Though the sun was cold on his skin and he couldn't feel the breeze, it didn't matter. Knowing they were there was more than enough for him. He and Lucy didn't need a conversation. They had always been comfortable in silence, and this one felt no different.
They could both pretend he was alive.
But perfection is never permanent. As much as Clay fought it, he knew Lucy had to go back. She knew she had to go back. With a final sigh, she pulled herself upright and started down the hillside. Clay had no choice but to follow. He hated this fate. He had become nothing more than a tag-along. An invisable one that can't even make commentary.
But then... Why couldn't he? No one would hear him, sure, but in his final year he had plenty of speaking without being heard. Why would death stop him?
"Luce."
She didn't react, of course. He hadn't expected her to. But that was irrelevant. He was going to speak regardless of who would hear.
"Luce, thanks. Thanks for coming. Y'know. Here. I had no idea the guest of honour got to watch."
She kept walking, unphased by him at her side. By now she had regained herself completely, it would take a very careful eye from someone who knew her well to tell she had been crying moments earlier. She had buried herself so deep, even Clay wouldn't have known. Amazing.
"Well, since we have a moment. There are some things I've been meaning to get off my chest." He said it wearily, half expecting an argument to come from this. He dismissed the notion quickly though. She couldn't even hear him. How could she argue?
Not even a blink.
"No no, let me finish. You're with them, I get it. We've gone over that. Several times. They promise an end to war and all that jazz." Again he expected Lucy to pipe up and defend Abstergo. He shook his head. "Where Team Clay votes for freewill, Team Lucy votes for protection." Of course he knew where this mentality came from. She needed a foundation. They both did. Lucy had been left alone at Abstergo for too long. Too long with nothing to lean on. Too long with no one to fight for. She was alone. Left surrounded by Templars, it was only a matter of time before she made friends. Before she forgot her Assassin brothers.
And she did. She made friends. No one could vouch for Vidic's character, he was a monster, but he offered unwavering peace and protection for humanity. With them she had security. Clay kept her pace, not sure if he wanted her to reply.
"You needed to know you'd be okay. And they told you you would be. It makes sense, it really does. I did the same thing to you. When you promised me I'd be okay. It's easy to latch onto something like that, I guess. Too easy. I just don't understand how you could trade my life for it." Clay was, at this point, speaking more to himself than he was to Lucy. Speaking to know he still had a voice to speak with. Though he clearly heard his own voice, it was silent.
Silent to everyone that mattered.
Lucy opened the glass doors to Abstergo, and followed her earlier path back to the elevator.
"You can't pretend you didn't know I would die here. Remember when I passed out mid-session, and instead of giving me medical attention you kept me in there? That was a bad one. Oh, but there was that time I was in a coma for three days. That was worse. I was awake for an hour before being put back in. Didn't even get anything to eat. You can't have asked me to believe you when you told me I'd be okay. You knew I was going to die. It's incredible I lasted as long as I did. A miracle, really. Some act of God. Juno, I suppose." Clay kept at her side as they entered the elevator. She hit the button marked 'Four'. No one joined them in the elevator this time, though Lucy still checked her clipboard an unnessisary amount. Clay traced the scars on his arms with his fingers. He wondered if his face had scars, too. He was sure he had cut it at least once. When he got back to his room he would be sure to consult a mirror.
"After everything... I suppose I'm glad Juno came. If she hadn't, I don't know how long it would have taken me to kill myself. Maybe I wouldn't have. Juno showed me everything, looking back. Knowledge I didn't know I had. There were symbols, I didn't realize I used her symbols in my glyphs. I didn't realize, when she showed me, that it was the future. The red ink wasn't ink at all. Obvious, looking back. So many things are obvious now." Clay resisted a sigh, remembering the discomfort at trying to earlier. In the more crouded hallways, Clay opted to walk behind Lucy rather than beside her. He still had no interest in having someone walk through him. Lucy had resumed her brisk pace, and returned to Clay's room. He wondered what business she still had here. She closed the door behind her and stood a few steps away from the door, looking around.
"Clay..?" She said the name barely audibly, more like a breath than a word. Clay's ears pricked at the sound. His eyes widened and he positioned himself in front of her.
"Yes! I'm here. Do you hear me?" He was saying the words without thinking. If she could hear him, it would change everything. He wouldn't have to be so alone. Still, her eyes passed him without seeing.
"I think... I think I'm going crazy. I felt like you were there, today. At the funeral." She spoke quietly, probably doubting he could hear.
"I was, Luce. I was there."
"Of course you weren't. I know. I just..." She paused to sigh, her brow knit with sadness and concern. "I just miss you. I didn't think I would. I didn't think I would miss you. Does that make me a terrible person?" She laughed a little, at her own expense.
"No, don't be like that. It's alright. I'm alright. Well, I've been better, but..." He paused a moment, looking for the words. "It's incredible, Luce. The only voice I hear in my head is my own."
"I miss you."
"I miss you, too." He said it honestly, though he meant it just for comfort. Strange, he never thought he would be the one to console her. It had always been the other way around. She shook her head and huffed. Clay thought she might be leaving, but instead she walked back to the bathroom mirror. She rested a hand on either side and gave it a firm tug, upwards. Like magic, it popped up. Less than two centimeters, but just enough to reveal an imperfection in the tiling. Lucy ran her hand over the sides, failing to notice the crack. "It's there, Luce. They're right there." As always, she ignored him. With a frustrated expression and a quick slamming motion, the mirror fell back into place.
"I'm going crazier than he did..." Lucy fumed away from the bathroom, leaving her clipboard and pen in the room with him.
"Hey, insensitive!" He called after her. Naturally he was joking, but it was a little hurtful. He wasn't crazy, was he? Sure, some of his marbles had gone missing, but he could have found them. His mind wasn't lost, just... misplaced. She kept walking, locking the door behind her out of habit. Clay was alone again, in his room.
"Yeah. Good talk," he muttered.