Hold Me When I'm Scared
The next morning found Sam and Dean back to 'their old selves' if you thought Dean working on cars and Sam trailing after him normal. Dean didn't mind, but he knew that he had to get Sam to go out, be around people to get over those moments where he'd freak out...have flash backs and see Lucas instead of the person in front of him. It had happened to them a few times, he'd touch Sam and watch as he all but jumped out of his skin and start mumbling or back away shaking his head. Dean glanced over to where his brother was sitting on the hood of the Impala, next to the Monte Carlo he was working on.
Sams back was pressed against the windshield, legs pulled up close and arms wrapped around them with his head resting on his knees. Dean noticed that Sams eyes were closed, and his breathing even. Sighing he set down the wrench and moved towards Sam, slowly wrapping a arm around Sams back and leaning against the side of the hood, pulling his brother to him. "Sammy..." He whispered, pressing a kiss to Sams temple. Sam groaned and nuzzled his face on his knees causing Dean to smile. "Sammy..wake up." He whispered, kissing lower on Sams face. "Mmm De?" Came the sleep raspy voice, and Dean chuckled "Yea. It's me." He tightened his arm around Sam slightly, kissing his neck.
Sam slowly lifted his head and Dean pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, waiting for Sam to respond before he ran his tongue along Sams lower lip begging for entrance which was happily granted. Sam moaned when Deans tongue entered his mouth, exploring every inch before luring his own tongue into Deans mouth. Sams arms unwrapped from around his legs only to wrap around Deans waist, pulling him closer to the car. Dean pulled back when the need for air became to much, but instead of breaking contact he simply moved to kiss Sams neck, gently nipping the flesh before soothing it with his tongue.
Sams eyes slowly opened as his head rolled to one side and his fingers dug into Deans hips pulling him closer. Pulling back he twisted on the hood of the impala, so his legs dangled off the side and Dean was standing between them before pulling himself closer. Dean didn't mind the brief pause as Sam situated himself again, and as soon as he was pulled closer reattached himself to Sams neck, grinning as Sam moaned and tried to get even closer...though it wasn't possible. "God..De..." Sam breathed as Deans hands moved downwards, pulling Sam closer to the edge of the hood and thrusting against him.
Sure Dean knew he should stop it, before it went to far...but Sam was just so tempting. Moving back some he gasped as his own hips thrust up again, brushing their erections together. "God...we...should stop." He whispered, kissing Sams lips lightly. "Mm...Yea...Don't wanna." "Yes..." Dean breathed as he thrust up again, closed his eyes and listened as Sam moaned. God it was tempting to keep going, but he forced himself to step back, his hand cupping Sams cheek when Sam pouted. "We will...but...its too soon Sammy." Sam knew he had to agree, and turned his head to kiss the inside of Deans palm. "Love you." "Love ya too, Sammy." Dean leaned in and kissed Sammy one more time before moving slowly back to the car he had been working on..trying to will away his erection. Ruby...dad...bobby in a speedo...EW bad image...god mentally scarred now. Dean shook his head, and grimaced at that thought but it worked. Sam was having a similar issue, but had gone back to leaning against the windshield watching Dean as he worked.
Hours later Sam was inside taking a shower when Bobby finally came outside and leaned against the impala while Dean continued to work. "I see you finally got him to go somewhere alone?" Bobby asked in a gruff tone, causing Dean to tense and slowly turn to look at their father figure. "He wanted a shower. I wasn't done with this car, so yes." Dean replied in a tight tone. "Why? Are you saying there is something wrong with the way hes acting?" Dean asked, a hint of sarcasm in his tone. Bobby pushed away from the car, shaking his head. "Son, that boy needs to talk to someone, a professional. It's not good for him to keep it bottled -" "Don't you think I know this? Don't you think I know its hurting him to keep it to himself? I know Bobby! I raised him, Me. I know my Sammy, I know him better then anyone! -" "I know that son! I'm not questioning that, but he's suffering right now. He's not getting any better and just seems to be clinging to you. -" "Did it ever cross your mind that he needs to know hes safe? That he wants his brother?" "Then get him to talk to someone! Hell even you! Me! Someone!" "I already did" Came the soft voice of Sam, as he walked past bobby and stood close to Dean flinching at his brothers anger and tense body language. Dean sighed and took a deep breath, before wrapping his arm around Sam loosely. "Its alright Sammy." He soothed, rubbing circles on Sams hip before Sam relaxed into his side. "I already talked to De..." Sam continued, wrapping his arm around Deans waist as well.
Bobby glanced between them before turning and walking away, not wanting to upset Sam by continuing the fight. Sam frowned though and glanced down at Dean, sighing when Dean just shook his head and gently squeezed him. "De?" He breathed leaning down and burying his face into Deans neck. Though he was sweaty and greasy, Dean wrapped his other arm around his brother and leaned back against the car shushing Sam and just holding him. God he was turning into such a sap.
