Two weeks passed as I tried to act normal with Scott. He knew as well as I did that most of it was forced, but he wasn't pushing me. As long as I was trying, he would back off on the whole overly worried thing.

To distract myself from Scott and what little remained of my normal life; I focused all my attention on Hailey. It seemed to be helping tremendously which only drove me to try even harder.

"Honey, why don't you put your laptop away for the night and give your brain a rest." Scott said as he sat down on his side of the bed.

"Because rest doesn't get me my daughter back." I said not moving my eyes from my current task.

"But if you rest for the night, you'll be able to put up a better fight tomorrow. You're going to overdo yourself Reba, and if that happens, it's not going to look good for you getting her back." I thought about it for a minute before letting out a sigh as I closed my computer. He was right.

"I guess so." I put the computer on my dresser and lay down with my back to Scott. Today's been one of those days where I don't want him to even acknowledge my presence. I just wanted to be completely left alone.

"You guess so?" his lamp flickered off and I felt his arm wrap around me from behind. I tensed up.

"That's what I said isn't it?" I said through my teeth.

"Aren't you the one who always tells the kids never to guess, always be certain of yourself?"He said as he snuggled his nose in my hair. I didn't care for his teasing at all at this given moment. I stood up, leaving his embrace and walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked confused.

"This isn't the only bed in this house." I said not bothering to look back at him. I made my way into Jake's old room mumbling to myself about how irritating Scott was. As I crawled under the covers Scott came into the room.

"Why're you sleeping in here?" he asked worried like as he stood by the bed. I rolled my eyes at his ignorance.

"Because I got tired of being picked apart in my own bed." I snapped back at him.

"I wasn't picking you apart; I was trying to make you smile."

"You sure have a way with words then don't you?" I mumbled as I rolled my eyes.

"Look Reba, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." he said sitting beside me and placing his hand on my arm. The feel of his touch infuriated me beyond belief.

"Don't touch me." I snapped.

"You told me you liked my touch, that it made you feel safe." He said confused by my sudden change in opinion.

"Yeah well now it's only pissing me off." He didn't say anything for a while.

"Look, will you please come back to bed? I won't touch you again or I'll sleep in here or on the couch if you don't want me near you. But you deserve to be in your own bed Reba." He said trying to make everything right again. It only made me angrier because he was so good to me. I turned to face him as I sat up.

"Why are you even trying to be nice to me?" I snapped. "Don't you think I deserve to sleep in another bed besides my own? I treat you like scum beneath my feet and you treat me so good, why?" I yelled angrily. He looked so hurt.

"Because that's what you're supposed to do for the one you love. No matter what you do to try and make me hate you, it'll never work." I felt my chest tighten up as I stood up and headed out of the room. I made it halfway down the hallway before my breathing got shallower and my heart started pounding. I knew Scott was behind me a ways to give me space so I forced myself to keep walking.

I felt myself go lightheaded and I leaned against the wall as my breathing became shallowed gasps.

"Reba?" before he got to my side I slid to the floor. A panic attack was hitting me hard.

"Reba, breath." He said hitting his knees beside me and taking my shoulders in his hands. I felt myself panicking as I fought for a breath. "Listen to me, look at me, hold my eyes." I did as he said. "Now deep breath, deep breath, deep breath." He repeated those words until my breathing became close to normal again. "Are you okay?" he asked as his thumbs brushed my cheeks softly. I must've started crying during my attack.

"I think so." I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall. "I'm so tired now."

"They take a lot out of you, I understand. Let's get you back to bed and I'll take Jake's room okay? You need to rest." He said softly. I nodded as he picked me up and carried me to bed. After I was under the covers he started to stand.

"Wait." He stopped and looked at me. "Please stay in here with me. I don't want to be alone if I have another attack." I said sheepishly. He smiled.

"Of course I will." He climbed on his side of the bed and made sure not to get too close to me. But after my attack, i feel like my mental state has shifted. I cautiously curled up next to him and rested my head on his back. He rolled over to look at me.

