore. They were fiction, once and always. For even if their love could reach each other's hearts, reality would always push them back to the ground.
"I want you to marry me, Haruno Sakura, is that so difficult for you to understand?" he finally said it so definitely, he wasn't even twitching.
She was still crying, for all the gentleness he didn't know he was showing. She knew he wasn't good with words to convey his heart; but yes, it was all enough for her. And she could have easily said yes. But she didn't.
Sure, she was able to visit him every day the past month. But could she do that for years and years? For marriage entailed family; and how can they make the marriage work with him being so far away? Did he expect her to raise the family alone while he was in this place? Or make her move to Kumo? The last was certainly out of the question.
She had doubts, nevertheless. But she knew, deep down, her doubts stemmed with her being scared. Could she trust him with her heart, again? Why not, you would ask, when Sasuke had asked her hand for marriage. What else was she scared of, if Sasuke was willing to take her heart this time?
Sakura didn't have an answer to that. But to answer him, she'd have to decline.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke. It's a bit too much. Marriage is a big thing; it's too early for you to say you want to be with me."
At first, he wasn't able to comprehend. But slowly it finally sank in. "Or is it too late for you to be with me?"
She took his hand instead, and nuzzled her cheeks in his calloused palm hardened by blood and death. She wanted to stay like that, her face drawing in warmth from his hand; she wanted to find solace in this dingy, cold place.
But things weren't as simple as that.
He felt frustrated as tears continued to flow down her face, and to his hand. He slipped his arm from her cheeks to her shoulders and pulled her in, so tightly. She sobbed even more, and clutched the cloth on his chest. Why was it that even though he told her good things, she still cried? Always, she cried for him, she cried because of him.
They stayed like that for the rest of her visit. And they parted in a bittersweet way. She returned his ring before she left, but he asked her to have it.
"Keep it. I have no more use of it, anyway," then he turned away and walked back to his cell. At the back of his mind, there was a small tinge of disillusionment in her. Hadn't he told her not to do things that could spark hope in him, when she couldn't live up to it?
She didn't return for months; when Naruto went to visit she didn't come with him. It was space for herself so she'd detach herself from him first, and then figure things out. She was worried that maybe if she'd go and see him, she would suddenly take on his proposal.
It was winter when suddenly there was a knock on her door. She had just come home from the hospital after an overnight shift, and was about to crash her sofa for a little nap before going back to drown herself with more work.
When she opened it, the man handed her an envelope. It was a plain white small envelope with nothing on it but her name and a stamp sealed on the upper right side with the insignia of the Land of the Lightning.
Initially, she ruled out Sasuke as the sender, since he wasn't a letter person, she thought. Maybe it came from Kumo asking her for missions? But all such requests were handled by and discussed with the Hokage. She tore the envelope, and found that it was from him after all. And knowing that made her feel guilty for avoiding him after his proposal.
Her heart was beating loudly, and her hands quiver as she began to read.
I would have told you all these in person, or much earlier. But when you're here, I couldn't say anything. And my mind couldn't think of anything else. I am a coward, in front of you. And sometimes I hate it that I feel this weak.
I have asked you to be with me, despite incarceration; it was selfish, I know. One might think it was all the more abusive because of your devotion.
When you turned my proposition down, I could say I was hurt. Yes, I was crushed. But I understand that you did. I know I would be stealing years of your life if you agreed. Maybe even after I've been released, you could suffer, just being my matriarch.
Still, I would hope that you'd wait. But if it had tired you out, that's fine. I would understand.
I am only but a man, foolish enough to still think that you could reconsider offering your heart once again, even after I have declined numerous times before.
This will be my first and last letter to you, if I could help myself. So I will tell you everything I would want you to know.
Firstly, I am sorry. For the suffering I have caused, for the hate I've exuded, for the years of rejection, and for cutting all the bonds. I have my own reasons for it, but I'd rather keep them to myself. For none could justify all the pain I have caused. I can only say, sorry.
I also apologize for being selfish. I have thought only of myself when I asked you to take the ring, take my name and keep my heart. I didn't consider the consequences of my actions, and how it might affect you.
I have asked for your whole life, and yet I have only my pathetic, imprisoned self to offer. For that, I am utterly apologetic.
I guess it would be best to let you go, and say you deserve so much more than to be with a man with blood and evil attached to his soul.
Still, forgive my letter as I would not end it without telling you what I could hardly say in your presence. I am still being selfish doing so, I know, as I still hope that you could find the strength and faith to wait. Know that I'll be waiting for you when you're ready; after all I have nothing left but to wait for time, and I might as well wait on you.
I do not know when or how it started. I guess you were just one of the new people I cared about years before. Before I left Konoha, and you trying to make me stay intrigued me to the point that at one moment I felt special. Somewhere, someone had wished me to stay, or someone was willing to follow me to the path of darkness just to be with me. But you were a great distraction then, and I felt the dire need to cut you off.
