Chapter 5

Sarah was looking at the beautiful purple blue haze surrounding the Citadel on the bridge of the SSV Normandy . Joker was guiding the them out of the docking bay. She felt uneasy but couldn't put her finger on why.

"All systems normal Mr. Moreau." Came EDI's voice once they were clear.

"Roger that. Commander?"

Taking a silent breath she said. "Take us out Joker. Palaven's moon, Manae."

"Yes ma'am." Joker punched the coordinates into the controls to take them to the relay. He turned back and said. "In case I didn't say it before, I'm sorry I never tried to contact you while you incarcerated."

Surprised Sarah fell back into their old dynamic. "You're not getting soft on me are you Joker?"

Joker smiled over at her. "The Alliance isn't that lucky. Ma'am."

She laughed at that and being who she was, the need to comfort her friend overrode her own disappointment. "It's ok Joker. It's past now, no hard feelings."

"Thanks Shepard."

She smiled at him. She didn't blame Joker, or any of her team. They were most likely doing what they always do, helping people. They fell into a companionable silence as they both watched the relay come closer. Something felt different, changed somehow, maybe that was what was making her uneasy but it felt distant and she couldn't explain that. It felt right to be back on the Normandy and with her crew. The few that were missing could be found. The biggest change for Sarah was she had freedom again. Maybe that was it. It certainly felt good that people couldn't say she was crazy anymore.

She shifted on her feet letting the view calm her. The image of Vega flirting with her during that last hand of poker about a month ago flitted through her mind. She sometimes wished she'd let him win that hand. At the same time she was glad she hadn't, it would have made things very awkward for her now. It was already awkward. Probably because she'd started having inappropriate dreams about him.

The brilliant blue flash of the Mass Relay jetting them across the galaxy brought her back from where her mind had been going. Her attraction to Vega was only circumstance, nothing more. Ignoring her inner voice telling her otherwise she said goodbye to Joker and headed to the gym. They had two more days travel time to reach Manae and getting back into a routine was one of her priorities.

She was glad Miranda had suggested they turn one of the cargo bays into a gym for everyone. And so had everyone else. Fortunately there wasn't anyone in there so she just took her fatigues off. Whenever she was in uniform she always had a sports bra on and boy shorts so no one would see anything if they walked in any way. She grabbed shorts and sneakers from her locker; they were still there as if she hadn't been gone for several months.

She went towards the free weights catching her reflection in the huge mirror Miranda had somehow gotten for them. She kept in shape because she had to be strong, quick and it was a great way to relieve stress. A side effect was that she normally liked what she saw in the mirror. She saw with some dissatisfaction that she'd gained a bit of weight. Her eating habits weren't great so she always could stand to lose ten to fifteen pounds. Poking at her stomach, apparently that limit got pushed to about twenty pounds now. She sighed, at least her cybernetics weren't showing anymore.

Grabbing two twenty-five pound dumbbells she started her workout. When she was done she felt better, her earlier uneasiness being pushed to the back of her mind. When she reached her cabin she took a shower then dropping on her bed fell asleep instantly. Several hours later she woke up early, less than refreshed. She hadn't dreamed of the little boy but she had the sensation that she was falling uncontrollably. Used to not getting much sleep, she grabbed breakfast in the mess and spent the day getting to know the new members of her crew. She liked to get a sense of where they were at.

Starting with the support staff she continued methodically floor by floor. They seemed to be a good group and she was happy to see some familiar faces. Liara had commandeered Miranda's old room and filled one whole wall with monitors and the other side with electronics. She didn't have much time to look around because Liara came right up and hugged her.

"Shepard, I'm so glad you're finally here. I didn't think this would be appropriate on Mars." She didn't give Shepard any time to agree. Letting Shepard go she said agitated. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to get you out. The Alliance was determined to drag their feet, almost as if they just wanted you to rot in Vancouver."

"Don't worry about that." She shrugged off. "I'm out now, and it's great to see you too. I'm so glad you were on Mars."

"For all the good it did." Liara said contrite.

"Well we got the plans and took Cerberus's new AI. It wasn't a complete loss."

"That's true but Ashley almost died."

"Liara, you can't blame yourself for that." Truth be told Sarah blamed herself for that. "There was no way to know how the AI would react. That's why they're illegal." Not allowing Liara to wallow anymore she asked. "So this is your new command center?"

