A/N: Hi guys. I feel so horrible for the lack of update, but I've been very busy. Thankfully I will have the next three months school free, so I can spend the afternoon writing with good conscience. Thank you all for your patience, and as always thanks to my devoted readers and reviewers. You guys are awesome.
Just a side note. I'm thinking about having a poll for the sex of the baby, if you're interested. I think I have made up my mind but it would be lovely to see what you all think. I'm always interested to hear what you have to say.
"Wilson, we have a problem."
"I can't recall how many times you've said that, and each time I take you seriously I end up either humiliated or in jail, so I think I'll hang up."
"No! Really I have a huge problem." House whispered as loudly as he could.
"Where are you? You sound like you're inside a well."
"I'm in the bathroom."
And that wasn't a lie. He sat in the bathtub, fully clothed in a crisp new shirt, and dressy pants Cuddy had picked out for him.
"Arlene is coming to dinner in an hour, and Cuddy's in the kitchen cooking a catastrophe. You have to help me."
"Oh no, you're on your own there. What will Cuddy say if I barge in and drag you out of the house."
"That won't be necessary, but thanks for the offer. I only want you to call my cell before we're having dinner so I can pretend that there's an emergency at the hospital."
"And Cuddy won't suspect anything… I do think you underestimate your girlfriend from time to time."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"House." Cuddy's voice came from the outside of the bathroom, her voice stern.
"Don't you dare try to find a way to weasel your way out of this, and tell Wilson I said hi."
"Shit." House muttered into the phone. "I gotta go, the soon to be mother of my child is about to explode in three, two, one…" He raised his fingers up for the countdown and when he had reached one he pointed to the door which burst open at the same moment. Cuddy emerged into the room; her fine dress hidden under an apron that was stained with brown spots, in her hand was a yellow screwdriver. She placed her hands on her hips and glared at him condescendingly.
"House. My mother will be here in thirty minutes. Get your ass out of the bathtub and help me with dinner."
"If it says 'moo' it's undercooked." House muttered sarcastically.
Cuddy stamped her foot on the ground irritatingly and stormed off.
"I have to go. The missus is about to blow up, and I'll have to clean the remains."
"Good luck. You're gonna need it."
House climbed out of the tub and stumbled out of the bathroom. His shirt, which had been finely pressed by Cuddy, was all wrinkled after his stay in the tub. He limped after Cuddy into the kitchen. When he arrived he immediately regretted following her. Everything was a mess, the sauce was boiling over the pot; the potatoes weren't even cooked, and the meat…he didn't even know where the meat was.
"What the hell…." He muttered and turned off the heat of the sauce, and put the potato gratin in the oven.
"Where's the meat?"
Cuddy, who had dropped down on the next chair gestured feebly to the counter, where something that didn't even remotely seem like meet, lay on a green plate, half covered with aluminum paper. He removed the aluminum paper and saw the remains of what used to be a nice piece of beef. He touched the coaly remains with a fork and watched the crumbles fall off the meat. He glanced in Cuddy's reaction who was trying to look as unbiased as possible, but he could see the distress evident in her face.
"Really?" He pointed at the meat. "How is this even possible?"
"I don't know." Cuddy sighed and buried her head in her hands.
"I think we should just go to a restaurant. Even though I hate her guts I doubt that giving her this will make matters better."
Cuddy's head snapped up quickly.
"And then what? We will tell her and she'll get to humiliate us in public? No thank you. It's humiliating enough to be talked down to in my own home, and besides she would have criticized me for lacking the domestic skills she and Julia have, and for once I just wanted to show her that I can do it."
"Really?" He asked again and pointed the fork again into the meat. Cuddy glared at him.
"God this is even worse than I thought it would be, and my mom isn't even here yet."
House limped to her and sat next to her. He rubbed her back gently.
"We can always back out." He said hopefully.
"No. We're doing this now."
"Why?" He whined.
"Because if I won't do it now I will never do it. It's now or never."
"I pick never. You have never even been that close, she'll probably forgive you for 'accidentally' forgetting to tell her that you're pregnant."
"Don't be such a baby House. It will be fine." She tried to sound upbeat but failed miserably.
"Yeah, that sounds very convincing."
"Oh come on House, you-"
The sound of the bell made Cuddy stop. They're heads turned to the front door, like a deer caught in the headlights. Cuddy started to walk to the door but House put a firm hand on her shoulder, pleading her with his eyes but she shook her head firmly and walked away. She took the apron off and threw it on the counter. She took his hand and dragged him with her to the front door. She opened the door when the second ring rang through the house, revealing a displeased looking Arlene.
