A/N:Warning: This chapter includes content slightly NSFW. It's the first time I've written about this kind of "stuff" and I'm a little shy about it. XD Please review on how I can improve. :)

Thank you Kirabaros, kdarnell2, Brelaina, and failusnot for your reviews and story alerts! As always, thank you Brelaina for your awsome beta-reading.

Enjoy!

Ch. 19 Changes

Alistair dragged his feet along the dusty ground of the Deep Roads. His body felt heavy, yet light at the same time as if a mysterious force was pulling him deeper in. At first there was a faint ringing in his ears and then it grew louder and more melodic. A beautiful voice started singing and echoed off the cave walls. It was captivating. His head spun. He closed his eyes and let his feet drag him deeper and deeper along the road.

I see you… the sweet voice suddenly whispered. Alistair immediately felt a wave of anxiety overwhelm him and he jerked his eyes open. He gasped and jumped back as he realized he was literally a step away from falling into a dark abyss. His heart pounded and he looked around in confusion. The lovely voice grew raspy and more assertive. You will be mine…

Suddenly an eruption of flame blasted from the abyss accompanied by a thunderous roar that shook the tunnels and caused loose rocks to fall from the ceiling. It rang so loud Alistair had to cover his ears. He staggered backward in attempt to keep his balance. Seconds later, a gigantic dragon shot from the depths. The whirlwind knocked Alistair off his feet and landed him hard on his back. The dragon perched itself on the opposite side of the chasm and chuckled sinisterly. Its eyes locked onto Alistair's and it bore its sharp teeth before sounding off another roar that made Alistair's hair stand on end. It pounded his ear drums and caused the cave to violently shake again.

"NO!" Alistair flung himself upright from his bedroll. His body was shaking and dripping in sweat despite the crisp evening air back on the surface. His heart pounded so hard his chest ached.

"What in Andraste's name was that?" he gasped, still trying to catch his breath.

Then, he heard Violet scream in the adjacent tent. Oh no, he thought and quickly crawled out of his tent. He thrust open Violet's tent flaps, and called out to her. Violet was sitting up and holding herself. Her head was slumped forward and her breaths were harsh. She lifted her head and the fear he saw in her eyes made his heart skip.

"It… it saw us, didn't it?" she choked.

But before he could answer her a loud high-pitch screech sounded in the near distance. "Come on!" he urged and put out his hand to assist her out of the tent. It seemed impossible to stop themselves from shaking as they attempted to gauge where the darkspawn was coming from. Meanwhile, the rest of the party had woken and quickly readied their weapons.

"They're surrounding us," Alistair announced, able to pinpoint their advance faster than Violet.

Just as he turned to reach for his sword, a shriek lunged toward him and swiped at his chest. He was able to dodge and roll toward his tent. He grabbed his sword and shield and thrust it forward in time to block the shriek's next incoming attacks. He kicked its abdomen and sent it staggering backward for a couple seconds, allowing Alistair to jump to his feet and ready his fighting stance. The shriek was relentless in its swipes, but he kept blocking and swinging. He knew if he let his guard down too soon, the shriek would tear at his exposed chest. All he needed was a good opening and he could pierce it through or slice it in half. The creature was fast though; really fast. There were moments he felt like all he was doing was blocking. The battle sounded around him and he could hear multiple shrieks attacking his companions. He desperately wanted to check on Violet, but he couldn't avert his concentration away from the darkspawn currently engaging him. He could still feel her, though (be it because of the taint or not, he still wasn't sure how it worked), and he could make out her battle cries now and then over the chaos. It eased his worry a bit.

He side-stepped another swipe and found the shriek's back exposed to him. Eagerly, he seized the opportunity and hacked at its back with powerful swings. The creature let out an agonizing screech and toppled forward. Alistair quickly searched for Violet as the creature lay motionless in its pool of blood. Violet had just finished freezing two shrieks in a cone of ice so he ran toward them at full speed and sliced at the second one, shattering it into tiny pieces and then quickly twisted around to slash at the first. Both creatures' ice fragments flew into the air and shimmered in the moonlight around him as they landed around his feet.

As quickly as it began, the sounds of battle peaked and returned to silence. Only the concerned mutters and heavy breaths of his companions sounded over his own ragged huffs. Not even the crickets chirped to ease the tense atmosphere. It wasn't safe anywhere anymore.

Zevran and Leliana hurried to their tents to grab and stake traps around the camp while Wynne and Morrigan worked to cast protective barriers. Alistair looked over at Violet who was staring intently at the ground. Her mind seemed to be focused on another world.

"Violet," he said softly and placed his arm gently around her to gain her attention. She flinched and snapped her head up in alarm.

"Oh, Alistair," she gasped, snapping out of her thoughts.

"Are you okay?" he asked and squeezed her tighter.

She looked down and held herself again out of habit. Alistair waited for her reply. "It… knows," she finally said. "Those shrieks were sent for us, weren't they?"

He sighed and fully embraced her. "I… don't know, Violet. What I do know is that we have to be extra careful from now on." He felt her nod. She rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. He cradled her and stroked the back of her head.

