AN: Hi, lovelies! I'm back with another chapter! I apologize for the wait. But this chapter has some nice D/R relationship advancements that I hope make up for the wait.
Chapter title from the song ''Total Eclipse of the Heart'' by Bonnie Tyler.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters you recognize.
I Melt With You
Written by Becks Rylynn
Chapter Three
turn around, bright eyes
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He waits a few days and then he takes a leap of faith and decides to ask her out on a date. It is longer than he would have waited before.
On Thursday afternoon, while he's on his lunch break, he has to swing by the bar to drop Beth's aging car off. It's a last minute decision that he makes when he sees her. He's only known her for a week and she still seems to prefer his son over him, but they at least chat now without extreme awkwardness. He has spent time with her once a day since Sunday and the more he gets to know her the more attracted he is to her. So he asks her out. It's not rocket science. He has no patience for slow burns. He does not want to be friends. He knows what he wants and he doesn't feel it's necessary to wait any longer.
There are a few lingering lunch customers when he enters the bar, but the place is calm and quiet for the most part. Behind the bar, Beth is talking away to her father and across the room, Ruby is clearing a table. She looks up when he enters, falters just enough to knock over an empty glass and then goes right back to what she's doing. Dean shoots a pointed look in Beth's direction and holds up her keys, jingling them noisily.
Instantly, Beth abandons her father and lets out a little squeal of happiness, darting over to him. ''Thank fuck,'' she bursts out dramatically. ''I can officially breathe again.''
''Get a new car,'' he advises. ''It will blow up. Do you understand me? It will blow up and you will die.''
She scoffs and blatantly ignores him, puckering her lips into a pout. ''Hey,'' she sashays closer to him and touches his arm. ''So I know I said I wasn't going to pay you, but...''
He tunes out the sound of her voice and cranes his neck to look around her shoulder. Ruby isn't paying attention, focusing intently on wiping down the dirty tables in the bar. There is a determined frown on her face and her eyebrows are furrowed in concentration. When Dean eventually has to switch his attention back to Beth, she has just finished offering him sex as payment for fixing her car. He misses the way Ruby lifts her eyes, unhappily looking at the too small space between her sister and Dean. He heaves a sigh and does not react at all to Beth's bedroom eyes. ''That's called prostitution.''
She cackles. ''Such an ugly word.''
''Yeah, no,'' he slams her offer down effortlessly, looking over her shoulder again. ''No way in hell. You deserve better than that.'' He moves to side step her, to get around her and to get to Ruby, but she moves with him. Her flirtatious eyes darken and she sends him a warning glare. He moves the other way; she goes with him. They repeat this at least twice more, until he's ready to throttle her, and then he stops and stares down at her, blinking. ''Step off.''
''Dean - ''
Officially out of patience, he grips her arms, lifts her right off the floor and puts her aside like she's a human chess piece. She makes a small ''eep'' noise and huffs, but he pays no attention to her, striding toward Ruby and hoping that he won't lose his nerve halfway through asking her out. The old Dean wouldn't have any problem asking a girl out, but then again the old Dean probably wouldn't care as much as the new Dean does. It doesn't help that it has been a very long time since he asked someone out on a date and he's almost afraid that the rules may have changed since he has been out of the game.
She doesn't acknowledge his presence until he's right in front of her and even then, it's just to send him an arched eyebrow look and say, ''I'm working.''
''I like working,'' she shrugs. ''It relaxes me.'' She stands straight. ''You don't like your work?''
''It's...fine,'' he shrugs. ''It's work. I'd rather be at home.''
She shakes her head at him and moves past him to the other side of the table. ''Then maybe you're not doing what you love.''
''Ruby,'' he braces his hands on the table and leans forward. ''Go out with me.''
''I can't,'' she shoots him down in an instant, unapologetic and blunt. ''I'm working. Don't make me repeat myself.''
''Not now,'' he corrects. ''Tonight. Or tomorrow. Whenever.''
She stops what she's doing and stands straight once more. She studies him for a moment and then says, ''Elaborate.''
His lips twist into a smile. ''Ruby, do you want to go out on a date with me tomorrow night?''
Her expression gives nothing away. She has stopped working long enough to consider it, though. He's going to go ahead and say that's a good sign. She folds her arms over her chest. ''What would your plans for this date be?''
He wavers and regrets not thinking this through just a little more. ''I don't know. I could take you to the movies.''
She hefts the bucket of dirty dishes into her arms. ''I've never understand why people go to the movies on their first date.'' She moves past him without another word, brushing his shoulder on the way past.
He remains standing frozen, blinking and completely unsure of how to proceed. She's doing this on purpose. ''Okay,'' he follows after her, catching up to her and nearly bumping into her when she stops to pick up a plate. ''Then I'll take you out for dinner.''
She stops walking and turns around, coming this close to whacking him with the bucket in her arms. She doesn't even notice. ''Where?''
''Pick a place.''
''It's highly unlikely that we have the same taste in restaurants,'' she says logically. ''And what if I pick some insanely expensive place that you can't afford?''
''Ruby,'' he says her name firmly, just to get through to her, and takes a step closer. He's not sure what it is, what he's done, but her entire body flinches at that, and she nearly loses the grip on the bucket of dishes. He stops immediately, mildly startled by her reaction. She seems irritated with herself for it, pinching her lips together and dropping her gaze to the ground. But she recovers quickly and when she lifts her head again, her eyes are hard and determined. She refuses to look away from him. Cautiously, he says her name again, softer this time, ''Ruby.'' He takes the heavier than expected bucket from her hands. ''I want to go on a date with you.''
There it is. He's laying all his cards out right now.
She appears genuinely floored by that. Surprise melts into her eyes and her lips form an 'o' shape. God help him, he thinks it's fucking adorable. She quickly masks the surprise on her face by pursing her lips and giving him a suspicious onceover. ''Why?''
He laughs, not unkindly. ''Because I like you.''
''Oh.'' She goes beet red and has to duck her head. ''...Yeah, okay.''
He drops her hands and takes a step back. ''Really?''
She laughs. It's this raspy little laugh that comes right from her throat. ''Well,'' she drawls, raising her eyes to him, smirk on her lips. ''Don't act so surprised, Winchester. Did you really think I was going to say no?'' And then she winks at him, spins on her heel and walks away.
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Their date is...not entirely what he had been expecting.
He would like to preface this by saying that he hates crowds. They're too crowded. He is a country boy. He was built for cold weather, dust, and not a lot of people. Ruby, on the other hand, loves crowds. She enjoys being around a lot of people. She is not a people person. She is pretty standoffish and blunt, but she likes being a part of a crowd. She likes to blend in. He learns this on their first date.
Their first date is on a warm Friday night with the sky full of stars and beauty, and she tells him when he picks her up that she doesn't want to waste it inside some busy restaurant. She makes him drive into the city where there is some art festival going on and he lets her because it will make her happy. He thinks that the fact that he's letting her boss him around must mean something. He's just not sure what. Can't say he's ever been in this situation before.
And fuck it, he has a great time.