House hadn't seen her since he treated her several months before and saw immediately that she had not forgotten that incident. At least he had saved her, the ungrateful wench.
He tried to put up a cheerful smile, but he had never been the one for the fake smiles and the feeling felt odd to the muscles in his cheeks.
Arlene looked at her daughter critically and closed the door. She didn't move from her spot and observed the nervous couple with a pointy stare. She finally raised her eyebrows and tilted her head slightly upwards.
"Well, aren't you going to take my coat?"
House wanted so badly to say something incredibly unpleasant but bit his tongue when he saw Cuddy's stressed gaze. He took the coat off her shoulders and put it in Cuddy's hand.
"All done."
"So what are we having for dinner?" Arlene asked.
House and Cuddy glanced in each other's direction discreetly, both sporting painful expressions on their faces, both thinking that they were totally screwed.
After some quarrelling and necessary decision-making, they ended by serving salad and potatoes. Arlene looked at the food conspicuously aghast, and dug her fork in a piece of lettuce.
"I didn't think you would be one of those men who would convert to vegetarian food."
House swallowed the wine he had been drinking, and nodded his head.
"Yes. Cuddy has been all in this health stuff, so I decided to give it a try. There's absolutely no meat served here." He said with fake enthusiasm and took a large bite.
"I just don't think it's healthy for a growing child to live on vegetables. Kids need protein while they're growing. I always gave you home cooked meal in every mealtime, and Julia does that to."
"Mom." Cuddy interrupted her. "I let her eat healthy food and not some processed meals most kids eat today." She said angrily. Arlene looked at her daughter offended.
"I'm just saying that you should take your sister for an example. She has four kids now. She knows what she's talking about."
"And you're saying that I don't?" Cuddy couldn't hide the hurt in her tone.
House decided to step in.
"How's your health Arlene? Still alive and talking I see."
"I'm very well thank you very much." She said stiffly, then turned to her daughter and placed a hand on hers.
"I'm not saying that you're not a good mother. It's just that I worry that you work so much. You're losing a valuable time and before you'll know it she'll be off to college, and you will be alone thinking how much you missed out of her life."
Cuddy snatched her hand out of her mother's grasp and looked at her coldly.
"I think I know better than you do how much time I spend with my daughter. Unlike you and Julia I have a responsible job, and I can't just quit whenever I want to, so don't judge me for how I raise my daughter."
"I'm not doing that…"
"Yes you are." Cuddy said angrily.
House looked between the two women quietly. He really tried to find any other topic but it seemed impossible when the two women were about to cut each other's throats.
"I'm just worried."
"Well, you don't have to worry about this so…Can we just drop this? Okay?"
"Fine." Arlene said angrily and ate her food silently.
The rest of the dinner was tense, and he could see the vein in Cuddy's neck pulse out. After they had finished she stormed into the kitchen and began to wash the dishes. House took the remains off the table and walked into the kitchen, observing her brush the dishes angrily, attacking each stain with force.
"You okay?" He put the remaining plates into the sink and watched her intently.
"Yes. Everything's fine." She said tersely.
"You don't seem fine."
Cuddy slammed the dish into the sink and looked at him angrily.
"Fine. I'm not okay. I'm just not in the mood for her shit today. I'm tired, my feet ache and my boobs hurt, so no, I'm not okay."
"Why don't we just get it over with? It will be like ripping off a band aid."
"It's never easy when it comes to my mom." She said tiredly. "But I guess you're right."
"Really? Because I was hoping that you would tell me that I was wrong and just skip telling her." He said hopefully. Cuddy rolled her eyes and turned off the water.
She scooped some ice cream out of the fridge and served it on the table with berries and sauce. Her mother, who clearly was used to something a bit more fancy, didn't seem all too thrilled with the dessert.
They were finishing their bowls when Arlene looked up and eyed the pair.
"So when are you going to tell me that you're pregnant?"
Cuddy dropped her spoon on the plate and gaped at her mother.
"I'm not…"
"Oh honey of course you are. For what other reason would you have invited me to dinner?"
"Maybe because I wanted to."
"Don't be foolish. If you would merely want to have dinner you would have gone to a restaurant, but you always invite me to your home when you expect something to go wrong, like the first time you introduced me to Greg. Since you're not wearing an engagement ring I presume that you must be pregnant, and I all I can say is finally."
