Hate is all I know
A Twilight Saga fan fiction
By NERRD-VampireLoverXxx
Disclaimer:
Stephanie Meyer owns all rights to the characters use in this story.
I own none of these.
It will all be in BPOV
Chapter 4 – Confusion
I lie awake for hours that night thinking about Edward Cullen; trying to figure out my feelings and thoughts.
Why did I feel relieved that he hadn't taken advantage of me? That I had found a good quality in him?
Why did I enjoy that kiss so much when I hated him? Did I hate him?
All these questions were just going round and round my head, I couldn't sleep so I went and sat outside watching the moon. I had no idea why I was thinking about Edward; I didn't even like him like that. I was so confused about what I felt for him and why I felt like that for him.
I shouldn't like him he's a player, he'll hurt me dreadfully, and I couldn't trust him. But he didn't take advantage of me when I was drunk and he even pulled away when I kissed him because he wanted me to be sober when he kissed me, he was handsome and he brought me home in the taxi when he could have just dumped me in one and given the man my address before going to pick up some girl for the night.
I closed my eyes and took deep breaths trying to calm myself down and get my thoughts into line.
This was dangerous, I couldn't fall in love with Edward Cullen because if I did I had the potential to get hurt badly and I couldn't live through that again. I'll just carry on with my plan and ignore my feelings it shouldn't be too hard.
Don't be stupid, my heart shouted, you know you'll never ignore your own feelings.
Shut up, I told my heart, I can ignore my own feelings I control them and if I don't ignore them life gets dangerous.
I dragged myself back to bed and put on some calming music and just lay there, after about five minutes I could feel myself drifting into a peaceful sleep.
I woke the next morning feeling tired after staying up so late, I padded downstairs in my pyjamas to grab a coffee when the phone started ringing. I rushed up stairs again to get it before they rang off.
"Hello Isabella Swan speaking how can I help you?"
"Why are you so formal Isabella?" I heard the beautiful voice of Edward Cullen ask; I don't understand how did he get my number? I didn't give it to him.
"Edward, how are you?" I breathed shocked at my own kindness to him when I was supposed to hate him.
"I was phoning to ask you the same question; you must be able to read my mind." He chuckled and I felt my legs melt at the sound; I sank on to my bed.
"What?" I said confused,
"How's your head? I imagine you must have a killer hangover after all those cocktails last night. I didn't know you could drink so much!" He sounded really concerned and yet impressed and proud of me in a way, I felt my heart melt slightly at his obvious concern at how I must be feeling.
"Oh yeah it hurts like hell, I think I might spend a day in bed until it wears off." I mumbled feeling suddenly guilty about lying to him about the fact that I wasn't drunk last night.
"Oh you poor thing, I think something will happen to brighten your day." He replied mysteriously, was he planning something? Or did he just think that something nice might happen to me because I was feeling terrible? I shook my head I really must stop thinking it hurt my head too much, and because of it I had just missed what Edward had said.
"Isabella are you even listening to me?" He asked sounding incredulous and slightly amused.
"Sorry I must have zoned out for minute there, what were you saying?" I apologised blushing even though he couldn't see me.
"Well I know you can't not think of me all the time you really should pay attention when someone is talking to you."He scolded me, and just like that he had gone from sweet and caring to an arrogant jerk who assumed that everyone thought about them all the time. Okay so I was thinking about him but it wasn't in the way he wanted and I wasn't about to tell him that.
"Well maybe if someone didn't talk cryptically and gave me a headache trying to think about what they meant I would listen to you more!" I snapped losing my patience with him; the conversation had started out so nice and yet with a couple of words had turned awkward.
"Oh well I'm sorry but it's not my fault that you have hangover and I wasn't speaking cryptically I was being philosophical which is entirely different." He argued back, it made me even angrier that he tried and blamed me for drinking that much drink.
"Are you blaming me for drinking that much alcohol?" I asked seething; the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
"How could it have been anyone else's fault? The waiter didn't force it down your throat and I didn't spike it!"
"I wouldn't have been surprised if you had! It seems to suit your character to a tee Edward; maybe I wouldn't have drunk so much if I wasn't on a date with the most disagreeable person in the world!"