Truth is he doesn't think it would have mattered where they went or what they did. He has a great time because he's with her. Fuck you, he's allowed to say that. He's normal now. It goes as well as a first date could go. There are awkward pauses and strange quirks that you wouldn't have expected the other to have in a million years, but there is a level of comfort that he doesn't think he's has in a long time.
Mostly, on the first date, there is a lot of talking and a lot of learning. After the art festival, after she has spent about an hour trying to teach him about art and after he has spent an hour watching her face as she studies old ass paintings, she drags him for a walk along the river. They talk about their childhoods, what it was like growing up knowing about the things that go bump in the night, he tells her about Ben, about his father, he tells her that he's bisexual, which he has never told anyone but Sam, he makes her tell him more about the first night they met when they were kids, and she makes him tell her his most embarrassing story.
By the time they get to the restaurant, he desperately wants to keep talking. It's an unusual feeling for him.
He's not entirely sure the feeling is mutual. Ruby is not what one would call an open book. She keeps a lot of things close to the vest. At this point, he thinks she knows more about him than he knows about her, but she's getting there. He can tell. He still doesn't know what trauma she's been through and he'll wait until she's good and ready to hear that story, but he wants to know something about her, so... He asks about her life in Los Angeles.
She hesitates when he asks, lowering her gaze, twirling her pasta around her plate. He watches her lick her lips slowly; watches as she frowns deeply, anxiety lighting up her eyes. ''It's mostly just school,'' she says, finally.
''Mostly,'' he echoes.
She lifts her gaze. ''Dean,'' she starts, and then stops. She heaves a defeated sounding sigh and puts her fork down. He worries she'll run again.
''Listen,'' he says quickly, leaning forward a little. ''If you have someone waiting for you...''
''No.'' She shakes her head adamantly. ''No, that's not it. It's just, um - There's... There's something I think I should tell you...'' She trails off and doesn't say anything for a long time. ''Okay,'' she exhales. ''I have this cousin. He's eight years older than me. He's a great guy. We've always been close. He and his wife live in LA. I lived with them when I first moved. They're the only family I have in California. I would do anything for them.''
That is honestly not anything like what he had been expecting her big secret to be. He furrows his brows, confused. ''Okay...''
''He and his wife can't have kids,'' she says slowly. ''They tried for years, but it just wasn't happening for them. She wasn't able to carry a baby. So, when I moved to LA...''
Oh.
Oh.
''You're their surrogate.''
She smiles. ''I was. Their twin girls are about eight months old now. I babysit them all the time.''
Dean pauses to process the information. All right, well, that explains why she's so great with kids. But, did she really expect him to run because of that? ''I - Ruby, I think that's a fucking amazing and selfless thing to do. Is that - Did you think it would scare me away?''
''At first I did,'' she says, and does not sound apologetic at all. ''It tends to freak some people out that I've given birth to twins. My body isn't - '' She presses her lips together. ''I have stretch marks all over, you know.''
He shrugs. ''So? I have scars all over from hunting. At least your stretch marks are the sign of something good and not almost dying.''
Briefly, surprise flickers across her face, lips parting. A smile starts across her lips, turning into a full fledged grin. She looks so unbelievably relieved. ''Really?''
''Ruby, I know I can be an asshole,'' he smirks, ''but I promise, I'm not shallow.''
She exhales. ''I'm glad.''
''I like you,'' he blurts out, before he can stop himself. ''I mean, I really like you. I think you're fucking awesome. You're smart, you're gorgeous, you're way out of my league, my kid freaking adores you, and frankly, you kind of scare me a little. But I like you. It's going to take a hell of a lot more to scare me away.'' He notices that, at that, her smile slips a little. He's not an idiot. He knows that there is more. That her past a surrogate is not why her parents and sister are so wildly overprotective of her. He knows that there was a trauma that she hasn't spoken of. He knows that she has bigger secrets hidden in her guarded eyes. He's willing to wait to learn them. ''Ruby,'' he says, and leans across the table to take her hand. ''I'm not going anywhere.''
She beams.
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It flows. Their first date flows so naturally and easily. He likes this girl and he's not afraid of liking her. That's why it's different. He's not going to be packing up and leaving her in a couple weeks, never to be seen or heard from again. They could have a future together if they wanted to.
Oddly enough, that takes the pressure off.
It seems like the date is only a couple of hours, not nearly long enough, but when Dean drops Ruby off at her parents' place, it's nearly one in the morning. She is the one asking him out this time, proposing that she cook him and the boys dinner tomorrow night. She hesitates on her doorstep before she says goodnight to him and he doesn't even have the time to wonder if he should be trying to kiss her because she steps down off the stoop, curls her hand around his shirt and plants one on him. She stands on her tip toes and kisses him softly on the lips.
She is a great kisser. She tastes like cherry lip gloss and there is warmth in her kiss that he takes great delight in. It's not like a 'how horny am I?' kind of warmth that is spreading to his lower regions either; it's more of a 'this girl is some kind of special' type of warmth that floods through every part of him. It's not an over the top kiss, just a soft kiss on the lips, open mouthed, no tongue.
She pulls away, eyes sparkling, and lays a hand on his chest. ''Good night, Dean,'' she murmurs, tweaking his ear. She gives him a secretive smile that's just for him and the she winks. ''I'll see you tomorrow.''
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Their second date goes even better.
It even involves chaos and smoke alarms.
On their second official date, she shows up on his doorstep with about a billion grocery bags, fully prepared to make dinner for four. Like most everything he has seen her do, productivity wise, she throws herself into preparing for a gourmet roast chicken dinner, complete with roasted potatoes and green beans. The only problem with this scenario is that she cannot cook to save her life. She also does not like to be corrected, which leads to them getting into their first bickering match. But she has such a great time getting to know Sam that all of the problems that follow, regarding just how edible the food is, rolls right off of her. She already loves Ben and Ben already adores her, so her mission tonight is to get Sam and Copper on Team Ruby.
Sam is easy. They chat while he's helping her with dinner and geek out over foreign languages and classic literature. By the end of the night, there are two other dudes who Dean is going to have to wrestle just to get her attention for a split second. He wouldn't have it any other way.
It's Copper who winds up being the problem. You know that thing that cats do when they don't trust you and are plotting world domination? How their backs arch and their hair stands on end while they circle you, hissing and calling you names in their heads? Copper does that to people she doesn't like or trust. Ruby is, apparently, one of those people. Because - yeah, Ben may think he's a dog sometimes, but Copper thinks she's a cat all of the time. She is quite obviously very, very wary about having another female sniffing around her boys. When she's not eyeing Ruby distrustfully, she is growling if the chick even dares to touch a Winchester.
No matter what Ruby does (and she does a lot - from offering Copper dog treats to crossing her heart and swearing out loud that she is not a gold digger nor is she an infamous heartbreaker) Copper does not approve. But Ruby is in a determinedly good mood tonight. Not even CatDog can ruin that. Not even dinner mishaps can spoil the evening.
When she burns the potatoes and sets off the smoke alarm, she shrugs and throws them away. When the chicken comes out undercooked and pink, she pops it back in the oven without even a groan of frustration. When the chicken then comes out way too dry and inedible and everyone is sitting around the dinner table trying to politely force it down, she takes it all in stride. ''Oh!'' She drops her fork and looks up, eyes lit up happily. ''Grilled cheese and tomato soup! I can do that!''
