"There's nothing new?" Reba said into the phone in a distressed voice as she ran a hand through her hair. I sat across the coffee table from her trying to think up a way to make her feel better.
"But how can that be? We went to court a long while ago and no one will tell me what's going on." She was getting beyond frustrated, I could see it in her face but she didn't show it in her voice. I love that about her. Very good composure I could never dream of having.
"I just want my daughter back, is that such a horrible crime?" she snapped. "Then let me talk to someone who does know what's going on!" I could tell by the way she was fidgeting she wanted to be pacing.
"Hello? Hello?" she pulled the phone from her ear with a dropped jaw before throwing the phone across the room.
"What just happened?" I asked after I watched the phone break against the banister.
"They hung up on me! I guess I was right; NONE of them know what the hell they're doing!" her face was turning redder by the minute.
"Calm down honey, the senator said he was going to take care of it." she shot daggers at me that made me flinch.
"He hasn't done a damn thing! I'm tired of waiting for my daughter, I want her home NOW!" I let out a sigh. There was no fighting this woman on this. She knew exactly what she wanted done and anything less just wasn't going to cut it.
"Give it some time, thing will-"
"I've given it months! Months!" she yelled. I went over and grabbed her hand at my own risk.
"Reba honey-"
"Don't you Reba honey me." She snapped as she pulled her hand away. I half expected her to hit me with it. "I want my daughter back Scott." her eyes were a little glazed with tears she refused to let fall. She knew I saw them. I pulled her into the best hug I could do with her sitting in the chair and me half standing. She rested her head on my shoulder and cried a little bit.
"It's going to be okay." I soothed.
"It's not fair." She sniffled a little bit. "I want my baby home with me." I hid my face in her hair and closed my eyes, wishing this whole problem away.
"I know it's not. But she will be home. I can feel it." She pulled back to look at me. I wiped her cheeks dry of her tears.
"I want them both back." I felt my own throat go tight with tears I fought for dear life to hide. Reba needs me to be strong for her right now.
"I know." I said quietly.
"Have you thought about what things would've been like if that never happened?" I wiped her cheeks dry again as a fresh batch of tears coated them. This is the first time she's opened up to me on her own about this and I'm not sure I can handle it.
"Every day. That was everything I ever wanted in my life. It was the best thing to ever happen to me." It was her turn to reach up and dry my cheeks before I could hide it.
"Why did this happen?" her voice cracked a little bit. I didn't know what else to say to that so I pulled her close to me. We sat like that, crying together for a while. She looked over my shoulder to the clock on the wall.
"We gotta go." I looked for myself. 10:12. I stood up with a sigh, drying my eyes.
"Alright, come on." I held out my hands and she just crossed her arms.
"Let me do it myself." I rolled my eyes.
"If you break open another stitch, the doctor said he was going to give you the stuff to fix it yourself. You have to take it easy." She just glared at me. "Don't make me pick you up." I warned. Her eyebrows went up.
"You wouldn't dare."
15 minutes later we were sitting in the car on the way to the hospital.
I reached for Reba's hand but she just held her arms tighter around her.
"You're just going to pout?" I teased. She narrowed her eyes at me.
"Don't touch me." She said in a warning voice. I had to laugh as I put my hand back on the wheel.
"Fine, you win."
"Like it should be." She mumbled under her breath. I smiled as I shook my head. I've missed bickering like this. It almost feels like we're back to before the accident. My smile fell some at the thought.
"What was that about?" she asked. I looked over to see her watching me closely. I shook my head before focusing back on the road.
"Nothing."
"Liar." I didn't say a word or move my eyes from the road. "What just crossed your mind?" she asked in a little softer of a voice. I let out a sigh, taking my time in responding to her.
"There for a minute it felt like everything was back to the way it was." I paused, waiting to see her reaction out of the corner of my eye. She had none. "I miss what we were. Our conversation before we left has got me thinking too. I screwed everything up." She looked away from me.
"You know what Dr. Bradley said about saying things like that." She said quietly.
"I know." I said just as quietly.
"We could never be what we use to be. You know that don't you?" I could tell she was trying to look at me but just couldn't look me in the face. I looked over at her.
"Never could be, or never will be?" she didn't look up at me. Just kept her eyes on her hands.
"I don't know what to make of us."
"What do you mean? You don't think we're going to work out?" I felt myself panic a little bit. Loosing Reba would be the worst thing to ever happen to me. She's my whole world.
"I don't know. It's taking everything I've got not to pull away when we touch. It shouldn't be that way." She looked out her window as we pulled up to the hospital. I turned the car off and turned in my seat to face her.