Dean didn't know how long they stayed like that, but after what seemed forever Sam straightened though he continued to look down at the ground instead of at Dean. Sighing Dean pushed away from the car and pushed Sams chin gently lifting his head. "What do ya say we go out today?" He asked his head tilting slightly. Sam stared at him for several moments and Dean was sure he thought that he'd grown a second head or something, before a brief smirk crossed Sams face – strained as it was – before he shook his head. "Funny De." He whispered pulling away from his brother. This caused Dean to frown, brows furrowing and everything. "I wasn't kidding...but if ya don't wanna go..." He trailed off shrugging, not wanting to get into it with his brother and trying not to scream at him that he had to go around people to get better. He stared at Sam for a moment before turning away from him and Sam felt his heart clench.
He wanted to make his brother proud of him, happy. He wanted to show Dean that he could do this, that he'd be fine...but he was scared. When Dean turned away from him he reached out and grabbed Deans arm without really thinking about it. "De." That one word sounded broken even to his own ears. He waited until Dean stopped and even turned his head slightly towards him before he continued. "I want to...Its just..." This got Deans attention and caused him to turn towards him fully. "Just what?" Dean asked, his voice so soft...so caring. "Scared?" Sam offered, a sheepish smile briefly making its appearance. "I'll be right there with you Sammy...every step of the way... I just...I want you to be able to go out in public without jumping out of your skin if someone bumps into you. I want my brother back, my smart sarcastic, caring over sized brother who seems to be lost. I want to make you feel safe Sammy, I want you to be happy. Let me help, please?" "I do feel safe..." "Oh?" "With you..." Sam trailed off shaking his head as he stared down into his brothers hazel eyes. "Lets go out...I'll...give this a try...for you." The answering smile was enough to make it worth it, he owed Dean after all right?
Later that day Dean and Sam were standing on the sidewalk in town, the Impala parked beside the curb. "Alright I'ma walk down there." Dean said, pointing to the next corner. "You're gonna try to walk to me." "De..." "Shh..If you get to scared, I'll be here in a flash I promise." Dean soothed, rubbing circles in Sams hip where his hand was rested. Sam took a deep breath and closed his eyes, before nodding so slightly that if Dean hadn't been watching he would have missed it. Dean smiled and squeezed his brother gently before extracting himself. "Ready?" He asked watching as Sam nodded and forced a smile "Yea..." "Sammy..we don't have to do this if - " "Yes..I do. De...I don't wanna be scared..." "Alright..." Dean glanced around before leaning up and placing a chaste kiss to Sams lips. "For courage." He whispered before pulling away and walking down to his corner, nodding when he got there.
Sam took a deep breath, his face still hot with a blush from the brief kiss. He wanted to do this, he could do this...he could be brave to get to his De. Closing his eyes he shoved away from the Impala and stepped into the crowd, opening his eyes and letting out a low sigh. A whimper escaped him however when a man bumped into him and he flinched away causing the man to give him a weird look. He stopped his progress, wrapping his arms around himself and closing his eyes tightly. "Come on Sammy..." Dean breathed as he watched this, and slowly he extended one of his hands. "Come on baby boy." He whispered again. Sam slowly relaxed and opened his eyes searching the crowd before locking on Dean and offering a brief smile. Dean returned the smile, and nodded as Sam took another step forward and then another. He slowly made his way down the sidewalk, whimpering and flinching if someone bumped into him. About fifteen feet from Dean he shook his head, a signal that he couldn't do it and wrapped his arms tightly around him. Dean could see him shaking and he quickly closed the distance between them.
"Sammy." He breathed as he gently placed his hand on Sams arm he knew better then to just grab his brother when he was like this. "Look at me Sammy...come on open your eyes." Sam whimpered and slowly opened his eyes "De" He breathed before wrapping his arms around his brother and Dean could feel tears soaking into his shirt and his brother shaking with silent sobs. Dean wrapped his arms around his brother as well, rubbing circles in his back. "Shh you did good Sammy...its alright." He soothed, rocking from side to side slightly trying to ignore the confused looks from those around them, and glaring at those that shot them disgusted looks. He continued his mantra over and over, until Sams sobs lessened into little hiccups. "See..its alright baby boy. Come on...Lets go get you a mocha frappé...you'd like that yea?"
He asked and smirked when Sam nodded quickly. Shaking his head Dean lead them back through the crowd to the impala, glaring at anyone that got too close to Sam. Once Sam was safely in the passenger seat one older lady came up. "Is he alright?" She asked, concern clear in her tone. "He'll be alright...Thanks for your concern." She studied Dean for a moment before glancing towards Sam. "You take care of him. No matter what some close minded people think young man." Dean gaped at her for a few moments before clearing his throat. "I do. I always have." She smiled and nodded before walking off.
A/N: Whoo another chapter finished. There's a little...well I dunno what to call it. xD Lets just go with treat for ya'll in there. They're making progress...even though it'll take years for Sam to recover fully most likely, PROGRESS IS GOOD! Yes yes. Anyways R&R please and thanks. I'll have next chapter up ASAP.