The four of them decided to go back to their club, the Legitimate Businessman's Social Club, instead of going to the police. They set Maggie down on the table they used for playing poker, and tried to figure out why she was crying.
"Maybe she's hungry? Can we find something non-alcoholic, that's also legal in here?" Legs asked. The others doubted it.
"Hey, Frankie," said Louie. "You're married, don't you know how to care for a kid?"
"Uh…" the squealer, for once, wasn't talking.
"I guess that's a 'no', then."
Maggie, fed up with the men's lack of sense, slunk down from the table, crawled near the bar, and stuck a champagne cork in her mouth to suck on. Afterwards, she immediately relaxed.
"So she needed one of those paci-thingies," said Louie. "You know, why don't one of us just take her to the police in a disguise? It's not like they're smart enough to recognize us."
"No, wait!" said Frankie. "Uh, it sure is weird for you to say that, Louie. You're the most feminine one of us, I'm surprised you're not jumpin' at the chance to—Agh!" that time, Louie did punch him in the face.
"Alright," Louie said, angrily. "Because a' that comment, you get to change all her diapers!"
But Frankie didn't seem all that upset; in fact, he looked pretty pleased. He picked up Maggie, and held her in his arms. She looked nervous, but calmed down when he started rocking her a little.
"You're like what I'd want in a daughter," he said. Legs and Louie were somewhat puzzled by this, while Johnny Tightlips just looked annoyed.
Suddenly they got a call, which Legs answered. It was Fat Tony.
"Hello, Legs," he said. "I believe that the bartender owes us money now. Why don't you go… pick it up?"
"Sure thing, Fat Tony," said Legs, who then hung up.
"Alright, which one of youse wants to go rough up Moe Syzslak wit' me?"
"Uh, I'll do it," said Frankie. "I'd rather not stay with either of them." He pointed to Johnny and Louie, both of whom looked angry at him.
Frankie the Squealer took Maggie with him on their 'excursion' to Moe's Tavern. When they entered the bar, Moe immediately got nervous. There weren't any patrons in the bar; everyone, even Barney, had better things to do than drink on Christmas.
"You owe our boss a hundred bucks," said Legs, using his intimidating voice, while Frankie put Maggie down on Moe's pool table.
"Hey," said Frankie, "is it okay if I keep her here while you get the money, Legs?"
"Shuddap, Frankie, you're ruining the tone!"
Moe and Maggie looked at each other, instantly recognizing each other. Moe wasn't lying when he said they a bond.
"That ain't your kid! She's M—" shouted Moe, angrily. Legs and Frankie were both surprised, and Maggie looked afraid. Moe realized that maybe it was a better idea to conceal her identity. "She's uh… much to pretty to be yours!" He pointed to Frankie.
"Just give us the money!" Frankie yelled back.
Moe may be greedy, but he was no idiot. He handed over the cash, and after Legs and Frankie left (Frankie giving him an angry look), he immediately called the Simpsons. When that didn't work, he called the police. It was Officer Eddie who answered.
"Listen," said Moe, "it's an emergency here! Maggie Simpson—you know the Simpsons, right? Homer has a pretty big record… anyway, their youngest daughter was kidnapped by the Mafia!"
"Ah, that does sound like an emergency," said Eddie. "I'm afraid the department is pretty busy right now. Our chief is injured…. Well, we'll try to get on it right away. Thank you."
Moe hung up. He was pretty irate; for once, the incompetency of the police department was working against him.