Thank you YQ and DirtyVelvet for adding the story to your alerts and Asphell's Advocate for favoriting the story. Also, thank you Brelaina and Kirabaros for your reviews and a special thanks to Brelaina for also being my awsome beta reader.
For those who are interested, the comic version is underway with two pages already! XD The link to the comic can be found on "Ch. 1 Taken."
Enjoy! ^_^
Ch. 15 Advice
The kiss was short, but passionate. Alistair pulled back to find Violet in a daze. Her cheeks were flushed.
"I-I'm sorry," Alistair stuttered and pulled away slowly, watching her carefully. She made no effort to hold him there. He slipped easily out of her embrace. His heart hammered in his chest. At a loss for words, for fear of saying exactly the wrong thing and making the situation worse, he turned and continued to walk down the hallway.
Stupid, he began to curse inwardly. How could you be so stupid! She must think you're a fool! He gave an angry sigh.
He stopped when he reached the front gates to wait for the rest of the party to catch up. It felt like ages, but eventually his comrades approached and he turned to walk in silence back to camp.
The hike remained uneventful and carried an awkward aura – or so he perceived. He had no idea if the others knew of his embarrassing act and what they might have thought if they did. Nor did he have any intention of finding out.
However, as he was setting up his bedroll for the night, Zevran approached his tent.
"I take it, it did not go well?" he inquired with a smirk. Alistair flinched and turned around to find Zevran seated casually just outside the tent's entrance. He huffed and tensely started flattening his sheets.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said tersely. Zevran was the last person he wanted to talk about his situation with.
"Oh come now, surely you did not think I would not know about your little kiss?" he chuckled.
Alistair gave him a side-long look, but made no remark. He grabbed his pillow and started flattening it irritably.
"Personally, I think it makes for a very memorable first kiss," he continued. This made Alistair pause.
He turned his shoulder to finally give Zevran his full attention. "What do you mean, 'first kiss?"
Zevran's smile widened, obviously excited about knowing something about Violet that Alistair didn't. "You did not know? My friend, Violet is, as one might say, a virgin in all respects."
Alistair furrowed his eyebrows. "You mean… that…"
"-Was her first kiss," Zevran finished. His eyes gleamed.
"H-how do you know this?" Alistair stammered, more embarrassed and regretful than before.
"I do not need to inquire about such things, as I am a master at body language," he stated, matter-of-factually. "Yet, I did manage to catch sight of you two in time and asked Violet if she was feeling well once you were out of sight."
"What did she say?" Alistair asked, probably too quickly. He figured Zevran picked right up on his anxiety.
"She simply nodded, still in a daze-like state. Her cheeks were still flushed and she gently touched her lips. Of course, I inferred from that point that the kiss was her first, but I asked her just to be sure. She nodded again, but this time she looked at me, almost amazed and asked in the softest voice…"
Zevran waved his hand to encourage Alistair to move closer. Alistair hesitated, but he was overwhelmingly curious. When Alistair got near enough, Zevran leaned in to whisper into his ear. The distance between them dangerously tested his comfort zone, but Alistair held his ground anyway and braced himself.
Zevran whispered as softly as he could, "Are all lips so soft?"
Alistair's face reddened as he quickly jerked away. His whole body tensed and he could no longer look at the Antivan. Though he was somewhat glad to know that Violet was not angry at him and he took her inquiry as a compliment, it was embarrassing to hear it coming from Zevran.
That quickly changed when Zevran continued to say, "Of course, I volunteered my services by offering my lips for her to experiment on. 'Why not try mine and compare them?' I said."
"What!" Alistair yelled as he leaned forward to glare at him.
Zevran only chuckled and waved his hand for Alistair to calm down. "Do not worry, my friend, she politely declined. Though she did so hesitantly…" he muttered the last bit barely loud enough for Alistair to hear.
"She what!" Alistair yelled a little louder. "And why are you 'offering your lips'?" he sneered.
"The temptation was probably due to curiosity, but I would not blame her if there was something more to that. I am quite charming," he said with a proud smile, but casually continued. "In all honesty, Alistair, if you wish to woo her, now would be the opportune time. Her mind is jumbled, so she may end up doing something… irrational," he said, choosing his last word carefully; "Particularly to your benefit."
"Wait…" Alistair said, relaxing and looking at Zevran in slight confusion and skepticism. "Are… are you trying to help me?"
Zevran laughed. "Now, why would I do that? Given that I want the Warden for myself?" he said with a wink. "I am just saying, if I were you, I would go to Violet, while her mind is still swimming with emotion, and confess my inner-most desires for her – to melt that hardening heart. Then, I would attempt another kiss, slow and gentle this time, so that she is given the choice to return those feelings."
Alistair was unaware of how intently he was listening to Zevran's advice.