They wind up having a strange meal that consists of grilled cheese, chicken noodle soup because they were out of tomato soup and green beans (which, let's be honest, nobody eats) and - yeah, all right. It's not exactly the gourmet meal she was going for, but it doesn't even touch her. She apologizes smoothly and tells them that she may not be a master chef, but she can bake. A fact that she then proves by serving them an apple pie that blows all other pies out of the water. Her mother taught her, she explains.
It's during the meal that she finally manages to win over Copper by giving her a small piece of grilled cheese and a spoonful of vanilla ice cream. Copper's pretty much good to go after that, giving her stamp of approval by rubbing her head against Ruby's legs because that is what cats do.
She has officially earned a place in the Winchester family by the end of the evening.
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He is the one who kisses her this time, in the driveway, up against her car. She is smiling knowingly, a twinkle in her eye as she tells him to, ''Admit it. There was a large part of this evening that was a test.''
He chuckles. ''Oh, it was a big test.''
''Well, don't keep me in suspense,'' she teases. ''Tell me, Mr. Winchester. Did I pass?''
He steps closer to her and daringly snakes an arm around her waist, pulling her flush against his body. ''With flying colors.'' He leans in slowly and kisses her, one hand coming up to cup her cheek, thumb brushing over her soft skin. It's a little more than their first kiss and there is a little tongue this time, but it's still not too much, even if he perhaps wants too much. She melts into him and kisses back, one hand weaving around to the small of his back, his shirt held tightly between her fingers. ''Well,'' he announces when he pulls away. ''I think this is going very well, don't you think this is going very well?''
She laughs and brings a hand to his cheek. ''It is. Don't jinx it.''
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''I like her,'' Sam declares from his spot in between Ben and Copper, with the dog's head in his lap and the toddler leaning against him, happily sucking down some apple juice. ''She...'' He pauses, nose wrinkling as he searches for the right words. ''She fits nicely.''
Dean is sure that the goofy way his entire face lights up is probably a little embarrassing, but he doesn't give a fuck. ''Yeah?''
Sam nods and offers his brother a small meaningful smile. ''Yeah.''
Ben yanks his sippy cup away from his lips with a disgruntled scoff. ''Daddy,'' he hisses, waving to the television he's trying to watch. ''Ssshhh.''
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The next couple of weeks are full of dates and getting to know each other and you know what? Dean is having a fantastic time with this whole ''normal'' thing.
By the time two weeks have passed, he'd go so far as to say he might possibly have a girlfriend. She laughs at his jokes even when they're not funny. Whenever she comes over for dinner at his place, Ben lights up like it's the best day of his life. He's surprised her with taking her into the city to go dancing because he knows she likes to dance. He is spending more time at her parents' house. They've even made out in her childhood bedroom.
He doesn't even care that they haven't had sex yet. The Dean before fatherhood and normalcy definitely would have been at least mildly bothered but he's just... He enjoys spending time with her so much that he doesn't even care. He'll gladly take it slow if it means that this is real. He wants it to be real so badly.
And then, a little over two weeks after their first date, on a Saturday date night, everything changes.
Dean doesn't start out the evening expecting anything to happen.
He starts out the evening stressed out and running late, running around like a chicken with its head cut off. He likes Ruby and he has a genuinely good time on these dates, but it's still really hard to force himself to leave Ben for hours at a time. He knows Sam is capable and he knows Ben always has a great time with his Uncle Sammy, but it's just hard. Sometimes Dean feels like he's burdening his brother (oh, don't be an idiot, is Sam's response to this fear, you like a girl; it's not the end of the world) and sometimes he feels like he's robbing his son of time with his father.
It's really hard to date and be a parent at the same time. You have to find someone who understands that no matter what, your main focus is always going to be on your child. There is a certain kind of helplessness that comes with being a parent. He may not know everything about Ruby yet, but one of the things he does know is that she understands this.
When he finally makes it to Ruby's place, the door flings open and Joey is standing there, arms crossed over his chest. For a second, Dean thinks he's going to get an earful about being late. But then Joey says, gruffly, ''This is what, Dean? Your seventh date?''
Dean stares. ''Uh, yeah, something like that. Why?''
Joey narrows his eyes. ''What are you going to do with my daughter tonight, Dean?''
''I...think we're just going to get something to eat. Is that wrong?''
Joey looks at him. Just stands there and looks at him. ''Are you planning on pressuring my daughter into sex tonight?''
Dean stiffens, offended. ''Sir, I would never pressure your daughter into anything she didn't want to do.''
Joey, while seemingly relieved by that, leans in close to Dean, jabs at his chest and says, ''That better be true, Winchester, because after what she's been through - ''
''Dad!''
Both men turn their attention to Ruby. She's standing behind Joey, eyes aflame, hands on her hips, lips pinched together. She does not look pleased. The look she's giving her father can only be described as a warning. ''Exactly what do you think you're doing?'' She demands, deadly calm.
Her father smiles jovially. ''Just having a friendly conversation with your boyfriend, honey!'' He claps a hand down on Dean's shoulder. Tightly. It actually hurts a lot. Dean fights not to wince.
She raises her eyebrows. ''Really?''
''Of course,'' Joey laughs. ''What else would I be doing?'' He takes his hand off of Dean's shoulder (thank god) and moves over to Ruby. ''It's important that we get to know each other.''
''Dad, you already know Dean.''
''Sure, as a hapless single father,'' Joey says.
Dean screws his face up in offense. ''Hapless? I'm not hap - ''
''I don't really know him as your boyfriend.''
Ruby sighs. She's standing in front of the hallway mirror, putting her lipstick on. ''Well, that's great and all, Daddy, but we haven't even used the words boyfriend and girlfriend, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't scare him off.''
''He's not scaring me off,'' Dean pipes up, propping a shoulder up against the doorframe. He still hasn't crossed the threshold of the house. He's a little scared of what might happen if he does. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition. ''I'm perfectly content with being your boyfriend.''
She halts, lipstick half on, and turns to look at him, eyebrows raised. She smiles slowly and quickly finished with her lipstick. He can see from her reflection in the mirror that she's blushing.
A grin starts on his lips, and then almost immediately fizzles when he sees the look Joey is giving him. ''Honey,'' Joey moves to stand next to Ruby, leaning down to speak to her quietly. ''I want you to be careful with this. After everything - ''
''Dad,'' she says sternly. ''I know. I love you for worrying about me,'' she leans up to kiss his cheek and then wipes the lipstick off his cheek with her thumb. ''But I can handle myself, okay? I'll see you later. If I don't see you and Mom before you leave, have fun in Vermont.'' She pats his cheek, smiles fondly, and then grabs her sweater and purse. She greets Dean with a smile and a kiss on the side of the lips. Her red lipped smile is blinding and confident, more so than usual. ''Ready to go?''
He nods and lets her take his hand and lead him away from the house. He does not miss the way Joey pulls the curtains back to watch them drive away. Turns out, Joey Daniels is a warm and welcoming man. But a damn protective father.
