The next day came before I knew it and I was falling behind on my homework. Thanks to Axel's treat to dinner, I was bothered all night, thinking about what our potential friendship could look like. By the time I woke up after trying to sleep my sorrow away, I had to rush to the dining hall to cram breakfast before returning to my dorm to start a long day. Sadly, even that was a fail.
"Aye, Blondie, how you doing?" Axel asked casually as I rushed down the hall to my dorm, fiddling with my key, unable to get it in the lock.
"Stressed." I kept it short.
"You should relax."
"No thanks." I ignored him and started to go into my dorm when I realized that he was coming in with me. "Can I help you?" I turned around, keeping him in the doorway.
"I've never been inside your dorm." Axel said, trying to peep in.
"Well sucks for you." I started to close the door, but he put his hand on it.
"Quit being a recluse." He smirked and pushed it open, much stronger than I am, so I gave up and walked to my desk. I had never let anyone inside, which was something I both hated and took pride in, but I was actually nervous of having company.
"It's quiet and plain." Axel said, staring at my white walls and empty room.
"It's peaceful." I corrected him and he sighed.
"So what are you doing?" he sat his ass on my books that were resting on my desk, next to my hand. So dangerously close.
"Homework." I sighed, trying to give him the hint to leave.
"Sounds boring."
"Yeah, well, it's college."
"Yeah, so enjoy it before it ends." Axel put his hand on my head, but I was quick to push it off.
"Don't you have anything better to do?" I huffed, scribbling away in my notebook.
"What's that for?" Axel asked at my notebook and I rolled my eyes.
"It's for sociology." I said, annoyed.
"Can I see it?" He asked but I wasn't amused.
"No."
"Why are you so mean?" He stood up and I gulped. Ouch. Ok, so I know I'm not that social, but I don't want to come off as mean.
"I'm not." I said quietly.
"Yeah, you are." He said and I inhaled deep. Was he trying to hurt me?
"Just go." I whispered and he sighed loudly.
"Whatever you want." He left and then, without even realizing it, I felt tears trickle down my cheek.
I never wanted to come off as a jerk, but I'm just not used to having people want to talk to me. It's not my fault. I swear it.
To my parents I was nonexistent, because my twin, Sora, had always been the favorite. He had the cute adorable face, perfect brunette hair, a friendly smile, and the positive outlook that made everyone love him. I was just the weird kid who preferred to sit in a corner. It's not that I wanted to be alone; as I grew up watching my parents love Sora more, I realized that at least if I acted invisible, I couldn't blame them for not noticing me. Pretty soon, the acting became reality.
I stayed up that whole night, wondering what was it about me that made me look like an ass. Ok, sure, I never participate in any of our events on campus and I never go to any parties. I don't have any friends here or at home, so I don't really talk much. I never say a word in class, and I don't talk to anyone when I have free time. I have a small TV in my dorm, and that's all I need to entertain myself. Maybe I just don't know how to communicate? I remember Sora told me that, when we were still in junior high, back when I actually had friends. I didn't know what that meant, so I never changed. By the time high school came, I was already half dead inside.
I was watching TV that next day, still trying to figure out if there was any hope left in me when there was a knock at my door. I never get visitors, and again, I have no friends. The only people who ever knock on my door are drunk idiots or hot chicks, both of which are always looking for Axel's room. I decided to wait and hope they'd just figure it out on their own, that they had the wrong door, but when that didn't happen I sighed, already bothered as I hopped off of my lifted bed and opened the door.
"Seifer?" I asked. I hadn't seen him since he dumped me two years ago.
"Rox, I want to talk with you." Seifer walked right into my dorm as I stood there, confused. What the fuck was going on? What ex randomly just shows up to your college dorm, unannounced, and says that he wants to talk? "You coming?" he asked as he took the liberty of making himself comfortable by sitting on my bed.
"Huh?" I asked, still tangled in the awkward twist of fate. Could he miss me? Does he want to get back together?
"Sit down." He patted the bed beside him and I gulped as I slowly let the door close so that I could join him.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. I wanted to know what brought him to see me so randomly at night. Maybe, maybe we will get back together? That has to be it. Why else would he come? My heart was already racing.
