Exam week came and every student looked like a zombie by the time sleep deprivation kicked in. There is one day each semester where the entire university has exams and we students spend all week cramming, and once the day ends, people either party or hibernate. Guess which category I fall into? No matter which group you belong to, we all belong to the same group of zombies worrying about grades more than sleep. I had dark circles under my eyes from staying up late studying and I had no social life at all, which is pretty much how I live every other week anyway.
Then, of course, I saw Axel the day before exam day and he was looking fresh and well rested and like the only real human among us zombies.
"Hey, whats up blondie?" He asked as we walked up a flight of stairs to get to our floor.
"Tired." I said, the only word on my mind.
"Yeah, this week gets crazy."
"You look just fine." I scoffed, a bit jealous that he didn't seem to be falling apart like the rest of us.
"Aww, thanks blondie. You're looking adorable as always." He winked and I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm.
"Don't you have something to study for?"
"Yeah, but why bother killing yourself for just one test?" He put his arms behind his head and it made his arms look twice as muscular.
"I guess." I said, not really wanting to think about it, or anything.
"Well, I'll catch you round. If you get bored, you know where to find me." he messed up my bed-hair and I pushed his hand off my hair as I went into my room and locked the door behind me.
When exam day was over, I spent that whole next day in bed, trying to make up for all the lost sleep.
"Blondie? You home?" I heard pounding on my door that disturbed my hibernation and I rolled out of bed, lazily stumbling to the door.
"What do you need?" I yawned, my eyes still half closed.
"Come on, it's celebration time!" Axel yelled and I shuddered.
"I want to sleep." I started to turn around to go back into my room when he yanked me into his room, shutting the door behind him.
"Quit being a little introvert and enjoy the fact that you survived exams!" Axel held a beer out to me and I shook my head.
"I don't drink." I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
"Why not?"
"I…I don't hold it well." I remember last time I had alcohol, I got all pissy and started yelling and then I puked for the rest of the night.
"I'll take care of you. Come on, just one." He opened it and I took it just to shut him up.
Way too many beers later,
"And do ya know why?!" I screamed at Axel, who sat quietly on his floor while I stood up over him.
"No?" he seemed to be amused with my drunken state.
"Cuz *hiccup* cuz I'm always the one getting hurt!" I yelled and he shrugged.
"Why do you think that?" He patted the floor next to him and I plopped at his side.
"Cuz it's *hiccup* true." I sniffled and he put an arm around me.
"Who hurts you?" He wasn't anywhere near drunk; he hardly touched his second can.
"Everyone. My only boyfriend dumped me because I'm boring. *hiccup* and my parents don't ever call me because to them I don't exist, and I lost my only friend."
"What friend blondie?" Axel squeezed my shoulder and I burped.
"When I was lil I had a friend, but I lost him."
"He died?"
"No *hiccup*, I can't find him."
"Where'd he go?"
"I dunno." I shrugged and my eyes watered.
"You're such a sad drunk blondie." Axel's voice was too calm and serious for me.
"Well it's not my fault you made me drink!" I stood up, almost falling over, yelling and he stood up too.
"Hey, take it easy."
"No YOU take it easy!" I went for another beer and he grabbed me.
"I don't think you should have another."
"I don't think I care!" I shouted and he pulled me close to him, his hands on my wrists.
"No more." He said sternly and I pushed him, going again for that beer.
"I want it." I kicked over his can, spilling its contents on the floor in front of me.
"Watch out!" He yelled as I slipped on the spilled liquid, hitting my head on his bookshelf on my way down.
"Owwy." I put my hand to my head and he knelt in front of me.
"What am I going to do with you?" He sighed, lifting me up and putting me on his bed.
"I'm not sleepy." I kicked as he pulled the blankets over my legs.
"Knock it off." He said, struggling to keep me still.
"Hahahaha," I laughed loudly and he pinned my legs down, which worked until I pushed on his body with my arms.
"Quite it blondie." He groaned as he tried to swat at my flailing hands.
"Hehehehe." I giggled and he let go of me, standing up straight before he leaned in by my head.
"You have such a cute giggle." He stared deep into my eyes, and even in my drunkenness, I could tell that it was getting close.
"If you think I'm so cute, kiss me." I stuck my tongue out and he shook his head, about to laugh.
"What?" He asked in comical disbelief.
"Kiss me." I said, making silly faces like an impatient child.
