A/N: Sweet Jeebus, it's been over a year since the last update. Sorry I've been busy, folks. I've been trying to wrap my head around the massive case of writer's block.

Special dedication to: loba, PervertAnimeOtaku, and LadyJemise for reviewing even though the last update was in 2011. You guys rock.

Kakashi knew it was just going to be one of those days.

Sasuke's superiority complex was slowly turning into a massive inferiority complex over Naruto's growth and development regarding his chakra control. It wasn't anything spectacular, but the rate at which he was learning was extraordinary. Having shadow clones definitely helped.

And Kami almighty but Sakura was only getting more annoying by the day. He was half tempted to throw her headfirst into Anko the next time he saw her. Her skills as a shinobi only went as far as her textbook knowledge would allow her.

He was just about to bang his head into his dining table when Kiyone waddled over to him with a box that was slightly opened. He immediately started to feel an overwhelming sense of dread and a tiny hint of fear. The box contained his emergency suicide pills that were given to every traveling ranked ninja. They didn't just help them off themselves, but this version set their body aflame to help prevent enemies from gaining their secrets.

"Nii-tan, I found candies." Kiyone proudly lifted the box into his hand and patted it as if proud of her discovery.

"Kiyone," he lifted her so she sat on the table as he inspected her mouth with a gentle intensity fueled by paranoia, "did you eat any of the…candies?"

"Ah didn' ee any ahf 'em." She spoke around her brother's careful inspection. When he was satisfied, she wiped her mouth with her sleeve. "I found one on the floor. I put it back 'cause Nii-tan doesn't like messy in the room."

Deciding to show a rare display of affection, he put her in his arms so that she snuggled against his chest while he rubbed her back. "Thank Kami I'm raising a clean freak." He was in the middle of setting her down for nap when he got an idea. An awful idea. Yes, Kakashi got a wonderful, awful idea!*

That afternoon….

Sakura was trying in vain not to lose the staring contest started by her sensei's little sister. She could have sworn that the toddler's near intimidating stare only hardened by the second. She could only just barely listen to her sensei describe the importance of carrying suicide pills on them just in case—she blinked and dropped her jaw. "I'm sorry to interrupt, sensei, but suicide pills? Is that necessary? We're only genin!"

With her sensei's intense one-eyed stare focused solely on her person, the part of her brain that wasn't absolutely terrified idly commented: So that glare is genetic. With just one eye, she got the message loud and clear that right at this moment, she was an utter disappointment and embarrassment to Team Seven.

Nope. That part was said aloud. Damn it, Sakura! Her inner self raged as outer Sakura forced herself to pay attention and not interrupt her sensei again.

"Sakura, you seem to miss the point every time I attempt to teach it to you." With a near growl, he snapped at the boys, "Sasuke, Naruto, take Kiyone over there and do some stealth training. If she finds you that's five hundred laps around the village." Watching them pick up his sister and dash away as if the hounds of hell were snapping at their asses barely soothed his frustration. Kiyone had a nifty habit of finding whatever went missing. Once when he asked her how she did it, she said they "smelled funny". He supposed it should have bothered him on some level that she also inherited a keen sense of smell like he did.

"But…sensei…I was nearly the top of my class. I was right behind Sasuke and way above Naruto!" The vein in her overly large forehead began to pulse. "So what the Hell am I missing?"

"Language, Sakura." Kakashi was grateful that Kiyone was a good distance away and couldn't hear them. He didn't want her swearing until she was at least seven years old. "Academically, you're at the top of your game." Watching her eyes light up at what she thought was praise; he chose to squash that belief ruthlessly. "In the real world, you're useless. Sasuke graduated because he not only was intelligent, but developed his own skills in Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, and Genjutsu. Naruto may not have passed in front of his peers, but he did put all his effort into bettering himself at Ninjutsu in order to reach his goal. Currently, your only goal is to become a woman 'worthy of Sasuke-kun' and that won't cut it here.

Sakura, you are failing. Not just yourself, but me and your teammates as well. Your Taijutsu is still basic with no improvement and your Genjutsu is marginally better than the boys because of your chakra control." He paused to see if any of that had sunk in.

"But Iruka-sensei said that having an affinity for Genjutsu was an admirable skill."

"It is. But only when it's improved through one's blood, sweat and tears. Genjutsu will only get you so far; mostly because your skill in Ninjutsu is deplorable at best. You only do the bare minimum of endurance and stamina training so your chakra levels have stayed remarkably low. And with low chakra, how will you be able to defend yourself at all?"

"B-But Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun—"

"—will not always be there to save you. Sakura, a kunoichi must have the confidence to be able to save herself. If you insist on being solely dependent on your teammates, then at least have these on you at all times." He handed her the box of suicide pills and said over his shoulder before walking away, "I want you to think about the career you chose. Did you honestly want to protect this village and its people, or did you want to become the perfect bride for Sasuke-kun? Because right now, you don't stand a chance at either."

Now he had to go find his wayward sister and her babysitters. It didn't take him long to find both Naruto and Sasuke hugging the branches of a tree for dear life while Kiyone jumped up and down and clawed at the trunk. Her eyes were near feral and she was screaming "MINE! MINE!" in a shrill voice that scared off the local wildlife.

Walking around the tree the boys were desperately clinging to, he could see what had set her off. Naruto and Sasuke were holding lollipops in their hands that Kiyone would kill to get her hands on. He could hear snippets of an argument:

"Where the Hell did the candy come from, Naruto?!" Sasuke growled in aggravation.

"How would I know? I just found them when she found us!" Naruto scathingly hissed back. He had to pee damn it. And he was hungry!

"…so how about we make that one thousand laps around the village. Five hundred because she found you and five hundred but you still can't figure out how." Kakashi nearly giggled into his mask as he picked up Kiyone, who settled once she was in his arms. He ruffled her hair with a one-eyed smile, "Good job, Kiyo-chan."

It wasn't until later when he was tucking her in bed when he discovered her new favorite word. His Killer Intent spiked so high, some of the nearby ANBU gathered near the apartment complex to investigate. It was when they heard a cute chirp of "Hell!" followed by a snarl of "They're going to train until they beg for death" when they realized it was nothing to worry about. They only pitied the genin of Team Seven just a little bit more.

A/N: I know it's not my best, but I had fun with it.