"What floor did the doctor say we needed to go too?" Scott asked as he pushed me into the elevator.
"Lobby." I lied.
"Very funny Reba." He said as he rolled his eyes. After a second we ended up on the first floor to ask where we needed to be. Scott turned his head as he talked to the secretary and I started rolling myself for the door. My arms were killing me as I rolled myself as fast as I could. I could feel some of my scars bust open under the wraps on my arms uncomfortably. As soon as the sliding doors were in view I smiled. They slid open and I went through the first set only to find the second set wouldn't open. I ran into the doors with a hard thud before tipping over and hitting the ground. Everything started to spin as I tried to sit up, failing.
"Reba!" Scott yelled in horror as he fell by my side, helping me to sit up. "What the hell were you thinking?" I rolled my eyes as he left me sitting on the ground to fix the wheelchair. I just clenched my jaw. "You could've killed yourself. And where would you have gone?" he asked shaking his head before picking me up to put me back in the chair.
"I was thinking I want to get the hell out of here." I said annoyed. He knelt down by the side. I refused to look at him as I tried to cross my arms. He stopped me and pulled one of my arms towards him gently.
"You're bleeding through your bandages." He said as he softly examined my wrapped up arm. "Did you hurt anything?" he asked as his eyes moved back up to meet mine. I just looked at him. He raised an eyebrow. "You know what the doctor said, if you start telling us what does and doesn't hurt, we can get you out of here sooner. The more you fight it, the longer you'll be here." I clenched my teeth in frustration.
"I landed on my left shoulder. My cast twisted some and hurts pretty good right now. And I think one of my stitches is opened." I said gesturing towards my stomach. He let out a sigh.
"Thank you for being honest with me." He stood up. "And please try to be good, I want to take you home, not here." He said sadly. I nodded.
"I want to go home."
He wheeled me back to my room, telling the doctor what happened and I got to skip counseling. The doctor decided to take his sweet time coming to check on my newest round of scars which angered Scott. He had me lie on my side and lift the gown to look at my stitches. They hurt really badly the longer they sat.
"You definitely opened this one up pretty good." He said touching beside one of the big stitches. I flinched at the touch. Everything was starting to swell and throb. "Did that hurt?" I nodded.
"Felt like you just stabbed me." I said blinking hard to keep the tears in my eyes, I wasn't crying, they were just watering. "Can I see them?" I said referring to the stitches; they haven't let me look at them since I woke up.
"I don't think you should." He said softly. I just looked down at him.
"Please? I have a right to see the damage." I said quietly. He sighed as he looked at me sadly. He helped me to lie on my back without a word and slowly lifted the gown enough for me to see. When I looked down I was mortified to see my mangled, destroyed body. I gasped a little as I looked at my scars. One was trickling a little bit of blood, only adding to the gruesomeness of the situation.
"See why I've been so worried about you now?" he said quietly. I felt my eyes well up with tears again as I fought the urge to cry.
"Why are there so many?" I turned my head away, unable to handle the sight of myself anymore. He softly lowered my gown to cover the damage.
"They had a lot of work to do when they did the surgery. They weren't sure they could even leave your parts in. They managed to save it though. I didn't really understand the process but all I know is they said after some time, you'd be able to do and live anyway you so choose."
"What does that even mean?" he let out a big sigh before responding.
"He said you'd be able to get pregnant again, there was a lot of damage and scar tissue but he said if you so chose, you could." I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Why would I ever do that again? Lord knows you'd just kill it again." I spat coldly. I could see how bad that hurt him in his face, but his eyes showed the most damage. His eyes filled with tears as he stood up and walked out of the room.
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Scott
"She didn't mean it Scott, she's just hurt." Jackson said trying to comfort me. I had my head in my hands as I tried to keep myself together.
"Doesn't matter if she means it because it's true." I said feeling the truth weigh even heavier on me.
"It is not, you didn't know, you didn't do it." he said sternly. "You loved that baby, you didn't kill him, those bastards did." I stood up angrily and ran a hand through my tangled hair.
"I am the reason all of this happened, just because I wasn't the one who shoved her down the stairs doesn't mean I'm not at fault." I snapped angrily. I was ready to break down again. Jackson grabbed me by the shoulders really hard.
"Scott, listen to me." He barked. "You are not at fault here, this could've happened to anyone. But you didn't cause this."
"How am I supposed to believe that?" I said as I started to cry.
"Because it's the truth." He said sternly.
"If it weren't for me, Reba would still be carrying that little baby."
"If it weren't for you she never would've had that baby."
"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" I snapped angrily as I threw my arms in the air. He let out a sigh as he crossed his arms.