"Be careful what you wish for." Axel smiled and I rolled my eyes.
"I've been wishing for a kiss from you since we moved in." I sat up, still drunk, too drunk, way too drunk to realize what I was doing.
"You what?" Axel asked, no longer in comical disbelief but pure disbelief.
"I said, I've been waiting for you to kiss me."
"You have?"
"Yeah. You're so cute and hot, but you're a flirt Axe, and it hurts me cause it makes me feel less special when you spend so much time smiling with girls. But I'm a guy, so it won't ever work." I put a hand on my heart and Axel put his hand over mine.
"Why do you think it won't work?"
"Cause you're always around girls. You love them, cause you're a guy too." I pointed at him, my fingertip on his chest and he smiled.
"But I don't like girls."
"You don't?" I asked, way too surprised, way too drunk.
"No. In fact, I love a guy right now."
"Oh." My heart sank and I was turning back into the sad depressed drunk.
"Yeah, his name is Roxas."
"Roxas? That's me!" I said putting a hand on my chest and he nodded with an adorable smile.
"Yeah. You're so cute blondie."
"You know my name?" I asked, surprised that he knew what it was.
"Yeah. I just, I'm afraid to say it, cause I only use it when I come." He winked and I scratched my head.
"Come from where?"
He laughed. "No silly. When I touch myself." He sat on the bed and I gulped.
"But, I thought you have sex with girls."
"No, I've never had sex, especially not with a girl."
"But, I've heard you before. Your bed squeaks and you pant really loudly."
"Yeah, cause I'm thinking of you."
"Of me?"
"Yeah. I stay up and think of your cute face and that sexy body of yours, and I get all hard."
"I'm sexy?" I giggled and he nodded.
"Yeah, irresistible." He leaned in and our foreheads touched. He inhaled big and I shivered.
"Axe?"
"Yeah blondie?" He asked, his eyes closed, as if he were trying to take in the moment.
"I don't feel so good." I put a hand over my stomach.
"Shit!" He stood up and grabbed a trash can, holding it over the side of the bed. And of course, I missed. I threw up all over his bedding, my head swirling.
"I feel better." I said, half conscious.
"Just lie down." He ripped the blankets off of me and put some spares on his bed over my tired body.
"Axe?"
"Yeah?" he sounded tried.
"Night." I snuggled into his bed, falling asleep right after I felt him kiss my temple.
"M?" I woke up with a yawn, stretching my arms as I sat up. I stretched my legs, till I felt something hard.
"Ow!"
"WAH! What the fuck are you doing in my room?!" I yelled, falling out of Axel's bed and falling hard onto the floor.
"The fuck? You're in my room after you passed out!" Axel sat up with a hand to his head.
"I passed out?" I stayed on the ground, completely lost and confused.
"Yeah. You got drunk and puked on my bed and fell asleep."
"No." I shook my head, refusing that I had been in his room all night long, in the same damn bed as him.
"Yea, look!" he pointed to a pile where his usual blankets were piled up in.
"That's impossible! I've been asleep since I finished my exam." I said, mainly to convince myself.
"You were seriously that drunk?"
"I don't drink!" I yelled and he rolled his eyes.
"Figures. You don't remember shit do you?"
"No, there's nothing to remember. I took my exam, went in my room, and fell asleep."
"Yeah, then you came in here, had way too much to drink, yelled at me, then started crying, and then you puked right after," He paused, thought, then shook his head.
"Right after?" I grew quiet, scared of what might come next.
"Nevermind."
"What did we do last night?" I stood up, curious, scared, hoping.
"Obviously it's not important if you don't even remember." Axel got off his bed and I sighed.
"I told you I don't handle alcohol well."
"Oh so you remember that but not anything else?" Axel snapped, glaring at my harshly. I had never seen him angry before, and it was starting to scare me.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, hurt by his pain.
"Whatever Roxas." He exhaled loudly and I froze.
"You know my name?"
"Yeah, I said it last night, many times, but obviously you don't remember."
"I said I'm sorry!" I fisted my hands.
"I'm glad you can remember that!" He stood over me, angry, and I got scared by the intimidating figure hovering over me.
"I…I'm sorry." I said so quietly, I didn't think he heard me.
He sighed. "Just go get some rest." He opened his door and once I had both feet out, he slammed the door.
I've never seen him in a foul mood of any kind, but this, this was just terrifying.