Years later, you were still there, ever faithful. And I could not find any one who could surpass your stupidity. However, when I first saw you here I prison, I didn't want anything more but to travel in time and see if you would still be there in the future, with me. That could have been all worthy to wait on. You made me hope; made me want to continue on.
Maybe you were right years and years ago. Revenge couldn't bring me happiness. Because it was you who'd bring it, in baskets of towels and onigiri and tomatoes and tea, and even in pocketbooks you'd make me read.
Lastly, thank you. Allow me to entrust you my heart. It is yours to choose what to do with it. In the end, please know that I would have always wanted you'd keep it.
U.S.
She read it over and over, and each time, she felt all those same emotions she had felt when she read it the first time – and more. She was impressed on how heartfelt his letter was; she was expecting nothing more than a 'hn'. But it was… heartfelt. She couldn't help but imagine him struggling to write every word down.
With that, she couldn't keep her tears from falling again. It irked him how he was so far away, and so out of reach when all she wanted now was to hold him.
She was stubborn, however. She still didn't go to see him. But all this time, she was torn. She was overwhelmed with passion and longing she could no longer deny. It was already a year since she last saw him; he did do what he said, he never wrote again. After all, she didn't write back.
She planned her visit, and asked Naruto and Kakashi to join her. They arrived at night, the next day she wore her best dress. She was clad in white cotton, so flimsy that her body felt light. He was surprised, no breathless when he saw her; standing at their table. Kakashi was standing beside her; Naruto walked towards him and patted his shoulders with a big, silly grin.
He didn't know what was going on, but the Raikage was sitting at the other side of the table, looking grumpy. He had refused to be a part of it, and even talked Sakura from doing this. "You are wasting yourself on this traitor! You do not deserve it, you're beautiful and smart. Live your life the way a girl like you should!"
But she was no ordinary girl; she was in love with him, his complicated past, his lapse of judgment, his grudges. For she would want nothing more but to fix his broken self, even if it would take a lifetime. She would do it over and over in the next life. Maybe she had already done so in the past.
He walked over to them with a confused expression, but everything went into place as he stood beside her and she smiled. The whiteness of her dress illuminated her porcelain skin; her neck and her bone were bare. Her softness intoxicated him. Her smile was of the brightest; her hair was pulled up in a neat bun, with only a few lost strands framing her beautiful face.
"Uchiha Sasuke," she began, her voice in a quiver. "I will marry you on one condition. Let me continue writing the history of your clan, which I found at Nekobaa's." He just raised an eyebrow, surprise at her demand. Why would she want to do that? "So tell me everything that happened to you after you left. In return, I'll marry you!"
He was unsure of her bargain. But what the hell. He planned to tell her everything anyway. "Aa. Just make sure you'll be in it from now moving forward."
In the background, Naruto was interrupted, "What kind of cheesy pick-up line was that, teme! Will you just kiss her already?"
They both suddenly grew tense with his suggestion, and Kakashi and Naruto burst out laughing. "Oi, you two, don't tell me you've never kissed before! Surely now isn't the time to be bashful about it!"
"Yeah! The honeymoon will follow right after, before visiting hours end. I heard the conjugal area has never been used before," Kakashi chided.
"Oh right, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto shouted that the whole prison must have heard him. "Maybe Raikage here could extend Sakura-chan's visit for the honeymoon. Maybe overnight, ne, Raikage-jichan?"
Sasuke and Sakura were blushing tomatoes and cherries; she couldn't help but punch the two to silence them.
Raikage cleared his throat, signaling to start the ceremony and get this thing over with. He didn't like the idea of this. The boy was an idiot, and the girl was equally stupid. But, somehow, some time during the wedding, he was distracted at how the couple in front of him felt just so right. The lady was blooming, the Uchiha was almost smiling.
Maybe this world was full of wrecks, after all. And they all find each other, maybe not to make another wreck out of themselves again, but to fix one another instead.
AN: I am soooo sorry this was late. I couldn't think of a plot, but maybe it was because I was stalling to finish this fic. Every thing I said I wouldn't do when writing, I all did it here. I never thought I would write a wedding scene, or end any fic in a wedding ceremony. For one, I do not believe in it. But it just felt so right to have these two a good ending. And thinking about it makes me all light and fuzzy.
Again, Thank you so much for everything. I love all your reviews! I hope you like my story too. It had been fun. I wish to see you all again next time. BTW, a sequel will be coming out on Sasuke's birthday, which means sooooon...
Edit... Did I mean sequel? Meant epilogue! Sorry, it must be all the stress yesterday. I know I promised an epilogue, but I just couldn't make myself to write it in time for Sasuke's birthday. In the meantime, I will end here and make this fic COMPLETE. Maybe in the future, I could make myself write it with a better state of mind.
For the last time, I would like to thank every one for enjoying this story with me. And, Happy Birthday, Sasuke! :)
This fic is dedicated to you. If only you were articulate enough and mean what you write in all your letters, maybe things would have turned out right. Then again, maybe I was blind enough to see all those little things you tried to show me. Whichever, I wish we find our closure. May fate lead you here, for I couldn't bring myself to tell you all these yet.