Dean can respect that.
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The date goes off without a hitch. She drags him to some boring art exhibit that one of her high school friends has something to do with and then they go to a bar that turns out to be too loud and too smoky. But it's not really what happens during the date that's important. It's what happens after.
At around two in the morning, long after Ben and Sam have gone to sleep, after a night of drinking, talking and laughing, Dean takes Ruby back to his place. They are not drunk. They're not even tipsy. They have both consumed just enough alcohol to lower their inhibitions, but not enough so that they don't know what they're doing. They know exactly what they're doing.
It starts out innocently, with an offer of coffee.
The house is quiet, all other residents fast asleep, and they're both glad to be back in a more relaxed environment, unlike the overly noisy bar that they had chosen to go to. Everything is lazy and comfortable. Ruby is sitting on the couch with her feet curled under her, Dean is making coffee, and Copper is lounging on the armchair, watching closely. Ruby is a little quiet and when he gets back into the living room with the coffee pot and the mugs, he thinks he might see a note of anxiety in her eyes. He doesn't know why, until she decides to just jump headfirst into the subject on her mind.
The subject on her mind being intercourse.
''Dean?'' She begins quietly, as he's leaning forward to spoon some sugar into his coffee mug.
''Hmm?''
''It's common courtesy to exchange info about past sexual partners with future lovers to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases - ''
He jerks involuntarily, effectively startled, and he spills the sugar. ''Jesus Christ.''
'' - And I want you to know I'm clean and healthy.''
''Oh, well, uh,'' he clears his throat and tries not to trip and stumble over his words. ''That's - That's good to know.''
Blankly, she reaches forward to put her mug down on the table. Completely oblivious to the stunned look on his face, she goes on. ''You're clean as well, right?''
Still dumbfounded (not by her question or even the topic, but by her directness), he manages a nod. ''I - yes?''
His answer doesn't seem to appease her in the slightest because she pulls her lips into a thin line and folds her hands in her lap primly. ''You sound unsure.''
''No, I'm sure,'' he assures her. ''I'm all good. I just... You have no patience for subtlety, do you?''
That gets a laugh out of her. ''Very little. Also, I'm on birth control pills but I think it's best that we also use condoms. Hey, kids are great but you already have one, I'm definitely not ready to be pregnant again, and I don't think either of us is equipped for another right now. So, I have some, but for your comfort, yours are probably best because at this time I don't know anything about your preference or your...'' She trails off, lips curving into a barely there smirk. ''...Size. You do have condoms, right?''
Once again at a loss for words, he nods dumbly.
She nods in satisfaction. ''Now, just, um, as a warning,'' she clears her throat. ''My last partner wasn't, um...'' She stops again, momentarily, and looks down. Her fingers meticulously tug at her dress, picking at the fabric. She clears her throat uncomfortably and one hand flies to the locket around her neck, smoothing her thumb over it again. ''He wasn't very nice,'' she says, and that's all she says.
His lips thin. It makes him irrationally angry to think of her being treated wrong. It is a fast fall with this girl. He'll realize that later. He watches her for a moment and then hesitantly takes her hand. He feels a little bit like an awkward fifteen-year-old virgin about to lose it in the backseat of a car (again) but he has come to realize that this is nothing new when it comes to Ruby. Everything kind of feels like the first time with her, as painfully cliché as that sounds. ''I'll be nice,'' he promises.
She lifts her eyes and a small laugh gets stuck in her throat. ''Yes, I imagine you will be.''
He relaxes slightly but doesn't let go of her hand. ''You do this when you're nervous, don't you?''
The hand that is still fiddling with her locket falls away and she freezes as if she has been caught red handed. ''Do what?''
''Get all...'' He tries to search for a way to put it. ''...Literal and blunt.''
The tiny smile on her face turns into a full blown grin. It's that same 'I know something you don't' smile that drew him into her gravity in the first place. ''Do you not like my bluntness?''
''Oh, I like it,'' he rasps. ''I just don't want you to be nervous with me. I'm not going to hurt you.''
''I know,'' she murmurs. She doesn't say anything else and she's not meeting his eyes. There's something gnawing at him, something he feels like she's not telling him. He reaches out to brush a strand of her hair out of her face. ''We don't have to do this tonight,'' he says. ''If you think I need this - ''
''Dean.'' She meets his eyes. ''I trust you. I need you to know what a big deal that is.''
''I - I do.''
She nods. ''I want this,'' she says, a little breathlessly. ''I want you.'' She scoots closer to him until she's practically in his lap. ''I just - I need you to go slow with me.''
''As slow as you need,'' he promises. She nods again, kisses him before he can say anything else, and that's the end of that.
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It's been a long time since he was this nervous about having sex with someone. She seems to forget about whatever anxieties she's having the second she steps over the threshold into his bedroom, full of hunger and want, but he is a little more hesitant. She deserves the best. She deserves sweetness he's not sure he has in him anymore and he knows he needs to try his best here.
He meant it when he said he would be nice to her and it's a promise he keeps. There is no frenzy, no desperation; they are not frantically groping each other in the backseat of a car; they are not attempting to have a quickie in the bathroom of a bar or in a dirty alleyway. He takes his time, kisses her the way she should be kissed, touches her until she squirms...
He's not going to ever tell her this, but he can tell she's not that experienced. There is a rhythm that she doesn't quite know, a tentativeness to her movements that makes him wonder, and an awkwardness that seems to hang around, but he doesn't care. He is as gentle as he can possibly be, keeping his promise to go slow, and eventually, they manage to work out the kinks.
She seems to be okay. She seems to be enjoying herself, tightening her legs around him, asking for more, even asking for harder, and he knows he's enjoying himself, so he loosens up, lets go of the nerves, and takes her there.
He's had a lot of sex in his life. That's how he got Ben. But he's never really had sex like this. It may sound massively roll-your-eyes cheesy, but he could totally get on board with making love. It's actually pretty mind blowing.
That is, perhaps, one of the most terrifying feelings he has ever experienced. But it is also thrilling, exhilarating and intoxicating. No wonder people fall in love. Monogamy. Huh. He had never given it much thought before, because it had never been on the table before. He thinks he could enjoy it with her.
It's a great night. He gets his and he makes damn sure she gets her, and she falls asleep first with this hazy little smile on her face, one leg curled around his. He thinks it has been a success and he thinks that she is happy and okay.
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.
Until he wakes up in the morning to chirping birds and sunny, sunny sunlight.
Alone.
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.
.
Well.
All right, so clearly he has done something wrong somewhere along the line. He just can't figure out what. Did he say something to offend her? Was he not as nice as he thought he was? Did he hurt her? Did that thing he did with his tongue freak her out? Was the sex bad? (DEAR GOD, PLEASE NO.) He feels a little foolish, to be honest. He knows they were both nervous and he knows it was awkward at first but he had thought everything was fine and dandy. He should have noticed if something was making her uncomfortable.