"Look, I know this sounds weird and random and all, but there's something that I have to say."
I nodded. Go on. Yes, beg for me. Tell me that you missed me, and that you want me, and that you regret ripping my heart out. Tell me that I matter.
"Remember Olette?" Seifer asked and I froze, eyes wide. Olette. I used to be friends with her, until Seifer dumped me for her. He said that I was too boring, too plain, too dull for him and that he wanted someone with a sense of adventure and curiosity; someone like Olette.
"Yeah." I said quietly. Why would he remind me of something so painful?
"Well, we're over. She dumped me for Pence. Pence, of all people." Seifer shook his head. Ok I have to agree with him on that one. Pence is another one of the friends I used to have, but I'd take Seifer over him any day; not like I have that option anyway.
"Oh." I said. What else could I say? What did he expect me to say? Where is this all going?
"I know it might seem random that I'm here, but I need you now." Seifer said and I smiled. He needs me. He wants me. I matter. I actually forgot what this feeling was called. You know, when you get butterflies because things feel too good to be true, and you'd die to make this moment last? Yeah, that. That light headed feeling where everything is right and nothing hurts. When all the pain in your life, all the hurt just melts away because someone actually wants you in their life…I missed that feeling.
"Seifer," I smiled, my eyes about to tear up with happiness when he continued.
"I know that you were friends with Pence and Olette, but now I can't really talk to either of them, seeing as how there is a conflict of interest. That's why I need you." Seifer asked and I was puzzled again. How is that at all relevant?
"Um, I'm a little lost." I needed to know more. I didn't get how any of this was relevant, since the second that Seifer dumped me in front of our entire class and asked Olette out seconds later, everyone stopped talking to me. Or maybe I just stopped talking to everyone? I don't remember which, but that doesn't even matter anymore.
"You see, I really remember liking that Hayner guy, and I know you were tight with him." Seifer smiled and I couldn't hold back my utterly lost expression.
"HUH?!" I asked and Seifer inhaled deeply before he exhaled into relaxation.
"Hayner, I mean, yeah he used to be a bit of a bully and we used to have a thing against each other, but he's cute. And he's just as adventurous and active as I am. I think we'd make a good couple." Seifer shrugged and I could feel my heart sinking.
"You came all the way here to ask me to hook you up with someone else?" I asked, my eyes starting to show all the water that seemed to be drowning me.
"Roxas, don't be like this." Seifer put his hands on my shoulders as I sniffled.
"We haven't talked since you dumped me." I blinked over and over, my eyes trying to get rid of all the water storing up.
"I know, but there's just no way you and I can work."
"But I miss you." I sniffled louder. I missed Seifer so much, and not even for the right reasons. I just missed company. I missed being valuable to someone. I missed being told that I have worth. Fuck, even when I dated Seifer, I never had any of that, but I had an illusion of it, and it was somehow enough to keep me in the shitty relationship. Seifer openly flirted, but I wasn't allowed to do such things. He told me that if I loved him I wouldn't need to look at anyone else, but those principles never applied to him. I used to think about asking him about his own flirting, but I never wanted to scare him away. He was the only person I had left, and even though I knew he was just using me, I didn't care. "I really missed you," I repeated in my pathetic state.
"I can't say the same." Seifer put a hand up to my cheek and I inhaled deeply. I wanted him. I wanted to feel his arms around me. I wanted to feel safe and secure like I used to when I had friends, and when I had a sense of who I was. Once he dumped me in front of our entire class, everyone thought I was a loser. I was ignored, bullied, made fun of, and officially labeled as an outcast. All the while, Sora got all the praise se and attention cause he was the 'good kid'; the only one worth noticing.
"Take me back." I begged, not sounding desperate, but man was I.
"No Rox." Seifer asked, sounding annoyed.
My lower lips quivered as I let a tear fall.
"Don't cry." He said, wiping my tear with his soft thumb. I reached for his hand, but he removed it from my face. "You just have to understand, Rox, we weren't meant to be."
I nodded through a heavy throat. You know when your throat feels clogged and you're trying to swallow but it just feels so heavy?
"Kay." I mumbled.
"We just aren't compatible. I need someone fun and curious and someone who has a sense of adventure." He shrugged, trying to sound cheerful, but I was beyond that now.