"Scott, if it weren't for you, she never would've gotten to keep Hailey, she never would've fallen in love, she never would've learned anything about herself like she has, and she never would've realized what she deserves out of life." I just listened with my back towards him. "You two changed each other's lives, you both need each other and damn well belong together. This happened for a reason, you know that as well as she does."
"What kind of a reason is there? She lost Hailey because of me, she hates me, and she just lost our child because of me." I felt everything I've held together for so long just fall apart.
"You're being too hard on yourself." I heard Cheyenne say out of nowhere. I looked up and wiped my face only to see her standing with her arms crossed.
"I don't think I'm being hard enough on myself." She shook her head sadly but didn't move.
"You didn't do this. Just because it involved you, doesn't mean the result is your fault. You tried to save her; we all saw how hard you tried to keep her safe." I closed my eyes and put my head back in my hands.
"She blames me. She has every right too." She came forward and shoved my shoulder so I would look at her.
"Stop it." she snapped. "My mother needs you. Don't do this to her again." Cheyenne was on the verge of tears but holding firm to her anger, just like her mother. "All she knows is you up and leaving, she's just waiting for it to happen again. Prove her wrong, show her how different things can be." She was practically screaming in my face. "Do you even hear me?"
"Yeah I do." I just looked at her for a long time it felt like. "I'll keep trying."
"Good."
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"Mrs. Hart, what's going through your head right now?" my doctor ordered therapist asked. I rolled my eyes.
"How I wish I wasn't here." The corner of his mouth turned up.
"Why is that?" I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Because I want to go home and not have to deal with any of you again. I'm sick of being woken up in the middle of the night just to have a new set of drugs jabbed into my arm. This place sucks." Scott reached over and held onto my hand. I felt a little more grounded at the gesture.
"Be nice." He said as he leaned towards me. I rolled my eyes.
"Now Scott, I value her exact thoughts, I want to know exactly what she thinks." He said looking back at me.
"Don't you dare baby me like a child; I'm old enough to be your mother. Don't act superior to me." I snapped in disgust. He put his hands up in surrender.
"I wasn't acting superior, I was simply stating-"
"That you have power over me." I finished for him.
"Depends on how you choose to look at it." he said with a little smile.
"Well, I'm your prisoner for the next 57 minutes aren't I?" he laughed.
"I guess you could say that."
"And that's where your superior attitude comes into play." I said as I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow.
"She's a pistol isn't she?" he said to Scott with a raised eyebrow.
"Never gets boring." Scott said with a little smile. I just rolled my eyes again.
"So where are the two of you comfortable starting?" Scott looked over at me.
"I don't know."
"What, you think I do?" I snapped suddenly angry.
"Let's talk it out then, no need to let your temper get the best of you." The doctor said calmly. "How do you feel right now Mrs. Hart?" I clenched my jaw.
"Stop calling me that, I'm not Mrs. Hart anymore." I nearly barked.
"What would you like to be called then?" I just looked at him. "Miss Fisher?" I narrowed my eyes at him.
"I'm not married." I said through my teeth.
"But you're going to be aren't you?" he raised an eyebrow.
"Do you not want to marry Scott now?" I didn't say a word.
"Do you Reba?" Scott asked in an on edge voice.
"I don't know." I whispered. "I just can't think about that right now."
"Why is that?" the doctor pushed. I just looked down at my hands after I pulled my hand away from Scott's.
"Because I just can't."
"Just give me one reason and I'll drop the topic." He pressed. I didn't say anything for a while.
"I shouldn't be happy again." I said barely audible.
"What does that mean?" he said softly.
"I don't deserve to be happy again."
"You know that's not true." I felt a tear run down my face.
"Yes it is."
"Why?"
"Because I killed a child, I don't deserve to be here and happy."
"I think this is a start."
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"She said that?" Lori Anne said in a hushed voice.
"Yeah, you should've seen the look on her face…" Scott said painfully. I just laid there with my eyes closed pretending to be asleep.
"I know what face you're talking about Scott, I completely understand."
"How can she blame herself? She didn't do a thing wrong."
"It doesn't matter, she was the one carrying the baby and she lost it, she will always feel it was her fault regardless of how it happened."
"But it wasn't her fault."
"Just like it wasn't yours." Nothing was said for a while.
"Do you mean that?"
"Of course I do, I wouldn't have said it otherwise." She said irritated.
"I just don't want to believe that. I can't."
"Well don't expect her to believe it until you can. Because no matter what you're feeling, it's ten times worse for her." I heard her get up and leave the room. Scott took my hand softly.
"I don't know what to do Reba." He whispered. "I can't stop blaming myself. I feel like I should." He kissed the back of my hand as I fought tears and tried to stay 'asleep'. "Please help me through this, we can help each other through this, but if you don't open up to me I can't help you." I could hear tears in his voice. "Please Reba, just please."