A/N: Lovelies, I want to thank you so much for your response to this story so far. I'm having a wonderful time writing it. Thank you so much for your kind words in response.

"Where's your head?"

"I'm here, ain't I?" Edward groused, pulling himself out of his thoughts to address James who was scowling at him.

"Oughta know by now, you ain't gonna get a smile out of our Edward." Felix snorted. "Poor lad's been down on life since his last visit back to the Missus."

"Don't much care for the why's. I need you on alert. This thing goes wrong, it's on us this time, not no backer," James warned.

"Get on then. I know what's the what. No harm in wool gathering while we ride. Keep to your own business."

James glared but rode on ahead, leaving Edward to his misery. And good lord above, he was dreadful miserable.

Been near about a month since he'd last seen his wife. Probably speaking, he might never see her again.

It were no fault but his own, of course. He'd known from the get go he would screw it all up and so he had.

~One Month Before~

After Christmas, Edward got back to the ranch as often as he was able. He showered his bride with gifts every time he came around and dug her out a space beneath the floorboards to keep the money he brought, telling her to use it as she saw fit.

Far as he could tell, she hadn't touched a single bill.

They talked endlessly. Edward told her more than he'd ever told another soul before. He told her of his memories about his mother and brother... even the few fond memories of his father.

At night, they tumbled into her bed, finding themselves naked more often than not. Once he'd had her, felt her in his hands and been deep inside her, Edward found he was always wanting. Even when he was out riding the range with James and the others, his nights were warm with the thought of laying with her. Even as her waistline expanded, Edward wasn't put off. If anything, she looked all the more beautiful to him - round as she grew with his baby. It simply necessitated they get more creative in their lovemaking.

By the end of March, Edward was kissing her goodbye with an 'I love you' and a promise he'd return soon.

This last job - a simple transport and protect deal - Edward had found himself turning over his brother's words again and again.

What if he could leave this all behind, settle down with a home, a ranch of his own, a place to raise his little one?

For the first time, the idea of being settled down in one place, the stillness, was alluring to him.

Anywhere he could be with Bella every day, never have to leave her again... Weren't that preferable?

Maybe. Maybe after the big job they'd been planning since after Christmas.

Now it was late April. It was chilly right outside the warm cocoon Edward was curled into. His cheeks and forehead were cold. With a little grumble, he ducked his head further under the blankets, seeking warmth.

He wasn't really awake, but he was at least aware. There was a mass behind him, for instance, that radiated heat, comfort.

And there were little hands on him.

Tracing the scars that littered his back.

Edward tensed slightly, opening his eyes.

The light of the morning was still dim making the room shadowy. Bella's fingers were finding each of his old wounds. Her movements were gentle, but he hated the reminder they were there. He flinched, remembering the bite of the thin strap as it bit into his skin, drawing blood while his father stood over him, snarling each of his sins.

"I'm sorry," came Bella's soft voice in the semi-darkness. "Didn't mean to make you uneasy." She must have felt the tension in his shoulders and back.

"You ain't." It was a bold faced lie. His throat was tight. He was hearing his father's voice in his head telling him he was wicked.

Mayhap back when he was a youngun', his father's words rang untrue. Now, though, it was a different story.

"It don't make one lick of sense," she murmured, her touches turning to gentle caresses. "Never will understand how some could hurt them who ain't looking to harm none."

The lump in his throat got about as big as a toad and made his voice about as hoarse. The last bit of peace he'd felt this morning - these last few months he'd spent with his bride in his arms - all faded away.

How very little it had taken for his heart to melt some, for him to get used to these creature comforts. For him to start dreaming of a home.

For him to believe he deserved the love of a good, innocent, kind girl.

But he didn't. He never had.

He'd taken from this girl something he'd had no right to have, something she wouldn't have given him willingly if she'd known the whole truth about him.

Bella thought his father was evil for leaving those marks on his body. If she knew what Edward had done in the last ten years...

Well, no. She deserved to know. She deserved to know the monster she laid with.

Slowly, he rolled over, his eyes closed while he hardened his heart, made it so his face reflected the cold sonova bitch he really was. It must have worked too, 'cause when he opened his eyes and Bella looked on him, she drew back a little, as if she were frightened.

She should be.

He took a steady breath before he spoke. "You got this idea in your head of who I am. You think I'm any better than the man who left those marks on me? You already know I'd take a girl as trade for a job I done."