There was silence from his end of the phone.
"Goodbye Isabella." Came his cold, clipped reply and then I just heard the dialling tone in my ear before slamming the phone down and storming downstairs to my now cold cup of coffee. I made up a fresh cup before firing up my computer and going on to a blank word document, my fingers flew over the keys as I let out all my feelings and what I had done and what I felt.
It was half an hour later when I had finished and I went to get my breakfast, I planned to spend the entire day doing nothing except catching up on the sleep Edward Cullen had deprived me from, and I hoped he choked on his morning coffee. I would be happy if I never saw him again in my entire life; as far as I was concerned he no longer existed.
It had been a week and two days since Edward Cullen and I had had an argument, I had focused on my work again and was getting ready to go out tonight to the hospital charity ball at the ballroom at the fancy hotel around the corner. My lilac dress had been made and I was very happy with it; it fitted perfectly and I looked fantastic even if I did say so myself, I wasn't taking a date tonight since my dad had to work and the only man that I could have taken was Edward and I was so over him. Well that was what I was telling myself anyway...
I arrived at the ball in a black rented Mercedes and was guided through the glass ornate double doors into the stunning ballroom which had been elegantly decorated in creams and burgundies; it really was a sight to behold.
I was greeted at the door where I had to had in my invite card; the card collector was a young girl of around sixteen, she had bright orange flaming hair with dark brown eyes which almost looked black. Her name tag read Victoria and she was dresses in a canary yellow gown with ruffles all the way down the sleeves, it really was awful.
"I hope you have a lovely evening Miss Swan." The girl Victoria smiled at me, her eyes glittering at my name and obviously what I did. I nodded at her without smiling and walked on through to the ball seeing that the head of the hospital and his wife were standing mingling with their guests.
"Isabella! Oh it's been ages since we've seen you, we're so glad you could come." Esme wrapped me in a hug and kissed my cheek, Carlisle shook my hand and smiled; they were a very handsome couple both were inhumanly beautiful.
"I'm glad you invited me, there are loads of people here this year!" I said looking around at what must have been about two hundred people all milling around the ballroom.
"No date I see Isabella, you really must put yourself out there you're a stunning woman. I should imagine there are thousands of men who would want to have even 30 seconds of your time!" Esme looked at me as though I was depriving myself of something but the truth was I'd already gone the dating way and it was awful.
"I've been so busy lately I've hardly had time to do anything at all." I lied not wanting to explain myself but I don't think Esme believed me because she just gave me a look and smiled before going to welcome other guests. I sighed and wandered around looking at all of the things they were auctioning off; paintings, clay work, poems all done by the sick children in the hospitals. I was looking at a painting of the beach near where I lived which I knew would end up on my wall after I had bid on it, when a man bumped into me and knocked me flying luckily he caught me just before I hit the floor. I looked up and into the eyes of Edward Cullen...
"Edward..." I breathed stunned by how handsome he was and his gorgeous eyes stared directly into my own dull ones.
"Isabella," He pulled me up and released me from his arms and I was disgusted to realise that I liked being held by him.
"What are you doing here?" He asked running his hand through my hair as though he was nervous but he had the biggest smile on his face.
"I'm always invited I love getting the little pieces of artwork. What are you doing here?" I grabbed two glasses of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter, I handed one to Edward and sipped the other.
"Thanks, my parents are hosting the event, I would have come last time but I was away on business. Are you okay?" He had seen the shock on my face; Esme and Carlisle were his parents? I was obviously being quite dense considering the fact that their second name was Cullen and they'd already told me they had a son, so I should have realised it was Edward.
"Isabella are you okay?" Edward brought me back from my thoughts though I was still shocked.
"Your parents are Carlisle and Esme Cullen?" I asked slowly, Edward was now the one that looked confused.
"Yeah, how do you know them?" He took my arm and pulled me towards the front of the auction seating bit and sat down next to me, he was still holding my hand and I didn't want him to let it go.
"Oh I met Carlisle when I took an injured child into the hospital four years ago, I then knocked Esme flying on the way out and that's it. Ever since then they've invited me to these charity events, they're such good, kind people I don't think I'll ever meet anyone like them if I live to be a thousand." I told him smiling at his parent's kindness towards the community and all the hurt children that went into the hospital every day.