Zevran started getting back to his feet and peered into the entrance. "It is best not to wait too long. Either she will end up thinking it was a mistake and reject you, or…" Zevran paused to grin deviously, "I make the next move and she accepts me as her new lover."
"You - !" Alistair began to threaten him, but within moments Zevran had made his way back to the center of the camp to join the rest of the party. Alistair gave an irritated sigh, continued to glare at him from across camp for a few moments, then returned to setting up his bedding.
He didn't know what to think of the Antivan anymore. He knew he didn't like him, given he had tried to kill them once and was constantly trying to win Violet's heart, but he couldn't help but wonder if his rivalry was a façade and his own twisted way of helping him instead. In any event, he continued to contemplate his next move. He hated to admit it, but Zevran's advice was mighty tempting.
Several days passed in awkward silence between Alistair and Violet. He could not find the right time or words for their next conversation. Nor did he know if what he wanted was the right thing to pursue. He kept his distance, trailing behind the party as they traveled. He kept trying to convince himself that Violet already knew of his feelings because of his kiss and that all that was left was to take it a step further. What made him hesitate, though, was the fact that she rejected him earlier because of his status. So, why would she suddenly change her mind?
He looked at Leliana (who was conveniently walking alongside him) and decided it wouldn't hurt to get another person's opinion.
"So… you're a female, right?" he asked her, his voice somewhat hushed.
Leliana looked at him humorously. "I am?" she gasped. "That's news. When did that happen?" she teased.
For the love of Andraste, Alistair scolded himself and placed a hand on his forehead. He looked back to her apologetically and continued, "I just wanted some advice… What should I do if… if I think a woman is special and-"
"You want to woo her?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Here's a good tip: you shouldn't question her about her female-ness."
"All right, yes, good point," he said and looked away, embarrassed.
"Why do you ask? Do you think things will not resume naturally?"
"Why would they? Especially when I ask women if they're female?" he asked dejectedly.
"It adds to your charm, Alistair. You are a little… awkward. It is endearing." She smiled.
He looked at her skeptically. "So, I should be awkward? Didn't you just say I shouldn't do things like that?"
"Just be yourself. You do know how to do that, don't you?" she said.
"All right, forget I asked," he sighed. I'm hopeless…
After a few moments she said, "I heard about what happened between you two."
"What?" He looked at her, unaware of what exactly she was talking about for a second. "Oh…" he said in revelation, then said, slightly perturbed, "Did Zevran tell you?"
She snorted, "That assassin tried to make me kiss him 'in exchange for information.' So, no, Violet came to talk to me last night, actually."
This immediately intrigued him. "She did?" he asked curiously.
Leliana nodded. "Apparently, she had spoken to Wynne earlier asking for advice. She was wondering if it was all right for you two to be romantically involved."
Alistair gulped. "What did she say?" he asked nervously, taking a quick glance at Wynne.
"She gave her rational advice – that she had duties as a Grey Warden and romantic interests of any sort may cloud her judgment."
Alistair frowned. That was a perspective he had not thought of and yet another reason Violet shouldn't be with him. "Oh…" he said sadly.
Leliana smiled encouragingly and said, "But, when she came to see me, I told her that life is too short to be constantly worried about duty and darkspawn; that now-and-then she needed to do things for herself. There is happiness and beauty in this world and we should hold on and cherish every bit of it."
He couldn't help but smile. What she said was true and restored some of his motivation to talk to Violet.
"But, what do I say to her?" he asked. "We aren't even speaking to each other right now…"
Leliana thought for a bit then replied, "Start the conversation off with something quest-related – something of official business or anything completely unrelated to your situation."
Alistair mulled it over in silence. He knew they were questing for the Urn of Sacred Ashes and so were on their way to Denerim to see Brother Genetivi…
"That's it!" Alistair exclaimed excitedly, causing Leliana to jump a little. "Thank you Leliana!"
"You're welcome," she smiled.
I'll talk to her tonight; he affirmed and walked the rest of the way in high hopes.
The sun had set a few hours ago and the sky was quickly darkening from its purple haze.
Violet was lounging by the fireside perusing through a tome she found in the Circle. The flames lit her face and caused shadows to dance on her skin. Alistair was fidgeting in his seat, going back and forth between warming his hands and rubbing them together, and glancing back at her more often than he knew he should have.
Speak to her, Alistair, he thought repeatedly, trying to muster his courage. He looked up from the fire and noticed both Zevran and Leliana were looking at him – smiling. Zevran nodded his head towards Violet's direction and Leliana discretely waved her hand to encourage him forward. He shifted in his seat hesitantly and uncomfortably.
Go on, their eyes kept telling him.
He looked over at Violet who was too engrossed in her studies to notice them. One more glance at the rogues; yet another silent effort to encourage him, more pressing this time. He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. Maker's breath, why is this so hard?
"Here I go," he muttered and stood up to make his way over to her. He thought he heard Leliana squeal excitedly. "Um, Violet?" he asked, finally gaining the mage's attention.