"Yes, I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all, I find it interesting. And it can only help." The magnitude of Liara being the Shadow Broker finally hit Sarah. They wouldn't have as much time together as they used to, Liara would be too busy. Trying to identify the advanced tech in the room she noticed an electronic sphere hovering about three feet off the ground. "What's that?"

"Oh, that's Glyph. He's an advanced VI I created to help me run through code and filter information."

"Commander Shepard." Came Glyphs soft spoken male voice. "I use complex algorithms to gather caches of information so that Dr. T'soni may view it easier. As well as troubleshoot any electronic or comm channel errors."

"It talks?"

Liara laughed a little. "He and yes. He can also tell just by looking at a blueprint everything you would need to make the item, like weapons or upgrades."

"Huh. That could come in handy. And speaking of plans, have you had any more luck in trying to figure out what that thing the Protheans were working on does?"

Liara changed into scientist mode and turned to her screens to bring up the blueprint they'd found on Mars. "We were able to pull the information from EVA. Unfortunately nothing yet. It's in an unrecognizable language. What I can tell right now is that it was built on a massive scale. But no 'push to destroy' button," Shepard smiled, had Liara just cracked a joke? Oblivious Liara continued. "Or how it actually works." She said incensed.

Noticing Shepard's smile Liara rolled her eyes. "Don't look at me like that. I've learned a few things as a Shadow Broker that have nothing to do with information."

Shepard wasn't going to argue with that and put her hands up. It was good to see she learned how to loosen up a bit.

"Well keep at it. I'm sure you'll figure it out."

Fidgeting Liara said. "I have a question for you. If I may?"

"Of course." She was an open book for Liara.

"Have you talked to Lt Vega yet about the blemish on his records?"

She hadn't, but she hadn't forgotten either. There just never seemed to be a good time to bring it up. There had been no time in Vancouver nor on the Citadel after Mars. Which was supposed to have been a simple extraction. Get some Prothean something or other the Alliance had found that could possibly help destroy the Reapers and leave. Simple. Except for Cerberus, the Illusive man and of all things, a walking talking AI named EVA. As was his way the Illusive Man hadn't shown up in person, he had a holographic comm signal set up to try and convince Shepard to work with him. The nerve! She'd barely contained her anger and the whole time thought of beating his ignorant ass to a pulp. Immature she knew but she couldn't help it.

It turned out he was also trying to distract her while EVA was stealing the information. Thankfully Ashley had been sweeping the room and noticed it before EVA could get away without being seen. In order to prevent her from leaving with the Prothean weapon, Vega crashed their shuttle into the Cerberus shuttle. It worked, as retaliation EVA almost killed Ashley, but they were able to get the information, now all they had to do was decipher it.

Vega's idea had worked. He thought quick on his feet in a high stress situation and even though it had wasted tons of credits in machinery it worked. The problem was that it had been extremely dangerous. Too dangerous. Any one of them could have been killed or seriously injured when both shuttles came crashing down.

"That's actually where I was headed next. Do you think it had anything to do with crashing the shuttle?"

"I can't be sure now. I hope I haven't misinterpreted the situation."

"I'm sure you didn't. What happened on his last assignment?"

"I'm sorry Shepard but I think it'd be best if he told you. I know that is not what you want to hear."

"You think he's just going to up and start talking about his past with me?"

Liara smiled. "Shepard, no one who ever came on board the Normandy could ever keep anything from you for long."

Sarah smiled at that. To make sure her crew was working at 100% she talked to them, frequently, especially when she became friends with them. It was part of her job but she really did care about helping get their issues resolved. Talking to James about his past would just be… personal. She immediately rejected the thought though. It was ridiculous to think that. She'd talked to her crew about more personal issues before. People she'd known much longer than Vega.

"I guess so." She admitted. Uncomfortable she continued. "Well, no sense in putting it off then. Let me know if you figure anything out with this weapon." She turned to leave but stopped at the door. "Glad to have you back Liara." She said and smiled at the Asari.

"Glad to be back Shepard." She said smiling back.