"Everything okay?" he asked softly. I nodded.

"I just feel kind of scared right now." I said quietly. He didn't say another word, just held me in his arms as I fell asleep.

X xx xxx xx xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

"Only three more months." Scott said with a huge smile as he placed his hand on my pregnant belly. I smiled right back.

"I'm so excited." I said as I looked over at him. He leaned over and gave me a sweet kiss.

"I love you. Both of you." he said pecking my lips again.

"And we both love you." his smile grew. "I can't wait to see our baby." He placed a kiss on the baby.

"I know boy or girl, they'll be as pretty as their mama." I rolled my eyes as I tried not to smile.

"And as charming as their daddy." He batted his eyes with a big grin.

"Definitely going to be a piece of work isn't she?" we both laughed at how true those words were bound to be.

My eyes flew open to a cold dark room. I looked over to see Scott sleeping soundly with his arm draped over me.

I closed my eyes as they filled with tears. I felt my chest rapidly tightening and knew another attack was on its way. I tried to keep my breathing steady but despite my attempts, they became short and shallow.

I reached over and started to try and shake Scott awake. It was hard to manage but it didn't take much to wake him up.

"What's going on, what happened?" he asked confused and worried. I couldn't speak, only lay there feeling like I was dying. When he realized it was another panic attack he jumped up and started fumbling through the nightstand drawer for my pills. He popped one out and reached for one of the water bottles we were told to keep by the bed. Over all it took him under a minute to do all that but it felt like an eternity.

My heart was pounding so fast and hard felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. I was terrified and it only seemed to make it all the more worse.

"Breath, sit up for me and take a deep breath." He said pulling me into a sitting position. I tried to breath but it refused to come. "Reba, look at me. Don't take your eyes off mine, understand me?" I nodded slightly and held his eyes. "Breath, deep breath. I'm right here."

After a few minutes I felt a little better and was lying back down. Scott was stroking my hair gently. I closed my eyes and tried not to cry, knowing it would only make it worse.

"You feeling alright?" he asked softly. I nodded slightly. "Why don't you take your pill, okay?" I nodded a little bit again, not trusting my voice.

I propped myself up on one elbow and popped it in my mouth, taking a swig of water with it before laying back down.

"Thank you." I said not really meeting his eyes.

"You don't have to thank me." I didn't say a word to that. I closed my eyes as his fingers traced the side of my face. "So what caused all this?" I opened my eyes and just looked at the ceiling.

"Everything."

"It's 3:58 in the morning honey, was it a dream, were you awake, what happened?" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I keep dreaming about the baby." His hand stopped moving on my face for a split second before trying to regain its previous pace.

"Is that a good thing?" he asked quietly. I could tell he didn't know how to respond to that.

"I don't know." I said simply. I stood up and headed across the room.

"Where are you going?" I stopped at the doorframe and looked back at him as I rested my head on it.

"I'm going to go sit outside. I need a little fresh air."

"Want me to come with you?" I shook my head as I pushed off the doorframe to stand straight.

"No, I think I'm going to call Lori Anne. I need a distraction right now." I partially lied.

"Alright, I'll come check on you later okay?" I nodded as I forced a smile and headed down the hallway. As soon as I got downstairs I picked up the house phone and dialed Lori Anne's number.

"Hello?" she said real sleepy after a few rings.

"I need to talk to you." I said as I headed out the back door.

"Reba? What's wrong?" she was in a groggy state of worry.

"I can't get past anything. The panic attacks are happening a whole lot more and these dreams are ripping me apart." I said blinking back tears as I sat on the ground beside the garage.

"Those dreams will never go away honey. I wish I could tell you they'll magically go away but I'd be lying." I rested my head on the garage wall as a few tears rolled down my face against my will. "But I can promise you the panic attacks will go away. It just takes time. I promise." I nodded even though I know she can't see me.

"It hurts so much." I said as I balled up my fist and held it to my chest like I could take the pain away.

"I know honey, I know." She said sympathetically. "Does Scott know about any of this?"