"We've just been through a terrible thing Reba. It's going to take time. Like the doctor said, one fencepost at a time." That was Dr. Bradley's motto. You can't build a fence all at once; you build it one fencepost at a time.
"I know." She said quietly. I didn't know what to say so I opened my door and went around the car to get the wheel chair out of the trunk. My mind was reeling a million miles a minute as I closed the lid and walked over to Reba's open door with the chair.
"Ready?" she nodded. I helped her into the chair silently before getting in the back seat to get her purse and bag of stuff the doctor required.
"Are you mad at me?" I hit my head on the top of the car at her words. I carefully pulled my head and torso out of the car as I rubbed my throbbing head.
"What?" I asked in shock. She looked ready to cry.
"Are you mad at me? Tell me the truth." I just looked at her in confusion.
"What could I possibly be angry with you about?" she just looked at me with her sad eyes.
"At this point, it could be anything." I knelt down by her side, taking her arms in my hands gently.
"Reba, you have done nothing to anger or upset me. The only reason I am angry and upset is because I can't figure out how to help you. It scares me to death." I squeezed her arms just a little bit. "You could never do ANYTHING to anger me like that honey, I promise you that." I said sternly. She just sat there trying not to cry for what seemed like forever.
"Why do you care so much?" I just looked at her, almost scared to say my reason; afraid she would close herself off like last time. "Tell me." She said real soft.
"Because I love you. I love you so much it hurts." I said honestly. She just looked away again, trying to shrug away from my touch. I held firm to arms, refusing to give in to this again.
"Please don't say that." She said as a tear rolled down her face. Her eyes were closed tight.
"I'm not going to beat around the bush anymore Reba, it's the truth you asked for. I miss telling you I love you, I miss holding your hand, I miss kissing you good morning, and I miss being your partner. I know you're hurting honey, so am I. but you won't open up to me. When you do it's only for a minute. I'm here for you Reba, please let me be here for you." I pleaded. She tried pulling away again as the tears took over.
"Let go of me." She said pushing me away as hard as she could. I fell backwards, landing hard on my back, smacking my head against the pavement. I closed my eyes for a minute as my hands found my head. The world was spinning like crazy as I tried to sit up, failing as I lay back down.
"Mr. Fisher, are you alright?" Dr. Bradley's voice said from out of nowhere. I opened my eyes to see three of him dancing around above me.
"Just fine." I said as I covered my eyes with a heavy sigh.
"Why don't we get the two of you back into my office before one of you gets hurt any worse." He helped me to stand as I held the back of my head. He pushed Reba into the building and to the elevators. I leaned on the back wall wishing the world would stop spinning like it was. I looked over to see Reba looking forward intently, a million thoughts rushing through her brain. She must've felt my gaze because she looked over at me suddenly.
"Stop staring at me like that." I held up my hands in surrender and looked away.
"Sorry." Dr. Bradley looked between us.
"I have a feeling we have a lot to talk about since Monday." I looked over at him.
"You'd be surprised what happens in one day, let alone two." I said making a face.
"Well if you knew how to take a hint." Reba mumbled angrily. I just rolled my eyes, too tired to fight anymore.
X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x
Reba
"Okay, so who wants to start today?" Dr. Bradley said as he sat in his chair, clicking his pen.
"Why do you even ask when you know you're going to make me?" he just laughed.
"Because there's always a chance Mr. Fisher might have news for me." I rolled my eyes.
"Actually, I do." Scott spoke up. I shot daggers at him, wishing he wasn't here. He ignored me as he looked at the doctor.
"Where would you like to start then?" Scott took a deep breath, still refusing to look at me.
"Every time it seems like we make any progress at all, she shuts me out and pushes me away as fast as she can. Is it something I've done or what? I'm walking on egg shells all the time and I'm getting confused on what I'm supposed to be doing." I raised an eyebrow in angry frustration. I knew he meant well but I wasn't about to let him know that.
"Well, it's not a matter of who's in the right or wrong here. It's more about who's willing to compromise on certain things." He gestured to me. "Sometimes when Reba is willing to open up, you may think it's your only chance and jump in too soon." He pointed at Scott. "And maybe sometimes when you're opening up, she's not ready to handle it or doesn't know how to handle it. This is something you two are going to have to learn. A steady medium." He looked over at me. "And from what I've seen just today, you have a tendency to be overly violent." I felt my temper rise to hide my guilt.
"You weren't there to see what he was doing." I said as I crossed my arms. He smiled.