I went straight into my room after I woke up in Axel's, trying desperately to remember what had happened the night before, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember a thing. That's why I never drank, because I end up forgetting shit and my friends tell me that I puke everywhere. Of course, that's when I had friends. Now, now it's just me.
When I was really little, I used to play with my next-door-neighbor. We'd play catch or tag or go over to each other's house to play video games. Sometimes, we stay over at night, and I remember one night, he held me. We used to make forts out of blankets and chairs, and in our little hand-made tent, he put his arms around me. I snuggled into him and for the rest of the night, we stayed like that. I would go to his house as often as I could to play with him, and I'd sneak out at night just to climb into his window so we could make tents and sleep together. But then, one day, he was gone. I lost him, and no matter how hard I tried to look for years afterward, I never found him.
After hours of hiding in my blankets, trying to avoid the possibility that I might have slept in the same bed as Axel, I got out of bed. I stood on my feet, my hips feeling a bit sore. I remember how odd walking felt when I fell out of his bed and tried to leave his room, but I was too confused to notice. But now, now I could feel this awkward sensation in my hips.
Oh god.
Did we?
No.
What?
Fuck.
Fuck.
Shit fuck.
Did we fuck?
Oh shit.
I shook my head. I couldn't have let him touch me. There's no way, right? He's not even gay, so why would he touch me? But then again, I did puke my guts out on his bed. So there's a chance he had to touch me at least somewhere. Fuck, I can't believe I threw up. Shit, I should apologize.
I got the courage to get out of my room, knock on his door, and wait for him to open it with a serious face.
"What?" He asked; no smile, no twinkle in his eye. Nothing.
"I, I'm sorry I threw upon your bed." I said sheepishly.
"It's fine."
"Look, I'm sorry that I got that drunk. Did we, did we do anything?"
"Why do you care?"
"Because I want to know! It's my body, I have a right to know!" I got defensive and he sighed.
"If it's that important to you, don't pass out." He turned around but I stopped the door from closing.
"Why are you being like this?" I asked, actually missing his flirty side.
"Like what? I'm just saying that if you want to remember what you do with me, then you should take better care of yourself." Axel sat at his laptop but I stood at his side.
"I didn't even want to drink!"
"How the fuck do you remember that but not asking me to kiss you?" He stood up and I stood frozen.
"What?"
"You told me you liked me and you told me that you wanted me to kiss you."
"And, and then what happened?"
"Nothing. You puked." Axel looked away, like he was sad.
"Yeah, sorry about that." I said, hoping that I wasn't mistaking his look of sorrow for something else.
"Whatever." Axel crossed his arms and I shrugged.
"Look it's not my fault I can't remember ok?"
"Do you want me to kiss you are not?" He looked like he was seriously considering the options and I grew confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh my fucking god Roxas! See, this is why you don't have any friends! You forget about them!" Axel yelled and I took his words to heart, tearing up at how I really didn't have any friends.
"I'm sorry." I sobbed and he sighed.
"I'm sorry I yelled, I'm just, I'm so frustrated because it's like you don't even remember what we used to have."
"What do you mean?" I sniffled and he blinked rapidly.
"You're joking, right?"
"What?" I asked, starting to cry again.
"You know what? Fuck you." Axel shook his head and I got so angry.
"Fuck you! I'm confused and you aren't helping!"
"I shouldn't have to help my best friend remember who I am!"
"Best friend?" I asked, as if to myself.
"Wow. Really? Really Roxas?" Axel shook his head and opened his bedroom door. I thought he was going to kick me out, but I found it odd that he was leaving. Where did he plan to go if not to his own room?
"Axel?" I asked, following him, allowing the door to close and when it did with a 'click', I realized that it was pre-locked.
"Fucking shit man!" Axel put his hands in his hair. Great, I just locked him out of his room. That's always a pain in the ass because you have to call security, wait for half an hour, and let them unlock your door for you.
"I'm sorry!" I blurted and he put his hands over his eyes.
"I can't believe this." He sighed and I felt so bad.
"You can wait in my room." I said, unlocking my door as he dug into his pockets.
"I don't even have my phone."
"You can use mine." I said and he followed me into my room. It was the first time I ever let him inside willingly, and I was so glad that it was after exams, and after I had cleaned the piles of dirty clothes and food wrappers.
