Hi there :-)
Before you pummel my face in I want to let you guys know that this is the last chapter! Whoop! Who's happy I am! Well okay first things first, I need to apologize for those false promises I made. Yes, yes I know I was supposed to post this during winter break and yes also that extra chapter and stuff and yes. I know I didn't but I do have my good reasons for it so I appreciate it if you didn't try to violate me in any way. Again sorry for the late chapter m(v.v)m
(Hahaha yeah I fixed this last chapter and stuff, though I left the ending as it was, I added the stuff that were kind of iffy and stuff, well if you wana know what I mean... read it :D)
and...
Please do try to enjoy as much as you can ;)
Disclaimer: When's the last time I did this? (can't remember 'cuz its been so long)
Chapter Cinco
It had been around half an hour later since everyone had come. Most of them were almost all gone. I didn't pay much attention to them as they said their goodbye's I was too busy thinking over the conversation that woman and I had after Gilbert and Mathew walked into Antonio's room.
"Um, excuse me." I heard a quiet voice close to me. I looked up from my silent grieving to see that woman looking down at me with soft, sad eyes. I gritted my teeth, my displease evident on my face.
"What?" I asked not having the patience to wait for her to have a moment.
"C-can I have a minute? I... well, I need to talk to you." She asked shyly, cringing a little if I were to yell. I knew fully well that she wasn't at fault she had nothing to do with the whole mess. Hell, I hadn't even thought of her once after the whole incident.
I just wanted to blame her because I thought that it would make me being rejected all the better... Ha! Obviously that's why I was rejected, apart from the other reasons, he was with her. I had completely forgotten about that.
I breathed in deeply, knowing the glances everyone else was giving us. I stood up and walked towards a different area where we could talk. She followed quietly behind me, her heels clicking quietly to the ground.
I turned around to face her, only to get annoyed when I looked the solemn expression on her face. All the sad and shy gone from her face.
I clenched and unclenched my teeth, waiting to see if she would speak.
"You wanted to talk to me?" I asked seeing as she wouldn't say anything first.
"Yes, well... this whole thing with Antonio... its your fault. That's what I wanted to say to you." I clenched my hands into tight balls and glared at her. I sighed and looked away, not having the energy to make myself come out with an angry retort.
"I know that much at least." I said simply.
"Well, its good that you know the gravity of situation and that you have to take responsibility for it." I furrowed my eyes and looked at her questionably.
The hell did she mean by "taking responsibility"? She smiled gently knowing exactly what my question was.
"Antonio... I've loved him for a long time. I always knew that he didn't feel the same way, even though I tried. Like when we first met at his house, I was fired fro my job and went to seek for comfort from him, thinking that maybe that could be the one thing that could go right in my life, but obviously I was totally rejected. He as a good person let me stay over the rest of the night." She chuckled to herself bitterly.
"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked a bit out of breath. I, somewhere in my mind I felt relieved and happy that he hadn't slept with her, that had rejected her more than once. Still, what did I have to do with any of it?
"Because I, he told me everything about you. He wanted to make things clear between us and ended up telling it all when he was drunk. Heh, I've decided to give up on him. This is the reason why I'm telling you this. I know he doesn't love me and I know I don't have a chance with him either. I want you to make him happy. I don't want you to hurt him again. I know I should be angry because you aren't even together and you've already hurt him, but I know that this isn't your fault. He probably put this on himself." She smiled by the end and grabbed my hand, holding it tightly with both of hers.
I was baffled, I didn't understand what she was talking about. give up on him? Make him happy? She must've not known that we were on the same boat.
'And how the hell did she know how I felt for him anyway?... He told her everything, including my embarrassing conffesion/display of affection.' I almost gritted my teeth but smiled back at her understandingly.
If I were her in this situation, I would have gave up on him too. Though my situation is completely different, we both have been rejected by the same person and had our feelings crushed. I knew exactly how she must feel knowing that he doesn't care for me and that we could never go back to being the friends we were, though she managed to restore some of it. Though I don't that can happen to us since we did sleep together.
"I'm leaving now, I just came to tell you this. I just want to know that I made the right decision in giving up on him, you know? So please promise me that you'll make him happy and that you'll never hurt him, it'll set my heart at ease, even though I'm not dying." She looked straight into my eyes again seriously.
It took me a few seconds on deciding whether I should tell her the truth or just agree and let it go. I thought of the easiest thing to do and the more convenient one for me. I mean if she doesn't know that I got rejected and that we are on the same boat then that'll make her not want to go after him again. I know its horrible the thought of if I can't have him no one can, but... can you blame me?