"Kay." I repeated like a broken record that I perhaps really am.
"See Rox? You're expecting someone to magically fall in love with you but there's no YOU to fall in love with!" Seifer yelled and my confused look was all that he needed before he continued to explain. "You're just this walking, sleeping, eating robot. You have no emotions, no feelings, no nothing! You're just dead!" Seifer yelled again.
He was wrong. Those words made me angry, hurt, crushed.
"You don't know how to push back!" Seifer shoved hard on my shoulders, pushing me back a little, but I just looked away, placing a hand over a sore shoulder. "No wonder you're all alone. There's nothing to you. Nothing worth falling in love with!" Seifer shook his head as I growled.
"You're wrong!" I shouted and he looked at me surprised. "I do have feelings and I'm fucking pissed!" I screamed loudly. My throat scratched and I panted, feeling relieved yet still so upset.
"So am I." Seifer got off of my bed as I snarled.
"Get out of my room!" I yelled.
"I already am, bitch!" Seifer yelled back as we both aimed for the door.
"Get out of my life!" I opened the door as I screamed again, all while he gladly stepped into the hall.
"You know, I hope you continue to rot all alone." Seifer scoffed, surprisingly calm as he walked away.
I huffed slowly, my anger being replaced with sorrow, when I looked at my right to see that Axel was standing in his doorway, arms crossed.
"Hey, there's no need for that." Axel called after Seifer, who turned around.
"Excuse me?" I should have warned Axel how much Seifer hates being challenged.
"Blondie, is this punk messing with you?" Axel asked me, but I shook my head, to avoid conflict.
"Heh, such a pathetic and helpless bitch; you can't even defend yourself when someone else is trying to." Seifer spat at me, so I gulped.
"You, shut the fuck up!" Axel pointed at my ex.
"You going to make me?"
"Get your ass off of my floor before I hurt it." Axel rolled up his sleeves as I watched in nervousness.
"Ppft, you aren't worth my time," Seifer said to Axel. "And you aren't worth shit." He turned to me and smiled before he left.
"Don't listen to him." Axel said to me after my ex disappeared around the corner towards the elevator, but it was too late; I knew Seifer's words were true.
I wanted to thank Axel for trying to defend me, but I just didn't have the energy, or even the will, to do or say anything. I could only stand there, feeling so utterly lost and confused.
"You want to talk about it?" Axel asked so calmly. I ignored him. Seifer was right. It's all my own fault anyway. I deserve to rot alone.
I started to go back inside my dorm when I heard Axel's light footsteps following me.
"Hey, Blondie? What's going on?" His voice was so soothing and relaxing, that it almost made me answer.
I kept my back towards him as my lip quivered and I fought back sobs.
"What's wrong?" Axel whispered, standing right behind me. "Why are you crying?" He asked softly and at that, I blew it. I cried out just before I buried my hands in my face. I didn't care anymore. I didn't care if Axel saw me cry. I just didn't care about anything. I cried good and hard , dropping to my knees, wishing I could just end it all.
"Go away!" I shouted. I needed to be alone. Alone. It's the way I live, it's what I need. No one wants to be with me, so why should I want to be with anyone?
"Hey, calm down." I could hear Axel sitting next to me. "You want to talk about it? Tell me what's going on." Axel pulled at my arms to free my face, but I fought back. "Hey. Knock it off." He said firmly, yet sweet. It almost puzzled me, the way he was so demanding yet kind, so I gave up.
I wiped my face with my sleeve before he took my hands.
"Who was that?" He asked and I looked away.
"My ex." I didn't want him to know that I was gay, but the fight with Seifer was probably enough proof.
"Is he bothering you? Can he not leave you alone or accept that it's over?" Axel asked and I could only wish he was right. I laughed, but not in humor; more in my desperation.
"He dumped me." I explained, my throat feeling scratchy again as I sniffled.
"Oh, I see. Just now?" Axel leaned back against my desk and patted the carpet next to him, so I sat beside him.
"Two years ago. We stopped talking back then, but then he randomly shows up to ask me to hook him up with someone I used to know." I shook my head, angry again.