"You made clear enough you never would have took me if'n you were sober," she said, but her voice was shaking. "And tell me to my face you'd mark up an innocent child like he done you. I won't believe it. Not ever."

Edward's throat felt tight. No, he could never imagine harming any baby, let alone his own, the way he'd been harmed. "A'ight then." He sat up straight in bed, pulling his legs up. "You going to be so dismissive if I tell you the things I done? I've hurt people. I stole from them." He took a deep breath, glad he wasn't facing her anymore. "I kilt a man before, Bella."

He waited for her condemnation. Her breathing quickened, but her voice was unassuming when she finally spoke. "You kill just for the fun of it? Just to see him die?"

"No." He was horrified at the thought. "He come at me."

"Well see then? Edward, I think you're a good man got caught up with the wrong kind of people, and-"

"T'ain't no excuse." He stood, wrapping the sheet around his waist as he began to look for his clothing. "I know what I done. My Pa was right. I'm wicked."

"You ain't."

"You think you know me?" he challenged, glaring.

"Course I know you. You're my husband. Please calm down and come here, come back to bed." She lifted a hand toward him, entreating.

Ignoring her, Edward pulled on his pants and shrugged into his shirt. "Don't you see? I don't belong here with you. Maybe it were nice pretending, but it ain't gonna do either of us a bit of good."

"What are you trying to say?" Bella moved a little too swiftly trying to get out of bed and put her wrapper on at the same time. She stumbled, about to pitch forward.

Edward was across the room quickly, catching her up in his arms.

She looked on him with her big eyes so wide and scared, her belly big and hard against him. What he wanted more than anything he'd ever wanted before was to tell her he was good, he was deserving of her love.

Swallowing hard, he pushed her gently back, away from him. "It's time we end this. Stop playing like I'm some sweet ol' boy who wooed you proper."

"So what? I don't want no dandy boy with flowers and the like. I want you. My husband. Father of my baby. If you're so ashamed of the things you done, just stop. Stay here. With us." She cupped one hand below, one above her distended stomach.

Edward didn't look at her as he sat down to pull on his boots. "I'll do like I told you before. I'll make enough so you can start a new life out east, or maybe to the north. You just tell em you're widowed." He huffed. "Hell, it's likely going to be true sooner than later anyhow. I'll give you enough to live until you can find you a respectable man."

"Have you lost your mind, Edward?" Her voice was equal parts fury and terror. "You go on and on about how I got a choice ain't no one's right to take away? I choose you."

"What makes you think a man like me would ever choose a little girl like you for a bride of his own free will anyhow?!" he shouted.

Instantly, he wanted to take it back, but his tongue tangled in his mouth. All the air had been sucked right out of his lungs or probably more accurately, like he'd been punched right in his gut.

When he dared look up, he saw that Bella was blinking, trying not to cry. Her pain only twisted the knife in his gut worse.

But maybe it was better this way. She should see he was an asshole. That weren't going to change.

"Don't worry." His tone held none of the emotion that was tearing him apart from the inside out. "You won't have to see me. I'll find some other way to get you the money."

"Why are you doing this?" She whispered.

He didn't answer, couldn't. He grabbed up his satchel and his holster and fled the room like his ass was on fire.

Course, he ran straight into Esme waiting for him in the kitchen with her hands on her hips.

"Edward Cullen, what have you done now?"

"I'm leaving," he said flatly.

"You can't-"

"You don't tell me what I can and can't do. I am who I am. Who I am ain't some family man meant to sit by hearth and home."

She stared at him, her expression heartbroken. "Why, Edward? When you could be with them who love you, who will help you, why would you run off with those men who don't give two bits of hell about you?"

"Man does what he knows, and that's that. Ain't got no business pretending I'm someone I ain't."

Her lips turned down at the corners, her eyes hardened. "You ain't no man, Edward Cullen, that much is sure. You're a scared little boy near about to piss your pants. It's the cowards way out, to run away from change, to insist you can't be better. Go on then. Get on outta here if running is all you're good for."

~Now~

James was in a snit about how often Edward took off, barely kept quiet by the fact Edward had agreed to plan the job he wanted; Edward were good at the finer points of such things. Still, it had unsettled the man. Here their little group was planning their own crime - more typically they were just the hired guns - and Edward's head was off on his brother's ranch in his wife's bed.

