On stage behind the table/stove thingy, a brown and white sable ferret stood there, a broad grin on his face.
"We apologize for the bad grammar and utter chaos in the last chapter and the lack of cooking in the first two, we here at wherever the hell we are will our best to put more cooking in the story." There was a loud BOOM and the lights went out. The ferret stood there in utter darkness, completely annoyed.
Meanwhile, at Redwall abbey, Skipper Ruark was watching Cooking with Cluny on his flat screen in the gate house. The otter sighed as he watched the sable ferret apologize about grammar and cooking. I don't even know what grammar is! Why don't they just get back to the chaos and funny stuff! There was a loud pounding at his door and he heard the mother abbess screaming at him.
"Skipper! There's vermin in the kitchens! Come beat the snot out of him so we can eat!" The otter was annoyed as the abbess yelled orders at him, too preoccupied with his show.
"Just a minute! I'm grabbing my javelin!" The otter looked around the room for a moment. "Oh! It appears I can't find it!" The otter went back to the TV. Then the screen went black and there was a loud and endless beeping noise. Then a message appeared on the screen saying "Please Stand By".
The otter looked at the screen with a confused look on his face. This look of confusion turned to sheer rage as he let out a loud roar and grabbed his javelin off the wall.
Globby was sleeping soundly on the kitchen table until an enraged skipper slammed through the wall, his face completely distorted with rage. The young stoat screamed like a girl in a horror movie about to be killed as the otter raised his javelin.
Meanwhile, back at the studio, a squirrel was looking at the fuse box in the basement. The sable ferret watched the squirrel go to work on the fuse box, and in no time at all the lights were back on!
Back in the studio, the audience was freaking out. There were sobs of fear from several beasts, others were crying, and several vermin beasts were screaming: "Oh no! Its hellsgates all over again!"
Then the lights turned on, and every beast sighed in relief. Zwilt the Shade went wide eyed as he noticed Buckler hugging him tightly, sobbing loudly. Patting the hares head, he whispered comfortingly to him.
"Come down now, it's over. It's over." The hare's eyes opened and he quickly shoved the ferret away from him, regaining his attitude.
"Well of course it's over! I was just making sure you're ok!"
Sunflash the Mace was cradling a crying Veil as he sang a lullaby to him. The ferret slowly stopped crying and closed his eyes, the badger's song slowly lulling him into sleep. The ferret finally fell asleep with a small smile on his face. Bryony ran over to the badger, obviously jealous.
"Hey! How come He loves you when he never loved me!" The badger shrugged at the confused mouse maid.
"I just have a way with children I guess."
The manager walked back on stage, and smiling, he continued his show.
Back at Redwall, nearly every inhabitant of the abbey cringed as they heard the noises coming from the kitchen.
"You're the reason my show didn't continue!"
WACK!
"I don't even know what your talking about!"
WHAM!
"You're the reason why my TV stopped working!"
CRASH! SHATTER!
"What are you even talking about!"
The chaos finally ended when the sounds of the otters show came back on and the sable ferret was seen trying to make a cake. Another hole was made in the wall as skipper slammed through it, cheerfully yelling as he ran back to the gate house.
"WWWOOOOHHHHOOOO!"
The inhabitants peered into the kitchen and all gasped as they saw the stoat, whimpering on the floor, covered in bruises and injuries. All around him the kitchen was completely demolished. One of the maids sighed to herself.
"I'll go get a mop!"