A/N: Alright, so it's my fault that it's late this time! I would like to thank my beta Amethyst Asheryn for never failing to humor me and betaing of course. Please enjoy and review! ^^

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya.

Warnings: SWEARING AU OOC. So please if you don't like, then don't read. Do not complain that they are OOC, because I warned you TWICE.

Rages

Chapter 5: Past Tense

Running
Running
Blood everywhere
Knife in hand
Blood on hands
Smile on face

'Who is this man?'

(***)

Ivan awoke to pounding on his bedroom door. His breathing was ragged and hectic. He could feel sweat cooling on his skin. He looked around to see his sheets in a mess, his pillow ripped and a shattered lamp on the floor.

"What the...?"

The pounding came again followed by a female voice. "Ivan!" she shouted. "Ivan, open up!"

Said man sighed and rolled out of bed, on the opposite side to avoid bits of lamp embedding themselves in his feet. He slowly trudged to the door and pulled it open to find a worried blonde woman on the other side.

"Yes Natalia?" he sighed.

Her tone was concerned. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"You were screaming bloody murder in your sleep. You scared me half to death. I...I-" she paused, searching for the right words.

"Natalia, I'm fine," Ivan said, though he was reassuring himself more than his sister. "What time is it?"

"Half past noon," she replied.

"It's Saturday, right?" he raked a hand through his already messy hair. She nodded a 'yes' in reply. Ivan turned to look at the lamp. "I guess that needs to be cleaned up."

Natalia was not going to let the subject be changed. "Ivan you need help! This happened when we were growing up too!"

"I said I'm fine," he growled.

"No you're not! Why do you think our parents got divorced?" she yelled.

"It wasn't my fault. Mom told me, she told me," he said with a shaky voice.

"It's all your fault. If you weren't so messed up, we'd still be a family!" Natalia released all of her hurt on him. "Why do you think Yekatrina avoids you?"

"Because she's always busy," he reassured himself. "Why are you here?"

"Why?" she scoffed. "It's because I care about you. I love you Ivan."

"Why do you always say things like that?" he asked.

"Why won't you say it back?"

"Because it means more to you than just sibling love," he said as he walked to a closet to pull out a broom and dustpan. "Here." He handed her a trash bag. "Help me clean this up."

Taking the trash bag she said, "So what? It's not wrong. I mean you're adopted, so we're not related by blood."

"I don't care!" he shouted. "It's gross, you're gross and I'm not straight!"

"You're what...?" She was taken aback. This was the first time she had heard this.

"I-I no, I didn't say that," he quickly corrected himself. "Just help me clean this up." He nervously started sweeping the shards into the pan. He had never told anyone that, never. Not in his twenty-seven years had he voiced his sexual orientation.

Natalia opened her mouth to say something, but she had lost her voice. She was gawking at her brother. 'No way,' she thought. 'No way had he just said that.' Finally her voice appeared, "What now?"

"Please just forget I said that," Ivan mumbled.

"No I won't," she said with confidence. "Ivan, you know you can talk to me about this. I can help you."

"Help me?" he stopped sweeping the shards to look at her.

"Yes, help," she smiled.

"Shut up Natalia, I don't want to hear another word." His voice had become commanding. "If you feel the need to help me with something, you'll clean this mess up while I'm gone."

He shoved her out the door and slammed it shut. Groaning in frustration, he decided that a shower would be a good idea to clear his mind.

He walked to his bathroom, the tile cold on his bare feet, turned on the water and waited for it to warm up. He took off his pajama bottoms and tossed them into the hamper. Testing the water for its warmth, he stepped in. His tense shoulders relaxed as the water fell on him. He sighed and grabbed soap to lather himself. Every time he was stressed or mad, he took a shower to calm himself. There was always something about water that soothed him. After washing his hair, he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel to dry off.

Ivan walked out the bathroom door with the towel wrapped firmly around his waist. He wandered over to his closet and picked out a light grey sweater with a white undershirt and black slacks. Removing the towel from his waist he dried his hair. After drying off, he put the clothes on he had picked out. Ready for the day, he plucked his cell phone from its charger and dialed Gilbert's number.

"Hallo?" the German's sleep-filled voice answered.

"Hey Gilbert, its Ivan," he said in a cheery tone.

"Mmmm...hi," he mumbled.

"Would you like to have a late lunch with me, say two or three?"

There was silence on the end and then ruffling of sheets. "Sure. Yeah, three works for me. I'll be ready by then," Gilbert said in a rush.

"All right. I'll be by to pick you up at..." Ivan paused to look at the time, it was almost two. "I'll pick you up around two thirty. Does that work?"

"Yeah! I'll be ready by then," Gilbert said.

"I'll see you then," Ivan smiled and hung up the phone. He put his wallet and phone into the pockets of his pants. He walked out of the bedroom and yelled to Natalia that he was going out and wanted the lamp cleaned up. In return, Natalia used her colorful language to show her enthusiasm. Ivan walked over to a closet to retrieve a pair of black loafers. Pulling the shoes on he walked over to the couch and flipped on the television.