The morning is a tense affair for him. While he's busy pouring orange juice and making oatmeal for Ben, he's also got his phone pressed to his ear, desperately trying to get through to Ruby. She's not answering her cell and he's not about to phone her parents just to say ''oh, hi, I think your daughter and I had bad sex last night and I'd like to try again so if you could just put her on the phone, that would be great, thanks'' because Joey would murder him and so he continues calling her cell, leaving message after message. Eventually, after about five missed calls, it starts going directly to voicemail.
Frustrated and more than a little hurt, Dean slams his phone down on the kitchen counter and slumps into a chair at the table. Across from him, Ben is quietly eating his oatmeal. Ben has always been one of those kids who are really quiet in the mornings. Even when he was a baby and up half the night screaming his lungs out, he was always cool and calm in the mornings. Today is no different. He has just recently managed to master the ability to eat oatmeal by himself (he's great with other foods but his mentality toward oatmeal seems to mostly be fuck this, if you want to make me eat this, you have to shove it in my mouth yourself) and he's busy putting his newfound skills to the test, alternating between eating and wiping his sleep encrusted eyes on his bear. He watches his dad closely, following him with his eyes as Dean leaves one last confused and pleading message on Ruby's voicemail.
When Dean slams his phone down and collapses at the table, Ben regards him silently from his high chair. He puts his spoon down, picks up Mommy from the table and holds the bear out to Dean. ''Daddy,'' he says. ''Mommy make you feel better.''
Dean lets out a slightly subdued laugh and takes the sticky teddy bear. Mental note: Wash Mommy. ''Thanks, buddy.''
''You smile now,'' Ben orders firmly, leaving no room for discussion.
Dean smiles.
Satisfied with his cheer up daddy abilities, Ben scoops up another gooey spoonful of oatmeal and shovels it into his mouth. Between the bites of his goopy and sticky breakfast, he somehow manages to mumble out a question. It's a little hard to understand, but from what Dean deciphers, the question is something along the lines of, ''Do you think Miss Ruby will come over and play with us today?''
Dean lets out a long sigh and tightens his finger around the teddy bear. ''I don't know, kiddo. Probably not.''
''I like Miss Ruby,'' Ben says with a nod.
Dean stands, briefly running a hand over his son's head on the way to the coffee pot. ''I know. I like her too.''
Ben looks thoughtful. ''We should - We should keep her forever like Copper.''
Preaching to the choir.
Dean scoffs into his coffee. ''You have no idea, kid.''
.
.
.
The day does not go well for Dean.
After breakfast, he suddenly realizes that playing one sided telephone tag is going to get him nowhere, so he drags Sam out of bed, tells him to watch Ben and goes in search of Ruby. His search is cut pathetically short when he remembers that other than her parents' place and the bar, he has no idea where she would go in this town if she were upset.
He goes over to her parents' first and there is no answer when he knocks on the door. The bar is next, but it's closed for the day and he suddenly remembers that Joey and Victoria have headed out of town this morning, to spend their anniversary weekend at some bed and breakfast in Vermont. He thinks about calling Beth for help, but quickly decides against that particular kamikaze mission because she'd probably just kill him or something equally as overdramatic. Discouraged and dejected, Dean has no choice but to return home, still unaware of what has happened.
It doesn't take long for the rejection to wear off, quickly being replaced by indignation. He didn't do anything wrong. At least he thinks he didn't do anything wrong... He couldn't have done anything wrong. He doesn't know what her problem is, but it's not him. It can't be. He did everything right. He tried so hard to do everything right. Maybe this is just what she does. Maybe this was all a fucking game to her. You know what? That's fine. He doesn't need her. He's got everything he needs.
With his nose stuck directly up in the air, feeling defensive and on edge, Dean goes about his day as normal as he can and does his best to at least pretend he's not thinking about her. He takes Ben and Copper to the dog park where he and Ben try to teach Copper how to high five and play dead, he fixes the leaky faucet in the kitchen, he does laundry, he goes grocery shopping and he almost manages to stop thinking about She Who Must Not Be Named a few times.
Then there's Beth.
Just before he has to start making dinner, he is playing a riveting game of Candyland with Ben. Right in the middle of the nail biting game, there is a fast, loud rapping at the door and Beth's shrill voice screeches out, ''Dean! Open this goddamn door! I know you're in there, you asshole!''
Dean groans and drops his head into his hands. Right. Of course. Just what he needs to make this day complete. He thinks maybe he should have seen this one coming.
Beside him, Ben looks up at him with worry in his eyes. Sam takes his eyes off his book and arches an eyebrow. Copper lets out a ferocious and overprotective growl.
''Sam, take over for me,'' Dean orders lightly, rising to his feet. ''Don't let this little cheater win.'' He sends what he hopes is a convincingly unfazed grin in his son's direction and winks, before striding over to the door. The moment he opens the door, he is greeted by a perfectly manicured hand.
When it slaps him in the face.
It's quite a hard slap and she's wearing a ring, so double ow. It is also massively unexpected and uncalled for. The slap may stun him, but Copper is all action. In the living room, Ben appears frightened by the act of violence against his father, crawling into Sam's lap quietly and as soon as she sees even a trace of fear on Ben's face, Copper is off like a rocket. Full on barking her face off, she leaps off the chair she had been napping on and races toward the foyer, ready to pounce on Beth. She is snarling and growling, baring her teeth protectively. In an effort to protect Beth from being mauled to death by the world's cutest guard dog, Dean quickly pushes her outside and closes the door, with Copper barking angrily on the other side of the door. Barely sparing a glance at Beth, he pokes his head back in the door and stares down at Copper. ''Jesus Christ,'' he grunts out when she pushes on the door with her front paws and nearly decapitates him. ''What's your damage? You're like a really hairy, really small jealous girlfriend. Take a chill pill, Copper.''
Copper sits down on the floor and lowers the tone of her growl.
''Cool your fucking jets,'' he warns.
He closes the door again and turns back around to face Beth, who appears to be getting more and more livid with each moment that passes. ''Beth,'' he greets cautiously. ''What can I do for - ''
''What'd you do to her, Dean?'' She demands, one hand on her hip.
''I didn't do anything.''
''Bullshit! Tell me what you did!''
''Nothing!''
She does not accept that answer. Her eyes flash and before he has a chance to stop her, she grabs his shirt with her fists of fury and shoves him back up against the door, eyes narrowed. ''I warned you,'' she says lowly. ''I told you to stay away from her. Do you think I said that just because I'm a crazy bitch? Please,'' she sneers. ''I am doing this to protect my sister! I may be a bitch, but I'm a bitch who protects the people - ''
''What makes you think she needs protecting from me?'' He snaps, swatting her hands away from him and standing straight.
Her fiery eyes burn through him like streams of lava and she pokes at his chest. ''Well, she certainly needed protecting from her last boyfriend,'' she spits out venomously. ''After what that waste of space did, I'm not letting anything happen to her ever again.''
''Okay, I have no idea what you're talking about,'' he snaps.
She pulls back, softening her glare a little. ''You...'' She narrows her eyes. ''She didn't tell you about Cody?''
''Who the fuck is Cody?''
Her shoulders visibly deflate. ''Oh, shit.'' She releases a breath, pressing a hand to her forehead, flustered. ''She hasn't told you.''
''Hasn't told me what?''
