Long, just for you.
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Chapter Seven:
Relentless Memories—Part 2:
Here without You
The scene changed into her old room in the Human World, Sen stood in the middle of the small room. The young woman was confused, why is she here? Shouldn't she be in the Spirit World?
But suddenly, her ten-year-old self entered the room, closing the door behind her as she made her way to the desk sat by the window. The girl turned on Utada's First Love before settling down the chair in front of the desk, opening a book to the first page. Curiosity blossomed in Sen's chest and her legs carried her over to the girl.
As she wrote, she read. Time slowed.
-.-;-.-;.-.-;-.-
Chihiro's Dairy:
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August, 19, 2002:
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Dear dairy,
Today is the first day we are back in the Human world, I feel odd to say the least. I was here all my life but now it feels like I'm an outsider, the odd one out here in this world. Why do I feel this way? Did the other world really affect me this much?
No, that isn't the right question to ask, isn't it? The question is did the people from said world really touched my life this much? The answer is too easy to say, especially Haku.
The answer is yes. My mind is filled with memories and thoughts of my friends, and it's getting really hard to focus on anything but the things in my head, the thoughts make me want to run back to the tunnel and disappear forever, but in doing so, I'll break my parents' hearts. Eight years, yes that seems fair, I'll finish school then I will return to the world I'm missing. That's fair…
Chihiro
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January, 7, 2003
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Dear Diary,
So much time has passed and I have almost seven years to go. This is so much to bear, I just want to run home but I'll be a good girl and finish school. You might find it interesting that I'm dreaming of another world but for me, it is absolutely madding. I don't belong here anymore….
How sad is it that I am no longer in the mind set of my parents, no longer thinking of graduating and being a normal young woman? Unbelievably sad, I tell you. I'll have to break their heart to follow mine, but is that what they wanted for me all along? For me to make my dreams come true no matter what it takes? I hope they will understand in time. I will write them a letter explaining why I need to leave, maybe then they will see why I feel the way I do.
Love is a funny thing…..
Chihiro
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Letter #1
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Age 11
October, 17, 2003 :
Dear Haku,
A year had passed and I still remember everyone, everything that changed me. Who knew I could change, huh? I miss you, at first I was happy to have my parents back although I was sad to leave all of you behind, now it is almost impossible to keep me from running back into the Spirit World. But I will finish my schooling first, that way I can be with my parents a few more years.
I'm entering Middle School this fall, and I'm doing well, you'll proud. I have a lot of friends, my grades are great—I love art, I draw you and the others daily—and I try to be kind to anyone that needs it. The time I spent with you and everyone else opened my eyes to my true self; I hope one day I will get to thank you. You truly did changed me, Haku, I don't know how but I am grateful to you.
What you are doing right now? Are you missing me as much as I am? Are you free from Yubaba? Will your promise be fulfilled? Those are the questions that are making me mad. I want to know the answers so much it hurts. I want to hug you and never leave your arms again, I want to tell you that….that I have feelings I've never felt before for you, but I have to wait, do I? That'll be the hardest thing I'd have to yet. But I'll do it, it'll make our reunion that much sweeter.
Yours truly,
Ogino Chihiro
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April, 11, 2004
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Dear Diary,
It's been two years since I left my home. How odd it feels, you ask? Very, I see other humans talking about what to wear or cute boys, and I can only think of the friends I left behind. They are the only ones that understand me now, because even my best friend in this world can't get how I feel.
Ami says that I'm beautiful and any guy would kill for a chance to date me but my heart already belongs to the dragon boy who saved twice now. I can't possibly imagine me with anyone but Haku. I can't tell her that and it hurts, but maybe it is better if we have secrets between us. I have to go now, until next time.
Chihiro
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Letter #2
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Age 12
October, 17, 2004:
Dear Haku,
Two years, two years since I left you behind. It is so hard, Haku, I see your eyes everywhere I look, I hear you whisper my name. Why is love so painful, so powerful? I love you, yes, I do. I know that I'm just a preteen, but these feelings are too strong to ignore, maybe I don't want to, you know I can be stubborn when I want to be.
The dreams are strong, almost moving memories, but last night's was different. It was like a vision of the future:
I was standing at the opening of the Sprit World, wearing the high schoolers' uniform, and there was a young man staring at me so intensely. To tell you that he was beautiful wouldn't even describe him. He was breathtaking. An older version of you: his dark blue long hair was tied back in a loose ponytail, his eyes were the same mossy green of yours but with such fierce emotions shining in them, and the smile I fell in love with set on his lips. It is you, I know it is, I've never forgot that smile. I can't wait to see you. Truly, that will be the best day of my life.
Yours truly,
Ogino Chihiro
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May, 11, 2007
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Dear Diary,
Dumb school, because of it, I didn't write to Haku the last two years. I know that I need this but with every passing year, I pull away more from the people I am supposed to love and get along with, in doing so, I feel alone. Why can't time just pass quickly than it is?