"You'd be surprised how much I saw." I raised an eyebrow. "Should I mention your violence?" I narrowed my eyes.
"I really didn't have any other choice."
"You had many if you would've stepped back and looked at the situation like we've talked about." He crossed his legs, never breaking eye contact with me. "You could've listened to him, told him your thoughts, asked him to let you go, or even reasoned with him. Anything above violence."
"Well lets put you in a situation like that and see how you respond." I snapped. He just smiled and shook his head.
"I did deserve it. I pushed too far. But I'm just so tired of not having my fiancée anymore, I miss her so much. I can see her, but she won't let me near." Scott said looking over at me. I looked away, not able to take it anymore.
"What are your thoughts on what Scott just said Reba?" Dr. Bradley asked.
"I don't know. I just want him to stop." I said closing my eyes. I felt my heart twisting in my chest.
"Can you explain why at least?"
"Do I have too?" I said quietly.
"I think it would mean a lot to Scott if you did." He nudged lightly. I let out a sigh.
"When he gets like that, like we use to be, the 'I love you's' and stuff like that, there's just a voice in my head that screams to stop, to not let anything be. I can't help it. when we get close like that, it feels wrong." I said looking down at my hands.
"Why do you think it feels wrong exactly?"
"Because of everything that's happened it just feels wrong."
"Reba, you know how I feel, you know I'd do anything to help you, right?" Scott said in a shaking voice. I could tell he was about to cry.
"But I don't want you to be." I said quietly.
"Why is that?" the doctor urged.
"I want to have to go through this on my own. He shouldn't be here for me like this." I said angrily.
"Reba, he is supposed to be there for you. He's soon to be your husband. How is it okay for you to keep your feelings to yourself like this?"
"Because we lost our baby." I snapped. "I shouldn't have him around me at all." I said pointing at him angrily. When I looked over and saw the hurt look on Scott's face, I regretted everything I just said.
X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x
After we got home from a silent car ride, Scott let me lay on the couch, waiting for Cheyenne to come over. He left for the store to get my medicine and a few groceries, leaving me home alone. I laid there thinking about everything said at therapy and how many hurtful words I said to Scott because I was angry. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I went down the list of things I said to him.
Ring, ring, ring!
I jumped when my phone started going off. I half hoped it was Scott; I need to tell him I'm sorry, that I was way wrong. I looked down at it to see an unknown number. My doctor comes up as an unknown, so I answered.
"Hello?" I waited for Dr. Bradley's voice to come through the line.
"Hi Reba." My eyes went wide at Barbra Jean's voice.
"Well, you have some nerve calling me after what you did." I said angrily as I sat up.
"I know you want nothing to do with me Reba, I get it. But please let me explain." I rolled my eyes.
"Give me one good reason why I should give you that right?"
"Because I would give you that much." I clenched my jaw.
"That's not even a reason, let alone a good one. I've cut you way too much slack Barbra Jean; I let you into my life when everyone said I was crazy. I trusted you when I knew better than too and look how that turned out." I snapped. "I'm not giving you anything again." I barked before hanging up angrily. I let out a frustrated grunt as I slapped my phone down on the table.
"You okay mom?" Cheyenne said from the kitchen doorway. I turned to see a worried look on her face.
"I never want to hear from that woman again." I snapped.
"Why won't you hear her out? She might have changed some things." I narrowed my eyes at her.
"What, are you on her side now?" she walked over and sat in the chair by the divider, one hand on her pregnant belly. I'll never get to do that… I shook those thoughts away before they could take me under.
"No, I'll always be on your side mom, what I'm saying is, I think she deserves to at least be heard out." I rolled my eyes as I leaned my back against the couch.
"Your opinion." She smiled at me, causing me to smile back.
"So I heard you beat the snot out of Scott today." I kept my smile on my face as I shook my head.
"It wasn't on purpose." She laughed.
"And why don't I believe that?" I laughed too.
"Because you're smart." She rolled her eyes.
"So what was the reason behind it this time?" my smile fell as I looked down at my hands.
"I don't know if I can even explain it." I said quietly.
"Could you try?" I let out a little sigh.
"I started to open up to him, he pushed me to open up more, and I felt the walls start to close in on me. I couldn't take it." I felt my eyes glaze again.
"He only means well mom. He's scared to death because of all this. He doesn't know what to think or do." I wiped my eyes and fought off another round of tears.
"Then why do I hate him so much sometimes?" she didn't say anything for a long time.
"That's just how you're built." I looked up at her.
"What does that mean?"
"It's just how you're built." She said with a smile.