She seemed so vulnerable at that moment and so small. It was then that he was rudely reminded that everything that they were going through had been thrust upon her. Violet was only 20 and spent half of her life confined within the Circle Tower. She was just discovering the very world she lived in, but at the same time forced to make decisions and attempt to convince armies to follow her command when called upon. Her knack for persuasion apparently convinced even him that she was equivalent to a veteran conqueror and knew exactly what she was doing. In reality, though, she was just as scared, confused, and unsure as he was.

He never wanted power. He never wanted to lead. And in that selfishness he forced that responsibility on Violet despite his seniority as a Grey Warden.

He was selfish and insensitive. Violet deserved someone who could stand beside her, not merely follow behind. She needed a partner, not a lackey. Sometimes – even now – she needed someone else to take control, rest her head, and help her stand again.

It was time he finally grew up.

He looked around and noticed the party just about finishing up their camp precautions and returning to bed.

"Violet," he whispered again. He felt her nod in response. "Come rest in my tent tonight so I can watch you. If you have nightmares again I'll be right there. Okay?"

There was a pause. Finally he felt her squeeze her arms tighter and felt another faint nod. He smiled and kissed the top of her head. "Let's try to get some sleep." She nodded again.

He eased her to the side and walked her back to his tent. She crawled inside and curled up under the covers. Alistair slipped under the covers with her and cradled her. Her back was pressed against his chest. She rested a hand on his arm.

He nuzzled his nose into her hair and held her tight. It was almost surprising how easily she fit in his arms. It felt so natural for her to be there; so comfy. How he was able to sleep all these years without her perplexed him now. And despite the unnerving events that night, they slept better than they had in ages.

They returned to Redcliffe where Eamon made a miraculous and speedy recovery and Alistair was once again forced to acknowledge his birthright. Violet listened carefully to Eamon's advice to place Alistair on the throne. He could tell she was searching for a way out – some alternative to their political predicament, but it all lead to the same conclusion. He couldn't help but protest at first. The idea of being king still gnawed at his stomach and made him feel nauseous. Eamon was right though, and Violet had searched for that alternative thoroughly. There seemed to be no other way.

Days passed. Weeks passed. Diligently, they continued their mission to recruit allies across Ferelden. He followed Violet dutifully and loyally and watched as she took the lead. He wondered if eventually he should take over to at least familiarize himself with some leadership skills, but during a playful conversation with Violet he quickly admitted that taking command would result in the group getting lost, killed, and Alistair possibly waking in the middle of nowhere without pants. No, there never seemed to be a good opportunity for him to step-up. At least for now, he fulfilled the duties of a subordinate and was contented to simply observe his leader.

With his newfound determination to observe and learn, he did run into a realization he hadn't noticed before. In almost every quest, village, and city they encountered, he not only saw the leadership strength of his love, but the inequality and bigotry popularly practiced within the nation. He learned that mages felt like they were trapped in cages and constantly scrutinized and feared for their powers. The Dalish were feared as well, but used that reputation to their advantage in order to distance themselves from human intrusion. The Alienage elves were being sold into slavery and treated like animals. No, they were treated worse than animals. Dogs were given more respect than them. And to his surprise, even the Prince of Orzammar challenged the dwarves' centuries-old caste system. It seemed the whole nation was searching for a way to change these conservative views.

All the while he watched Violet, took note of her decisions, and thrust his blade at any who dared to make a slur. She consistently sided with those that were being wrongfully oppressed. With each location she attempted to bring justice all while battling her own projected obscurity. It was odd how much fear she could instill in her enemies with just the reputation of being a powerful Grey Warden mage. Had she been a regular elven woman from the Alienage her threats would have been completely ineffective. It was ironic. Her greatest hindrances were her greatest weapons and she utilized them masterfully.

Still, he noticed how fragile her esteem was and how her confidence was merely an act of intimidation. It wasn't fair. His heart wretched every time he saw her beautiful face sulk from a snarky remark; how she constantly averted her eyes from crowds because of how they glared as she passed; and how vulnerable she sometimes looked as she clung to his arm while they perused the stores in Denerim.

It had to stop. It had to change. And he could make it so.

It was then he decided to be the best Maker-damned King Ferelden had ever seen.

For Ferelden.

For Violet.

The landsmeet was finally upon them. Their next journey was back to Denerim which was now only days away. The sky had darkened, the nights seemed unending, and more roads showed signs of battle and struggle from civil disputes to darkspawn attacks. Violet and Alistair could sense the darkspawn around them constantly and the physical destruction from their taint covered many of the nation's land.

Their camp was set up along a rocky mountainside a little off the main trail. The surrounding trees had lost its leaves and were starting to rot. The nearby stream had an ominous dark tint. After watching Chocolate sniff and recoil from the stench they decided not to trust it and instead rationed out the rest of their water supply.

Alistair looked down at the murky water. It was just as he feared their world would turn into. The liveliness and beauty of their home was being sucked dry and on the verge of decay. It would be difficult to restore the land back to full health.

Spring was drawing near, but it still felt like the harsh tails of winter. Birds hardly sang anymore; children never laughed; more and more there were either screaming or complete silence.