(***)

'Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!' Gilbert thought as he jumped out of bed. He rushed across the hallway to the bathroom he shared with his brother. Quickly turning on the water, he waited for it to warm. He stripped off his boxers and hopped in. Grabbing the soap and squeezing it into his hands, he washed his body. He then picked up the shampoo to wash his ash grey hair, looking shades darker from the water. The water splashed on his face, fully awakening him. He reached for the knob and shut the water off. He grabbed a towel as he exited the shower. Drying himself off as he walked across the hall to his room, he stopped in front of his closet. Pulling the drawer open, he picked out a navy blue V-neck shirt and dark forest green skinny jeans. He changed into his clothes and walked out to sit on the couch with Ludwig.

"What are you doing today?" Ludwig casually asked.

"Ivan asked me to lunch."

"I thought you were mad at him," the younger German joked.

"I was..." Gilbert paused. "But I guess it's hard to stay mad at him."

"Do you plan on starting a relationship with him?" Ludwig asked unexpectedly.

Gilbert stared at the ground. "I...I don't know," he mumbled.

"Well you seem to like him," Ludwig crossed his ankles. "But you're too secretive, same goes for Ivan. I've known him for years, but I still don't know everything."

"I think that when I tell him about my past, if he takes it bad, then that'll be my answer," he continued to mumble.

"He's very understanding."

"I know, but we're so closed off from one another. A relationship can't be built from secrets," Gilbert sighed.

"Then talk to him after lunch," Ludwig suggested. He glanced over to the clock. "When will he be here?"

"Ahh...ten or so minutes."

Ludwig nodded and turned to watch the television again. After waiting the little bit of time, there was a knock at the door. Gilbert went to answer it.

"Hey Ivan," he smiled.

"Gilbert," Ivan greeted.

"Wait up, I need to grab my shoes." Gilbert turned to pick up his worn out combat boots; he loved them. Pulling the boots on, he headed out the door with Ivan. "Did you get a new car?"

"No, I just hardly drive this one," he smiled.

"I like it," Gilbert smiled, eyeing the sleek black Audi TT Coupe. "You should drive it more often."

"That can be arranged." Ivan opened the driver's side door and sat down on the leather seat. Gilbert followed suit.

"How come you don't drive it much?" the German asked curiously.

"No need to really," Ivan put the key into the ignition and the engine hummed to life. "Is there a place you wanted to go?"

"Not really, but Italian sounds good," he smiled.

"I know a good place," Ivan pulled out of the driveway and headed to his favorite Italian restaurant. They drove in silence, the radio quietly playing in the background. Gilbert stared out the window watching the various cars and buildings pass by. The car had pulled into a parking lot and stopped. Ivan shut the engine off and stepped out of the car. Gilbert unbuckled his seatbelt and hurried to the waiting Russian. They walked to the door, which was opened by a waiter who welcomed them in.

"How many?" the man at the podium asked.

"A table for two please," Ivan replied. The man nodded and led the two to a small two-person table off to the side. The man set down the menus and walked away as they sat down.

"Are you still mad at me?" Ivan casually asked.

Gilbert glanced up from the menu to look at Ivan. "No," he simply stated.

"That's good," Ivan smiled, but something was off about his smile. Gilbert had noticed.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" came the confused response.

"Something happened to you, I can tell." Gilbert stared into the man's violet eyes. "It's clearly bothering you."

"It's nothing."

"It's always nothing," Gilbert said, annoyed.

"Why won't you let it go?" Ivan challenged.

"Because I give a shit, is that so hard to understand?" the German nearly shouted.

"Gilbert," his hardened violet eyes began to soften. Ivan was about to say something more, but the waiter came and interrupted.

"Good evening. My name is Siegfried. I will be your waiter today. What can I get you gentlemen to drink?" the waiter, Siegfried, looked at Ivan and smiled. "Mr. Braginski, It's been a while since you last came. How have you been?"

"I've been good, thank you. How about you?" he smiled back.

"Good, thank you. Now what can I get you two to drink?" he asked again.

"Raspberry lemonade," Ivan said. The waiter turned to Gilbert.

"Just water," the waiter nodded and headed off to get their drinks. Gilbert sat intently staring at the table. "Hey Ivan, could we go to a park after?"

"We can, why?"

"I just want to chat," the German stated. Ivan nodded and a silence settled upon them.

Ivan sighed and raked a hand through his hair. Gilbert started to look awkwardly around the restaurant. The waiter returned and dropped off their drinks, taking their meal order as well.

"Gilbert," Ivan broke the ongoing silence, "If you didn't want to come, you didn't have too."

"What? Oh no. I...it's just that I was thinking about-" Gilbert started before being rudely interrupted.

"Oh Ivan, I didn't know you'd be here!" A woman had shouted. Gilbert looked at Ivan, whose eyes were bulging out of his head.

"Shit," he swore under his breath.

'Just what I needed.'

~end chapter~

A/N: Thanks for reading and sorry for the delay! Please remember to review! ^^ See you in chapter six! Sorry, there will be no preview this week!