Thank you Kirabaros and Brelaina for your reviews. On a side note, I just started school this week so my updates will be slowing down a bit. Also, some watchers on DeviantArt are eager to see a comic version of this story. So, if you are interested, visit my profile for the link to my DeviantArt page. :D
As always, thank you Brelaina for being my awsome beta reader. ^_^
Ch. 14 Desires
"Who will enter the Fade?" The First Enchanter asked Violet once the lyrium was prepared for the ritual.
Violet didn't answer right away. She looked around the room. They were on the second floor of Redcliffe Castle in the main hallway right outside Arl Eamon's bedroom. The Circle mages had taken their places surrounding the unconscious Connor. The boy was lying in the middle of a symbol drawn from lyrium dust.
Wynne, Morrigan, and Jowan were watching her carefully, anxiously waiting for her decision.
"I need to think about it for a minute," she finally said.
Irving warned her not to take too long. She responded with a quick nod then walked over to the nervous Jowan. She nodded her head to indicate she wanted him to follow her and they walked over to the far corner of the room.
"I want to send you into the fade," she whispered. Jowan's eyes popped.
"What? You can't be serious?" he whimpered. His voice hitched a note. "Irving wouldn't allow that. No one would."
"I want you to redeem yourself. This may be your only chance to prove yourself to everyone; to repent," she said a more sternly.
Jowan sighed. "I… can't Violet. I'm a blood mage. I'm the one who poisoned the Arl. Even if they do agree, who is to say my mind is strong enough to withstand the demon? It would be better to send our strongest. You and your companions have proven time and again that you will be victorious. Me, I'd be lucky to be spared even if I saved Connor."
"I thought you wanted to help?" Violet could feel her anger rising. She was giving him an opportunity to redeem himself and he was throwing it away.
"I want to. I still do, but I'm not the one best suited for this task. We have one shot at this, that's it. We need our best and it isn't me." Jowan gulped before continuing. "It was always you. Even though I was at the Circle longer than you, you were still wiser; more focused and determined; headstrong and hardworking. Don't tell me you didn't think of me as a whiny and scared older brother at times?"
Violet frowned, but couldn't deny it. Jowan had lived at the Circle for six years before Violet finally arrived as a late-blooming ten-year-old. He was only a year older than her. Despite her late arrival, though, she managed to catch up to Jowan's class and surprisingly surpass him. It was not off of raw talent, though. She studied so hard that playing tricks on the Templars was her only release. Once the fun was over, she went straight back to her bedroom desk to study.
Jowan fidgeted then slowly placed his hands on her shoulders. "The truth is… the reason I started studying blood magic was to become more powerful. I was jealous of how strong you were getting and how fast you got there. I… I was selfish. I was selfish for convincing you to help me escape too. I betrayed you and all you have ever done was be my friend. I'm sorry. I… I can't face that demon; not when there's so much at stake. I'm not strong enough."
Violet's jaw tightened, but her anger was subsiding. Though she didn't like the idea of him being jealous, she couldn't blame him either. Now, she couldn't help but feel partially responsible. She wanted to fix it; fix everything, but she quickly realized it wasn't going to happen.
"If you don't go, they will have no reason to spare you, Jowan," she said softly then looked into his eyes. "I won't be able to help you."
Jowan started to rub her shoulders and gave another sad sigh. "I know. I'm willing to accept whatever fate they give me."
Violet nodded and bit her lip to stifle back tears, but then started to shake her head. "How did you manage to screw up so much?" she said with a scornful laugh.
His smile was hollow and full of regret. "I don't know…. Well, you better hurry and decide who is going into the Fade. Irving is waiting."
Violet nodded again, took one last look at her friend, then walked back to the group with him.
"Have you decided?" Irving asked again, eying Jowan.
"I will go," she said, trying to regain a confident demeanor.
"Very well, let us proceed." He motioned for Violet to stand beside the lyrium symbol. The mages began their ritual dance. Their bright auras surrounded their bodies and lit the lyrium dust on the ground. Connor's body began to glow. Then, Violet watched the scenes around her grow hazy; her head felt light and the haze turned to black.