Cuddy stared at House completely dumbfounded, unable to say anything.
"Although I think you shouldn't be wearing those heels when you're with child, it's not safe."
"Why are you taking this so well?" Cuddy asked shocked.
"Why so surprised? You know I've always wanted many grandchildren."
"Yeah but…"
"There's nothing to be surprised about, although I expect you to get married before the child is born. You don't want to raise a bastard now do you."
"Mom."
"Oh, don't do this to me Lisa. You've always gone your own ways but don't tell me that you haven't thought about it already. One might think that you aren't serious in your relationship, and I believe that a baby is a bigger step than getting married."
"We haven't discussed it yet, and it isn't any of your concern."
"Lisa, you know I'm only thinking about your well being."
She suddenly turned to House and asked him directly.
"What do you think? You've been awfully quiet tonight, and you've been plenty opinionative in our past encounters, you must have some opinions about this."
House glanced at Cuddy who looked nervously back. She shook her head slightly in sign for him to behave.
House smiled halfheartedly and took a sip of his wine before answering, taking his time to think about the answer. Finally he put the glass on the table and looked directly at Arlene.
"I think that this is none of your business." He said matter of fact. "If Cuddy and I want to get married then we'll do it when we see fit, and I don't care about you calling our kid a bastard so if I were you I would hold my tongue."
"I see. It's nice to see that you seem to care about my daughter's well being." She said evenly, although he could see her condescending gaze.
They ate in an uncomfortable silence, and he could see Cuddy get even more uncomfortable with every minute that passed. She had barely touched her food; actually she had barely eaten anything the entire day so her blood sugar must have been way below average. But he didn't want to tell her to eat when her mother was watching them like a hawk.
"Do you want coffee?" Cuddy asked her mother, thankfully breaking the long silence.
"No. I think I'll be going now. I'm kind of tired and you must have had a long day too." She stood up from her chair. Cuddy sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Mom, you don't have to go. We didn't do this right, I'm just exhausted and…"
"You don't have to apologize. Even though I wished you would have told me sooner."
"I know." Cuddy said quietly.
"Now I think I'll be able to catch the ten o'clock train."
"We can drive you." Cuddy offered.
"The train is fine." She said evenly, and House couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.
They walked to the foyer. House had the sense to pick up her coat, even though he wasn't all too fond of the idea at all.
Arlene turned to her daughter and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
"Lisa, I do wish the best for you. You know that. And I am glad that you're finally pregnant, I really am."
"Thank you mom."
They hugged briefly. Arlene turned to House and gave him a death glare before she stretched her hand out for him to shake. He hesitated before he shook it briefly.
"Congratulations Greg. I hope you still remember what I told you five months ago."
"Yes."
"That's good, because I'll stay true to my word."
He was sure that she would indeed hunt him down and kill him if he hurt Cuddy. Thankfully she hadn't heard about his early attempt of escape in her early pregnancy, because he was sure that mama Cuddy would have smacked him in the face if she knew.
She peaked out of the window and opened the front door.
"The car is here. I hope I'll see you soon." Arlene waved her goodbyes and shut the door.
Cuddy breathed a sigh of relief and trotted into the living room and let herself fall on the sofa. She breathed a sigh of relief and closed her eyes.
"God, I'm glad this is over."
House plumped down beside her. She rested her head against his shoulder and sighed tiredly.
"I could fall asleep here, I'm so tired."
"We should go to bed." He muttered, equally as tired.
"Mmhmm." She murmured into his neck. Her breath tickled his neck and he could feel her small hands roam around his frame.
"At least this is over."
"Mmm."
"Are you asleep?"
"No." She mumbled tiredly.
"Come on let's get you to bed." He said and stood up. She curled up on the sofa and didn't show any sign of moving.
"Cuddy. You can't sleep here." He said and kicked the side of the couch with his cane. Her rolled his eyes when he didn't get any response and with one sweep he took her hand and raised her up. She groaned tiredly, and swatted his hand away.
"I'm tired, go away."
"Come on Cuddy."
He finally managed to half carry her tired form to bed and lay beside her. She barely bothered undressing herself, but did it anyway and curled up under the covers, half naked. If he weren't so tired he would have made a move, but he was barely awake himself to undress so when he finally lay down on the mattress he fell asleep instantly.