Shepard took the elevator down to the shuttle bay. During the ride she could admit to herself that she was curious to know what had shaken the unshakeable Vega. James was kind and thoughtful, deadly serious about his work, and easy on the eyes. He was the biggest flirt and he managed to balance all of it without effort or be something he wasn't; a talent she envied.

She enjoyed his teasing, it helped relax her. She never took it seriously either, he flirted with everyone. If he was serious about his flirting she wouldn't know what to do. Men only wanted her for the power of her rank, they were afraid of her rank or they didn't like her like that and put her in the friend zone. She had to chuckle at that last part. Normally it was the woman putting the man in the friend zone. She'd grown accustomed to the way it worked though. She came to like it, having no romantic entanglements helped keep her focused on work.

She could be content to be his friend it wouldn't be the first time. Again that inner voice protested and she silenced it. The elevator started to slow as it approached the shuttle bay. She couldn't believe it was only the second day on the Normandy. She was already having to the part of her job she hated, reprimand a soldier; Vega. What he'd done on mars had worked, they accomplished their objective but a soldier who took too much risk always had t be brought back in line. The risk was never worth the loss of life.

The elevator doors silently whooshed open. She smiled at Cortez who winked at her as she walked past and was smiling like he knew something she didn't. Odd, she thought, he hadn't winked at her yet, maybe he was a winker? When she looked to where Vegas station was she realized what that wink was for. Vega was doing pull ups and making it look effortless. She was amazed with herself that she didn't stumble over her own feet, she somehow kept walking.

Her nipples tightened as his shirt stretched against each rock hard muscle as they rippled and strained to lift his weight. He just kept doing them, one right after another. She reminded herself to keep breathing and walked up next to him waiting for him to stop but he didn't. Honestly for a moment she kind of forgot why she came down as she tried her best not to gawk at him.

"You down here for something, or are you just looking?" He grunted as he pulled himself up again.

"I did come to talk but now I might stay for the show." Did she really just say that out loud? She had to stay focused on what she was there to do.

"You're going to have to try harder than that to make me blush gatito." He said softly.

When she didn't respond he took the hint. He stopped doing his pull ups and cracked his neck. "Think you can dance and talk at the same time?" He challenged.

"Um, sure." Not the usual way she talked to her crew but everyone had their own way of doing things and she'd spared with Vega more than once in Vancouver. She followed him out a ways towards the middle of the bay. She did a few stretches and they both started to hop on the balls of their feet. She did the dance for a little bit in silence, giving them both a moment before she began.

They took jabs at each other, connecting occasionally but mostly blocking or ducking in time, finally she blurted out. "What happened on your previous assignment?"

Ducking her left hook he said. "You didn't read about it in my records?"

"No, I didn't exactly have access to personnel records when we first met and I haven't had a chance to request them yet."

"Right, I forgot about that. Well, it didn't go exactly to plan." He frowned. "In fact it was a big cluster fuck. There wasn't any good communication and all but one of my squad mates, including our CO died." She blocked his jab and returned one that he ducked.

He said it so casually, did it not bother him? "I'm sorry, how did it happen?"

"You really want to know?"

"I do." She connected with a right as he hesitated.

"We were sent to save a civilian colony under attack by Collectors. My CO got killed by one, which left me in charge. We were running out of ammo and time, I was forced to choose; save the colony," He swung and she blocked. "Or save the intel we found on the Collecters. Intel we could have used to destroy them." He ducked her jab. "I chose the intel."

"That must have been so hard."

"We still tried to get anyone out we could but it wasn't enough." They circled around. "The best part was when it turned out we didn't need the intel at all." He said with venom. "You were already out saving the galaxy by taking out the entire Collector home world."

He was a million miles away, if Shepard had to guess he was right back in that combat zone living it again. All but one of his squad and a whole bunch of civilians died for what he felt was nothing. She didn't really know what to say. Nothing ever seemed to faze him but this really ran deep, a heavy burden for anyone but how could he blame himself? She struggled for words. "You can't blame yourself, you didn't know..."

He cut her off. "Who says I'm blaming myself? You're a shrink too?" He was angry, he'd never spoken to her this way before. She was going to have to stop this before he accidently hurt her. She was good, but his size gave him the edge. Time to get to business.

"Don't bullshit me, you blame yourself." She said slowly matching his anger.

"And if I do?" She blocked a kick that hurt her forearm.