"Oh," she said, looking up at him. "Yes?" she asked softly as she sat up.
Is she blushing? He wondered, observing her reddening cheeks.
"You know… maybe this isn't the best time to be thinking about this, but I have a question to ask you," he started, noticing how uncomfortable Violet was starting to get. I'm starting off wrong already… he thought worriedly.
"We will be heading to Denerim soon," he continued, trying to sound more official than nervous. "And when we're there I wonder if we might be able to… look someone up?"
Violet relaxed a little. "You have a friend outside the Grey Wardens?"
"The thing is, I have a sister," he said, now growing anxious with wondering if she would even accept his request. Although it was a tactic to start speaking with Violet again, he had planned on doing this a while back, but only remembered about it until his chat with Leliana.
"A half-sister," he continued. "I told you about my mother, right? That she was a servant at Redcliffe Castle, and she had a daughter… only, I never knew about her. I don't think she knew about me either. They kept my birth a secret, after all. But after I became a Grey Warden, I did some checking and… well, I found out she's still alive. In Denerim."
Violet smiled. "That's wonderful news," she said, genuinely excited. It made Alistair's heart flutter. How many days had passed without seeing that smile?
"She's the only real family I have left," he said with growing confidence. "The only family not also mixed up in the whole royal thing. I was just thinking that… maybe it's time I went to see her. With the Blight coming and everything I don't know if I will get another chance to see her. Maybe I can help her, warn her about the danger, I don't know."
"If you want to, we could try," she replied.
Alistair's excitement grew along with his feelings for Violet. Her care for others was a feature he admired. "Could we? I'd really appreciate that. If something happened to her and I never went to at least see her, I don't think I could forgive myself. Her name is Goldanna and I think she remarried and lives just outside the Alienage. If we're in the area, then… well, it's worth a look."
"Mhm," she said with a smile.
Okay, don't stop now, you can do it, he thought. He was just about to open his mouth when Violet's Mabari came bounding at them, barking loudly.
"What is it, Chocolate?" Violet asked playfully. "Did you find something?"
Chocolate barked excitedly and led Violet away from the fire.
Chocolate… Violet was hungry the day she reunited with the hound and she couldn't stop admiring his dark brown coat. It humored him immensely. But now… damn dog, he thought irritably.
A couple of groans sounded behind him. My thoughts exactly, he huffed.
Their meeting with Goldanna was… unexpected, to say the least. To say he was disappointed was an understatement as well. Although he didn't argue or hurt the girl for being a rude, gold-digging bitch, he was secretly amused and appreciative when Violet kept defending him and even volunteered to cut out her tongue.
What came out of Violet's mouth next probably surprised him the most, though.
"Everyone is out for themselves," she huffed, still fuming when they exited the house. "Maybe you should learn that."
Violet, the girl who put others before herself on so many occasions, was telling him to start being more… selfish? Was he hearing her correctly? Perhaps it was just the anger talking. He had to make sure.
Alistair stopped Violet as soon as they reached back at camp. "You know, I've been thinking…"
"What have you been thinking about?" Violet asked, somewhat concerned about his abruptness.
"Back when we left Goldanna's you told me to look out for myself more than I do. I'm beginning to think you were right. I need to stop letting everyone else make my decisions for me. I need to take a stand and think about myself for a change, or I'm never going to be happy."
"Don't let me influence you, Alistair," she said, a little worried. Caring about what I think, again, he thought happily. This was it. This was the advice he needed. How ironic it was coming from her.
"No, what you said made sense. You were right; I should be looking out for myself more." He paused. "Or did I not understand you?"
"No, but you don't have to do what I say," she said shyly.
He smiled. "I don't have to. I want to. I should have done this a long time ago. I just wanted to thank you. Being with you is the one bright spot out of everything else that's happened."
"I feel the same way," she admitted with a sweet smile.
His heart raced. There was no turning back and he didn't want to. "I know our situation and I've been thinking it over for days, but I've decided that it doesn't matter."
He stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He stared into her eyes and admired how they gleamed with – dare he call it – longing. "I care for you a great deal, Violet. That goes without question. But, do you think you could ever… feel the same way about me?"
He said it. He admitted it. His whole self lay on the line. Now all he needed was her reply. Maker, the silence was killing him.
"I… I already do," she said, her voice airy.
He beamed a handsome smile and pulled her closer. "And is it… too soon for this?" he whispered and slowly, gently placed his lips upon hers. She made no resistance. For a second, she just let it happen. Then, she wrapped her arms around him, squeezed him tight, and pressed her lips forward. He lightly held the back of her head and deepened his kiss. Traces of the new perfume she bought in the market filled his senses. It suited her perfectly. It was sweet and reminded him of honey; and her lips…
She's right… he thought dreamily, losing himself in the purity of the moment. They are soft.