Bruce (With a guest appearance by Nick Fury)
It was a typical early afternoon at the Avengers mad house. Steve was finishing his Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sandwich from Subway when an excited Bruce and Tony came rushing in, acting far too giddy for a couple of scientists.
"I think we finally have it, Steve." Tony headed for the bar to pour himself a celebratory scotch. "Loki repellent. The next time the little shit shows up unannounced, he'll be in for a surprise. His all-access pass has been revoked."
Steve had his doubts that they would ever be able to bar the Trickster from their residence, but he wisely kept it to himself. "That would be great. If I'd known you guys were coming up for air, I would have gotten your usual order from Subway. Last time I interrupted you making science, Tony threw a wrench at me, then a screwdriver and part of a robot."
Bruce laughed and headed off for a shower and change of clothes. He felt like getting out for a while. Maybe going to a real restaurant, one with actual silverware in place of plastic, real plates instead of paper and snooty waitpersons instead of surly pimply adolescent fast food workers.
Tony had just finished his scotch, when JARVIS interrupted his perusal of the various take out / delivery menus stacked in a box on the kitchen counter.
"Excuse me sir, but Director Fury is on his way up. He seems to be rather worked up about something."
"Fury is always pissed off about something. It's his natural state."
Fury was moving before the elevator doors were open. He had a iPad in his left hand. "We've got a situation at the Mall of America. The Hulk is there. He hasn't smashed anything yet, though he did punch Spongebob Squarepants. As you might expect, the public is kinda upset. I need a response team, see if you can calm him back down to Banner size."
"Well, that would leave me out, since I'm more of an aggravator. Besides, Bruce is here. We've been working on Loki repellent, and he's gone to change clothes. So, he's not at the MOA."
"Then why in the hell am I being sent video of him?" Fury showed them the video on his iPad.
"Black capris with thin gold stripes? Bruce? I don't think so. That pretty much screams Loki." Steve nodded. "The Hulk is green, and green, black and gold are kinda Loki's signature colors."
"Son of a bitch. Mother fucking megalomaniacal glow stick waving psychopathic brat with fucking daddy issues. Why is he on my planet?"
"I don't know the answer to that sir, but he seems content with just making mischief." Fury turned his one eye of balefulness on Steve and the latter regretted having spoken. Bruce walked in and took a look at the iPad.
"Huh. Gold and black capris? Must be Loki. I prefer purple. What's he doing?"
"Taking years off of my damn life that I don't have to spare." Fury rubbed his temples.
"I don't see him anymore, so I guess he teleported. Gotta hand it to him. That was a good likeness he pulled off."
Fury simply stared at Bruce for several seconds, then turned and left.
"Well, that was fun, wasn't it." Tony went back to looking at the menus and Bruce headed to the elevator. Fury's eyepatch made him think of pirates and pirates made him think of seafood, so he took out his Android to check for nearbys seafood restaurants.
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It was now an atypical early evening at the Avenger's madhouse. The only one present was Bruce, who was sitting on the sofa working soduku puzzles, while "March of the Penguins" played on the tv. There was a slight pop, a flash of green, then Loki joined him on the sofa.
Bruce looked up from his soduku puzzle. "Damn. That's very disappointing."
Loki gave Bruce a puzzled look. "What is disappointing?"
"The fact that you are here sitting on the sofa." Loki continued to look puzzled, "Tony and I have been working on Loki-proofing the place. We thought we had it, but I guess not."
Loki snorted. "Indeed. I feel as if I should be insulted, but I'm famished, and all I can manage at present is a haughty snort of derision." Loki produced a paper bag and removed a Reuben sandwich and a bottle of Diet Pepsi. Loki took a bite of the enormous sandwich and smiled in pure bliss. "Everyone's always talking about the Carnegie Deli, but nothing beats a Reuben from Katz's."
Bruce shook his head, bemused by the thought that there was a Norse god sitting on the sofa eating takeout from a Jewish deli and it seemed normal. "Fury dropped by earlier, it seems he thought I was terrorizing toddlers and their parents at the Mall of America. Nice performance, by the way. I wish you hadn't punched Spongebob, though."
"That monstrosity was either hugging or sham humping my leg, I couldn't tell for sure. But I'd had enough. I thought the gold and black capris would be a dead giveaway. For someone who heads an intelligence agency, Fury is depressingly dull at times." Loki frowned at the tv, then picked up the remote and changed channels. Bruce then frowned at Loki.
"Excuse me, but I'm watching that."
"No you aren't, you're working sudoku puzzles. Besides, it's a movie about penguins. The only things more boring than penguins are sloths."
"I am multitasking." Bruce picked up the remote and switched back to the penguins.
"I have no idea what that means."
"It means I am doing more than one thing at a time. In this case I am watching the penguin movie and doing sudoku puzzles."
"Well, I want to watch something else." Loki snatched the remote from Bruce's hand and channel surfed until he came across 'The Big Bang Theory'. "Yes. This will do nicely. I do enjoy Sheldon."
"That doesn't surprise me. I will give you one more chance. Put the penguin movie back on before I get angry." Bruce looked Loki directly in the eyes and Loki could see Bruce's irises becoming more green, and there was a green tint around the eyes. He put the penguin movie back on, took his sandwich and went to sit at the kitchen table.
"Thank you."
Loki responded with an obscene gesture.
Once he finished his sandwich, Loki teleported to Bruce's room. He tried to think of something he could do in revenge that wouldn't be too terribly destructive. Thor had made it painfully clear that he wasn't going to tolerate any more tantrums, which was such a shame, since Loki was so good at them. He sighed. He settled for changing all of Bruce's briefs to thongs, his wardrobe to green, gold and black, the bed sheets to emerald green with his signature helmet embroidered on them, and placed a framed nude portrait of himself on the wall that was signed 'XXXOOO Loki' (he put a spell on it so it couldn't be removed nor could it be altered). If Banner Hulked out and destroyed his room, well, it wasn't Loki's fault that he couldn't take a joke.
Bruce to his credit and control, took it all in stride. Natasha actually offered to change out rooms with him, not that the naked portrait of Loki had anything to do with it, of course. Bruce declined, though he did rearrange his furnishings so that the portrait wasn't across from the bed. And he had to replace his clothing and bedsheets. But considering what Loki was capable of, it could have been much worse.