"You're letting it affect your work, that stunt you pulled on Mars was reckless.

"So." He said not getting or not wanting to get her point.

"So." She said as she connected with a right. "Maybe you don't care if you live or die..." Seeing her opening, she ducked as his arm went past her head. She slipped under that same arm, grabbed it and flipped him over her shoulder with his own momentum, sprawling him on his back. "But." She said breathing heavy from the exertion to flip him. "If you're half as good as I think you are then we need you alive." And she glared at him.

Vega knew when Shepard was near, he always caught her floral scent before he saw her. His pride preened a little when he saw that she was openly staring at him. He'd been hoping that she'd come and talk to him so he could put her at ease in his company again. She was way out of his league but as long as they remained friends he could be content with that. The questions about his record quickly showed him this was not what he was hoping for. Sparing had seemed like a good idea at the time. They'd done it before and this way he wouldn't show her how much shame he felt about what happened that horrible day.

The hard landing snapped him out of his anger and impressed the hell out of him, she'd never done that before. He wasn't ready to put it behind him, their blood was on his hands. But it was time to learn to live with it. Or at least not be so outwardly careless anymore, he most certainly didn't want to get anyone else killed. The rumors about Shepard were true. She really could talk anyone down from the ledge he thought. He laid there for just a moment longer bringing himself back. A small part of him had hoped Shepard was worried about him because she cared and not because she needed every able body, but it seemed she was all business, he couldn't hold it against her.

He gave a nod to show he understood and got up and started to walk back to his workbench letting his mind clear. When Shepard didn't follow he stopped. He didn't know what she was thinking about, but her shoulders were tight. He wanted to try and hold on to their friendship outside of rank and he hated seeing her tense. He understood she was just doing her job, hopefully if he showed her it didn't change things for him it wouldn't change things for her. "Thanks for the dance, Lola." He said and continued to the bench. He hoped her curiosity at this new nickname and the teasing way he said it would ease the tension.

Shepard didn't really know what to do now. Not everyone took to being reprimanded well. Especially when she was friends with them. Sometimes they thought being friends meant she would look the other way at their transgressions. When she didn't they almost always stopped being friends with her and it really hurt. She was there again, this time with James. On the Citadel it felt like they'd gotten back to common ground. As much as she didn't want to change that, she could never nor would ever allow her feelings to sway her judgment when it came to the safety of her crew. It would be selfish and unfair. She realized now this was the first time she almost did. So she stood there for a moment collecting herself after that little bit of insight.

"Thanks for the dance, Lola." He cut through her thoughts. He'd said it like the James she knew from Vancouver. It felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and her body relaxed. He wouldn't allow rank to come between them, he knew it was nothing personal for her. He would respect her rank as she would respect his. She was much happier so she took her queue from him and slowly walked up next to him again. "Lola?" She asked crossing her arms.

"Yeah." He said taking his shotgun apart to clean it. "You kinda look like a Lola."

"What about Gatito?"

"Well since I was sworn under penalty of death that I couldn't use that name in the presence of anyone." He gave her a look that she couldn't quite read. "I had to come up with another one." He said trying to be serious.

"Alright, why do I look like a Lola?"

He paused just a moment in his task. "I had a friend who's sister's name was Lola, she was sexy and tough, you remind me of her." He slightly turned his head and gave her a wicked look that promised things she wasn't sure he was ready to give to her. She felt a tingle through her body anyhow, and did it start getting warmer in the shuttle bay?

Uncrossing her arms he went back to cleaning the shotgun. If he could flirt and get away with it, so could she. "Since you're cute, I'll let you get away with it. For now."

As she walked away towards the elevator she heard him say. "Now you've gone and done it, you've made me blush."

She smiled to herself at the unexpected satisfaction that gave her even if he was joking. Lola huh? Secretly she liked it, not that she would tell James that, he was just being James. The elevator opened and she turned around and hit the button to go up to the CIC. Looking back to where she'd left him, she caught him unashamedly staring at her ass while she walked away. Cortez was very intently looking at something on the Kodiak. Keeping her distance was going to be a lot more challenging than she thought. She rolled her eyes at him; he winked and went back to cleaning his gun. She shook her head and tried to hide her inner turmoil at seeing the expression on his face.