I nodded, not being able to say anything, knowing that if I did some guilt might come out with my words making me sounds somewhat suspicious. She smiled again giving my hand another gentle squeeze before letting go.
"I'm glad, thank you. Bye Lovino." She said as she turned around and walked away. I tried my best to not go after her and confess my lies, tell her to keep fighting for him because truthfully I had lost my will a while ago.
After a few minutes of just standing like an idiot I decided to go back to my uncomfortable seat with the loud people to decide on whether I should go home or not.
After getting back to my seat there was no one in the hall. Everyone seemed to have already left, only taking two or three minutes to see him and then leave. Finally it was down to me. I sighed in displeasure as I saw the door to his room open, the last couple walked out of the room giving me a warm smile. It was Feliciano and Ludwig ('why he dated him I had no idea') my full attention was on them as they headed toward me.
"Lovi~" I rolled my eyes while he smiled and waved at me like he hadn't seen me in a long time.
"Antonio looks really well, I'm sure you can't wait to see him!"
'You don't know how wrong you are.'
I sighed again looking towards the room that he was resting in. I slumped in my chair more and then looked at Feliciano.
"Um, yeah I guess." He nodded giving me an understanding look before grabbing onto Ludwig's (which he was just standing there, with his expressionless look as always) arm. He whispered something into his ear and giggled before they both waved goodbye and walked out the hospital doors.
My eyes followed their backs as they left through the doors. As soon as the men were nowhere to be in sight, they flicked towards the doors again. I didn't know what to do at that point. Was I supposed to just walk in there and act like these past two months never happened? Was I supposed to ask him for forgiveness and act like it was my entire fault?
My thoughts went to Bella again, thinking about our conversation gave me twinge of guilt. I didn't know why but it just did. Maybe it was because she wanted so hard to blame for what happened but couldn't. Even though it was obvious that I had most of the blame. Giving him up to me despite the fact that she was mad at me, made everything all the more painful.
I didn't even know if I was making any sense at that point.
My hands grasped each other nervously as my thought went back to him and the thought of seeing him again. I wanted to get out, I wanted to run away again and never look back. I just didn't want to face him; I thought that he would really truly hate me.
'Even though… Even though I still have to go see him.'
I shook away all thoughts from my mind and tried to stop my hands from trembling more. I slowly sat up, keeping my eyes set on that door. I focused all of my strength on walking towards it and not running the opposite way.
I looked through the mirror of the oak wood door when I had reached it. I tried to see if he was sleeping. I gulped as my shaking hands reached the door knob. Slowly I turned it trying to make the littlest noise possible so I didn't have to wake him up. When the knob reached its limit, I pushed the door ever so slowly trying to not make it squeak. Even though I tried my best it was no use, with every squeak that the door made it was like a stab to the brain. I pushed the door a little harder to end the stupid squeaking. When I made a large enough crack I slipped in and closed it in the same manner.
I sighed without making any sounds and rested my back against the door. I stared at the body lying on the bed and felt a twinge on pain in my chest.
I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. Even though I spent all that time thinking, it was all for nothing.
I gulped and slowly walked to the bed, I saw all the tubes connected to his body. He looked so fragile and broken that for a moment I actually felt like crying. I walked away towards the window trying not to let the tears fall.
The moon shined in through the window and engulfed him in its bright light. I leaned against the wall and looked outside, not knowing what to do.
Minutes passed and I stood there sorting out my thoughts.
"Lovino?" My eyes widened as my head snapped towards the voice calling my name. His eyes narrowed trying to figure out if it was really me.
I got a lump in my throat as I stared right back at him. I couldn't say anything; no words would come out of my mouth. All I could do was stare right back at him and see if I could just disappear right that second so I didn't have to face him.
"Lovi, is that you?" At hearing him call me that, my chest swelled up and it made it unbearable to stand. My hand shot towards my heart, trying to stop the squeezing pain. Antonio uncovered his body from the blankets and hissed in pain as he tried to move. He lifted himself up in a sitting position all the while trying not to make any pained noises.
Realizing what he was trying to do I ran to his side and almost slammed him against the mattress.
"What are you doing? Are you an idiot or something? You can't get out of bed in your condition." Even though he still had a pained expression he managed to let out a stupid chuckle.