"Mmmm… Looks good, huh?" Violet sighed joining him at the water's edge.

He chuckled, amused by her sarcasm. "Oh yes. Care to join me in a fresh pint?"

She scrunched her nose and shook her head.

He looked at her and felt his heart race again. Out of the gloomy setting, she seemed to shine. He couldn't stop admiring her natural glow. Unable to control himself, he reached out and held her.

"Are you alright, Alistair?" she asked concerned.

He sighed. "I just can't stop thinking about how beautiful you are."

She smiled. "This atmosphere doesn't exactly warrant a tender moment."

"No," he corrected. "This place makes your beauty stand out more."

They smiled and kissed each other sweetly. Alistair pulled back and looked into her eyes. "I… I guess I really don't know how to ask you this…" he started to say. He could feel his face grow warm and his nerves jumping in his stomach.

"Ask me what?" she asked and brushed the side of his hair.

"Oh, how do I say this?" he huffed and looked around again. Ugliness; everything was ugly, gloomy, dark, and rotten. But when he turned back to Violet, his heart soared and his insides melted. "You'd think it would be easier, but every time I'm around you I feel like my head is about to explode. I can't think straight," he stammered and averted his eyes nervously.

"Well that's sweet," she said with an amused smile.

"Here's the thing…" he said, trying to regain his confidence. "Being near you makes me crazy, but I can't imagine being without you. Not… ever… I don't know how to say this another way… I… want to spend the night with you. Here, in the camp. Maybe this is too fast. I… don't know… but I know what I feel."

"Tonight? Here?" she asked, looking around again a little confused.

Alistair shifted shyly and thumbed her shoulder. "I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place, but when will it ever be perfect? If things were we would have never been reunited. We sort of just stumbled into each other. And despite this being the last perfect time, I still found myself falling for you; in between all the fighting and everything else.

"I don't want to wait anymore," he continued. "I've… never done this before… You… you know that." He looked longingly into her eyes again and placed a hand on her cheek. "I… want it to be with you… while we have the chance… in case-"

"Don't talk like that," she interrupted him and caressed him back. "There will be time later."

"Will there? You don't know that. I don't know that." He brushed her bangs from her eyes. "I… want to be able to say that I threw caution to the wind at least once."

She smiled timidly and looked back at the camp. Their companions were already settled and finished their precautionary rounds. Leliana and Zevran were chatting by the fireside with Chocolate. She looked back and nodded meekly.

"Yes… I'd like that," she whispered.

He breathed a sigh of relief and leaned in to kiss her. "So would I, my love."

Alistair marveled at every inch he uncovered. He caressed her arms and dainty hands. Her legs were toned, her cheeks smooth, and her lips soft. He wanted to be gentle, slow, and careful. Their faces were both extremely red and their movements were hesitant. Before they moved they looked at each other to silently give permission.

There were a couple nods and nervous laughs, but eventually they found themselves completely pressed against each other under the covers and kissing passionately. They glided their hands over as much skin as they could reach and ran their fingers through each other's hair. Their embrace was tight and their legs intertwined. The more they kissed the more they wanted to be closer, to feel one another, to give in and their whole selves up to the other. Alistair nibbled her ears, kissed her neck, and trailed along her body as not to miss a single inch. Their breaths grew ragged and the tent felt hot.

He slid back up and hovered over her, kissing her hungrily from their months of distance. He could feel their hearts beating in rhythmic unison. Alistair couldn't take it. He had to feel her and be closer to her than he had ever been with anyone. He silently begged with eager eyes. She nodded.

It was a completely new sensation that caught them both by surprise. They gasped and held each other tightly. He quickly looked back at her to see if she was alright. To his delight Violet grabbed him and kissed him fervently. She was okay – more than okay.

He continued to rock, slowly at first, getting used to the new motion. A couple stifled moans escaped Violet's lips and she buried her face in his chest to quiet herself. They didn't want to make too much noise and were still embarrassed that their companions were in such close proximity. Gradually he gained speed and momentum. His body tingled and they were drenched in sweat. The tingling was growing more and more prominent. He couldn't stop himself. He didn't want to stop.

He cried out Violet's name and kissed her with as much passion as he could display. Alistair wanted to show her just how much he loved her. A few more thrusts and Violet pulled her head back, forcing back a loud moan. She tightened her legs around him and he could feel her pulse with ecstasy. It made him gasp and his head spin. His face was flushed and his legs were shaking. He could feel her get tighter, squeezing him, begging for his release.

She wanted it. He wanted it. He wanted to give himself to the fullest extent.

"Alistair," she whimpered between pants.

That was it. His heart, his whole body fluttered, tingled, and he finally released. The rush he felt was better than he had ever imagined. It was so intense that his arms and legs could barely continue to support his weight.

A few moments later he gently laid on top her, kissed her cheek, and took in her scent. They panted, exhausted by the exertion and unable to do more than continue to peck little kisses here and there.

"I love you," he whispered, still in awe and blissfully happy.

"I love you," she replied breathlessly.

Neither wanted to move for fear of reality forcing them to separate and move along their quest again. For now, they took in the moment, their moment, for as long as they could.