I woke up the next morning with my stomach growling. I immediately went downstairs for breakfast. I was pulling the cereal out of the cupboard when I stopped myself; is it necessary? I slowly pushed the carton back into the pantry. Even though I was hungry, that was one step closer. I smiled to myself. I continued getting ready for school and was about to head out the door when mum stopped me.
"Spencer, here's your lunch. You almost forgot it."
"Oh, thanks mum."
I took the lunch and put it in my bag.
"Bye mum."
She just smiled in return, but it looked fake. I sighed, walked out the door and headed to school.

I greeted Aria with a smile, she was waiting at my locker.
"Hey Spence!"
"Hey Aria, where's Em and Han?"
"They're in the library."
I was puzzled, why would they be in the library? Aria realized my confusion and laughed.
"Emily's getting a book on swimming, and Hanna decided to tag along. I waited here for you!"
"Oh, thanks Aria." I said with a quick smile. I started thinking about meeting Toby after school, how I should text him and meet him for coffee. I didn't even realize the bell had gone until Aria snapped at me.
"Spence! C'mon, we're gonna be late for English."
I smiled apologetically. "Sorry, can't miss a sight of Mr Fitz can we?"
"Oh, shut up you." But she grinned all the same, and we walked off to class.

Emily and Hanna were late into class, I gave them a quizzical look. Emily rolled her eyes and nodded towards Hanna, who was smiling foolishly and looked as if she was in a daydream. I clicked; Caleb. I shook my head and went back to work. I couldn't concentrate, I thought it could have been missing breakfast, but then I shook that thought off. It couldn't have been, that will only be good for me. I mean, I want to be perfect, that's only gonna help.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was feeling tired and had a minor headache. The girls were talking to each other non-stop, so I was thankful to have a place to sit down, and try to zone them out. I took a look at my lunch; a banana, celery sticks, and a cheese sandwich. I pulled out my celery sticks; surely I didn't need my banana and sandwich? I'll be fine.
I wasn't really listening to the conversations of my friends, and Hanna was trying to talk to me.
"Spence!"
"Huh? Sorry, what?"
"Where's your food?"
"I ate it already."
Emily piped in. "Already? Its been like 5 minutes."
"Maybe I'm just a quick eater?"
They shrugged and continued with their conversations, as I let out a sigh of relief. I tried to join in on what they were talking about but I gave up, I just laughed when necessary and gave my opinion on Hanna's nail polish. Simple, enough for them to forget all about my "quick" eating.

Coffee with Toby couldn't have come sooner. Seeing him makes my heart to a leap of joy. He is so perfect, which is why I can't understand why he's with me. I mean, why would we want to be with someone so fat, so ugly, when he could have someone beautiful, and thin. I don't get it.
We talked about school, boring classes. But what I didn't tell him was about me, feeling worthless and how I at next to nothing. Not like its important. Plus, I want it to be a surprise when he sees how much prettier I'm becoming. He deserves someone pretty, and maybe I'll be able to give that to him.

Dinner was yet again a bitter experience. Mum, Dad, and Mellisa all gave me a hard time for my 89.
"I'm sitting it on Thursday." I said, starting to become annoyed. "I will try really really hard."
"Good girl Spencer." Mum said, but she almost sounded like she didn't care. Just as long as our grades are perfect, she doesn't care.
"Can I study now?" I said, when I felt like I just needed to leave their presence. I stood up without their permission, threw out my dinner and walked upstairs. I realized how much food I had eaten, and was mortified. I walked into the bathroom, turned on the tap, shoved my fingers down my throat and purged for the first time. It felt weird, but I felt good. I flushed the chain, washed my face and brushed my teeth. Then I walked into my room. I kept going over and over how disappointed everyone is in me. I needed a release, and my mind wandered to dangerous things. But I had made a decision. I walked to my pencil case, and took out my sharpener. I forced out the blades, and took a deep breath. I felt a tear run down my cheek, as I sliced my skin on my wrist. I knew it was wrong, but I felt clear. I stopped, cleaned up the blood and let it dry. I crawled into bed, and cried for what felt like eternity.