"Thanks," He said as I handed him my phone and he dialed the number, all of us having it in our phones just in case we got locked out, since it happens more than it should.
After he hung up, he sat on my floor.
"You can sit on my bed if you want." I said, sitting on my bed so he'd feel more comfortable.
He stood and sat next to me and I hated the awkward tension that hindered our conversation making.
I thought about it more and more; I was comfortable enough with him last night to drink enough to get that hammered. I don't know why I asked him to kiss me but why would have I asked it if I didn't mean it, even in my subconscious? And on top of it all, I fell asleep in his bed. But then, he fell asleep with me too. He could have slept on his floor, but he didn't. He sacrificed room just to share a bed with me; so maybe, maybe….maybe I'm crazy, or just a fool in denial. But maybe, he likes me? But he couldn't. I'm a guy and I hate him. Or…do I? Do I hate him, or am I just jealous that I don't have him?
"I'm really sorry Axe." I twiddled my thumbs.
"It's fine."
"Look, I don't want things to be weird between us."
"Me either."
"So, can we stay friends?" I asked, hoping I could actually call him that instead of just a neighbor.
"Just friends?" he asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, why?"
"Isn't it obvious? I want to be with you."
"You do?" I sat up straight and he nodded.
"Yeah, and I thought it was mutual."
"You, you like me?" Now I was really lost.
"Yeah. I always have. That's what's bothering me. It's not that you puked or passed out on me when we were starting to get close; it's that you act like you don't remember who I am." Axel put his hand over his heart and I shrugged.
"I'm sorry. I guess I just have a bad memory."
"It hurts. It's like you said, it makes me feel less special."
"I'm really sorry Aki." I put my hand over my mouth. What did I just say? Why did I just call him the name I used to call my childhood friend? I'm so glad I never mentioned Aki's name, or nickname. To be honest I don't remember what his real name is, but still. I can't believe I called Axel that.
"What?" He turned to me and I became extremely flustered.
"Nothing, sorry!" I blurted and he took my hand off of my mouth.
"What did you just call me?" He asked, his eyes fierce, but I was saved when security came to let him back into his room.
He got up and went into his room while I stayed in mine, terrified of what I had just done and what that could bring.
Author's Note: Not really in the best of moods, so I'm just going to post this and try working on other stories since I seem to burry myself in new stories when I still have many others to finish .
But at least we see some insight about Axel. So he IS gay, and he likes Roxas, but poor Roxas just can't seem to line his life up with Axel's at the right time. Shame.
To Amaya-Vamp: Thanks, it means a lot to hear that!
To Luckycat222: Haha, yeah, I love Hayner, so I couldn't keep him as Seifer as I originally had it planned, but he is on the not-nice list as of the last chapter lol.
To chibi-seme97: haha "for the fandom", I like that! Roxas is always adorable! Thanks for reviewing!
To kindofabadger: thanks for the lovely compliment! Yeah, sadly I think a lot of people (myself included) can relate to the idea of wanting someone just to feel wanted in return. Sadly I'm pretty much there right now . I know its not fair, not for myself or the other involved, but it gets rough, you know? Oh, well that just answers the next sentence in your review. Pretty much, yes, they're based on personal feelings/experiences.
To ReliveTheGreat: Thank you!
To ZeltaFrost: Awww, all I can say is that your review truly put a smile on my face. Thanks for the love and support, it really means so much to me. I'm feeling a bit better, thanks to Japanese Rock, lol. I appreciate all of your reviews, sincerely. Thank you mucho!
To AgentAvacado: I'm so sorry to hear about your connection with the story, and I hope to offer encouragement that it's based on my experiences too, so you aren't alone. Thank you, I really hope that I don't let you down with this story!
To Lukrecia: Aww, well I'm super happy to hear that you enjoy reading this story! That's so cute!
To Cirxe145: Haha, yeah, guess you've been reading too much of my stuff to assume a rape scene was going to happen. Lol, I haven't finished this story, so we'll see lol.
Xiola-Nobody: Isnt Axel perfect? Lol I'm so jealous of a character that doesn't even exist lmao.
To Guest: Awwww, that is such a sweet review! I would love sitar-shaped cookies! Sorry for making you wait for the update!
To Keyblade Master13: Thank you for reading and reviewing! Yeah, Seifer is a jerk, and Axel is amazing, what's new? Lol.
Thanks everyone for reading this story! I hope you all like it ^_^
Heart, Sarabellum