The Point of No Return
Chapter 5

Sometime in the night I had attempted making it back to my room. The combination of anger and alcohol had made the night a blur of illness and all I really knew is that I woke up on the floor of my room with Trudy hovering over me looking worried out of her mind.

"Oh, Miss Emma, what happened?" she asked as soon as my eyes opened. "Are you alright? Should I fetch a doctor?"

I shook my head, even though the memory of what I'd overheard made me nauseous all over again. "I'm fine, Trudy," I told her as she helped me to stand. My knees were shaking and my head gave a violent throb. "I'll get myself dressed today." My voice sounded mechanical. I didn't feel anything like myself. My mind was running in circles so fast I could barely keep up with my own thoughts.

"But what about your –"

"I won't be wearing a corset today, Trudy. Thank you, though."

"Yes, Miss," she gave a small curtsey and then left.

My parents wanted me to marry Lovejoy, of all people. I'd rather marry anyone else but him! Not that any of their other choices would be any better. I don't think anyone would ever be exactly what I was looking for. Because my parents would never . . .

My thoughts came to a dead stop when I realized where I was about to go. I'd known him only two days, I had no right to imagine being married to him. No, I did not want to marry Tommy. Not at all. I wouldn't even let myself think the words.

But I didn't want to marry anyone who wasn't Tommy, I would admit that much. How could I commit to someone like Spicer Lovejoy when I felt so strongly for Tommy?

The more I thought about it, the more I felt the need to go talk to him.

I tried ignoring my stomach's flipping about and got myself cleaned up and dressed as fast as I could. And it's a good thing I did. Less than a minute after I put my dress on there was a knock on my door, followed shortly by Lovejoy himself walking in without even waiting for me to respond.

"Good morning, Emma." His voice sent an unpleasant chill down my spine.

"Mr. Lovejoy," I nodded stiffly. I cringed under his gaze. I never had been able to stand the way he looked at me. It made me feel almost like a mouse being stalked by a snake. At any moment he could unhinge his jaw and swallow me whole.

"I think we should be on a first name basis now, don't you? Or haven't you heard the good news?" He moved closer to me and I shrunk back until I was all but sitting on the vanity.

"I've heard." Another stiff nod and a distinct feeling that things were falling apart around me. I began understanding more of what Rose must have been feeling. But I wouldn't give into him like she had to Cal. I couldn't. "I'm sorry; I don't have much time to chat now. I have plans."

Thankfully, I had always been able to move quickly – a talent that had often gotten me in trouble when I was younger – and was able to move around him and get out the door before he could stop me. I heard him calling my name and knew he was coming after me, so I didn't dare slow down until I was safely down in the third class decks.

"Tommy, I need to talk to you," I said breathlessly once I found him, shivering as the cool air hit my skin – I really should have worn something with longer sleeves. I turned and looked over my shoulder to make sure Lovejoy hadn't caught up with me.

Tommy was at my side in a second. He cupped my face in his hands and made me look up at him. "Emma, why are you crying? What happened?"

I was crying? I hadn't even realized I was. But he was right. As soon as he said it, I felt the moisture on my cheeks.

"Is there somewhere we can talk alone?" I asked. The longer we stayed in the general room the more likely it was that Lovejoy would find me. He thought for a second and then nodded, putting his arm around me as we walked.

He led me down into G-deck and into one of the cabins. It was a room built to hold four people, but only one of the beds seemed to be taken – I assumed by Tommy.

"Sorry, but it was the only place I could think of where no one'd over hear whatever it is you want to tell me."

"And I highly doubt he'll be able to find me here," I added, mostly to myself.

"Who won't find you?" His expression was a combination of worry and confusion.

"My new fiancé," I whispered. This time I knew exactly when I started crying. It tore through me like a knife as I finally said the word and I had to sit down on one of the bunks just to keep myself from falling.

"What?" Tommy shouted. It was like a switch had been flipped in him. The confusion disappeared and was instantly replaced with anger.