She sighs and shakes her head. ''Her ex,'' she says. ''Cody,'' she spits the name out like it is poison. ''He wasn't a good man. He did a lot of bad shit.'' She fidgets, looking uncomfortable. ''Just - fucked up things. A lot of those things are still with her.''
He swallows. He remembers, He wasn't very nice. He doesn't know what he had thought that meant but suddenly all of these horrific, dark things are in his head. He can't help but think of all of the times Ruby has flinched away from him or looked nervous if he raised his voice and - son of a bitch, he has never wanted to punch someone as badly as he wants to punch that piece of shit. ''Like what? What did he do to her?''
She shakes her head. ''If she wants to tell you, she'll tell you in her own time. I'm not spilling my sister's secrets. Just...'' She sighs again and he watches her grip on her purse straps tighten, knuckles white. ''She's fragile, Dean.''
''No, she's not.'' His adamant denial startles her into silence and he takes advantage of it, continuing on. ''Look, I don't know what she's been through. I don't know what shit has happened to her, what trauma she's been through, but I am telling you right now that she is not fragile. She's not the broken little doll you and your parents like to think she is. She's a survivor. She's the strongest person I've ever met.''
Beth doesn't look at him.
He blows out a breath. ''Beth, I respect that you want to protect your sister. I do. I get that.'' He scrubs a hand over his face and tries to imagine every possible outcome of the situation he is about to create. In every one of them, she hits him. ''But maybe she doesn't need you protecting her,'' he says carefully. ''Maybe what she really needs is for you to back off and let her fight her own damn battles.''
As expected, she does not take kindly to his unsolicited advice. She shoots a nasty scowl at him and shoves at his chest unapologetically. ''You're a goddamn hypocrite, you know that?'' She throws back at him. ''All you fucking do is overprotect your little brother.''
''Beth - ''
''I want you to stay away from my sister,'' she orders.
He sighs. She is not going to make this easy, is she? He squares his shoulders and towers over her, staring down at her with a cool glare. ''No.''
Her cheeks flush an angry red. ''You listen to me - ''
''No, you listen to me!'' He takes a step closer. ''I like your sister, Beth! I like her a lot. I don't know who you think I am, but whatever happened to her, whatever her ex did, I am not him. I don't hurt people.''
She still does not look one little bit convinced. ''She came home in the middle of the night crying,'' she blurts out, crossing her arms. ''And what? I'm just supposed to believe you had nothing to do with that?''
Dean swallows and tries to ignore the slight pang in his chest. ''Yes.''
She snorts.
''Beth,'' he groans and rubs at his forehead. ''I swear, I have no idea what's going on with her, okay? I can promise you that. I thought - '' He shakes his head. ''It doesn't matter what I thought. But I didn't do anything. I like her.''
Her lips pucker as she stares at him, attempting to stare him down. When he doesn't waver, she falters briefly. A long breath leaves her lips and the mask of anger dissipates. The wall of rage crumbles and she turns away from him, sinking onto the top step. He frowns and looks behind him. He is not entirely well versed in this and he's not exactly sure how to proceed, so he proceeds with caution. Slowly, he takes a seat next to her and waits for her to speak up. ''So, like, you...'' She looks over at him, meeting his eyes. For the first time in a very long time, her eyes are clear and soft, devoid of anger and seduction; no make up to cover up the real emotions that she finds so unacceptable in life. This is the Beth he could have fleetingly grown fond of. ''You really like her?''
''...I do.''
''Why?''
He arches an eyebrow at her.
''I mean,'' she stops, tripping over her words. ''Your reasons. Are they shallow prick reasons, or do you really like her for her? Because if this is just about getting in her pants - ''
''Okay, one: For the millionth time, I am not some douchebag frat boy. Two: I like her because she's a great person, Beth. She's got a great sense of humor and razor sharp wit, she's gorgeous, she's intelligent and kind, she adores my son and my son wants to be her best friend, and she's just - ''
''Not me,'' she finishes quietly.
He bites his lip. ''Beth - ''
''No,'' she shrugs. ''It's okay. It's true.''
''I see a lot of heart in her,'' he muses quietly. ''I need that in my life right now.''
''Oh,'' she laughs. ''She's all heart. Believe me.''
''Beth,'' he says after a beat of silence. ''I honestly don't know what happened last night. You have to believe me. I thought that everything was fine. We had a good time together. Or at least I thought we did. I don't - ''
She holds a hand up, stopping him mid sentence. ''I believe you. Just give her a little time.'' She stops and looks away from him, picking at her way too short denim skirt. ''I'm not going to stop trying to protect my sister,'' she mumbles.
''I'm not going to stop liking her,'' he counters.
A brief smile flickers on her lips. She crosses her bare legs primly and tucks a strand of dark hair behind her ear. ''He nearly broke her, Dean.'' Her voice is quiet and hesitant; full of guilt and regret, softer than he has ever heard it sound before. ''Her last boyfriend,'' she elaborates. ''He nearly broke her.'' She eyes him closely, still looking partially on the fence about him and the relationship he is trying to pursue with her sister. She narrows her eyes again and leans in to poke at his chest. ''Don't break her, Dean.''
He locks his jaw. ''I wouldn't dare.''
She smiles at him for barely a millisecond and then sweeps to her feet. ''Well,'' she brushes the dust off her skirt and clears her throat, eyes hardening. ''As long as you understand that if you hurt her, I will rip off your balls and shove them down your throat, I suppose I could try to stop openly voicing my hatred for your relationship with my sister.''
He wets his lips. ''I would greatly appreciate that.''
She harrumphs and flicks her hair over her shoulder. ''Whatever. I gotta bounce.'' She doesn't offer him anything else, least of all a smile or an apology for wrongly accusing him of hurting her sister. He looks up at the sky and rolls his eyes. She skips down the steep steps as fast as possible in her sky high wedge sandals and when she's made it about halfway to her rust bucket, she stops. She doesn't turn around, but she inclines her head ever so slightly, calling his name. ''Dean.''
He looks up.
She heaves a sigh and turns. She looks mildly annoyed at having to play mediator. ''She likes you too, you know,'' she says bluntly. ''A lot. I don't think she's liked anyone like this in a long time. She just has all this shit fogging her up right now. Things she doesn't want to put on your shoulders. She doesn't like inviting people into her problems. Just give her some time.'' She spins on her heel to walk away, waving briefly. ''Don't give up on her!''
He watches her go and presses his lips together, mulling that one over. Don't give up, he thinks, and then snorts.
As if he even could.
.
.
.
Later that night, while he's doing the dishes, elbow deep in soap suds, his cell phone rings.
''It wasn't you,'' Ruby tells him breathlessly on the other line, as soap runs down his arm and drips onto the kitchen floor. ''You were perfect,'' she continues. ''That's the problem. You're perfect. I'm not.''
She hangs up before he has a chance to tell her that Dean Winchester and perfect don't even deserve to be in the same zip code.
.
.
.
The following day is a Sunday and it sucks.