The fade was just as hazy and dull as she remembered it. Her search for the demon that possessed Connor was not difficult. The route was simple and the terrain somewhat familiar. All she had to do was defeat the weak demons in her way and follow the portals. Within minutes she was staring down a floating purple figure in the middle of a clearing. She recognized this demon too. It was desire.
The demon smiled at Violet's approach.
"Very well. No more illusions. Now we meet face to face." The demon swayed and caressed her body. Her voice was soft and sultry. "You see my true form and stand in my domain. It is here that I am most powerful and yet I have no wish to engage your power. Nor should you be so eager to engage mine. Perhaps we should converse instead?"
Violet glared at her. "What could I possibly have to talk to you about?"
The demon smirked. "I am willing to free the boy and leave voluntarily. No fuss. No bloodshed, for a small price." The demon eyed Violet when she positioned her staff in a defensive stance. "In return, I can grant you any desire you wish."
"You won't get in my head, demon."
The demon chuckled and slowly moved forward. "Oh, but I already am." She raised her hand and Violet felt a surge of power rush throughout her body. She gasped as she started to glow.
"What is this?" Violet demanded. She was confused. Instead of feeling pain or weakness, she felt stronger and more alive.
"It's power. I could grant this to you. I know what happened with your parents." The demon shook her head. "Such a shame; if only you were stronger back then… Perhaps they would still be alive?"
"Shut up!" Violet seized this opportunity to release her newfound energy, but only her regular amount of power shot out of the staff.
The demon jumped back in time to dodge her attack. She huffed and glared at her, but a smile quickly returned to her lips. "So, it is not power you desire most." She straightened up and advanced toward Violet again. "No, you want something… forbidden," she hissed.
The demon licked her lips and her form started to change. Her fiery purple hair dulled to a dirty blonde, her physique muscled and thickened, and her smile changed to a familiar quirky grin.
Violet tensed more and more as she watched her change. Though she knew she had her normal strength back, she thought it was still being sucked out of her. She had rehearsed her attack over and over through the Fade, but for some reason she could no longer move or think. Her face flushed and she started to slowly step back.
Alistair chuckled. The sound purred in Violet's ears. It made her heart race. She had to snap out of it. It wasn't Alistair. It was a demon. She just saw her change, for Maker's sake!
"It is this human you desire, isn't it?" Alistair started to slowly remove his armor. His quirky grin was now confident and determined. "I can give him to you."
Violet shook her head. "N-no! Stay back!" she yelled and shot another electric bolt from her staff. This time the demon did not change or dodge. The lightning bold hit Alistair directly and he screamed before falling to his knees. Violet's body started shaking.
That isn't Alistair! I didn't hurt him! It's a demon! She must be destroyed!
"Oh, but you did hurt me my dear," Alistair said through gritted teeth and looked back up to Violet. "You cast me away, Violet. You won't let me love you."
She felt the blood drain from her face. Her head swirled. She took in a deep breath and shook her head hard to try to stay focused. "N-no," she said again softer. "He understands. He knows-"
"It doesn't mean it didn't hurt," Alistair quickly replied. His voice was soft and sad. His frown made Violet's chest ache. "But I can change that. We can start over. We can be together."
Violet bit her lip. She felt like she was going to topple over. So weak; she felt so weak.
"I- I am sorry for what I did to Alistair… but it is impossible. We both know this cannot be," she said, trying to regain her confidence.
"Just because I am a prince?" he asked and started to stand up. "This can be easily remedied."
The mage laughed skeptically and repositioned her staff. "Really? How?"
Alistair smiled and stepped up to her. He stood with his face only inches away from hers. "You can run away with me," he whispered. The color in Violet's face quickly returned. "I can make it happen; with the real Alistair in fact. All I ask is to have the boy years from now, when all this Blight business is long forgotten, and you have already fled with your love."
