Fifty Shades of Flannel Chapter 6
The doctor introduced herself as Dr. Vivianna Wellsworth. I was intrigued and disturbed by the reality of Christian having a gynecologist on call.
"Buzz Kill" came to mind.
In an effort to remain covered and creative, I had skewered a feather into each of my earring holes (let's hope they're the only holes getting skewered with a feather today), and the remaining flannel fabric was doing duty as a makeshift examining gown.
Christian had graciously taken his leave with a Baccarat goblet of Rothschild Reserve Burgundy and a copy of International Male catalogue. I took this as an indication that the examination would be thorough. And that he still might be playing for the other team.
Dr. Wellsworth was busying herself with metal stirrups that had risen seamlessly from the end of the leather lounger.
Knowing that the only way I was going to allow myself to be examined was the promise of a diamond ankle bracelet, and a timeshare in the Wisconsin Dells, I simply had to think of a way to avoid this looming unpleasantness.
Dr. Wellsworth, aren't you concerned about the standard of cleanliness in a non-sterile home environment? I mean, bleach on that St. John's suit would be a crime…
Dr. Wellsworth continued to carefully lay out her supplies.
She seemed impervious to my pervs. So I defaulted to my favorite "go to" strategy: I babbled.
You know bleach is really interesting. On the show, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, they use it on the walls. Those gals are really obsessed with cleaning. And the nails! How do they not dissolve in the bleach?
Dr. Wellsworth's head turned towards me sharply.
I love My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Did you see the UK version first? It's really something…She looked incredulous as she spoke.
I was in! And better me than her.
She stood, removed her jacket and leaned against the wall.
Honestly, I can't believe I'm saying this, but that Gypsy lifestyle seems fantastic: married at 15, just stay home and hang out with your kids and girlfriends…I mean, who are we kidding, that's the life...As she spoke, shelooked about 10 years younger.
I picked up the Gypsy gauntlet and ran with it.
I know! Right? I did see the UK version. Crazy wedding dresses. I mean crinoline city… Do you like Real Housewives? New York is my favorite, but Beverly Hills is growing on me…
I was interrupted as Christian joined us again.
Now, if Captain Morgan and Siegfried & Roy had been allowed to mate, (I believe their legal teams got as far as the paperwork), Christian's current look was channeling their imaginary offspring.
He was wearing a tricorn hat with a large plume, black bike shorts and an elaborate brocade vest without a shirt.
Dr. Wellsworth spoke for both of us.
Oh for God's sake Christian, you aren't lounge entertainment at Ladies Night on a cruise ship.
Christian was unfazed.
Judging by the chatter I heard as I came in, it looks like you two are becoming friends. That might prove interesting. He adjusted his plume. The one on his hat.
Dr. Wellsworth slumped slightly in exhaustion.
Christian, it's time we had a talk. You're not dealing with the adult world very well. And you and I both know why.
Christian's hazy childhood was about to be revealed. And that meant my lady business wasn't.
I was beginning to like Dr. Wellsworth a lot.
But not like that.