Meanwhile, back at the Club, Johnny Tightlips and Louie were smoking cigarettes.
"The squealer seemed real eager to keep that baby," said Louie. "Would you know anythin' about it?"
Johnny took his cigarette out of his mouth, and gave Louie a sideways look. "I ain't sayin' nothing," he said.
Just then, the door was smashed open, and Officers Eddie and Lou burst in, each holding a gun.
"Freeze!" shouted Lou. "Release the baby!"
Louie and Johnny, shocked, looked at each other, before pulling guns themselves. The groups aiming their guns at each other, and just when it looked like that there would be a full-on shootout, Moe burst in with his homemade shotgun.
"Give her back this inst—wait, you guys actually answered my call?" Moe asked the police.
"Yeah, well, it is our job," said Lou.
That momentary distraction was just enough time for Louie to grab Johnny Tightlips, and run out the Club's back entrance.
Louie was a very fast runner, and he led Johnny through the streets.
"Where are we goin'?" asked Johnny, racing after him.
"I don't know, dammit! I wish Legs were wit' me, he'd know what t' do. Just run as far as you can!"
Eventually they ended up at Luigi's. They noticed a car parked outside - Principle Skinner's. Skinner was just getting in. The two mobsters knew exactly what to do. Johnny and Louie got into the back seat. Louie held his gun to Skinner's head.
"Don't ask any questions," said Johnny. "Just drive, and drive fast!"
Principal Skinner just sighed. He was clearly not having the world's best Christmas already. "There's no way I'll be able to explain to Mother why I'm late again," he said. Nevertheless, he drove into town.
"Just drop us off near the First Church of Springfield," said Johnny. "Nobody will think to look for us there."
Skinner did as he was told. Louie and Johnny got out of his car.
"Remember," said Louie. "If you decide to alert the authorities—tchkk." He made a cutting motion across his neck with his gun. Skinner nodded, and drove off. Louie and Johnny started walking down the sidewalk, which had a pile of dirty slush next to it. By now, the two of them were pretty exhausted.
"You think that baby wasn't abandoned after all?" asked Johnny.
"Well, if she wasn't," said Louie, "she must have really reckless parents. We might as well keep her. Anyway, we're already a crime syndicate, Johnny Tightlips. One more ain't gonna make a difference, as long as we have bribes to spare."
As they were talking, none other than Marge, Bart, and Lisa, still dressed for church, came up to them. Marge looked somewhat distraught.
"Excuse me, you two, have you seen my husband around? Our car is a sort of dull pink? He was supposed to pick us up an hour ago."
"Woah, who said anything about a husband," answered Johnny.
"Sorry, Mrs. Simpsons, we ain't seen him," said Louie.
The two Mafia soldiers kept walking, leaving Marge and the Simpson kids to get home on their own.
"Well, I guess we haveta call Legs and Frankie now, and tell 'em we got the cops after us," said Louie.
"Speakin' of Legs," said Johnny, "why ain't that your nickname? You run faster than any of us, and late Fat Tony told me you was a good dancer."
Louie looked down at the ground. "Well, Legs got that nickname when we was young, and back then I wasn't good at nothin'. Fat Tony, the old one, the dead one, startin' callin' him that before they even knew me."
"You guys knew each other from childhood?"
"Yeah, well… I met Legs first, when I was about eight or nine. I was real weak back then, actually. Took a while before I found my true calling as soldier and bodyguard." Louie smiled at whatever memories that brought back.
Legs and Frankie the Squealer walked down the streets after collecting the money from Moe. By then it was afternoon, and the Sun was starting to move lower in the sky. Frankie was still holding onto Maggie, trying to keep her warm in the falling snow.
"I wanna get my new baby a brand new dress," said Frankie, as he tickled Maggie's belly. "I can't have my little angel being cold, oh no I can't!"
"Whoa, whoa, why do you care about this kid so much? And with your… profession, too," said Legs, taken aback.
Frankie clearly did not want to answer, which was just as well, because just then, Legs got a call on his cellphone. He picked up, and it was Louie.
"Listen, Legs, the cops are after us! They want that baby, and so does Moe, for whateva reason. Where are you two?"
"I should've known somethin' was up… he gave up the money way too easy. We're in front of that expensive department store, you know the o—wait, Frankie, what the hell are you doing? Uh, Louie, I'll get back to you," Legs said, and hung up.
Frankie had taken Maggie inside Costington's department store, presumably to get her the dress he wanted. Legs ran in after him, lest he do something stupid, as usual (sometimes, the other mobsters wondered Fat Tony didn't just kill him, already). When Legs went inside, Frankie just seemed to be shopping like anyone else would be. Legs cautiously went over to him.
"So Legs," said Frankie happily, "which is better, a pink dress, or an orange one?"
"Frankie," Legs whispered, harshly, "Louie just called me and said that the cops are after us because of that baby! She wasn't abandoned, and if anyone recognizes her, we'll be sent to jail! How'll we explain it to Fat Tony?"
"Aw, relax," said Frankie. "Everything'll be fine—"
Right as he was saying that, Maggie started loudly crying, attracting the attention of the other people in the store. An annoyed clerk walked over to Frankie.
"Excuse me, sir, but please control your child," she said, and looked at Maggie. "Hm, she looks familiar…"
"Oh, uh, I'm sorry. My little… Angioletta, gets nervous in public when there's a lotta people. Quiet down, Angie, daddy's only getting this one thing," Frankie said nervously. He handed 'Angie' to Legs, and motioned for him to wait outside the store. Legs rolled his eyes, and went outside with Maggie.
After Legs waited outside for a few minutes with Maggie, who still had tears in her eyes (although she wasn't screeching like a banshee any more), Louie and Johnny Tightlips drove up to Costington's in a taxi.
"Why'd you guys take a taxi? We can't be throwing money around willy-nilly!" said Legs, as they were getting out.
"We didn't pay for a taxi, you moron, we carjacked one," said Johnny.
Louie noticed that Legs was holding Maggie. "Didn't you tell the squeala' that she wasn't abandoned?" he asked.
"Well, I did," said Legs. "But he ain't listening to reason, as usual. He actually went into the store to get her new clothes. Johnny, go get him outta there before he gets us in even more trouble."
Johnny mumbled something under his breath, and went inside the department store. Just then, a police car with its siren on drove by, then turned back, their headlights shining on Legs and Louie. Before the policemen could get out of the car, the two mobsters quickly got into the taxi and sped off, with Maggie still with them, the police on their tail.
After they left, Johnny got Frankie out of the building.
"Those two can't wait even a minute before they go off to do something on their own," complained Johnny.
"So… my Angie isn't gonna see her new pretty pink dress?"
"You named the baby, too? Frankie, you know we ain't going to keep her," said Johnny. "Why do you want her so much?"
Frankie sighed. "Normally I wouldn't talk about it," he said, and looked away, "but I know you probably won't bring it up again, since that's your shtick, so I guess I can tell you.
"My wife, Emily, always wanted us to have a baby, especially a beautiful baby girl like Angioletta. But she miscarried three times in a row, and she's too upset to… try again."
Johnny raised an eyebrow. "Huh. I wouldn't think that an idiot like you would actually feel somethin' that deeply," he said.
"I didn't think so, either," Frankie said.