"I know I could never be as good as them in a million years, which brings me to something I have to say to you which I should have said two weeks ago." He suddenly looked quite serious but when I caught his eye there was nothing but sincerity and in that moment I could see he had changed since the first time I met him.
"I'm sorry Isabella about that conversation on the telephone that morning, I shouldn't have said that to you after I knew you had a headache and probably wouldn't be that happy early in the morning anyway. So I'm sorry." Edward looked into my eyes and I felt myself forgive him, but I decided that I wasn't going to tell him that yet.
"Well most people in this situation would have come in with the line 'oh no it's my fault...' but I'm not most people as you are probably aware so I'm going to say that you're right it is all your fault." I smiled at him and he started laughing, I felt my heart sing at the sound of his joyful laughter.
"So although I'm not forgiving you yet I do accept your apology." I nodded at him and smiled a little wider at the way his eyes danced with the fact.
"Ladies and Gentlemen thank you all for coming tonight; we will now start to auction off the pieces of art the children made. We'll start with this beautiful picture of the Florida coastline." Esme spoke into the microphone whilst Carlisle held up the picture I wanted so desperately.
"Who wants to start?" Esme asked her eyes scanning the room and her eyes lit up when I flung my hand in the air almost knocking poor Edward out.
"£500," I said and watched as Edward smiled.
"£700," I turned my head and glared with obvious hatred at the man who was tall with short black hair and tanned body, he was wearing a dark blue suit.
"£1,000," I said turning back to Esme, I could see Edward's eyes dancing with amusement as me and the man kept fighting it out much to Esme's joy as she heard the amounts when finally my dreams were shattered with one figure...
"£100,000" The man looked smug and I could feel the anger rush up to my face as I knew I could never compete with that amount of money so I was shocked to hear Edward shout out.
"£200,000 and I'll match anything you say Mr. Black." Edward's face was positively smug yet I still had no idea why he was doing this? He had no interest in the art at all as have as I knew, so why was he bidding?
"Do you give in Mr Black?" Esme questioned and every eye in the place turned to look at him, he gave Edward a nasty look and nodded stiffly at Esme before sitting down.
"Going once... twice... three times... sold to Mr Edward Cullen. You may collect your prize from Carlisle at the small table here where you can write out a check." Esme then proceeded to hold up another item but my focus was on Edward and all of the confusing questions about him which were swirling around my head.
"Isabella, can we talk outside for a minute please?" I looked up to see Edward stood above me with his purchase under his arm and one hand held out to me, I took it and walked outside into the lobby with him and we sat on the leather sofa looking at each other for a few minutes before anyone spoke.
"Isabella please will you consider letting me take you out again? But this time I will take you to dinner, I really do want to get to know you Isabella. You fascinate me." He was staring at me as though I were a priceless oil painting rather than a human being, I thought about it for a minute before deciding that it would help me to discover whether or not he was serious, had changed or was still an asshole and player.
"Okay Edward I will call you tomorrow with my answer, I need to sleep on it." I told him, I saw his smirk and could almost guess what he was about to say.
"Oh no don't sleep on it, after all if it's squashed it will of course do you no good at all will it?" Edward's eyes were twinkling with mischief and his smile reminded me of the jerk again. I stood and grabbed my shawl from the boy who was handing them out to people as they left the auction apparently over.
"Isabella! What are you doing?" He looked panicked and his hands were halfway to his hands no doubt to do more damage to it.
"Leaving," My reply was clipped and short; I looked up and down the road for a taxi. Of course there weren't any taxi around were there!
"Why? Oh wait I know why, Isabella really believe me I am sorry it's just part of the old me. That arrogant jerk who I know everybody hates, that you hate. Don't look shocked Isabella but anyway before you go, I give this to you because it was the reason I bought it and I hope you can forgive me one day." Edward handed me the wrapped package and walked away into the night without a backwards glance. When I got home I opened the package and inside was the beautiful picture of the beach near my house, Edward had spent £200,000 on me and didn't demand anything back... I was even more confused now.