I woke up with arms wrapped loosely around my sides, keeping me warm as I smiled. I carefully turned around so as not to wake him as I admired the beauty of his sleeping face. I couldn't stop staring at how peaceful he looked, breathing through his nose while his chest slowly expanded to a steady rhythm. I couldn't explain it, but somehow watching him sleep softened my heart to the possibility of being with him, of actually letting him call me his.
That was the question that was stuck in my head. Do I love Axel, or do I want to love Axel? Sometimes, I feel like I want to love him, so I let him show his feelings for me, but I still don't know if my feelings for him are real. Maybe, maybe I'm just still waiting for a sign that will prove everything real or not? I didn't have time to continue my mental debate as Axel stirred.
"Morning," He smiled so sweetly at me that I wanted to make it last.
"Morning." I smiled back.
"How'd you sleep?" He asked curiously as he stretched, still lying down.
"Warm, and cozy." I whispered.
"Yeah? Good." He rolled on his side and ran his hand up and down mine.
"Thank you, for letting me stay the night." I said politely.
"You're welcome; any time." Axel kissed my nose, making me giggle. "Well that was cute." Axel chuckled.
"Axel?" I bit my lip.
"What is it?" Axel asked seriously, seeing the concern on my face.
"I, I want to try." I said with a nervous gulp.
"Try? Try what?" Axel asked curiously.
"I like seeing you smile, and I like it when you make me happy. Maybe, maybe we can try." I suggested.
"You, you mean it?" Axel looked excited as I nodded.
"I want to be comforted the way you used to when we were kids. I miss the way you'd hold me, and kiss me." I confessed.
"Come here," Axel pulled my hips to his and after we each smiled, we kissed.
Our hands somehow traveled faster than my mind and before I knew it, I could feel my boxers being pulled down.
"You ok?" Axel checked up on me before I nodded. The sexy redhead shed his shirt and then helped me with mine next.
"Looks like I better catch up." He stared at my naked body and began striping his underwear, revealing his lithe, long, beautiful body. "You ready?" he asked and I nodded in intimidation.
"I'm nervous." I coughed awkwardly.
"Me too. I, I'm glad I'm losing my virginity to you." Axel smiled to me as I looked away. I wish I could have told him the same.
"Who was your first?" He asked, trying to sound more curious than hurt, but it didn't work that he saw right through me.
"My ex." I blushed
"Wait, not the one who came here and started yelling at you?" Axel looked concerned. In my shame, I nodded. I could tell that he didn't know what to say, so he shrugged.
"He, he didn't rape you, did he?" Axel looked too deeply into my eyes, so I looked elsewhere.
"No," I didn't think it was any of his business anyway.
"Was he good?" Axel asked and I turned red.
"Arent you NOT supposed to ask about ex's?" I was starting to get bothered.
"Ok, sorry." Axel rubbed the back of his next.
"It's fine." I waved it all off.
"Well, what position do you want to be in, since you're more experienced?"
I sighed, not wanting him to make it sound like I was a whore, but I wasn't willing to make him angry again. "As long as you're in me, I don't care." I tried to look as irresistible as I could and he bought it with a smile.
"I love you."
"I," I didn't know what to say. Did I love him? I still wasn't sure. I don't think I hate him anymore, but not hating and loving are two completely different things.
"It's ok, I'll have you speechless soon enough." Axel shrugged it off and I nodded. "We should try something different." He put a hand on his chin, thinking, saying it as if we had had sex plenty of times.
"Like?" I asked, not sure where this was going.
"You're flexible, right?"
I looked at my own body. "Sure."
"Good. If it hurts or feels too weird, we can stop, but I've been dreaming about doing this position with you for a while." He confessed, and to my surprise, hearing that made me smile.
"What do you want me to do?" I asked and he moved his mattress to the tiny floor space left in his cramped dorm.
"Lie on your back, but lift it up so that your ass is in the air and your lower back is against the bed, not the mattress." He instructed and I got into said position. My neck and head were on the mattress and everything else was extended up in the air as he stood over me, allowing me to see his gorgeous backside. "Hold your ankles." He said and I lifted them over my head and held onto them as he kept one leg on each side of my body. It was really awkward but he seemed to be enjoying it, which was the only thing that kept me from curling up into a ball. "You ready?" he asked and I nodded.
"You're going to go in like this?" I asked, not sure how this position would work.
"Yeah, watch." He squatted and lowered himself inside me slowly, waiting for me to get used to his presence.
"Ok, go ahead." I said, once my body adapted to his thick dick.
"Yeah, oh yeah, oh fuck yea." He moaned as he started grinding back and forth. I let my ankles rest on his ass as I moved my hands to grab his ankles by my sides. I had never been fucked upside down like this, but I could feel every inch of him.
"Ah, ah, oh hah, mmm, hah." I couldn't control my moans as I felt his warm cock slip around inside me.
"You like that baby?" he asked as he pushed his hips forward and back, his balls grinding against my skin as I mewled and whimpered loudly, not even caring who heard.
"Oh god yeah." I could feel my cock turn to stone.
"You want more?" he asked sexily and I whined, basically saying yes.