"Well, you weren't answering me so I thought something was wro-… Lovi! You're here!" He winced in pain when he tried sitting up again. My hands that were still on his shoulders pushed him down more gently on the bed. I rolled my eyes at his statement but smiled inwardly.
"Of course I'm here you idiot, didn't you notice?" I mentally sighed in relief because words were flowing out my mouth normally, even though I was freaking out on the inside.
"I wasn't really sure if you were going to come or not but I'm glad that you did." He sucked in strained breath through his teeth and I realized that I was putting pressure on his shoulders. I moved my hands off him quickly and moved a few steps back.
"Humph."
Slowly the chuckle went to a quiet stop and the room filled with awkward silence between us. The seconds passed by while I tried to figure out what to do next. I wanted to apologize for everything but I wasn't really sure how. I decided that it was now or never. I took a deep breath and let it out.
"I'm sorry!" We both said at the same time.
"Umm... You go first." He said with the same confused expression I had. At that point I wasn't really sure what to say anymore. How was I going to start apologizing knowing that he wanted to apologize too. I sighed inwardly and tried to figure out my thoughts before opening my mouth.
"Well..." I scowled and looked at the ground trying to figure out my thoughts exactly. I wanted to see if my apology really sounded as good as I did in my head. "I wanted to say that I was sorry for what happened and all, you wouldn't be here if to weren't for me." Actually saying out loud made it sound more truthfully annoying. "Also I wanted to say thank you for saving me and all... even though I didn't need you too." I said the last part lower so he wouldn't hear me. At that point I just wanted to leave. I didn't want to be here any longer. The only reason I was still here was to apologize and I did. Even though he had something to say I really didn't want to listen. I just wanted to go and disappear from his sight like before.
"Lovi," He said cringing a little from the pain. "None of this is your fault, and you know it isn't so you shouldn't blame yourself for this."
"But I jumped in front of a car and you pushed me out of the way! How is it not my fault?" I yelled as my hand balled up into tight fists.
"Because it isn't, I mean I know that if I wouldn't have been running after you in the first place none of this would've happened, it's just that I couldn't leave things how they were." Oh god here it comes. "But I tried calling you and I texted you constantly, I even went to your house several times but you never answered, not my calls or my messages, nothing. Then I saw you that one day and I really wanted to talk to you but you only ran away. I wanted to apologize for everything."
He cringed a in pain again and sucked in air through his teeth.
My fists loosened as I tried so hard to not let the tears fall.
"B-but I don't understand." I said quietly. He looked up at me asking me to repeat myself. "Why were you trying to apologize? You were the one who specifically said that it was a mistake and to forget about it, you even apologized." I looked down as my hands balled up into fists again. The situation was so irritating! Why would he go so far to try and say the same thing again? I found it really stupid how he was just trying to apologize for it again.
"That's what I wanted to apologize for, what I said."
"So why say it?"
"I don't know, its just that at the time I was just thinking that I had to do anything I could to make you not hate me. I thought that maybe if I said those things that maybe you wouldn't be disgusted by me and walk away. But then you told me how you felt and I wasn't ready for it. I didn't know how to respond to that. but even so in the end you left before I could say anything that actually made sense. I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to make things right again no matter what." He had his head down and his hands balled up into fists. All the anger I had was completely blown away by what he said. Even though I was still confused, I didn't know what he meant.
"But I still don't get it,"
"At first I said those things to hide the way I felt for you. I didn't want you to know because I thought you didn't feel the same way. But when you said that, I was confused, I had already prepared for the worst you see. Even though that night was an incident, I saw how scared you looked so I didn't have any other choice but to lie. Then I wanted to tell you the truth but I could never reach you." I didn't know what to say, my mind was just blank, I wasn't even sure what was going on anymore. All I know is that stopped listening when he said he felt the same way. I didn't even know what to do anymore.
"But then... Bella... what about her?" I know what she had said but I needed it confirmed from him. I needed to know that they weren't together.
He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. "Bella and I were never together. I always told her how i felt about you and that it wouldn't change. Believe me, I don't love her because I love you Lovi... and I've always have." At that moment I could die and still be the happiest person alive. I know its cheesy and overly dramatic but to go through all that and still end up with things going the way you want to go (somewhat) it takes miracles. I smiled mostly to myself than anything else, I wanted to cry, not because I was unhappy but the whole opposite. My happiness at the moment was beyond description.
I let the tears finally fall from my eyes not caring anymore. He gave me concerned look that made me smile at him.
