"When I was younger, I guess you could say I was the apple of my parent's eyes." Blaine began, as he stared at the ground.

"I know I've touched on this before, but you need to understand what it was like for me. I wanted for nothing, materialistically or emotionally. Cooper was practically ignored. He was nine when I was born- all my parents focused on was me, and it stayed that way. I used to think that it didn't affect him, that he maybe couldn't see. But the truth is I didn't want to look too closely, because if I did, I'd realize how much he was hurting.

Cooper always wanted to be an actor. My parents indulged him because it was always expected that I would go on to take over from Dad. I was the smart one, Cooper was the free spirit. I remember Dad screaming at him that he needed to study hard so he could graduate, he said he just wanted him to go to college so then he'd be out the way. He did graduate, just. And then he was gone to LA. To be honest, his absence didn't really bother me that much at first.

Coming out as gay was the best thing I ever did for so many reasons, but it was also the hardest thing too. Cooper came home for the holidays shortly after I had told our parents. Seriously, at that stage things were so bad that I was considering going back in that damn closet and locking the door for good. It was Cooper who convinced me to stand firm, to have faith and conviction in who I am. By the time he returned to LA, I had gained a brother and a best friend. He could have hated me, but he didn't. He can be such a goofball, and really irritating with it, but he has such a big heart.

You know what my dad thought. To be honest, I wasn't too surprised that my parents didn't like it. Hell, they're diehard Republicans for a start. But to see my dad switch like that...One day it was all about how proud he was of me, the next he was telling me I was a worthless disappointment. My Mom's reaction hit me hardest.

I worshipped her, Kurt. She was always so sweet, and kind. She was always telling me how much she loved me, how I was her everything. And then it all stopped. Sure, she still told me she loved me, but it was always followed with 'so please stop all this so we can go back to how we were,' or some other plea.

What hurt the most though, was that she never, ever stood up for me. I thought that no matter what, she'd always be there, fighting my corner, but she just turned a blind eye. Dad put me through hell, using every chance he had to humiliate me, remind me how shameful my actions were, and how he only had one son now.

I became determined to live my life the way I wanted, but after that dance, after...you know... I felt the fight leave me, just a little bit. I found it easier to just lie low. When Dalton was 'suggested' to me, I didn't dare object. I wanted to be out of the way, like Cooper was. Turns out, it was the best decision I never made." Blaine paused to smile at Kurt, who had reached out with one hand to softly caress the curls at the back of Blaine's head.

"So, you know the next six years mostly, and I know that if it hadn't been for you and your family I would never have survived. You made me feel alive, and living as part of your amazing family gave me the chance to grow, and find out who I wanted to be. No one was more surprised than me to discover I actually enjoyed studying law. I was so set against it though. It was all those late night chats with your dad that convinced me that I didn't have to become a carbon copy of my father, that just because I looked like him and wanted the same career, didn't mean that I would end up bitter and twisted like he was.

He had other ideas though. When we were in our final year, he called me one day. I think it is the only time he ever called actually. He said that I was needed home the following weekend to talk about my future. I knew what was coming. Sure, they tried to pretend like I didn't exist, but the bottom line was that for my parents, social status was everything. Their youngest son was about to graduate Harvard with first class honors. They couldn't let that pass by. I flew home determined to stand my ground. I know you were pretty pissed at me because it was my turn to visit you, but I lied to you and said I was too busy studying. I couldn't bear for you to think badly of me.

Dad called me into his study. He told me that for once I had done the right thing by going to Harvard. He said the only disappointment was that our relationship had survived, adding that I would have to end things with you when I went to work for him. I immediately blew up at him. I told him what I thought, and said that I would never leave you, or work for him. He was so calm and collected about everything it began to freak me out. He told me that this time, I would obey him and do as he was telling me, that there would be dire consequences if I didn't.

I assumed he meant the money. It was always about money with him, so I just laughed and went to leave. I remember he very quietly told me to sit down. And I did. I can't describe his voice, it was just so cold...so clinical. He said that he needed me to work at Anderson's, and if I wouldn't do it willingly then he'd make it impossible for me not to." Blaine paused to take a deep, shaky breath and run a hand over his face before continuing.

"Dad started Anderson's before he even met my mom. His dad had been a useless deadbeat, but his grandfather had given him the money to get through college and start out on his own. The two of them went to a Republican party rally one day, and that's where he met only dated for six months before they married. Mom always said it was because they were so in love they couldn't wait any longer.

Turns out that wasn't the reason.

Mom cheated on Dad, and became pregnant. Dad told me that it couldn't have been his because they hadn't 'had relations' as he put it. Mom's dad was on his way to the white house, he couldn't afford for a scandal like this to become known. He paid my dad a huge sum of money to keep quiet and marry her, and he accepted. Six months later, Cooper was born."

"Jesus Blaine," Kurt whispered. "I don't know what to say. No one knew about this?"

"Not a living soul, except my parents. They were both so blinded by money and social status that they decided to keep their little secret just that. It explained a lot of course, why they were so besotted with me, and why dad had wanted Cooper out the way.

I just sat there, dumbstruck. Eventually I asked what it had to do with me, why he thought that meant I would do as he asked. He sneered at me as he told me, like he was taking pleasure in knowing he had me trapped. He said that Cooper didn't know. But if I didn't leave you and work for him, he would tell everyone what had gone on, destroying both him and my mom.

I spent the next six weeks in turmoil. Everyone, including you, assumed it was stress over final exams. I didn't know which one of you to destroy, Kurt." Blaine stopped as he broke down and began to sob.

"But I looked at you...and I looked at Cooper, and...shit, Kurt. You had so much ahead of you. Such a promising career, a family who loved and supported you...and then, then there was Cooper. He had stood by me through everything. And my mom. I just looked at her and wondered how she would feel if she realized I knew. I couldn't do it to them Kurt. I just wanted her to love me..." Unable to continue, Blaine gave into the sobs that wracked his body. Kurt sat ramrod straight, staring straight ahead, unable to think or feel.

"I loved you and Coop so much. More than anyone. But you were stronger. And honestly, I felt like I needed to be punished too. I had fourteen years of wonderful with my parents, he had a whole lifetime of cool indifference.

God, I'm so sorry Kurt. I know you probably hate me, and I don't blame you. But please know that I am so, so sorry for being weak. I just wanted to do the right thing, and I was too scared to stand up to that bastard."

"Can I ask you something?" Kurt turned to look into Blaine's eyes.

"Y..yes." Blaine sniffed.

"How have the last four years been for you?"

"Hell." He replied simply. "I have never stopped thinking about you. I've tried. But I just can't. You are my reason for living Kurt. When I'm with you I feel alive, like there is something to live for, like all of this matters. I haven't slept a full night without you in my arms. When I wake, before I'm really conscious, there's always this split second when I think you're going to be there. And then when I open my eyes, my heart sinks as I realize that you're not, and that you may never be again. It hurts so much, knowing how much I hurt you. I will spend my whole life living with that." Blaine finished, letting out a breath that he didn't know he'd been holding.

"I think...I think you've been punished enough." Kurt whispered, as his lips met Blaine's.