Haku, I love him so much that it hurts. Why hasn't he refill his promise to come get me? Maybe he is too busy to think about me…..no, I know he's thinking about me, I don't know how I know this, but I do, and I know he is waiting for me. Well I am coming, no matter what.
Chihiro
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Letter #3
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Age 15
October, 17, 2007:
Dearest Haku,
I'm sorry I haven't write to you in so long. School has been inane lately. I entered high school since I last wrote you, it's funny; everyone calls me the kind, beauty of the school, but they find me odd. I might be just that. I mean, I'm smart, I'm popular, and I'm—as they say—beautiful, but my friends say I look like I'm longing to be somewhere far, I always look out of place there, maybe I do, I know the first part is true, I do long to be home, for the magical world is my home. For now, however, I have to smile for my friends and family, living in my drawings of the past and my dreams. Odd indeed. I have gotten used to it, I like being the odd duckling, makes life more interesting.
Only three more, no four more I'm getting ahead of myself, years 'til we'll meet, Haku, oh I'm giddy just thinking about it. I'll be in your arms once again, and this time I will stay. Maybe, I'll get to show you my artwork; I'm getting really good at it. Well, until next year, my darling dragon.
Forever yours,
Ogino Chihiro
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June, 23, 2008
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Here I am,
Waiting for you.
Here I am,
Crying out for you.
I am here without you,
Where are you?
Have you forgotten me?
I am here…..
-.-.-.-.-.-
Letter #4
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Age 16
October, 17, 2008:
Dear Haku,
I'm sixteen, almost an adult, and still no sign of you. Are you going to keep your promise? Or am I going to have to fulfill it on my own? I don't mind that, but I wish you would fly back to me.
I don't know how to explain to my family and friends why I'm not applying to college, Haku, they ask and I just change the subject. If I confessed that I'm not going, they would ask why and I don't know how to answer that question. Either they will think I'm insane or laugh at me. I need you to come and tell them I belong with you. Please.
On a happier note; how's everybody there? Is granny alright? I hope so; Lin isn't giving you grief, is she? I swear I act more mature than she does. Yubaba still as bossy as ever? Oh, there's so much I want to know, but I can't write all it down. Only two more years, -sighs- hopefully they'll go quickly.
Yours truly,
Ogino Chihiro
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July, 15, 2009
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Dear Diary,
One more year and I'll be free, thank the kamis. I won't be the odd woman out anymore, I'll belong somewhere finally. I wonder if the world is the same from eight years ago when I left, I hope so, I thought it was beautiful…
I can't wait until next year.
Chihiro
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Letter #5
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Age 17
October, 17, 2009:
My Haku,
I am here, in bed, wondering what next year will be like; will you smile at me like in the dream? The thoughts are unbearable, I just want to be Sen again, I don't feel right as Chihiro anymore. The Human World isn't my home, I feel sad about leaving my family and friends behind, but I don't belong here. I look up at the moon and wish that time would just go by so I can go home.
What are you thinking about? Of me, I hope, because I can't stop thinking about you. My friends say I need a man, but they don't know that I already have one waiting for me. One year, my love, and I'll be home. Where I belong. I love you.
Forever yours,
Ogino Chihiro
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September, 30, 2010
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Dear Diary,
In a couple of months I will be in where I want to be, in his arms, safe. Oh, I can't wait, that has been my dream for so long now, and you cannot imagine how excited I am.
What to say? Should I play it cool and wait until Haku says something? Or maybe I could go oh-so-shy and tell him? I don't know but whatever I do, I will be where I belong, with the friends I was longing to see for eight long years, and with the man I am in love with, finally accepted for who I am. Only a few more months and I'm free. Goodbye, old friend, thank you for letting vent to you.
Sen
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Letter #6
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Age 18
October, 17, 2010:
Dear my Kohaku,
This is the last letter I am writing you, because when the year ends, I'll be in the Spirit World, surrounded by my friends. Finally, I'll be where I can be my whole self. I hope Yubaba will give me my old job without too much trouble, but knowing her, I'd have to fight her. I can see Lin, Kamiji, Granny, No Face, and Boh again! Oh I can't wait; I wish I could go right now. But I'll be good and graduate high school, I know you would want that. Although, I don't know why I'm doing what you would want because you didn't keep your promise, no matter, I'm coming to you. And don't you dare think you're not in trouble with me, mister, you are going to get an ear full from me. Then, maybe a kiss. Yes, definitely a kiss, I have waited so long to give you my first kiss. I saved it for you, honey.
I'mcountingdownthedays,Haku.Hopefully,thisyearwillgofast,buttime'scruelwhenyouarewaitingforsomethingtocome.Seeyouverysoon,mydragonboy—no,you'renotaboyanymore,areyou?You'reaman.My man…..
Always and forever yours,
Ogino Sen Chihiro
-/-/-'/-/-/
The young woman gasped as her room faded into blackness. Yes, she remembered…
She, Ogino Sen, loved the dragon boy and she wanted to remember him. She smiled, letting his name escape from her lips as a whisper.
"Dear Haku….."