Dean has never understood why people enjoy Sundays so much. The day is boring and lazy because he did all of the productive things he needed to do yesterday while he wasn't (read: totally was) thinking about Ruby, so Dean tells Ben he's the dad for the day and attempts to see the world from the eyes of a two-year-old. This is something that sounds better in theory. It involves chasing butterflies in the backyard, spending quality time with Copper, eating a lot of animal crackers and grilled cheese, and blanket forts. By mid afternoon, Dean and Ben have abandoned the role reversal and have instead decided to focus their energy on turning the entire upstairs into one massively gigantic blanket fort while Sam sits in the corner and judges them, and then eventually butts in, tells them they're doing it wrong and appoints himself Mayor of Blanket Town.
By late evening, they have somehow gone from chasing butterflies to blanket forts and all the way to playing pirates (although that is mostly because they went out for dinner and the kid friendly restaurant had singing pirates, so naturally Ben then wanted to play singing pirates). About fifteen minutes before Ben has to go to bed and two minutes before Ben and Dean invade Sam and Copper's ship and take over, the doorbell rings.
Dean huffs at the interruption and has to hand over his cardboard sword to Ben. ''Here,'' he says. ''Beat your uncle with this.'' He ruffles Ben's hair, sends a smirk in Sam's general uppity direction and hurries into the foyer to swing open the door. He is genuinely stunned to see who is standing on the other side of the door. He shouldn't be. ''Ruby.''
She is standing on his porch, bathed in the ethereal glow of the sunset behind her. She looks anxious and unsure, shifting from foot to foot and chewing on her bottom lip. At the sight of him, her eyes widen in surprise and she takes a single step back. A slow smirk dances on her lips. At first, he isn't sure what has warranted such a reaction.
But then he hears Sam. ''Psst, Dean,'' Sam stage whispers. ''Dean!'' He gestures to his head when Dean flings a look in his direction. ''The hat, dude.''
Barely managing to bite back a curse of embarrassment, Dean sweeps the pirate hat made of newspaper off his head and feels heat creeping up his neck. ''Ruby,'' he says again, and clears his throat. ''It's, uh... It's good to see you. You look - ''
She shakes her head, looking more than a little determined. In the span of one second, she apparently decides that the art of small talk is a dying social protocol that holds no use to her anymore. ''Can I talk to you for a minute?''
At this point, he's not sure why he's still so surprised by her bluntness. ''Yeah. Yeah, of course.'' He sends a look toward Sam and Ben. ''I'll be right back. Keep playing.'' He steps outside onto the porch, closing the door behind him. ''So,'' he starts, clearing his throat rather nervously. ''How are you?''
She clasps her hands in front of her. ''I'm - I just wanted you to know that it wasn't about you. What happened. It wasn't you.'' She shakes her head, closing her eyes briefly. ''It's, um... There are things I haven't told you.''
He nods. ''I gathered that.''
Her tongue darts out to lick her lips. ''I wanted to tell you. I was going to tell you. My plan - My plan was to tell you before we slept together. I wanted to give you the chance to run. But...'' She moves like she wants to take a step toward him but she doesn't. ''That night, I just wanted to be with you.''
''And then you left,'' he says. He regrets it as soon as he says it. He doesn't mean to bring it up, to seem like he's bitter, to hurt her, and he grimaces when he sees the guilt flash in her eyes.
''I know. I'm sorry,'' she says. ''I didn't plan on it. Trust me on that.''
''Okay.''
''I...'' She trails off. She looks pale in the light of the quickly fading sun. ''God, this is harder than I thought it would be.'' She draws in a breath and then steps toward him. She avoids eye contact for another brief moment that feels like it goes on for hours, as she practices her breathing, looking like she's in the process of giving herself a mental pep talk. ''The last sexual encounter I had was violent, Dean.''
It's like a punch in the gut. He knows that he may not have the right to feel hurt because he hasn't known her for that long and it didn't happen to him, but the revelation makes his heart drop. He hadn't been expecting it. He knew that she had secrets. Everyone has secrets. Everyone has a past. Life is nasty shit. He's always known that whatever happened to her had to have been horrible; something he couldn't even imagine. And even before Beth talked about Ruby's ex, Dean had suspected that Ruby had been through some shit in regards to abuse. She's never said anything to him. It's just that she has certain mannerisms, certain habits that make him think she's had a bully in her life. She's never talked about it, so he hasn't asked because he will never ever push her to talk about something that makes her uncomfortable, but he's had his suspicions.
But he never expected this.
Selfishly, he almost doesn't want to know. He doesn't want to hear her say it; to have to think about it. Just the thought of some filthy animal putting his disgusting hands on her without her consent makes his skin crawl, makes his blood boil, makes him want to hunt this waste of oxygen down. ''Violent,'' he echoes. He has to clear his throat. ''Is that - You mean - ''
''I was raped,'' she confirms.
There is a painful moment of silence that hangs between them where he tries to force the air to reach his lungs and she tries to force her eyes to meet his.
''I don't know,'' she says. ''Maybe I should have told you.''
''Whoa,'' he shakes his head. ''Ruby, no. No, this isn't - ''
''But I thought I would be fine,'' she cuts him off. ''Because you're - you're you. You're not him. You're a good man. I let myself feel safe with you. And, Dean, you have to know that this wasn't about you. You were good to me. This is about me. I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn't breathe. All I could think about was the night he...''
His eyes widen slightly. ''That was your first time since...?''
''Yeah.'' She crosses her arms. She doesn't say anything else.
This would be the part where he talks. Says something to comfort her. To make sure she knows he's not mad and that while he can never know what she's going through, he's sorry it happened to her. Except... Would that help? Does she really need his apologies? He doesn't want to do anything to make her feel like she's broken. That she's damaged and needs his pity because she doesn't. He hasn't known her for all that long, but he knows that she doesn't need anyone's pity. ''This is your big secret,'' he mutters.
She snorts. ''Sorry it's not more exciting.''
He can't make his brain work properly. He hates that. He needs to tell her that he's not going anywhere but he cannot, for the life of him, make his voice work. He's still processing.
''Do...'' She raises her eyes from the ground to meet his. ''If I tell you the whole story, will you promise not to run?''
''Ruby, I promise not to run now.''
She smiles weakly, but doesn't exactly appear to take him at his word. ''He was my boyfriend,'' she starts. ''Cody. He was the only person I had ever been with. We had been on and off since I was seventeen and when I moved to LA, he followed me. Said he loved me and he needed me and he couldn't live without me. I was worried about what he would do if I said no, so I went back to him. He had always been violent. He was possessive and mean. He had a hair trigger temper. I got really good at covering up bruises. But he always told me that he was sorry and that he hated himself for the things he did. I thought I loved him, so I believed him. Things weren't so bad for awhile. We lived in a crap apartment and he had a shitty band that ate up most of his time. They were really awful.'' She laughs at that, a small, quiet cough like laugh. ''I was all for it because if he had something else to focus on, he focused on me less. There were less bruises. Less name calling. We were even normal for awhile. But then I agreed to be Wes and Shauna's surrogate.'' She stops to take a breath. ''He never outright said that he didn't want me to do it but once I was pregnant, he stopped trying with me. He was cruel. He made it no secret that he thought it was disgusting, that I wasn't attractive to him anymore, that he didn't care if I was sick or tired or uncomfortable, it was still my job to make him feel good, and he hated the inconvenience of it all. I moved back in with Wes and Shauna for the second half of the pregnancy, so Cody wasn't a concern, but after the babies were born and I moved back home...'' She looks away from him and he hears her sharp intake of breath.
