Trelawney's Promise

When Trelawney sees her Auntie Anna, the memories of her Mum well up and with them her tears. But Auntie Anna understands her better than she thinks that she will.

Trelawney couldn't wait for her family to arrive from England. She needed to see all of them, but some more than others. She needed to see Sylvia because she would understand her feelings about Topher. She needed to see Liam because he might know what dreadful thing had happened to Topher on the night of Maisie's birth that had caused him to turn away from her. And she needed to see Uncle David to ask, no beg, him to allow her to return to her Phoebe.

She was glad that Auntie Anna was coming. She would understand everything. She knew that with her help that Uncle David would surely allow her to go home. Much as she loved her Mama Kate, this had never been home for her. She might have her own room and a lovely piano to play, but it was not home. She knew that Elspeth liked it here because she really did not want to share the house with another dog, but she would loyally go wherever Trelawney would be most happy.

Once that was settled, then she could bring her concerns about Topher to her two trusted cousins. She reflected on her conversation with Pastor Jason as she waited for the car to arrive with her relatives. She knew that he could be right about Topher. And she knew that it was dangerous for him to have any feelings at all for her. But she knew that they weren't those feelings. She had known those feelings when a man had had them for her before. And she knew that she would recognize them again.

They were wicked and bad and evil. And that man had known how to disguise them under his pretense of being a kindly sort of an uncle. He had made her feel special. She was to be his dear little girl, even more dear to him than Phoebe, despite the fact that she was to be his wife. Phoebe was lovely and beautiful but she was not his little Trel. And then it had all gone wrong. But Topher was not like that at all.

If Pastor Jason was right, then he was keeping her safe. Topher was keeping his distance from her so that no one would suspect him of all the evil and horrible things that had happened to her before. They could not understand. He was pretending to love the other girl, the beautiful singer, so that he could earn his money for school. She hoped so anyway. Besides, maybe he had grown tired of mowing lawns. It must be much more fun to play in a band.

She asked Tessa about it and she agreed with Pastor Jason. Of course Tessa always agreed with Pastor Jason. Sometimes it felt like Tessa always agreed with the adults. She would have asked Elspeth, but then she would tell Waldo (she was such a little tattletale) and he (he was almost as big of a tattletale as she was) would tell Phoebe. Something told her that Phoebe wouldn't like it a bit.

She understood Phoebe better now that Maisie had told her that many, many lifetimes ago Phoebe and the Professor had been lovers. Trelawney had been their child, but their love had turned out to be quite sad. It was at the time of the Black Death. Phoebe and the Professor had both worked in a very rich household but when Phoebe had turned up pregnant she had been sacked. The Professor left his own job to care for her.

They were very poor but happy. Then when the Black Death had come to their village, when Trelawney was still a little girl, they had died. A kindly couple had taken her in, but it had never been the same for her again. Maisie knew very well that she should not have told Trelawney this but she had done so when she had told her that she could never understand the powerful ache inside when she saw Phoebe and the Professor together.

So Maisie had told her and now her life made sense. It made her feel brave enough to ask Uncle David to send her back to Phoebe. It might not make her feel entirely happy, but perhaps she would feel better. She understood why the Professor had always felt so fatherly towards her and Phoebe so motherly.

It made sense that the Professor had wanted to adopt her all those months ago. She wished that she had known that then because she would not have been such a brat about it. She still would not have wanted him to adopt her, but she would have declined much more nicely. Now, as she restlessly moved around the house, she fretted.

She wondered, no it was more like she worried, about her dollhouse. The Professor's house was large, but she could think of no place for Mimsy and Tansy and Daisy to live. Prudence's room was too small for two such dollhouses. And she would not leave it behind. She had left it behind when she had come to California from England and had been without it for an entire year. That had been far too long. She needed the house as a place of refuge. It was the only place in this world where anything made any sense at all.

But Auntie Anna knew that, and so did Emmeline and Sylvia. They would certainly help her. And Sylvia was ever so good at turning things around right. Just look at what she had done for Mike and Sarah. Maybe Sylvia could help fix things with Topher as well. Emmeline would probably tease her if she knew. But dear Sylvia wouldn't. She would say "there, there" and make her feel better. And she would keep her secret. Everybody thought that she had a crush on him, but they were wrong. She loved him.

Yes, Trelawney truly loved Topher. She knew in her heart of hearts that he was meant for her and she for him. It was one of those things that she knew but didn't know how she knew. If Topher really did love the singer and they got married, she simply didn't know what she would do. What kind of cruel trick of fate it would be to love a man who was married to someone else. It was unthinkable. Even so, she knew that it had happened before.

Then, she heard the commotion at the front door and knew that the uncles and her aunt were here. The others were going straight off to the hotel. She quickly ran down the steps with Elspeth at her heels. And then she saw her Auntie Anna. It had been almost two years since she had seen her and in that time, she had forgotten how much she looked like Mum. Without thinking, she hurled herself into her arms and began to cry.

"There, there, lovey," she said. "It's just your old Auntie Anna coming for a little visit. There's no need to make all this fuss."

