Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Merlin, all I have is a car called Rupert and an extensive collection of books and dvds.
Warnings: Swear words, some malexmale sexual imagery and Merthur.
Summary: Being immortal means Merlin just has to wait around for those he loves to be reincarnated, and that includes Arthur Pendragon. But in Arthur's last lifetime the two had a falling out meaning now that Arthur is back again, Merlin doesn't want anything to do with him. And he really doesn't care what Morgana has to say on the subject. (Or Gwaine for that matter either!)
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Now on with the story...
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Enough
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As the water rained down on him, he thought about whether drowning himself in the shower would be too melodramatic. The last couple of weeks had been what could only be summed up by that overly used cliché an emotional rollercoaster. The joy of finding Merlin again had been short-lived and turned quickly to pain at finding him half naked and fumbling about with some stranger. Then there was the hope that the conversation and the kiss at the nightclub had given him. But now all he felt was anger. Anger at Merlin for making him face the media storm on his own and not being there to help him and support him through the slander and mudding his name and image were currently facing. Yet more overwhelming was the anger he felt towards himself. He was the one who had caused all this. Exposing himself by kissing Merlin was neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things, but the lack of the man he loved by his side to deal with it? Now that was definitely his fault. The fact remained that Merlin had been right all those centuries ago in Camelot when they first met. Arthur was an arse, an idiot and a complete and utter prat!
Since the picture of him kissing Merlin had emerged he had been hounded by the press. After his video confession everything had just escalated. His agent was phoning him constantly to tell him that this person or that person wanted him on to do an interview. But Arthur couldn't face it. He just didn't want to see anyone because he wasn't sure if he would be able to hold himself together. Hell he'd almost broke down into tears on the phone to Gwaine the other day. The problem wasn't the whole coming out thing, but the realisation that Merlin had been right. Actually screw the had been, Merlin WAS right! All along, in every lifetime Arthur had been so worried about how other people would perceive him, how they might react to him being gay, so scared of the discrimination he might have faced that he had missed the fact he was being a bloody hypocrite. He was being the one to oppress Merlin. He was the one forcing Merlin to hide himself. He was the one who was telling Merlin that what they had was wrong and something to be ashamed of. No, Arthur hadn't seen anyone because he didn't want or deserve their support or sympathy. He deserved everything he was getting and then some. And know all he wanted now was to be able to tell Merlin that he got it, that he finally understood what he had been saying back in Chicago all those years ago. And most importantly that he was sorry. So unbelievably sorry for being such a bastard.
After drying himself off and putting on some clothes he went to the kitchen in order to find some form of food. As he was raiding through his fridge he heard a banging on the front door.
"ARTHUR PENDRAGON YOU OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR THIS MINUTE!" screamed a highly pissed off Morgana. Arthur contemplated whether to answer the door, a pissed off Morgana was never a good thing, especially if it was aimed at you. "I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE! EITHER YOU OPEN THE DOOR OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BREAK IT DOWN!" Sighing in resignation Arthur went to the door to face his fate.
"Hello Morgana. To what do I owe the pleasure of your delightful company?" he asked as he opened the door.
"You, Arthur are a complete and utter bastard!" She snarled, bring her knee up sharply to connect with Arthur's balls. As he shouted in pain she pushed past him into his flat, shutting the door behind her. "I cannot believe you did that to him. You are un-fucking-believable, you know that?" She didn't wait for a reply as she continued in her rant. "I mean what kind of unfeeling arsehole are you? Seriously I can't believe he didn't castrate you! No wonder he didn't want to see your bloody face again! He's meant to be the love of your life Arthur!" Morgana cried. "How could you be so heartless?"
This was going to go on for a while.
"I KNOW MORGANA! I'M AN IDIOT, AN ARSE AND A BLOODY PRAT! I KNOW!" Arthur screamed at her after nearly ten minutes of her berating him. "Do you not think I know what an absolute fool I have been? Do you know think I know that I deserve everything I'm getting? But damn it Morgana I love him and all I want is him back!" Tears began to fall down his face. "I just want him to know I'm sorry and that I'll do anything, absolutely anything to be allowed a chance to prove that to him. I have never felt so empty or alone before. I've always had him there and now I don't and I only have myself to blame. I just can't do this though. It just all feels so meaningless and pointless without him and I don't know what to do. I'm powerless and I hate it!" He was crying in earnest now.
"Well at least you are feeling some remorse." She replied, although her voice had lost its sharp edge from earlier and seemed more tinged with pity. "You are a clotpole Arthur Pendragon, you know that? An absolute clotpole." She stepped towards him and engulfed him into a hug. "This doesn't mean I've forgiven you though." She told him as she comforted him as he cried. "And you deserved being kneed in the balls."
"I know." He muttered into her shoulder. "I know."
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merlinmerlinmerlinmerlin
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BANG BANG BANG BANG!
Whoever was knocking on his door could seriously go do one! Gwaine thought as he climbed out of bed. He had a ruddy headache as a result of last night's drinking session and he wasn't entirely sure if he was sober yet. He flung the door open ready to give the intruder a piece of his mind only to be met with a very flustered and worried, "Merlin! What the hell mate?"
"Have you seen Morgana?"
"No mate sorry. Should I have seen her?"
"Oh crap! Fuck shit bollocks balls shit fuck crap!"
"Erm is everything ok mate? I mean I you've been missing in action for however long now and... well yeah..." Gwaine trailed off looking Merlin up and down with concern.
"Morgana she was gone when I woke up and she won't answer her phone!" he ran his hands through his hair. "Oh fuck! Where does Arthur live Gwaine? Is it far?"
"About a ten minute walk away. Why? What's going on?"
"Does Morgana know where he lives?"
"Well yeah she's been there before."
"What's the address?"
"Arthur's?"
"Yes."
"It's 38F Holland Park Gardens. Tell me what's going on mate. I..." Gwaine trailed off again as Merlin literally disappeared before his eyes. "Oh fuck!" he exclaimed as he rushed to his bedroom to find suitable clothes and shoes, before running out his flat in the direction of Arthur's.
Whatever was about to happen he wasn't about to miss out. Hangover be damned!
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Author's note: I hope you all liked this chapter. I was going to put Freya in it like I said in my last AN, but I decided to save that for the next chapter, which will be from Merlin's POV and have Merlin and Arthur meeting again.
Please leave me a wee review telling me what you think.
Until next time... secretambition xx