She flinched and stepped back. "N-no… NO!" Violet screamed and placed a hand on Alistair's chest. Electricity surged from her hand to Alistair's body. He wailed and his form flashed back and forth between him and the demon. The demon jumped back, full of rage.
"Very well, if it's a battle you want, then a battle you shall have!"
A cone of ice erupted from the demon's hands and stormed toward Violet. Violet set up a quick barrier to block the attack and it fell when the ice ceased. She let loose another bolt of lightning that struck the demon at her core.
The demon gave another scream. She growled and glared at Violet before she spread her arms and disappeared. Puffs of smoke surrounded the mage and multiple desire demons floated around her.
Which one…? Violet looked around frantically and focused on the one form that was solid instead of hazy. "There!" she yelled and cast a cone of ice. It froze the demon in its place and the illusions returned to smoke. "Die!" Her left hand erupted with a cone of lightning. The frozen body cracked and finally shattered. Pieces of the demon's body toppled and scattered across the Fade's floor.
Violet panted and stared at the heap. She growled and then started kicking and stomping on the demon's remains. "How-dare-you-get-in-my-head!" she screamed frantically and felt her eyes water.
She was still kicking when the world grew hazy and darkened.
Her eyes fluttered open to view the real world.
"Violet! Thank the Maker you're all right!" Jowan exclaimed and helped her sit up.
She took a deep breath and looked around the room. Everyone had a worried look on their face. She searched. Finally she saw the brooding figure of Alistair standing in the back of the room next to Zevran. He was looking away with his arms crossed. His face seemed flushed.
Her eyes furrowed in confusion. "What's wrong? Did I take too long or something?" she asked, turning toward Jowan.
He gulped and struggled to find the right words. "Um… you were screaming and thrashing. We were worried you were being tortured."
She looked at him sternly. "What was I screaming?"
Jowan fidgeted and started to avert his gaze nervously. "Um… you… you were…"
Zevran sighed softly as he made his way toward them and crouched down next to Jowan. Though he smiled his eyes seemed somewhat sad and sympathetic. "You were calling out for Alistair, my dear Warden. I imagine what you had to do was quite painful, but it seems you are just fine now. You truly are amazing."
She quickly turned her head toward Alistair again and was just about to say his name, but in that moment he turned and walked out of the hall and around the corner. "Alistair…" she finally said under her breath.
Zevran nodded. "It was not easy for him to watch you battle the demon alone," he said, leaning in to whisper just loud enough for Violet to hear him. "I imagine he felt quite hopeless. We all did."
Violet frowned and quickly got to her feet to run after Alistair.
"Alistair! Alistair!" she called after him. When she rounded the corner she saw him still trudging away with his head down and shoulders tense. "Alistair!" she called again and grabbed his arm. He finally halted, but would not turn around.
"Alistair… I'm sorry if I worried you," she said and eased her grip.
"You have nothing to apologize for," he said softly. "If anything, I should be thanking you. You put yourself in danger to save Connor when you didn't have to. I owed the Arl that much."
"It… wasn't just me. If it wasn't for the Circle Mages-" she began, but stopped when Alistair finally turned to face her. His eyes were red and watery. His face was still as flushed as she first saw it in the Hall.
"It was you. It was all you. And I could do nothing but watch as you screamed. You called for me, but I couldn't… do anything… again… it happened again…" Alistair dropped his head. Violet could sense he was struggling to fight back tears.
She stepped forward and held him. One arm wrapped around his back while the other held and stroked the back of his head. She hushed and tried to soothe him. "Alistair, I'm fine. It's okay."
He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "If I lost you… if I lost you again…"
Violet's heart fluttered. Her head spun. Their embrace felt so nice. It felt so right to be in his arms – to be the one to soothe him. She didn't want it to end. Yet, the blight managed to creep into her thoughts and Alistair's royal position gnawed at her brain.
She didn't know what to do. Violet knew she would have to let go eventually. Their embrace would have to end. However, as she was contemplating, Alistair decided to make the first move.
Soft… she thought in a daze. His lips are so soft….