But Trelawney couldn't answer her. She could only cling. It was lucky that Auntie knew what she was thinking and held her closer. She could feel her stroking her hair and kissing her head, just like Mum used to do. The loving gestures calmed her down. She felt safe. Elspeth was whining a little bit at their feet and Auntie bent over to pet her.

"Now Elspeth, don't you start as well!" she chided her. "The way that you two are acting, you would think that you wanted me to pack you both up and bring you home!"

Trelawney didn't answer that. She had actually not been thinking that at all, but now that the thought was in her head she wondered if she perhaps could escape. Auntie's arms tightened around her, reminding her that this was her home now. Looking down at her, Auntie brushed her hair back out of her face and whispered.

"We'll talk later, little one. Your dear Mum would never forgive me if I left you full of sadness like this."

Trelawney nodded and snuggled closer. She could sense that Mama Kate was a bit unnerved by her show of affection for her dear Auntie, but she clearly did not remember that before there was a Mama Kate in her life, there was an Auntie Anna. And Auntie Anna looked more than a bit like her Mum. But mostly, Auntie Anna knew Trelawney as well as anyone could. She was a Figalilly and the Figalillys always knew each other best.

"So," said Uncle David. "Aren't you going to give a kiss to me and your Uncle Charlie, then? Or don't the uncles count for anything anymore?"

"I'm sorry," she replied anxiously. "I forgot myself."

Dutifully, she greeted each and then returned to Auntie.

"Well, David," said Uncle Charlie. "We may have to let up on the little one for a bit. After all, she hasn't seen her Auntie in so long."

"Ever so long," echoed Trelawney, grateful that Uncle Charlie understood.

But then she saw that her two uncles were looking at each other with eyes filled with concern. And they were both thinking the same thing. Why was their little Trelawney Rose so sad? But she had no words to tell them. There were only feelings. She felt sad and lonely.

She wanted her Mum and her Papa. And she wanted to be with her Phoebe. Now Mama Kate and Mr. Everett were looking troubled. They knew that something was the matter but unless Trelawney could tell them with words, they wouldn't have a clue. Uncle David looked at her. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Auntie Anna must have realized that Trelawney slipping away. She sometimes did that. And it would never do for Trelawney to wander off, even if it was only in her mind, before such an important event as the christening.

"You know," she said gently. "I believe that our little one is a bit overwhelmed. Perhaps you and I should have our little chat now. David, Charlie, I know that you can tell it better than we can."

Uncle David looked at her kindly. Of course he knew what to say.

"Rob, Catherine, I think that our little one has just had a bit of a shock," he said. "You see Annabel here looks very much like her own mother. Those that see her every day wouldn't see it so much, but our Trelawney Rose just did."

"Our Phoebe will too most likely," agreed Uncle Charlie. "It may set them both grieving again. But we'll tend to them and so will you. It's a happy event that we're here for, but you all have to remember that the other grandparents are missing and, yes, still very much missed. But Trelawney Rose, never you mind. Cry your tears now. Then the happy day will truly be happy for you all."

"Yes, sir," she replied obediently, sniffling a little.

"I'm sorry, dear," said Mama Kate. "I've been so busy with all of the arrangements that I had forgotten this important fact. Will you forgive me?"

"Yes, Mama Kate," she said solemnly. "May I please go to my room now with my Auntie Anna?"

"Yes, of course, dear," she replied.

Without looking back, Trelawney took her Auntie by the hand and led her up to her room. Auntie sat down in the rocking chair and Trelawney sat on the floor beside her and buried her head in her lap. Then she began to sob as if her heart would break. In fact she thought that it was breaking. She could feel Auntie holding her tight and stroking her hair, but she didn't tell her to stop. Trelawney knew that she wanted her to cry until there were no tears left.

Eventually, the flood subsided and Trelawney simply sat on the floor and rested her head against her.

"Does that feel a bit better now, lovey?" asked Auntie kindly.

"A bit," she replied quietly. "I am not sure that all the tears are gone."

"I know, lovey, I know," she said. "Your Mum was more than my sister. She was my best friend in the whole world. In some ways she was even closer to me than your Uncle David. I've wept many tears myself at her loss. And when I look at your sweet little face, I can see her as she looked when she was a girl of your age."

"I see her when I look at you too," said Trelawney shyly.

"Well, lovey, I have the look of her, but you are truly the living image," she said. "It's a good thing that we left old Grandfather James at home or we'd have that whole tug of war starting all over again. But you can't come home now. You must be with your Phoebe. Your Mum would never forgive me if we broke you two up."

"Yes, Auntie," she replied. "Will Uncle David permit me to go back home now?"

"That's his plan," she nodded. "It was meant to be a lovely surprise for you both, to bring you home for Christmas. But you need to know now. It will help you heal a bit."

"Heal?" she asked, puzzled.

"Yes, lovey, heal," she said. "When you saw me it was like the wound of her loss was all ripped open again. That's why you wept. But now it will heal again. You'll see."

"Will it open up again?" she asked.