I reached for him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I looked into his eyes briefly before closing them and closing the distance between us. I pressed my lips against his locking them together. He kissed back just as tenderly, as he wrapped his arms around me and pressed our bodies closer together. I never wanted to let go, I wanted this moment to last forever.
I pulled back and stared tenderly into his eyes "I love you tomato bastard." He smiled and pressed our bodies together again into a tight hug, ignoring the pain of his bruised body.
"I love you too, Lovi." He whispered into my ear. We smiled at each other before pressing our lips together again in a passionate kiss.
~After math~
A few months had passed since the incident happened. Antonio was already healed and was as cheerful and stupid looking as always.
"Lovi~ spend the night here." The Spaniard cooed in my ear, I narrowed my eyes and pushed him away from me. He pouted and tried to hug me but I got up from the sofa before he got to me.
We were at Antonio's house taking care of some tomatoes that he was growing.
I walked towards the kitchen and he was right behind me. I sighed heavily while I opened the fridge to get some water. Antonio came from behind me as I closed the fridge and wrapped his arms around my waist. Pressing his body against me he began kissing my neck and my jaw line. I sighed and unwrapped his arms from around me. I walked away and sat down on the kitchen chair. I felt him bore his depressed eyes into the back of my head as opened the bottle.
I felt sorry for him, I also felt sorry for the whole situation. For a while I had this feeling that was telling me that I shouldn't get close to him. I felt more distant then before and after a while I didn't want him to touch me. I knew that I didn't want to be with him any longer but I just didn't know how I was going to do it.
I didn't want to hurt him anymore and I had decided that I was going to tell him today. I didn't know where to begin, I've never done something like this before, it was nerve wrecking.
"Lovi, why are you acting like this?" He said softly as he walked towards me.
"What do you mean?"
"Your acting cold towards me lately, whenever I talk to you, you never seem interested anymore, or when I touch you, you always push me away. Is it something that I did? Am I doing something wrong?" He was kneeling in front of me now. Looking at me in the eyes and holding my hands tightly. He looked so broken and miserable. I didn't know how I was going to tell him, I almost didn't want to say anything.
I didn't say anything; I only looked away from his gaze as the tears filled in my eyes.
"Lovi please tell me, I want to know what's happening I want to make things better, please I want to know." He said quietly in a pleading voice.
I remained quiet, knowing that I couldn't say anything, not now at least.
He caressed my face as the tears trailed down my eyes, although I tried so hard to keep them from falling.
"I love you so much and I'm sorry if I'm hurting you, I'm sorry if I'm doing something wrong, I jus-"
"STOP! Just stop!" I yelled as I sprung up from my seat. "Please, I don't want to hear it anymore! Not the whole love thing, not the blaming yourself, nothing! It's just that I don't want to be with you anymore. I don't want us to be together any longer. I can't do this." The lasts words came out more exasperated, it felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. What gave me more of the feeling of being punched in the gut was the look on his face as my words sank in.
He looked confused at first then as the words sank in, he looked so hurt and miserable. I felt like I wanted to punch myself at that point.
"But… I don't get it… why?" He said. The words sounded like he was questioning himself more than me.
"I'm tired of this, I'm tired if you always clinging to me all the damn time. I just don't want to be with you, I've had enough of this. I'm sorry." He furrowed his eyes and I took that chance to walk away. I walked into the living room and got my things. Without looking back I opened the door and walked out.
That was it, my dreamed relationship with the man I once loved. I wanted to be with him just so I could hurt him in the end.
Ummm... (^.^') *gets magical umbrella* okay you can start shooting things at me now.
You guys don't try to seek me out and kill me 'cuz of this o.O ending
I know what your thinking "How can she do something like this, gosh if I find her I'll beat her with something!"
I would say the same thing too and I know, I know I read parts of it myself this ending to the story kind of really, really! sucks doesn't it?
But alas its finished, Even though its not that quite good. I promise I'll try my best next time... *random person threatens with shoe* AND TO GET THE CHAPTERS UP FASTER!
Thank you for reading I hoped you enjoyed
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Don't forget to review member or not
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DON'T LET ME STARVE! ;_;
OH! And remember that the second part to this story is already posted... actually its been up for a while know,for those of you with a wondering soul and all that stuff... Yeah (-_-") Point is that if you guys are interested you should totally check i out and all. Just to see i they go back out or they end up forever without each other's embrace and well you never know there might be some smut in there somewhere (though I shouldn't advertise it since it sucks and all)