FURY (Special appearances by Frigga and Odin)

Nick Fury was indulging himself with a rare lunch out at his favorite steak house, The Strip House Grill. A 16oz NY Strip, washed down with a glass or two of Malbec red wine, a Bodega Catena Zapata. He was as close to mellow as he would ever get. So, it was inevitable that something, or in this case, someone would kill his buzz. He had taken the last sips of his wine and he was about to leave when he heard it. The unmistakeable cultured voice of one Loki Laufeyson Odinson. Oh hell no. The universe fucking had it in for him. He headed towards the voice.

Loki was holding court. There was a plate with crisped Scottish salmon in front of him along with a bottle of Sineann Oregon Pinot Noir and admirers on all sides. A woman with the look of a publicist sat across from him. Fury stood there just glaring at him until Loki deigned to notice his existence.

"Nicholas." Loki smirked. Damn him.

"Real Power. Ever get your magazine?" Fury thought he saw a flash in Loki's green eyes.

"Better. I've been photographed and interviewed in a few." There were murmurs of approval from Loki's admirers.

"Yeah. I've heard. You're a popular pin up in all the best maximum security prisons." Another flash.

Loki shrugged. "They probably put me next to pictures of Captain America in that tight spandex uniform. As much as I hate to admit it, he has a nice ass, possibly superior to my own. It's a shame no one has pounded that glorious ass yet. He's not my type, though." Loki smirked again.

Damn smirking son of a bitch. "Really? Word on the street is you have no type. Hell. Your own brother calls you The Whore of the Nine Realms."

Loki raised his eyebrows. "I do have some standards." Loki looked him up and down. "Take you for example. While I love the coat, I'm not sure about the rest of the package. Not to offend, but for us to have sex, I'd have to be very drunk and it would have to be very dark."

Fury snorted. "Not to offend, but you're not exactly my idea of a wet dream either. More like a nightmare."

"You flatter me Nicholas. You bore me as well, so why don't you run along and go play den mother."

Fury snorted. "I'll be a lot happier when you get off my damn planet and become Daddy's problem again."

Loki responded with yet another smirk and a cheery wave as Fury left. But underneath it all, he was royally pissed.

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Damn Fury. Damn irritating cyclops with delusions of bad assery. Loki would show him bad assery. He wrote the fucking book on it. He was bad ass when Fury was still shitting in his diapers. But right now, he was going to raid Jane's refrigerator for ice cream. It was just what he needed to restore his good humor. Loki popped into the kitchen. Everything seemed quiet, which suited him just fine, thank you very much. Muttering profanities under his breath in Old Norse, he opened the freezer compartment. There were the expected pints of Ben & Jerry's - Cherry Garcia, Mint Chocolate Cookie and Mud Pie. And a few of those over-priced Magnum ice cream bars. Decisions, decisions. He grabbed the pint of Mud Pie and closed the freezer door. He turned around and his eyes widened, while his eyebrows threatened to crawl up past his hairline. "Mother?"

Frigga stood there, dressed in her Asgardian robes, her arms crossed. "Loki."

"Not that this isn't a pleasant surprise, but why are you here?" Loki opened a drawer and took out a spoon, paused for a second, then grabbed a bowl from the dish rack. Yes he was an adult and yes he did what he wanted, but it was best not to let his mother see him eat directly from the carton. It was bound to lead to a tedious lecture on manners.

"I could ask the same of you."

Loki nodded his head in agreement, "I often stop by when I am in the area and feeling peckish." A thought came to him. "How did you find me?" Before Frigga could answer him, Loki reached his own conclusion. "Heimdall." Frigga nodded. "That still doesn't answer the question of why."

"Your father requests your assistance on a diplomatic matter of some importance."

An elegant eyebrow rose, and Loki allowed himself a miniscule smirk. "Does he?"

"Do you spend hours practicing that look in front of a mirror?" Frigga shook her head. "When your father requests, he commands, as you well know."

Loki snorted. How well he knew. "If I refuse, I assume you will drag me back to Asgard by the ear like some sort of recalcitrant child?"

"Of course not. I would never humiliate you in such a fashion." Frigga smiled. "If you refuse, your father will come for you."

The very thought caused a shiver of dread to run down Loki's spine. "I would much rather that he not." Loki sighed. "Very well. There are prior commitments I will have to cancel or reschedule. It shouldn't take long." Loki took out his cell phone and began making calls, while Frigga sampled one of the Magnum bars.

Feeling rather put upon and disgruntled, Loki finished off the carton of Mud Pie. It didn't help as much as he had hoped and he was still having a sulk when they arrived at Asgard.

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Loki stood in front of the All-Father in the Great Hall, his arms crossed, his chin raised. Odin stared him down from his throne, until Loki bent his head in respect. Odin grunted in satisfaction.

Loki raised his head once more. "I was told there was a diplomatic matter of some urgency."

"Did I give you leave to speak, boy?" Odin raised his left eyebrow.

"No." Loki hated this, he absolutely hated this. "I ask the All-Father's forgiveness."

"And I grant it." Odin sighed. "There will be a diplomatic emissary from Nidavellir arriving within a few days. I require your assistance. You may speak now."

"A dwarf? You want me to meet with a dwarf? That race holds nothing but ill feelings towards me."

"Dwarves, actually. He will have others with him. And yes, I do. In fact, I shall insist that they meet with you and you alone. I will tell them that you have my full confidence to negotiate on behalf of Asgard."

Loki could have sworn that his adoptive father just smirked. It must have been a trick of the light. "They will be most unhappy."

"I'm counting on it. Negotiations will be blessedly short. In fact, if they are disgruntled enough, they may decide that they have no true grievances to discuss, as I suspect, and return home immediately."

Loki could not help the chuckle that escaped. "You are truly a wise and crafty ruler."

"It would serve you well to remember that. We will meet on the morrow to discuss this further. Your mother and I will expect your presence when we break fast."

"I have your permission to take my leave, then?"

Odin waved his hand dismissively. "Go. I'm sure you want to check out the new additions to the library."

Loki left, his mood significantly lightened. This might indeed prove an entertaining visit home. Tormenting dwarves was always fun.