Rock Your World

Part 17 – Stay With Me

I hadn't had a dream as vivid as I had that night in almost two months; since I'd been stuck in that semi-insane depression of solitude and I would dream of Vegeta non-stop. Well, just my luck, I was back to dreaming about him again.

Only this dream was infinitely worse.

It started out like any of my ordinary dreams – who honestly remembers how their dreams start? – where the prince and I were sparring like usual; albeit more intimate than normal. But that was to be expected; we were together in an intimate way now, right? Anyhow, we were sparring; and exchanging sensual remarks and even kissing when our lips were close enough together… yeah, a guy can dream, right?

Then the scene changed a little. We were standing a few feet apart, and the perspective of the dream was different too; viewed from above, instead of through my own eyes, so that I was watching myself and the prince talking. At first, I couldn't hear what was being said or even see our faces, but eventually it cleared and I could see Vegeta's narrow, black eyes and pronounced frown. Naturally I couldn't see my own face – isn't there some superstition if you look into your dream-self's eyes you'll cause a black hole or something?...whatever… - but I could feel my own growing sense of trepidation. Then Vegeta's voice could be heard; he was murmuring something in a monotone voice.

"Kakarot, I don't think we should be together anymore," his expression didn't change after the sentence left his lips, but you'd think he would notice if the world suddenly ended. Or ended for me.

I remember a plummeting sense of disbelief and denial that basically ripped me apart from the inside. Vegeta was leaving me? Why? What did I do wrong? Wasn't I good enough? How could I fix this? Make him want me again? A million questions zipped through my mind; and that was when I tried to convince my subconscious self that this couldn't be a dream. Even nightmares couldn't be this brutal, could they?

I don't remember responding, but the prince continued as if I'd spoken.

"It's just not working; you and me. I don't want to see you ever again." Then he turned and left; just like that.

Then the perspective switched back to behind my own eyes; I went after him, begged him – with words I don't remember – to stay, to give me another chance. I don't know if it's possible to shed tears in a dream, but I swear even my dream-self was sobbing.

It got worse. Vegeta turned, looked at me with dead eyes like I was something unpleasant on the bottom of his royal boots, and slapped me across the cheek with a resounding crack. I could feel the pain even in the dream. I remember pleading, down on one knee, imploring him to forgive me for whatever I'd done wrong.

Then the worst part: he laughed. He threw back his head and laughed a harsh, cold laugh. I swear he grew at least four feet over the progress of the dream. Either that or I'd shrunk for he was towering over me.

"I am the Prince of All Saiyans; a worthless third-class is less than dirt to me! Did you honestly think I'd want you?" Then he spat at me, sneering a vicious sneer, "Pathetic. That's what you are, Kakarot. I knew you were brainless but were you so fucking stupid that you thought we actually had something? That you actually meant something to me? Ha!"

Then he began to fade away, still laughing mirthlessly. And in the same instant that my heart was torn to pieces, I sat bolt upright in bed, a sob, or a scream, or both, on my lips; drenched in cold sweat.

I bit my lip to keep from making a sound, glancing sideways at the prince's sleeping form. The moonlight streamed through the window, bleaching his copper skin milky blue, and I watched him sleep for measureless time, forcing my breathing to return to normal and telling myself mentally over and over: it was just a dream, just a dream, dream, dream dream….

I studied Vegeta's face, equable and peaceful in repose; the tiny, usually furrowed area of skin between his eyebrows relaxed rather than crumpled like during his waking hours, the fan of his dark eyelashes sweeping ever so subtly upward , the calm, lax curve of his slightly parted lips silently drawing air in and out.

So beautiful, I thought absently. A shiver ran down my shoulders as I lay back down, remembering images and words from the brutal lucid dream. For it was a dream. Not a nightmare…. Not quite.

I lay awake for a while, watching the rise and fall of the prince's chest as he breathed. The soothing rhythm hitched for a moment and he stretched, rolling over in his sleep so that one arm was across my chest and his face was close to mine, buried in the juncture between my neck and shoulder. The motion was so innocent, yet so querying; as if the prince were seeking comfort. Vegeta made a small noise in his throat, somewhere between a purr and a sigh of contentment, and his slender fingers found their way across my bare chest to my hand where they unconsciously laced with mine.

I swallowed an unexpected rush of sorrow. I love him so much. I couldn't bear it if he actually left me; I don't think I'd survive it.

Eventually, the satin contact of the prince's skin and the thrum of his purring lulled me to sleep.

I dreamt again. Almost immediately, I threw my guard up and struggled to wake before the previous dream recurred; but this dream was different. It was clearer, sharper, I could think straight. I didn't recognize any of the scenery, but it wasn't important. What was important was the person standing across from me, half-hidden in shadow.

"ChiChi?" I whispered, hardly daring to believe it. The figure stepped into the light, proving my suspicions correct. ChiChi smiled, glowing with perfect health; a huge contrast from the gaunt, broken person whose hands I'd held as I promised to honor her dying wishes.

"Goku," she crooned, stepping towards me, her eyes bright. She hugged me around my shoulders and I breathed in her scent; almost whimpering, despite myself.

"This is a dream," I said sadly, meeting her soft onyx gaze with my own.

"Yes dear," she murmured, "But don't worry, it doesn't have to end yet."

I moved to hug her again, but she stopped me; so I settled for drinking in her appearance; noting that her hair was down for one of the first times that I'd seen, and that perched a few inches above her raven locks was the perfect ring of a pale, glowing halo.