"I found out when I got back last night," I told him. I fiercely swiped at my face, wishing I could make the tears stop. I hated crying, and I definitely didn't want to be crying in front of Tommy. "My parents are making me marry my brother's bodyguard of all people! He's the last person in the world I would ever want to marry!" The crying slowed as my own anger made an appearance. "He's almost fifty years old, he's a complete ass, and if you could just see the way he looks at me . . ." I gave a shudder at the thought and lapsed into silence.

"Can't you just say no?" he replied. He sat down next to me and shook his head. "If you don't want to marry him, then don't."

I let out a laugh and wiped at my eyes again. "You don't know my family. I can't say no. The only plausible way for me to get out of marrying Lovejoy would be if I was dead or already married to someone else."

"Then marry someone else," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

I turned to him in shock. "Would you happen to have any suggestions?" I asked sarcastically.

Similar to the first one we'd shared at the party, this kiss came without warning, though I was much faster in responding to it. There seemed to be much more behind it. Something that gave me a spark of hope. Maybe my earlier ideas hadn't been completely ridiculous.

When the kiss ended, he leaned his forehead against mine and kept me in his arms. "D'you love me?" he asked. Straight to the point, as he always was. "Because, honestly, I'm startin' to have a hard time imagining life without you."

At first all I could do was nod. My brain couldn't seem to recall how to form words after the two implications contained in his words. The first, obviously, was that he loved me. The second, that he was genuinely considering marrying me after two days. And then there was my own realization that I felt the same way. After all, the first person I thought of this morning was Tommy. I had already known that I didn't want to be with anyone else.

Then it occurred to me that I had never actually answered his question. "Yes," I said, and as soon as the word left my mouth I was beaming. "Yes, I do love you."

"Then marry me," he said, his hands holding my upper arms.

"I'd love to," I answered happily and kissed him again. Then something occurred to me and I pulled back so I could look at him. "But what are we supposed to do until the ship docks? I can't hide from them forever."

He grinned and there was a glint in his eye as he replied. "They can't do anything about it if we get married on the ship."

I raised my eyebrows at him, not quite sure if he was serious or not. "How could we get married on the ship?"

"There are a couple priests on board, I'm sure we could convince one of them to do it." Once again with that tone that suggested it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You're crazy," I laughed but agreed anyway before kissing him again.

OooOOooO

"I can't let you go up there alone," Tommy insisted, following me up the stairs.

"Tommy, if anyone sees us going into the suite together, word will make it to Cal and/or Lovejoy and they'll make sure that we never see each other again," I told him for what must have been the fifth time. I was on my way back to the suite to grab some things that I would need to go and stay in Tommy's room (which would soon be our room). And then after that we intended to go and talk to Father Byles and try to convince him to marry us after his service the next day. But Tommy hated the idea of me going into the suite to get my things alone.

"If this Lovejoy guy is as bad as you say he is, then I don't want you alone for him to find you."

"And I don't want us both being caught and getting separated permanently," I snapped at him. "I'm sorry, Tommy, but I can't risk it." I sighed and squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Come with me as far as the promenade and wait for me there. If I'm not back in five minutes, then come in."

He huffed, obviously not liking the idea. But I think he was starting to catch on that I was just as stubborn as he was. "Three minutes," he said.

"Fine, three." I gave him a small smile and we began walking again.

As planned, he waited for me out on the B-Deck promenade while I went back to my suite. It only took me about two minutes to get my small suitcase packed – after all, I manly just shoved in my underclothes, and the few dresses I had that didn't require a corset. I was about to walk out into the main corridor, but as soon as I opened the door I was met with someone I hadn't been expecting, though I should have expected it.

"Going somewhere, Emma?" Lovejoy asked.

Yes, my dears, it's true. This is in fact the second update today. Writing makes me feel better, so I was doing a lot of it today. I hope you enjoyed this one. And I want to thank you all for your kind reviews - they made me smile on an otherwise bad day and I can't thank you all enough for that.

Meagan