se nu hur alla dina minnen formas till en magnum 357...
From this point on, the 'very dark' warning is going to become exponentially more applicable.
FRIENDS
November
November finds Luna walking around barefoot in the stone hallways, because one of the upperclassmen stole her shoes and threw them in the lake, and the Giant Squid ate them.
Some of the other Ravenclaws have begun harassing her for her excessive loss of house points, both in class and out. They want to stop her costing them their chance at the house cup, because it's partly (mostly, they say) her fault they're in third place, after Gryffindor and Slytherin. If she didn't keep losing house points, they might be in first place right now! So they start locking her out of the common room to punish her when she loses points. Luna has to wait outside, usually in the cold, for someone to take pity on her and let her in, because one of the Prefects set the raven knocker to give her riddles that are impossible to solve. Her housemates say they won't fix it until she stops losing them house points all the time.
Luna keeps losing house points because she never has her homework, or wears shoes, or answers questions, or even comes to class half the time, or is in the right place at the right time. She never has her homework because Anders burns most of it, and she doesn't do the rest because she's too busy making paper chains that say FRIENDS, because it makes her feel better when she does that. She never wears shoes because one of the upperclassmen stole them while she was sleeping and threw them in the lake, and the giant squid ate them.
She never answers questions when she's called on, because when she talks the other students all stare at her and it makes her uncomfortable and she stammers and the teachers can't understand her and take points anyway, and besides she doesn't come to class half the time because either Anders has stuck her to something in the common room for the day, or her things are stuck inside in her trunk and she's trapped outside of the common room, barred from entering by the raven knocker, which asks her things that make no sense, or else she's just too scared to come to class since she has no friends at all and is hiding in one of the bathrooms instead. Last year, Luna really liked her classes, but now she doesn't like her classes very much, so she hides and waits for that section of her schedule to end, and when she does that, she doesn't have to be called on and get stared at and explain that she doesn't have her homework and lose points and get hexed under the desk by Anders.
And she's just never in the right place at the right time. Ever.
After a few Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons, the pink toad lady decides she doesn't really like Luna's habit of showing up barefoot, late, and homework-less (or not showing up at all). Then she decides she just doesn't like Luna, period, and starts taking points from her in class for whatever reasons she can come up with. When Luna finally, bravely (not that bravely, really, because she's only speaking up so her housemates will stop destroying her possessions) objects to this, the pink toad lady delights in spending half a lesson ridiculing her, her father's magazine, her awkwardness, and her alienation, making her more and more upset until she cries in front of the whole class, for the very first time.
Ginevra seems appalled by the pink toad lady's antics. There's a little window of time, maybe a few hours, when Luna hopes that, maybe, Ginevra will come up to her in the hall and hug her and say she's sorry for calling her Loony and say it was a mistake and she's very sorry and will never do it again as long as they both shall live, and then they'll be friends forever and the pink toad lady will never be able to hurt Luna like that ever again because Luna will have a friend again and no one can hurt her when she has a friend.
But none of that happens. Ginevra doesn't say a word to Luna after class, or at lunch, or later on, when they pass each other in the hall, or even when Luna follows her more closely than usual. In fact, Ginevra doesn't even acknowledge Luna's existence after that one disgusted look at the pink toad lady in class.
Just like before.
During dinner that night, the pink toad lady comes and tells Luna (with a smile) that she has a detention for being oppositional toward authority figures. Luna has never had detention in her life. She suddenly feels as if she's gone very bad and rotten and will never get anywhere in her life because she never does her homework and doesn't do anything in class and the teachers have started hating her and now she's got detention for the first time... and this makes her upset enough that she has to excuse herself (not that there's anyone to excuse herself to, as no one sits with her at the end of the table) and go find a bathroom to cry in so she won't humiliate herself again.
