All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, everything else is mine.

Thank you Midnight Cougar for beta'ing!

Enjoy!

To celebrate ItD becoming a featured fic on TWCS, I'm updating!

Chapter 4

My therapist suggested I try out for the swim team again, in an attempt to get some normalcy back in my life. The school pool was open in the summer for practice. Tryouts in just a few short weeks.

The pool was empty when I arrived, the morning practice already over. I didn't want to swim with the team yet, uncertain how I would do with a year out of training. My fingers twisted in my hair to put it up in my cap. Next were my goggles, and once in place I climbed up on the diving block and got in to position. There was the ghostly sound of a referees whistle blowing in the air and I took off down the lane.

It was an easy pace at first as I warmed up, acclimating myself to the lanes again. There was peace in the water, but not as peaceful there as it was in the past. Memories came back, ghosts of the space haunting me.

One lap down, then two, then three. Pushing myself. Each time my head popped out of the water I could see the stands filled with cheering fans, my mother smiling and yelling to go faster. My dad beside her, his arms waving, like he was trying to help me along.

My feet pushed off the wall and I switched to a breast stroke, my forte. I'd won the state title with it after all, and as a sophomore. As I swam that day assaulted me, consumed me. They were so happy, I'd beaten all the records the state had for the event. It was good times.

Would Edward come to the events if I made the swim team? Would he be my new cheering squad, or would there be no one waving me on? No smiling faces for the orphan.

Fuck. Orphan. It was still hard to accept that word, that definition, applied to me. I came from a loving, unbroken home. It was by bad luck, a true accident that took them from me. There was no one to blame, no one to hate, but at the same time I was angry at them for leaving me alone. It was not the ideal situation, but the reality was…there was no ideal situation.

I still hadn't worked out where I was going to live come fall. Edward's pushing me to face my reality reminded me how much he wanted to get back to his life, the life I rudely interrupted.

Then what would I have? An empty place to call my own, but all alone? What kind of life was that? Maybe when I got to college, things would change. Perhaps I'd meet someone who made me want to live again. Someone to love me. Someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, that they were there for me and would protect me.

That was all I wanted in the black abyss, one tiny little ray of light.

A nagging tried to tell me I had that, if I wanted it. If I got better. If I made a move. There wouldn't be yelling anymore, just the soft smile and an electrifying kiss like we'd shared a few nights before.

Edward.

"Breathe, Bella!" a voice shouted.

Breathe? Wasn't I already? With every other stroke I took a breath.

"Come on, Bella! Breathe!" he called again.

My limbs wouldn't respond, heavy like boulders weighing me down. I tried to breathe, just as he requested, but it was blocked. I began to cough, choking, and was turned on my side, water flowing out of my lungs.

I was disoriented and my eyes fluttered open to find Benjamin staring down at me, his dark eyes filled with fright. When did he get there and why wasn't I swimming?

"Oh, thank God!" he exclaimed, tears leaking from his eyes.

"Benjamin?" I questioned and he pulled me into him arms.

Familiar arms and a familiar scent. They should be. After all, he'd been my boyfriend for over a year; I'd even given my virginity to him. I'd loved him before everything fell away.

"The ambulance is on its way!" Another voice called, but he didn't let go.

The paramedics came and checked me out as they loaded me onto a stretcher. I tried to tell them I was alright, but they insisted seeing as Benjamin had to give me mouth to mouth. He rode with me, holding my hand the whole time. The EMT kept asking me questions, but my answers weren't matching up, and Benjamin had to keep correcting me. My address was one of them.

"No, she doesn't live there anymore," he said and the technician looked at him.

"Do you think she hit her head?" the man asked and Benjamin shook his head.

"I think she's just confused," he answered.

Once at the hospital we were separated while the doctors took a look at me. They couldn't do much, x-rays and such, without a parent or guardian, so they found I was stable and called Edward. Benjamin was allowed in while we waited.

It was awkward, but he held my hand as silence stretched between us.

"Thank you," I whispered, thinking it an appropriate but inadequate response for saving someone's life. Even though part of me wished he hadn't found me… That no one had found me.

"You're welcome," he replied, his thumb making soothing circles on my hand.

At that moment the door burst open and Edward stormed in, and he was pissed. He was about to tear into me, but stopped short upon seeing Benjamin.

"I, um, should probably go," Benjamin said, squeezing my hand then leaning forward to kiss my cheek, before nodding to Edward and heading out the door. Edward glared at him, watching, waiting until the door was closed.

"What in the hell were you thinking, Bella!" he roared, his body vibrating with anger.

"I don't know."

"I can't believe you," he began and I stared at him in confusion. "You talk a lot, but I never thought…I never thought you would actually attempt to kill yourself."

"W-what?" I sputtered.

"Are you actually going to tell me that wasn't a suicide attempt?" he accused.

"It wasn't!"

"Stop lying!" he raged.

"I'm not!" I yelled. "I don't know what happened! One minute I was swimming, the next I was puking up water with Benjamin over me."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Ask him yourself!"

"Is he your boyfriend?" he questioned, stopping in front of me.

"I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have anything. You know that."

"What were you doing there all alone?"

"I was thinking of trying out for the swim team again, so I was training," I said, my voice just above a whisper. I hadn't told him, and it embarrassed me for some strange reason.

"Alone?" he asked disbelievingly. I nodded. He moved closer, his hands ghosting across my face, eyes glued to me with an almost frightening intensity before he let out a sigh of relief. His forehead rested on mine, something that was becoming a regular occurrence between us. "You know you shouldn't do anything alone until you stop having blackouts."

"But I'm always alone. I always will be alone," I argued, tears springing to my eyes, a sob threatening to escape. Didn't he see that yet?

"You have me, Bella," he stressed. I shook my head. I didn't believe him. "Yes, you do."

"For what, eight weeks? And you have work."

"It doesn't have to be eight weeks. You don't have to go, you can stay with me, but you have to make a decision. I can't make it for you."

"Why would you put up with me any longer than you have to?"

"I care about you, Bella. I want to help you get better. I want to see you smile again."

"Why do you want me to stay?"

His grip tightened, fingers twisting in my hair as his eyes scrunched in pain. "Bella…"

"Why?" I pushed, needing him to tell everything. Needing to hear the words.

"Because the thought of you not living with me tears me apart," he whispered against my lips.

I grabbed hold of his suit jacket and brought his lips down to mine. Desperation took hold and he pressed his lips to mine with a fierceness I hadn't felt before. So much that I sank back down on the bed, his torso looming over me as his arms wrapped around me. My mouth opened, welcoming his tongue. I let out a moan as the electricity moved strait down to my clit.

Want raged inside me and I pulled him closer.

"Bella," he whimpered, pulling away.

It was then a knock sounded against the door and his eyes widened, pulling his body away from mine.

I was released a few hours later once some tests came back concluding that I was fine.

Everything wasn't fine. It was changing, and I was beginning to believe the change was for the better.