"Give me more Axe." He pounded harder in and out of me, letting his ass sit on mine as he moved his hips around in a circle, making me leak precum as I couldn't even keep my eyes open.
"Fuck, fuck, I have to," I couldn't even finish as I came onto my chest just before he came inside of me. "Oh god!" I screamed, feeling his warm liquid fill me up. He panted loudly as he stood up and pulled out, helping my legs fall to the side as he fell next to me, halfway on the mattress, the other half of his tall body on the floor.
"That was so hot." Axel gasped and I could only nod.
"More." I said, not sure where this desperate side of me was coming from, but I didn't care anymore. I had gone so long without any kind of love or affection, and now that I could get it, I wasn't going to let the opportunity slip me by.
He chuckled. "Get on all fours." I did so without hesitation, loving how he immediately went inside and gave it to me roughly. I moaned loudly, up until we heard a knock at his door.
"Hello in there!" It was Demyx, and Axel chuckled as he stood, and to my shock and embarrassment, he opened the door.
"Woops!" Axel giggled, covering himself with a shirt as he peered over a partly open door.
"Look, I know you love him, but at least put on some music so I don't have to hear it." Demyx blushed as I hid where the open door couldn't reveal me.
"You're the musician Dem." Axel laughed and Demyx chuckled.
"Whatever. Just, stop making me so hard. My boyfriend is at home till tomorrow."
"I'm sure if you sexted him, Zexion would appreciate it." Axel snickered and Demyx cussed him out jokingly.
"Now where were we?" Axel asked when his door shut and I blushed.
"Can we cuddle?" I asked, feeling a bit pathetic, but I couldn't help it. Axel smiled with a small laugh.
"Of course we can." He picked me up like a baby and put me on his bed as he crawled in next to me. He smashed me between the wall and his body as I enjoyed the firm pressure and warmth that created. After we made out, I started to feel sleepy. Without asking if I was welcomed to stay the night, I turned my back to him and snuggled myself against his back.
"Goodnight Axe." I closed my eyes as I felt his arms loop around me.
"Goodnight my love."
I wanted to fall asleep but the realization that I had just had sex with Axel was buzzing frantically inside my head. It was a moment like that when you text your best buddy, trying to swallow down the information and let it settle so you can accept it all. Only, I don't have a best buddy. Hell I don't have anyone, except for Axel.
At that instant, I put my hands over his as they rested on my tummy, trying to feel warm. With closed eyes, I tried to picture myself back in my room when Axel used to hold me, with my toys scattered messily on the floor and a stack of books right by my bed so that Axel could read to me my bedtime stories. Those were the days. The days when I didn't live for anything but the innocent smile of the pure hearted redhead boy who lived next door.
Somehow, just by thinking about it all, I got sad again. I missed him so much when he left, and here I am over ten years later, in his arms, after having just made love, yet I can't even tell him that I love him. Maybe, maybe I'm just scared? Cause if I tell him I love him, then the memories of having lost him only hurt all the more.
I woke up the next morning completely aware of what I had done and where I was and why, and as sad as it sounds, that made me proud.
"Morning cutie." Axel smashed a rough peck on my forehead.
"Morning." I kissed his neck as I wrapped my arms around it.
"You've been asleep for a while."
"Well I'm tired." I yawned.
Axel chuckled. "Yeah, I guess that's my fault for giving it to you hard."
"Mhm, but I liked it." I said, biting his neck tenderly, not sure where this side of me was coming from, but if it kept me from being alone and miserable, I didn't care.
"I love you Roxas. I always have and always will." He squeezed me, but I began to get sad again.
"If you've always loved me like you say you do, tell me why you left me."
"Roxas, for the last time, I cant, I,"
"I want answers." I sat up, aware that I was possibly throwing away the only shot at love I'd ever get.
He sat up too, with a sigh. "Can we please stop talking about this?"
I rolled my eyes as I kicked off the blankets in an attempt to get out of bed.
"Wait, Roxas!" Axel called after me as I stood up.
"If you want me to stay, you need to start answering my questions." I crossed my arms, serious.
"I cant ok?" He seemed just as frustrated as I was.
"Why not?"
"I don't know!"
"You don't know why you cant tell me?" I asked back, not sure what he was even trying to say.
"I, I just want to pick up where we left off. Is that ok?" He was trying to dodge my question, but I wouldn't let him.
"I just want to know what happened." I folded my arms before I sighed, rolled my eyes, and began dressing as he sat there, unsure of what to say.
"Roxas, stop!" He yanked my wrist back towards him but I tugged it free.
"Let me go!"
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He let go of me so he could cover his eyes with his hands, which made me feel really guilty.
"What?" I asked, a bit hurt, but more curious.
"How could you be so cruel?" His shoulders started bouncing, and when I realized that he was crying, I had this huge yearning to just hold him.
"I'm….cruel?" I felt like I wasn't even there; like I was just witnessing an event that I caused, but like I couldn't respond or move.
"Why would you let me make love to you and then act like it never happened? How could you be so seductive and then twist it to nothing more than a tease?" He turned his back towards me and I could feel my body going cold as I regretted starting this fight.