The next day, Luna spends several hours sitting outside the pink toad lady's office, watching people go in and out, because she feels so sick to her stomach that she doesn't really see any point going to dinner anyway, and she just wants to get her horrible detention over with and get on with her life and try to forget how very bad and rotten she's become. Two other people she doesn't know go in and out of the office while she waits. They go in nervous, and come out grimacing. One of the students (whom she has never spoken to in her life) calls her Loony Lovegood. She cries again.
An hour later, the pink toad lady is there, smiling at her with needle-like teeth, and Luna almost throws up with anxiety. She gets shakily to her feet and follows the pink toad lady into her office, wiping the tears off her face, only to have them replaced with new ones.
No, she's really not very brave at all, is she...
But friends (like Ginevra) could be very brave, she thinks. If Luna had a friend (like Ginevra), she wouldn't have to feel so bad and rotten, and she wouldn't have to feel like she's going to be ill, and she wouldn't have to cry all the time. Nobody could ever hurt her! Of course, Luna reminds herself as she stares at the red-feathered quill in front of her (it's very pretty...and very sharp...), she doesn't have any friends who would be strong for her when she needs someone. Because she doesn't have any friends at all.
So, when she stumbles out the door of the Defense classroom an hour later, crying harder than ever, there's nobody there to hold onto; Luna is as alone as she was when she shuffled in. Her right hand hurts terribly, in the spot where she's been carving the words My name is Loony Lovegood into her skin all night with the red-feathered, and red-inked, quill as her punishment for being oppositional toward authority figures. Luna doesn't sleep at all when she returns to Ravenclaw Tower; instead, she sits on her bed and makes FRIENDS paper chains all night while trying not to look at the back of her hand.
The next morning, the pink toad lady gives her another detention in the Great Hall for not wearing shoes. And another the day after for not having her homework in a class she hasn't had yet. And the next day for wearing the same clothes four days in a row and looking like she hasn't slept in the same amount of time, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day... At first, Luna pleads desperately with the pink toad lady that she's not bad and rotten, she really isn't, and she's not Loony Lovegood, because her mother wouldn't name her something so horrible. But nothing she says works. The pink toad lady tells her to do as she's told and write her lines again, or everything will get worse for her – and Luna doesn't want to get any worse than she already is, so she does as she's told and writes the awful words out again and again while tears roll down her cheeks.
My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood.
"In case you ever forget," the pink toad lady explains in a sickeningly sweet voice when Luna finally asks her why she has to cut this particular phrase into her hand over and over.
My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood.
When she finishes all of her detentions – that is, when she finally reaches a point where she doesn't have any more – Luna sits down in the hall right outside the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and cries with sheer relief. And then one of the Prefects – the blonde fifth year Slytherin boy – is there, asking her what she's doing out so late, sitting in the hallway, and he's calling her Loony Lovegood, and she can't answer because he's upsetting her too much because she hates being called that name, because it hurts, and he finally drags her to her feet and back into the Defense classroom, toward the pink toad lady's office.
"I found her lounging in the hallway," he explains to the pink toad lady.
"Did you, now?" says the pink toad lady. She looks at Luna with a horrible, horrible expression of satisfaction. Her teeth are showing again; they do look so much like sharp, bony needles. "You clearly haven't learned to obey the rules. I think another detention is in order..."
Luna opens her mouth to protest.
Then she shuts it again. She nods stupidly, vacantly, and allows herself to be led back to Ravenclaw Tower.
When she shows up for her next detention, Luna doesn't come in crying. Instead, she wears a big, fake, plastic smile plastered across her face. She wears this smile to every one of her classes that day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day. And she wears it when the pink toad lady gives her more detentions for arbitrary things like having greasy hair and looking like she's making faces because her eyes are too big and wide, and when Ginevra continues ignoring her because I don't know why! What am I doing wrong?, and when people who aren't Ginevra call her Loony Lovegood, and when she's writing Loony Lovegood into her hand, and when the name Loony Lovegood is bouncing around in her head, and any other time she feels like she's falling apart inside, which is all the time.
My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood. My name is Loony Lovegood.
Props to my beta-reader, the ineffably amazing TuesdayNovember.