"It may," she replied wisely. "There's really no way of telling. Sometimes it's something you see or hear or smell that brings back the one that's lost. Sometimes, when we're already feeling sad, it makes the loss feel worse. Now I know you well, lovey. I know you better than anyone, even your Phoebe. Just now you were crying for more than just your Mummy and Papa, weren't you?"

"Yes, ma'am," she replied, trying to push the thoughts of Topher out of her mind.

Auntie Anna looked at her curiously.

"I can see it's a lad that's broken your heart, little lovey," she said softly. "Now why don't you tell your Auntie all about it? You may be nothing more than a little slip of a girl, but little girls can still fall in love. It's always the first one that's the hardest."

"What do you mean the first one?" she asked slowly.

"Oh, my, then. Have you already forgotten that I have three daughters?" she answered with a little smile. "I've seen these first little crushes before. They disappoint you, but then you get over it and move on. There's plenty more fish out in the sea as they say."

"But I am not fishing," she replied. "This is not just any boy."

Auntie Anna grasped her chin in her hand and looked down into her eyes. It happened so quickly that Trelawney's mind was wide open. She gazed back into her eyes with longing and regret. Auntie Anna's expression softened. She understood better than Trelawney had thought that she might.

"I see it in your heart now, little one," she said carefully. "It's the same love that I saw in my dear Meg's heart for her Owen. It is a rare and true feeling. But it is also for an outsider. I can't change any of it. All I can say is that whoever he is, he better be worthy."

"He is," she assured her. "But he doesn't see me."

"No, he doesn't," she agreed. "But that doesn't mean that someday he won't. He's older then, isn't he? Your Papa was older than your Mum you know."

"I know," she nodded. "But I am still a little girl. He is a man."

"Well, I have a secret for you," she answered. "Your Mum loved your Papa from the time she was a little girl. In fact there was a time when it was like as it is for you now. She was just a little girl and he was a man. But neither of them had any control over their destinies. It was luck that the betrothal happened. And it didn't happen because they loved each other. It happened because the Figalillys and Trelawneys wanted the marriage. And when she was old enough, they married."

"But no one would ever betroth me to an outsider," said Trelawney.

"Lovey," said Auntie patiently. "No one is ever going to betroth you to anyone at all. Outsider or no, those such as you are not betrothed. And it's not only because being a little fey as you are, no man could want you for a wife. No, little Trelawney, there is no man who is worthy of your goodness and kindness. Your Phoebe will take good care of you, lovey. You'll see."

Trelawney looked at her but didn't answer. She obviously didn't know Topher and all of the horrible things that he had saved them from. Why, he was so good that he even tried to save Cholmondeley! Cousin Liam must not have told them. But she didn't want to talk anymore. And she didn't want to go back downstairs. Instead, she rested her head back in Auntie's lap and fell asleep. It had been a very long day.

When she woke up the next morning, she felt much better. Someone had put her to bed and set Tessa beside her. She looked down at the foot of the bed and noticed that Elspeth was looking at her. Trust Elspeth to be on guard! It was as if a storm passed and now it was a fresh new morning. After she dressed in fresh clothes, she skipped downstairs where all the adults were eating and gave them each a big hug and a kiss.

"I'm sorry for my mood last night," she said. "I didn't mean to be a bother."

"That's okay, dear," answered Mama Kate. "As long as you are happy now."

"Oh, yes indeed," she said. "I can't wait to see all my lovely cousins again."

"Yes," she said. "Well, they are all coming over to Hal and Phoebe's a little later. We'll be going down shortly so that the others can meet Maisie."

"Goody," she said as she dug into a bowl of cereal.

After breakfast, Auntie Anna pulled her aside.

"I am glad that you are looking so much better, lovey," she said.

"Oh, I am much better," she replied. "You were just lovely to me last night. I can't imagine what came over me."

Auntie Anna looked at her seriously.

"I know exactly what came over you. And you must promise me something."

"Yes, Auntie?" she asked.

"You must not do or say anything impulsive," she said. "You must promise me that you will behave exactly as you have been brought up. If you mind your elders, then no heartache can come to you."

"Yes, Auntie," she replied obediently. "I promise that I will be a good girl and mind my elders, just as I have been brought up to."

"That's good, lovey," she said. "Now why don't you collect Elspeth and we will all go down to Phoebe's."

As Trelawney skipped off to find Elspeth, she didn't see the worried look on her Auntie's face. But she was thinking about her promise and realized that it would be quite easy to keep. She knew in her heart that her Topher, if he ever came to her, would never do anything that would go against their culture. He was the one for her and they would be together. She didn't know how she knew it. She just knew it.

And of course she had not promised not to do anything impulsive. That was certainly one promise that she could never keep. In fact, she wouldn't be Trelawney if she weren't impulsive. Even Auntie knew that. So Auntie had accepted her muddled promise, just as she had made it, no more, no less. And Trelawney tried to put the thoughts of Topher out of her head. But of course she could never do that completely. Topher was not only in her head. He was in her heart.

To be continued . . .