I sniffled a little, "Even in my dreams, you're dead,"

ChiChi smiled tightly, "I'm sorry, there isn't anything you or I can do about that," she paused, "I have someone here to see you."

She stepped back into the shadows and I mourned her loss silently until she returned, leading a second, more reluctant person by the hand. The wan light glinted on ebony eyes, spikes of hair and a ginger tail.

"Vegeta?" I yelped. How did he… unless he…? But –

"No, Goku, he's not dead; don't worry. He's just visiting you here," ChiChi said soothingly.

"Is he real?" I mumbled, feeling foolish for asking.

"It's a dream, Goku. Who can say?" ChiChi smiled.

Vegeta watched me mutely for a few seconds.

"Kakarot-" he began, but ChiChi cut him off.

"I know about the two of you," she said carefully, letting go of Vegeta's hand, "That you're lovers,"

I blinked; no one had ever put it like that. I don't think I even considered using that word.

"Are you mad?" I asked slowly.

ChiChi laughed lightly, "Of course not, what's there to be mad about? I'm happy for you, Goku."

"But-"

"What? Did you think I expected you to stay alone your whole life? To be a lonely widower forever?"

I think I blushed or something, but it was a dream, so I'm not sure.

I sighed, "I'm sorry, ChiChi,"

"For what?" ChiChi and Vegeta asked at the same time.

"I didn't… I wasn't…I… I wish…" As usual, words failed me.

"Oh Goku," ChiChi whispered, wrapping her arms around my shoulders again, "You've grown up so much, but your heart's still a child's, isn't it? You don't have to be sorry for anything you've done or said. If anything, I should be sorry for leaving you alone," she shot a glance at Vegeta and smiled, "Though I guess you're not really alone, are you?"

I could barely believe it. This was the same woman who'd yelled and screeched and threatened horrendous torture by frying pan on almost a daily basis while alive. What had changed now that she was dead? It's a dream, remember? I reminded myself.

Vegeta cleared his throat, tail twitching.

"Woman, I'd appreciate it if you let my…. uh…" he struggled for the right word, "…partner… go,"

ChiChi laughed and released me. I let my gaze sweep over both of them; the two people I loved more than anything in the world, and I wished that I could somehow have both of them.

Then something occurred to me.

"ChiChi, do you know about Gohan? About how he's been acting?"

Her expression said it all.

"Yes. I'm sorry, but it's not his fault, Goku. He's not a bad person, he's just confused and frustrated…"

"Will he ever accept this?" I asked, dreading the answer.

ChiChi studied me hard for a long time, saying nothing.

"Only time will tell, no one can make him do anything; he has to choose for himself."

Vegeta muttered something in a semi-irritated grumble.

"What was that?" ChiChi smirked.

"I said if you wanted to talk to Kakarot about this rubbish why did you drag me along?"

"So Goku can see that you don't hate him,"

That shut Vegeta up. He stopped with his mouth half-open and stared for a good three seconds.

"I… I don't…" he rounded on me, almost snarling, "Kakarot, how could you possibly think I'd-?" then he saw my expression and stopped eyes widening as he took in my evident sorrow and pain.

Though he was protesting the other way; his voice, his eyes, and his words were almost exactly the same as when - in the other dream - he'd sneered and shouted at me for thinking we could possibly be together.

Vegeta took a single step towards me, his face a question mark; and I'm ashamed to say I flinched as if he'd tried to slap me.

"Kakarotto," his voice - so gentle, so hurt - and the fact that he'd used my formal name, made me look up, "I could never hate you, where on this miserable planet you call Earth did you possibly get that idea? Why are you suddenly afraid of me?"

I sighed. I had to say it one way or another; might as well do it in a dream where only he and my dead wife could hear.

"I don't want to lose you. I know someday you're just going to get tired of me, or snap out of whatever's possessing you to say and do all these nice things, or worse; I'll wake up and find out that none of this is real. In the dream I was more afraid of you walking away than of you yourself."

ChiChi's eyes were on me, there was something in them… jealousy?... Was she jealous of Vegeta, or me? Or both? And why?

Vegeta tried valiantly to laugh, but it came out like a cough.

"I'll never tire of you, Kakarot. I think I'd know if something was possessing me – and if it is, I welcome it and would kill it if it stopped possessing me – and if this wasn't real, why would I get just as much – or more – out of it as you do?"

I didn't really have a response for that.

"I used to think – back when we barely knew each other - that I only thought you were on my side because I was too in love with you to see straight; even if I didn't admit as much back then…" the prince went on, and I was amazed he was saying this much in front of ChiChi, "But now I know that I loved you so much because you were on my side. When no one else would, you stood by me. When everyone else wanted my head on a platter, all you asked for was a little kindness. That and your gorgeous ass basically sold you to me."

ChiChi hid a laugh behind her hand. I shot her a look, but I don't think a glare works quite as well when you're grinning like a fool and blushing.

"So, Kakarot. Be reassured that I have never hated you. I've only been too much of an egotistical, infatuated moron to admit how much I cared,"

I looked at ChiChi, she was smiling in a sad kind of way.

"I have to go now, the dream is over, Goku. At least you and Vegeta will have each other when you wake up, but until you join me in Otherworld, this is goodbye. I'm sorry."

I returned her smile and hugged her gently.

"Thanks, ChiChi. For everything,"

Then she faded away; as did Vegeta, but at least I'd get to see him when I awoke.

TBC