It was official.

Kakashi was never going to have children; not after today since realizing his little sister was on equal grounds at destruction as the Kyuubi was. He left her with the Hokage for five minutes to lecture his wayward team about eavesdropping outside the Hokage tower, and he came back to find complete and utter Hell.

"Kiyone," he growled in a pitch that was usually reserved for when his ninken did something completely inappropriate, then pressed the heel of his hand against his visible eye. "What am I supposed to do with you?"

The dreaded punishment—some called it a reward but what do they know?—known as paperwork was annihilated. Meaning, the great Sandaime Hokage looked away for one minute before the toddler tore into the paperwork that was sitting on the edge of the desk. And to make matters worse, right when he walked in, she was sitting on the desk.

Using the Hokage's Seeing Ball as a large drool toy.

It didn't help that it slipped from her grasp and rolled off the desk to hit said Hokage in his privates. The child had to be a sadist as she laughed at "the funny faces San'aime-jijitan was making".

"Hokage sama," Kakashi really had no idea what to say in a situation like this. Even apologizing didn't seem like enough.

"It's…fine…" Sarutobi wheezed, trying desperately not to laugh. In all honesty, the ball missed him and he faked it just to watch Kakashi struggle to not react. Whoever said old people had some mean games knew what they were talking about. "Just go and complete the mission with your team. I believe it's safe enough to take Kiyone chan with you."

Sadist, Kakashi's mind hissed at the Sandaime.

Sighing in resignation, he bowed politely to the village leader and scooped up the menace on the desk. Using shunshin, he teleported to his apartment.

…when Kiyone promptly threw up over his back.

Note to self: Check if shunshin is safe enough for toddlers before traveling. Groaning, he brought her inside the apartment and headed straight for the bathroom.

"Gomen, Ka'shi-niitan." Kiyone hiccupped as he removed both his clothing and hers and placed her in the tub. Normally, he would have bathed first, but Kiyone was the definition of Murphy's Law, and he really didn't want to take that chance. Turning on the water, he got in the tub and immediately went to work on getting them both cleaned up. Sure he was late to whatever time he told his team to meet him at, but he really didn't want to go around the village reeking of vomit.

That just wouldn't be professional.

BoPBoPBoPBoPBoPBoPBoPBoPBoP

Explaining to his team about why there was a female chibified version of him following him went pretty well. Then again, threatening to run them into the ground during training if they said anything drove the point home. And Kiyone did look nearly like him.

Right after their bath, he left her to dress herself—he found another note in his room about her being potty-trained at least—then ran with her on his shoulders to the marketplace. Today's mission: escort a little old lady from the grocers to her house on the outskirts of the village. It would have been as simple as it sounded if Naruto hadn't picked a fight with Sasuke. Again.

Or if Sakura didn't insist on trying to tie Kiyone's hair back into pigtails. You know, all while they were carrying the little old lady's groceries. Even Kiyone was holding some canned cat food in her hands as she walked beside them while she tried not to trip over her own sleeves. She had picked out a long-sleeved sweater where her hands just barely hit the halfway point of the sleeves and a pair of blue sweats to match her blue sandals.

And it only got worse when they started walking through the busiest section of the marketplace. Kakashi instructed Sakura to keep an eye on Kiyone—an impossible task since her eyes were glued on Sasuke. It wasn't until he distantly heard the clatter of tin on the ground followed by a sniffle.

"Ah! Niitan?"

Not good. Kiyone was just barely over three feet tall and was now lost in a crowd of civilians. "Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura. Help Noriko san get to her home, I'll meet you there." It was a bad idea to leave a team of unstable genin alone, but it was an even worse idea to find his little sister trampled in the dirt.

"Niitan? Niitan?"

The frantic pitch in her voice had him feeling odd. Because Hatake Kakashi never worried…on the outside at least. Years as ANBU really came in handy when it came to locating the little tyke. Especially when she was spinning around with the cat food in her sleeves while calling for him. He reached her right as she was getting ready to cry and scooped her up into his arms.

She accidentally slapped him with one of the cans while she hugged his neck. "Ka'shi-niitan lost me," she sniffled as he rubbed her back in soothing circles.

"Aa, gomen Kiyone. I think I might need to get you one of those child leashes."

A/N: Gah…not even a long chapter. My brain is fried.

Review please.