The last month, though, Edward had been the picture of concentration. When they weren't on jobs, Edward was holed away going over the finer points of their big plan. It was honed to perfection and it was near enough time to carry it out.

Then he would be a real criminal.

One evening they got settled for the night out in a barn, having traded the night's shelter for some chores done for an old couple. The old woman patted him on the cheek and called them all good ol' boys. The man shared his brandy.

That night, listening to James and Felix get rip roaring drunk, Edward lay in his bundle of hay and stared up at the blackness, wondering what Bella was doing.

Had his baby been born yet? It was a mite early to his reckoning, but babies could be tricky that way.

Had she survived the birth? Had the child?

Edward's body tensed, and the urge to see her was so strong, he near about hopped right up out of his skin and took off running. He wanted to see her with his own eyes, to know she was safe.

Some voice in his head called to him, reminding him he could still turn back. He'd only planned a crime. There was a big difference between planning and doing. Mayhap it really weren't too late.

The next day, he made his excuses to James, intending to head out on his own for a day or two. The man grabbed his reins before Edward could ride off, staring at him with cold blue eyes.

"You're going back, ain't you. I thought you were done with all that. Edward, you even think-"

"I'll be there for our meet with the Black brothers," he said shortly. "Got something to do, is all."

"You're going to see this through to the end, boy," James warned. "Don't go getting it in your head that you can just walk away from all this."

The two men stared at each other, Edward wondering what was going on in James's ever-scheming head.

His words sounded dangerously like a threat.

Edward yanked his reins back. "I said I'd be there. Don't get all tetchy."

~0~

Bella ran her kerchief under the water from the pump and then held the cloth to her neck, wetting the skin there. She closed her eyes, feeling the light breeze a little better now. Her little passenger made the beginnings of summer even hotter than normal.

When she opened her eyes, she automatically scanned the horizon - an old habit. She slipped her hand into her pocket, fingering the necklace he'd given her, feeling the now familiar pricks of tears begin to sting at her eyes.

"Aw, Bella, don't cry. Don't be sad."

Bella opened her eyes, forcing a small smile as Emmett came running up. "Never you mind, Em. I ain't sad."

He raised an eyebrow, fixing her with a look. "Then why are ya crying?" he challenged.

"Baby's crying, I suppose," she said with a shrug. "He's getting a little too cramped, I 'spect."

"Yeah. Is he moving?" Emmett was ever fascinated by Bella's condition.

"Sure. You want to feel?" she invited.

The boy nodded, a little wide eyed, and let her guide his hand to the apex of her belly. He giggled a little, quickly snatching his hand back when he felt the movement.

Bella laughed lightly though her heart ached, remembering Edward's expression of utter joy the first time he felt their baby move. She quickly turned away, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from crying.

She'd cried enough over her wayward husband this last month.

Mostly, she was just angry. After she'd got over the initial shock, there wasn't a part of her that believed the words coming out of his mouth. It was like Esme said: he'd known only one life for the last ten years and it weren't a pretty one. He was still hurt and scared and when he came back, she'd best make him grovel.

Bella full intended to, but for now...

Well, she missed her husband something fierce.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah, Em?"

"Maybe, if'n Uncle Edward don't wise up by the time I'm grown..." He shrugged. "I'd marry ya."

Bella laughed and knocked his hat off his head playfully. "Well, that's mighty kind of you, Emmett." She tilted her head, giving him a knowing look. "But what about Miss Rosalie Hale, hmm? I seen the way you looked at her when we went callin' last week. You're sweet on that girl, I reckon."

The boy actually blushed.

And life continued as it was wont to.

That evening, when she came in her room, there was a roll of bills laid on her bed, wrapped in a beautiful copper bracelet. Bella gasped, hurrying outside, sure Edward had come back as she'd dreamed.

He was no where.

She asked Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, even baby Alice.

If he'd been there, he'd slipped in and out without anyone being the wiser.

Long into the night, Bella sat by the window, running her fingers along the fine workings of the bracelet and watching the horizon by the light of the full moon, knowing her husband must be close and yet so far.

She looked for him until she felt the first stirrings of pain twisting low inside her. Terrified and alone, she whispered his name into the stillness of the night, wishing and hoping that he'd hear her and find his way back home.

A/N: Tricky Edward...

Thanks to jfka06, barburella, and GinnyW.

Errrrmmm... look, don't kill Edward, okay? If you kill him, the potential for HEA goes straight out the window...