"Wow. Well now he's a dumbass for two reasons." Axel shook his head as well and I looked at him, silently asking for clarification. "He's a dick for asking his ex to do something like that. But his biggest mistake, was letting you go." Axel put his arm around me.
Fuck. What did he just say? My chest started rising higher, my heartbeat increasing. His arm was warm. So warm. So warm and soft, yet strong.
"He was right." I let my face fall back into my hands as I scrunched my knees to my chest. Damn, I'm so pathetic.
"Shh, no, don't say that. Clearly he doesn't see you for who you are, and that's his fault."
"But there's nothing worth seeing in me." I rested my chin on my knees, my hands now squeezing my legs closer to my body."
"I see a lot in you. And to be honest, I only wish you'd share more." Axel rested his head on my shoulder and I sat up straight.
"You do?" I asked and Axel nodded.
"I'm really sorry I called you mean yesterday. I guess I was just upset that you close yourself off so much. It's not fair for those of us who want to get to know you more."
"You, you want to get to know me?" I asked, not able to comprehend what that really meant. Most people are perfectly fine with my invisibility, and the rest are so good at knowing that I'm invisible, they forget I exist.
"I find you very entertaining Blondie." Axel smiled and I looked down into his eyes before I rolled mine.
"I'm not here for your amusement." I said. His head on my shoulder started to feel really good, especially the way his hair softly rubbed against my neck.
"No, but you're holding back cause you're scared. You think that you're protecting yourself by hiding, but all you're doing is cheating people out of meeting a great guy." Axel sat up, nestled his hand in my hair, and then stood to his full, tall frame.
"Thanks." I said, not wanting to admit just how much that meant to me. I'm sure I was smiling, even though I tried so hard to hide it. Was I blushing? God I hope not. But how can he be so sweet and kind all the time? Especially when I'm not even half as civilized back? He offered me his hand and I took it so he could help me stand up.
"Don't let anyone tell you who you are. That's only for you to decide." Axel smiled before he walked out and for some reason, I had to fight back the urge of following him.
Author's Note: Oooh, so here we see some conflict! Talk about awkward with Seifer now in the picture, but then Axel is just pure perfect, as expected. Originally, Seifer's role belonged to Hayner, but then when I wrote the part when he leaves the dorm, I realized that I liked Hayner too much to make him a bad guy lol.
To BI: Ummm, I'd feel really bad if I guessed wrong, and I have a lot of fans here who are BI, so I'm sorry to say that it's still a bit vague. I wish I could hug Axel too! My plushie of him just isn't enough hahaha.
To Amaya-vamp: Awww, sorry it took a while! I'm working on other stories, please check them out while you wait! Thanks for reviewing ^_^
To Relive the Great: Me no likey sad endings, but don't worry, things will get better ^_^ hahaha, yes, more of Roxas' body problems to come!
To luckycat222: haha, yes, I feel bad for poor Roxy for being that way, but it did make for a good scene! Glad you liked it. ^_^
To Roxas Grey: Lol, that last chapter got so much sympathy for Roxas, glad you liked it!
To Cirxe 145: Yeah, it sounds like Axel used pity, but now we see some understanding, so there's only one real way to find out! Hehehe.
To meeka-eela: Aww, yay! Glad to hear that you like it! Haha, I really wish that worked in real life, when you can just ask someone to let you love them lol.
To Alyse Darkwood: Thank you! Hope it continues to peak your interest.
To ChibiSeme97: I'm happy to hear that you enjoy this plot so far! Hehe, guess you will habe to keep reading hehe.
To Xiola-Nobody: haha, yeah, Axel is just too popular for his own good, so he has drunk and sober friends lol. Yeah, I'm pretty much there myself right now, especially since I move a lot and am constantly having to meet new people and make new friends, and then the old ones slip away, and I already lost most of my friends from my childhood. Right now, I only talk to two people that I used to from high school, which makes me feel both old and pathetic lol.
To Zelta Frost: Thanks for the enthusiasm in your reviews, they always cheer me up hehehe. I've been pretty busy but I need to be to stay distracted from some things that have been bothering me, which I guess is good, except it means less time for writing, homework, sleeping, and everything else lol.
Thanks you everyone for following!
Heart, Sarabellum