He takes a step toward her. ''Hey, Ruby, sweetheart, you don't have to tell me this.''
''I know,'' she says quickly. ''I know I don't have to, Dean. I want to.''
He swallows. ''All right.''
She shifts from foot to foot nervously. ''You - You can't have sex for six weeks after giving birth,'' she says. ''Cody didn't - He thought that was unreasonable. That I was fine. I told him that I couldn't, that I didn't want to... I told him no. But he - He didn't care. I...'' Her voice breaks and she looks away from him quickly, teeth sinking into her lower lip. She's crying. ''I was three weeks post partum when he raped me.''
''Jesus Christ, Ruby.'' He moves to hug her and she doesn't stop him. He pulls her into his arms carefully, hesitantly. Some part of him expects her to push him away and insist that she's fine and she doesn't ''need to be coddled,'' but she doesn't. She hugs him back, hands moving up to clutch at his shoulders. Her body is slightly tense in his arms, shuddering lightly, but she's clinging to him like she's afraid he'll disappear if she doesn't. He, regretfully, doesn't know what to say to any of this. He knows he should say something and he feels horrible that he can't figure out what that something is. He wants to tell her that it doesn't matter, that he doesn't care about her past, but he doesn't want to dismiss it. He doesn't want to make it into something less than it is. He has never dealt with anything like this before. He's never been in this situation. He can't possibly know how she feels or what she needs and outright asking her seems like it would be too blunt. Although she does tend to appreciate bluntness.
''It was the worst thing I've ever been through, Dean,'' she sniffles. ''You have no idea.'' She draws away from him, taking a few steps back and quickly clearing her throat and wiping at her eyes to erase any traces of tears. It hits him that he doesn't think he has ever seen her cry before this. ''I didn't tell anyone about what happened until two months later when Beth came to town and the fallout was...'' She sucks in a breath. She closes her eyes momentarily and he watches the breeze ruffle her hair. He still thinks she's the most gorgeous person he's ever laid eyes on. If that was her worry, if she thought he would look at her differently, see a damaged wreck instead of a survivor, she was wrong. ''You've told me your secrets,'' she tells him, quietly. ''I thought it was time I told you mine. I'm telling you this because I want you to know that this is real for me. That you're real.''
''Sweetheart,'' he says, and lets out a rueful little chuckle. ''Honey, the thing is, I already knew that this was real. I've known it since the first date.''
She smiles at him, but it's not the brilliant smile he's gotten used to. ''You're sweet,'' she whispers. ''But listen, if this is too much for you - ''
''It's not.''
''Isn't it?'' She sighs. Then she lets out this sudden burst of bitter sounding laughter. ''I'm a mess,'' she declares, blunt as ever. ''I am a fucking mess, and I probably will be for the rest of my life. I need you to understand what that means. It means I come with baggage. Lots of it. I don't trust easily, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm damaged, I'm depressed and anxious and I have post traumatic stress disorder because I was raped, Dean. I have nightmares, sometimes I sleep walk, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night screaming, I have a shit attention span, I have these annoying repetitive behaviors when I get stressed and my therapist thinks I might have mild OCD. I am mentally ill and I am traumatized and none of that is going to go away if you love me. Do you get that?'' She takes a step closer to him and pulls herself up to her full height. ''This is who I am. If you want me, then you have to take all of me. You can't cure me. You can't fix me. All of these things about me, they will not go away. You'll have to learn to live with them. If you really want this, want me, then you get my ghosts too. Contrary to what shitty popular literature and media tells you, love doesn't cure mental illness.'' The second she's finished speaking, she folds her arms around herself as if she's naked and uncomfortable with none of her body armor in sight. ''Are you prepared to deal with that?''
Dean stares at her. For a long time. He looks at the vulnerable look in her eyes and the frightened curve of her mouth. He looks at that old locket she always wears around her neck and never takes off. The weakness, vulnerability and nakedness existing in her eyes is only exacerbated by the uncharacteristic outfit she's wearing; a white sundress and baby blue cardigan, a look that he has come to realize is decidedly not Ruby. He doesn't think he can ever remember someone laying out their entire pattern of weakness in front of him before. No one has ever lain bare in front of him. Not like this. He swallows hard. He doesn't even have to think about it.
''You think I scare this easily?'' He asks. ''Ruby, I still want you. I'm not scared of what you've been through. I'm angry that you've had to go through all of that shit because it's not fair, I'm sorry about all of it, and I hate that you're in pain, but if you're asking me if it makes me want you any less, the answer is no. The answer is always going to be no. If I say I want you, it means I want all of you. Ghosts and all. Look, I don't know if you were worried that I'd think you were too broken to love or something, but I don't. I don't think you're broken at all. Damaged, maybe, but so I am. You...'' He takes a cautious step in her direction. ''You didn't break, Ruby. You survived.''
He can't tell if the look in her eyes is apprehension or relief because she's staring at the ground, but he can tell that there is a small smile working its way over her lips. He takes that as a good sign. ''You're sure?'' She asks, in a very un-Ruby-like small voice.
God, is he ever. ''I'm sure,'' he tells her, firm but kind. ''Ruby,'' he closes the distance between them. He moves his hands to her arms carefully, but gives her the option to push him away. She doesn't. ''I'm in this, okay? I'm all in'' That was a realization he had not long ago. They haven't been dating for long, they don't know each other all that well, and he is not a relationship kind of guy. He's never been allowed to be. But he wants this. Ruby is...amazing. In a lot of ways. His son loves her. His brother loves her. He knows that he could love her if given the chance. He wants this relationship. He wants to make this work. He wants this to be something real; something that lasts. He is willing to do the work to find a happily ever after. He's grown up a lot since having Ben. He's not the same stupid kid he used to be. ''Barring murder or puppy kicking, I don't think there's anything that could make me change my mind about you. I'm here and I'm staying here for as long as you want me. Do you still want me?''
There's a pause that is...actually incredibly nerve wracking. He's genuinely worried she'll say no. But then she raises her eyes from the ground and she's got this little twinkle in her eye and smile on her face, and he knows they're out of the woods. She leans up to catch his lips in hers, fingers grasping at his shirt. He kisses back instantly, thrilled and relieved that she's still here with him, one hand moving to cup her cheek. She threads her fingers through his hair and makes this sound in the back of her throat that drives him crazy.
They've got something here. He's known that since day one. He accepts that it could end, that it might not be forever, that she'll have to go back to California at the end of the summer and he'll still be here in Chicago, all the way across the country, that the great thing that they have might not always be as great as it is now. But for now, he's content with being happy with her. He hopes that she is too.
When he pulls away, her eyes are still closed and when she opens them, she looks a little dazed, her eyes big and bright. ''Okay then,'' she mumbles. ''Glad we cleared that up.''
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And so there you go. They've got themselves a Miss Ruby.
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end chapter three