"I'm sorry," I said, not knowing what else to say.
"I don't want your apologies!" He turned to face me and he looked pissed.
"Well then what do you want?" I was getting angry too.
"Your love." He said calmly, almost with a smile and I gulped over my guilt.
"I just want to know why you left me." I tried to remain calm and civil.
"I need you to trust me Rox. I'd tell you if I could."
"I can't trust." I admitted, sad to admit that I lost that ability when I watched my parents abandon me to treat Sora better.
"Then we cant ever work." He said, as if he were just then giving me the decision to make.
"I'm sorry." I said, turning around, heading for the door. To my surprise, he didn't even try to stop me.
Author's Note: Sad to say a lemon led to this, and originally THIS is where the story ended. Shocker, I know, I usually never write such sad ending. I said 'originally', but at the moment I'm not sure if I will continue this story or not. Right now I'm super busy with other stories and I am still getting requests so all of that mixed with college just isn't very relaxing. On the bright side, I bought some yaoi manga today, although its all in Japanese, so it'll probably sit on my desk for a few more months before I'll be able to understand it. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this story and continue to check out my other stuff! I have some new soriku's and akuroku's on the way!
As for the Karaoke scene,Thank you to everyone who voted! And the answer is: I was...(wait for it...drum-roll...) EVERYONE! I started off as Axel, being the babysitter (I had hockey practice and showed up 2 hours late, so all of my friends were wasted by the time i got there). I took care of one of them as he puked, wishing i could have a fun night (since i had NEVER been drunk before). I decided that since they were wasted, i should try to catch up, so i then turned into Demyx (i had just as much as i wrote in the story that Demyx had), and then i turned into Roxas (i'm not good at singing but i can surprisingly rap which really impressed my Asian friends lol). But then the consequences of being Demyx came up (i puked) and so i went to go buy a toothbrush because the guy i liked suggested i should so we could kiss (dont like him anymore, this is old lol). SO i was Zexion as i went to go buy a toothbrush but then i turned back into Demyx cause when i finished brushing my teeth, my guy friend was dead asleep from having had too much to drink. SO you all win! hehe, thanks for voting!
Please check out my new story, Akuroku (with hinted Soriku) Guardian Demon!
To Guest: Demyx is a funny drunk, which are the best kinds of drunks if you ask me lol I did put up a halloween story, "Guardian Demon" hope you checked it out! As for your guess for Axel, good job! I was Axel for the first half of the night, before i turned into Demyx, before i turned into Zexion lol.
To Relive the Great: Yes, naked Roxy...sexy haha. I was both! Good guesses lol.
To SkittlesOntheGrass: Haha, yes! I was Demyx, and Axel and Zexion, but mainly Demyx, good job!
To xXLunaDivinerXx:hahaha, i was Axel, but then i turned into Demyx lol. so good job!
To Keyblade Master13: Hahaha, yes, you are right! You got everything right (the only one so congrats), although im not really that good at singing, but i can actually rap haha.
To AliceofHoenn: Oh dang, i'm sorry. I've never had anyone tell me that the Author's Note was the part that made someone cry before. Thank you for your review, and i hope that you feel better. Love yourself for who you are. True friends will love you for all the same reasons :)
To Twili Princess Hyrule Queen: Lol, i had a Zexion moment, but only after i was Demyx hahaa. Thank you for guessing, good job!
To RoxasVentusHikari: Lmao, thanks, i was a bit bothered but i mean, everyone has their own opinions, so one criticism wont kill me. Lol, well you have your lemon now, happy? hahaha. OMG i love Jesse McCartneys old stuff, so cute. Lol, both of your votes are right. I was Axel then Roxas then Demyx then Zexion...crazy night, but wouldnt ever plan on doing it again lmao. Well since i'll be going in with a degree, i want to be a Linguistics/Intel officer. Thank you for the review!
To kindofabadger: So close, and yet now they are so far. Yes, i was Zexion, and everyone, but Zexion is a good one!
To Purple Rin Ninja: Yes, Roxas learned his limits, but we see a step backwards in progress, so sad. Since i was a bit of everyone, Axel is a correct guess, good job! Awww, thank you. i wish i could put more time into my stories, but stupid college just loves keeping me busy. I really appreciate your review!
To ZeltaFrost: Glad you liked the karaoke scene! Yep, i was a zexion, and everyone, but still, good job hehe.
To Cirxe145: Yes, good job for voting Zexion! Well you got your action here, but it doesnt really last long with the sad ending, so i guess its not the same. I'm doing alright, thank you for asking! And thanks even more for reviewing.
To Moonlit Lover: Hahaha, thank you for your vote! I am almost ALWAYS Axel, so that one night, after being Axel for a few hours, i decided to show my Roxas, then i pulled a Demyx, then turned into Zexion. Not my smartest idea lol.
To Genesisluv98:So close! I mean, yes, i was Zexion, but you were on the right track when you guessed all of them hehehe. Thank you! Yes, i sometimes hate how attached i am to A Taste of Loneliness because it leaks into everything else i do lol. Thank you, i'm glad to hear that you liked it. Thanks for the review! Hope all is well.
Living Legacy, Sarabellum