"He's walked me through all of my panic attacks, he's done everything I wish he wouldn't, but I haven't gone into detail about the dreams to him." I said swallowing the growing lump in my throat.

"Have you with anyone?" I shook my head.

"No."

"I know you don't want to hear this, but it'll help you to tell someone. Scott would be the best person for that."

"He's hurting too; I can't do that to him. Whenever I mention the baby I can see it in his eyes, it hurts him to talk about it or to hear about it. I won't do that to him."

"Reba listen to me, you both are hurting like hell. It's going to hurt both of you to talk about this but you have to get past it. It's a step you both have to take together okay?"

"Reba?" just then Scott came around the side of the garage, still only in his boxers. "Are you okay?"

"Is that him?"

"Yes it's Scott. Hold on Lori Anne," I said as I put the phone down.

"I'm alright." I said looking at him as he sat beside me.

"Good. I got really worried about you." I wiped under my eyes to hide the fact that I'd been crying. I knew he could tell anyways.

"Just really hard to deal with right now." I said looking down. He reached over and took my hand.

"I know it is. But you're not alone Reba." He said as he squeezed my hand. I looked up at him.

"Sure feels like it anymore." He lifted my chin to look at him.

"You're not." He said looking me in the eyes. "I'm right here Reba, I don't want you to go into these attacks because you're keeping things bottled up. If you need to get it all out, come to me. I'm here for you to talk too anytime, okay?" I blinked back a few tears as I nodded my head.

"Thank you Scott." he squeezed my hand again and smiled. "Why don't you head back up to bed, I'll be up in just a minute." I said pointing to the phone. "I need to wrap it up here anyway." He leaned over and kissed my forehead before standing.

"Tell her I say hello." I nodded. "See you in a few." He said with a small smile as he headed back into the house.

"I'm back." I said with a sigh as I pressed the phone to my ear.

"Don't lie to him honey." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm not lying to him."

"You told him you were fine when we both know that's a lie."

"Yeah well I'm working on it." I said getting frustrated.

"Go up to bed and let your husband hold you."

"What?"

"You heard me. Reba, go hold your husband till everything's okay."

"Not everything's that simple."

"Yes it is. Go do it."

"I think I might actually."

X xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x xx xxx xx x

Scott

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling after Reba sent me back inside. The things she said on the phone still burning holes through my brain.

How could she think all those things? She won't open up to me because she knows I'm hurting? But aren't I doing the same to her?

Just then I saw a shadow scurry through the hallway and I sat up. I felt my curiosity grow as I crawled out of bed and tip toed into the hallway. I could see the door to the baby's room was cracked slightly. I inched closer and peeked inside.

Reba was sitting in the middle of the floor holding the very first teddy bear I bought for the baby. It broke my heart to see her sitting there so helpless.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was already in the room, down on my knees by her side, and pulling her into a hug.

"Reba, I don't know what to do." I said into her hair as I started to cry.

"What do you mean?" she asked in surprise, her voice was thick with tears.

"I feel like part of me died. I can't wrap my head around the fact that the baby's gone. How, why?" she pulled me into a tighter embrace.

"I don't know either. It hurts so much." Nothing was said for a while as we sat and cried together.

"I need to know." She said with her cheek still pressed against my chest.

"Need to know what?" I asked quietly.

"What the baby was going to be." She got quiet. "Where's the paper?" she asked as she looked up at me.

"It's in the drawer of the changing table." I said as I stared at it. I slowly stood up and walked towards it. I reached out for the drawer with a shaking hand and opened it to see the little envelope.

I slowly reached in and pulled it out before turning towards Reba. She had tears in her eyes but a strong look on her face. She wanted to know what we lost.

I sat down beside her and she took it from me cautiously. Her hands were shaking as she opened the envelope to reveal the little paper inside. She pulled it out and we both looked at the same time to see the words: "it's a baby girl" written out on it.

I felt myself start to cry. I now know what I lost; I lost a daughter… my baby girl.